Sometimes, even with as much as she talks about them and insists she will achieve all of them, Rachel doesn't think her dreams will ever become a reality.
As she stares down at her cell phone, she's suddenly struck by how much her life has changed over the past year. Six months ago, if someone had asked her what she would be doing at this time, she would have talked about being married and most likely reapplying for admission to NYADA. She knows now that while that life may have made her happy on the outside, she would have been dying on the inside as every day the chances of accomplishing her dreams decreased. Quite honestly, if she had gotten married and stayed in Lima, with Finn working in the tire shop while she kept their house, she might never have recovered enough to move on and perform the way she would have needed to finally be on her way.
There had been no wedding, no need to play housewife, because Finn had ended things and put her on a train to New York, ensuring she started school in the fall. She wasn't sure how much of a role her fathers had had in that decision, but she had a feeling that Finn hadn't come up with the idea by himself. So she had moved to New York and begun her freshman year, aware that this was just the first step on her path to her dreams. She struggled to fit in with her peers, lacked the support of her roommate, with whom she would have liked to have been able to talk with about leaving home and adjusting to school, and was forced to come to terms with the idea that maybe she wasn't quite as talented as she had always believed. The night she met Brody in the dorm bathrooms had been enough to spark that little bit of hope again, and she had honestly believed that maybe she did deserve to be there, if this attractive upperclassman certainly thought so. When she and Finn had finally ended things for good she had assumed it would be inevitable that they would end up together, both incredibly talented individuals from small towns, who had struggled to fit in at first. The decision to come back to Lima had most likely been a mistake, but Brody hadn't seemed too upset when she had asked him to reschedule their rehearsals, and so she and Kurt had flown back to Ohio with the surprising gift of Cassie July's frequent flyer miles.
The phone in her hand only adds further to her feelings about what she had just learned. Brody had slept with Cassie. Not only was she angry because it was highly unethical to engage in a student-teacher relationship, but she had honestly thought Brody was interested in her. Apparently she was wrong after all, and she finally allows herself to cry after everything that had happened that evening.
When she finishes and wipes her eyes, she glances around the room again, remembering all the times she had been in this bathroom in high school, whether it be because she was crying or she was desperately seeking advice from Quinn. Quinn, who had always given her the best advice, even when she refused to listen, Quinn, who had given her train tickets so they could stay in touch and still hadn't visited, Quinn, who was still the prettiest girl Rachel had ever met and the one person whose friendship she was most proud of obtaining. She wondered what Quinn would say to her if she could see her now, crying in the girls' bathroom over a boy, again. Not much had changed since high school, had it?
She decides to send Quinn an email when she gets home that evening, and wipes her eyes one last time before exiting the bathroom. As she makes her way down the hallway so she can find Kurt and leave, she hears the one voice she had hoped she wouldn't, and is forced to come face to face with the person who had sent her running to the bathroom in the first place. She stops and talks with him, slightly frustrated with his attempts to analyze her, and she ends up leaving the conversation even more upset than she had been. Luckily Kurt appears in that moment, and the two are able to leave and flee back to Rachel's house, where they both are staying.
They spend the rest of the evening huddled on Rachel's bed eating popcorn and watching horrible reality television (because honestly, even their problems don't seem that terrible while they watch girls their age try to navigate motherhood and having a life. Kurt loves commenting on their fashion and makeup decisions, while Rachel is mainly caught up in thinking that this could have been Quinn, if things had turned out differently. She's incredibly thankful her life didn't.) Finally they both get ready for bed, and Kurt even ends up falling asleep in her room, just like when they were in high school. Rachel can't fall asleep, no matter what position she lies in or how many breathing exercises she tries, and after an hour she's forced to accept that it may not be happening that evening. So instead she lies there and thinks, reflecting on everything that had happened that year. Somehow, all her thoughts seem to come back to Quinn. Quinn was the one who prevented her wedding, the one who encouraged her to follow her dreams even when the entire club was encouraging her to get married and settle. It wasn't entirely unusual that her thoughts were centered around Quinn. There had been so many times where she was simply thinking, or looking in the mirror, and the blonde would overtake her thoughts. She'd wonder how it was fair that Quinn was so pretty and popular, or what she could do differently to make people like her as much as they liked Quinn. When she had considered plastic surgery, it had been Quinn's nose that she had wanted. Somehow it all seemed to fall back to Quinn, which made it even more curious that neither of them had used those Metro Passes yet, or even mentioned the possibility of using them. Rachel realized she had forgotten to email Quinn when she had gotten home, and she wondered if it would be too late to send the other girl a text message. Texting Quinn still brought up mixed feelings for her, because she completely blamed herself for the accident no matter how many times Quinn insisted it wasn't her fault. It was only 11:30 and a weekend night, there was certainly a chance that Quinn was still awake. Checking to make sure her phone was on silent so she wouldn't wake Kurt, she typed up a brief message.
Hello Quinn, I hope you're doing well this evening. How have you been, lately?
It was short, but it invited conversation, and Rachel didn't want to be so forward as to send Quinn a message right out asking about visiting one another. She laid in bed and waited, wondering if Quinn would respond to her. Suddenly a message popped up on her screen, and she saw Quinn had responded.
Hi Rachel. I'm just getting back from a party at one of my roommate's friend's apartment. I'm doing okay, busier than since we last talked. How are you?
She stared at the message on her screen, wondering how to respond. Hesitantly, she began typing a message back. I'm in Lima for the weekend, with Kurt. It's strange seeing how things have changed. New York truly feels like home now. It wasn't much of a response, but it was getting harder for her to come up with things to say that didn't involve suggesting a visit. Her phone lit up again a few minutes later with Quinn's answer.
I feel the same way about New Haven. Yale is my home now. Lima will always be where my technical home is, and I'm going to come home for the holidays, but there isn't much left for me in that town. I think it's a good sign. You were always meant to get out of Lima, Rachel. There's nothing wrong with growing up and beginning your life.
She reread the message several times, trying to interpret just what Quinn was saying. Finally she couldn't look at it anymore, and she typed a response, this time not hesitating in the question she wanted to ask most. Since New York is my new home, I'd like to introduce one of my old friends to it. Is there any way you'd come visit me? We haven't used our train passes yet. Rachel almost couldn't look at her phone, but curiosity won out, and she waited anxiously for Quinn's response.
I have a paper due and an exam the week after this, but the following week I don't have anything big. Would two weeks from this weekend work for you? I'm done with classes early Friday morning, so I could catch a train that afternoon.
Rachel's eyes went wide, and she had to keep herself from making too much noise and waking Kurt. Quinn was going to visit her. In two weeks. She excitedly typed out another message. Yes, that would work perfectly. I could pick you up at the station that afternoon. Is there anything specific you would like to do or see while you're visiting? She had all sorts of ideas for things she would like to do, but Quinn was her guest, and she wanted to give her that option.
I'll let you know what train I will be on when it gets closer. It's your home, Rachel. I'm sure you'll plan an itinerary for us that will be fine.
She grinned at the screen, still not quite believing it was happening. I'm looking forward to seeing you, Quinn. The response was almost instantaneous, and she smiled even wider.
Me too, Rachel. I can't wait to see you. I'm going to do some reading now. Goodnight.
Goodnight, she typed back, rolling over and placing her phone on the nightstand. She couldn't believe how happy she was. Her evening, which hours earlier had been horrible, was suddenly perfect. She would be seeing Quinn in two weeks. Closing her eyes, Rachel finally was able to fall into a contented sleep.