Smythofsky Meercub. Sebastian and Dave Graduate from Dalton and Sebastian reflects on their past relationship, Sebastian's POV
Rated T to be safe.
Warnings: Angst, mentions of past physical intimacy, some drinking.
Don't like don't read, though constructive criticism is always welcome (plus any reviews).
I own nothing, literally.
Too Little Too Late
The stupid caps are thrown up into the air and flashes of light almost blind all of the boys standing there Graduating from Dalton today. The sun is warm and I keep my smile in place, nothing slips out, nothing gives away what I really feel.
He's standing on the other side of the stage to me, those warm brown eyes never turn my way, his smile is that sweet soft shy one that always got to me and probably always will.
His father and that stupid Kurt are standing there clapping as is that total bitch Santana. Three people came to see him. Three people cared enough to make the effort. Because Dave Karofsky is worth any effort.
I don't bother to glance over at the empty seats allocated to me. I told them to give the seats to people who needed more but the Headmaster had insisted, idiot, my parents never turn up to anything, why would they have turned up today?
Released from the stage I get to torture myself by watching Dave get surrounded and hugged by family and friends. Everyone on that stage has someone there. Everyone gets a hug or a back slap, or a "Well done son."
Walking away I step out of the sun and shiver not caring because everything inside me is already cold, I run through the mostly empty halls of Dalton, I'm out of here, I'm free, no more rules, no more uniform, just an endless summer without him to endure on my own.
My room is empty but for one last thing.
I've been arguing with myself for weeks, and I lift the picture frame holding Dave and me, he's smiling at me, the love he once had so damned obvious, I smirk, I always smirk, it's what I do, he didn't care, he only loved me, he only adored me, he only made me special and offered me everything I could ever need in my life.
I can't leave it behind and I hold the picture to my chest struggling to breathe, to push the pain away, like I pushed him away, like I made him hurt.
It hurts.
Damn you Dave Karofsky how did you do it? How did you make me fall in love with you? How did you become all I need?
My eyes burn and I refuse to cry. Smythe's do not cry, ever, there's a rule or something.
Back under icy control I let the smirk rest on my lips and saunter out of my old boarding room the perfect image of a Dalton student who's just Graduated with high honours and has a place at Harvard to study law, and an open place at father's law firm.
Perhaps hugging the picture breaks the image but everyone here is too afraid of me to say anything. Stepping out to my car I unhurriedly get in and drive to my parent's house.
It's big.
It's palatial.
It's cold and it's empty.
Ghosts of Dave's laughter chase me through the house and I flee to my room slamming the door behind me. But they linger here the hardest. My bed is big and I dream of him every night. I hear the moans he makes as I took his virginity. I hear the whispered words of love he'd shyly give me as he'd hold me. I feel his hands on my waist as I taught him to dance. His booming laugh startled out of him as I made jokes to tease him with.
I can almost smell the left over Chinese take out we'd eat and squabble over, I'd always try to steal something from him and he'd let me. The way he learnt to use chopsticks and grinned so proudly. The way he fed me bits and pieces. The way I fed him back and made inappropriate remarks the whole time.
Collapsing onto the bed that stopped smelling like him weeks ago I reach for the bottle of alcohol waiting for me. And I drink. And I drink. And I drink. It's the only way I can be happy again, I cling to the picture of us and I remember.
I remember last summer that went too quickly as I got to know him and flirted with him. The blushes that darkened his cheeks. His refusal to sleep with me, he wanted to date, to hold hands, to kiss, to hug.
I remember doing all those things.
I remember being happy doing those things.
I remember him redoing his Senior year at Dalton. I remember everyone laughing at me as I followed him around and I didn't care. I remember sneaking to his dorm room to sleep and nothing else.
I remember bringing him home one weekend and he gave into me. I was so careful with him, it was painful for him at first but then he liked it. And then it was my turn to have him inside me. Moaning into my pillow my hips thrust at the memory, no one ever made me feel so good, so special, so loved.
It didn't change him.
He still wanted the dates, the handholding, the love.
So happy.
I was so HAPPY with him. And I made him happy too. He told me I made him happy. Me. I made him HAPPY.
And then that little shit I never once slept with said I did. Dave believed me. No one else did. So the little shit made up some other stuff and Dave still stood by me when no one else did. The shit was found out and expelled, but not soon enough.
And then one bad day when everything was going wrong and all I needed was Dave, he asked me if I loved him and I just had to be flippant, I just had to brush him off too scared to admit what was true.
His eyes.
God his eyes.
So much pain.
Too many years of pushing people away. Too many years of learning how to hurt people. Too many years… And I panicked… And I lost him.
My phone buzzes.
There are updates from the Warblers, they're at the Graduation party, they're having fun. I scroll through them and see pictures. Dave's in some of them. He's smiling. He's dancing with Santana. He's hugging his dad. He's joking with Kurt and Kurt's rolling his eyes fondly, the engagement ring Blaine's bought him big and flashy.
And then I read, "Yay no Sebastian to ruin the party! Let's all have fun." I don't care who wrote it, it has far too many likes on it, because no one likes me, not even Dave, not any more.
In my head I'm back in that moment where he asks me if I love him and drunk off my ass with perfect hindsight I change the moment, and I say, "Yes Dave, I love you, I love you so much," and his eyes are happy and we dance at Graduation and I verbally spar with Kurt and Santana, and Paul gives me an awkward hug as Dave crows about how we're going to college and we have the whole summer to do nothing but be together.
In my head we dance at our wedding and he gets all soppy. In my head we live a lifetime. In my head we are so fucking happy all the time. In my head I'm not alone.
In reality I brokenly whisper, "I love you," and I know it's too little too late.
A/N: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.
Because I felt angsty.
And because my WIPs are going well.