A/N I have been having many ideas going through my head for a HP fic that revolves around the song My Immortal by Evanescence, and this is what it came out like. I originally had it about Harry, Ginny and Hermione singing it, and then it turned to Remus and Harry singing about Sirius, and then just Harry, and then it turned in to this. I hope you like it, it is very angsty, and sad.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the song My Immortal.
You Don't Have Me Anymore.
Harry looked out of the Astronomy Tower window that he was sitting on. He had a very sad expression on his face. As he sat, staring at nothing and everything, he started to softly sing; waving his wand so that the instrumental would play.
I'm so tired of being here
Images of Hogwarts, the Dursleys and the Burrow flashed before his eyes. It was his life.
Suppressed by all my childish fears
Dementors, death and blood all flowed through his vision, as he started to shake, his body curling in on itself.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Images of his parents dying – his father's defiant words and his mother's pleas for his life, running through his head. Cedric falling in a flash of green light, his eyes just as dead as his body. Sirius falling in a graceful arc through the veil. Dumbledore blasted of the very tower he was sitting on now. Hedwig falling to the floor of her cage, Moody never coming back. Ron leaving him and Hermione behind, Hermione sobbing, Ron coming back and their whisperings. Getting captured, Hermione's screams, Dobby saving them, Dobby dying - burying his small body in Shell Cottage's garden. The final battle – blood, Snape's death, Snape's memories. Remus' body; his hand clutching Tonks'. The small and frail body of Colin. The Weasley's all gathered around the dead, yet joking body of Fred. It was his entire fault. Walking into the forest, seeing his parents, Remus and Sirius, giving himself up, not wanting to live anymore. It didn't work. The final showdown. Bellatrix dead at the hand of Molly Weasley, Voldemort's rage, and his empty shell falling. Harry's wide eyes as he collapsed. His life over, the last one he could count on, now dead. His friends, the world, turning their backs on him, leaving him alone.
'You're done Harry; you don't need to be the hero anymore.' Hermione whispered to him.
'Yeah mate, it's done.' Ron agreed, Harry grinned. He went to go and find Ginny as his friends got lost in each other's eyes, only to find her in the arms of Dean Thomas, crying her eyes out over Fred. His grin faded as he watched everyone being comforted by someone, even Draco Malfoy had his parents. He ran, ran to the top of the astronomy tower, not bothering to look back, tears falling down his face. He hurt, he had no one. Voldemort was the only one he could count on to be there – even if he was an enemy, 'The only one you can trust is your enemy' Harry whispered to himself. He sat at the top of the Astronomy tower, the tears had now stopped, but the pain continued. His eyes glazed over as he started at nothing but everything, he waved his wand, casting a spell for music to start, and a sonorous charm, letting everyone here his broken words as he sung.
Cuz' your presence still lingers here
Sirius, Remus, his parents, Dumbledore, his friends – all gone.
And it won't leave me alone
They're everywhere he looks. Gazing out the window, he sees Dumbledore's fallen body; he sees a werewolf, a stag and a Grim going into the forest, all pouncing playfully. He sees him and his friends at the lake, at Hagrid's and at the Whomping Willow. They were everywhere. These wounds won't seem to heal
No one understood, he never grieved for anyone. He didn't want to be the hero. Sirius died for him, Cedric died for him, his parents, Remus, all gone, no one left.
This pain is just too real
His heart was breaking, his soul – bleeding, it was just too real, they weren't phantom pains, they were really happening, getting worse as every second passed.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
It would never go away. His parents died 16 years ago, and he still hurt. The pains started when he was 15 months old and grew worse over the years. Their faces would never fade, the blood, the Dementors, they would be there forever. It was his entire fault.
The tears started to fall.
Everyone in the Great Hall listened to the broken words of their saviour, they had left him, they broke him, they betrayed him, and he wouldn't heal.
Ron and Hermione shared a panicked look – they had to find him. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
He was their scapegoat, they cried when Cedric died, but not when his parents died, or Sirius. He took the blame for everything. He healed them over and over again. He saved them over and over again. They ignored him, they left it all to him, the weight of the world on his shoulders, forcing him into a position he didn't want. They made him go back to Muggles every year, even if they did starve him, even though he was miserable - they didn't care.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
They screamed when Voldemort was revealed. They hid, they were scared. They wanted him to agree to everything they wanted, they wanted to him to save everyone. Every death, blamed on him. He fought away Dementors and Death Eaters and every little thing they were scared of, he comforted them, held Ron and Hermione after their nightmares, but there was never anyone there to fight off his fears, no one to wipe away his tears, no one to comfort him after his dreams or his visions. He held himself tighter, shivering in the non-existent cold.
Ron and Hermione were running and searching everywhere they could think of. They hadn't found him; they were running out of time.
Those in the Great Hall listened sadly, tears running down many faces. They had hurt him, and they didn't know how to fix it.
And I held your hand through all of these years
He did everything for them. He taught them, yet he still had to hold their hands as they fought. They didn't get it; they put it all on him. He kept saving them, but they never saved him.
But you still have
All of me
They still had him, but he didn't have anyone. They all counted on him, expected things of him, but they never thought of what he wanted, and never gave anything in return. They had him all right – Harry smiled bitterly, letting out a humourless laugh, tears still falling down his face. He just didn't have the energy anymore. You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
The wizarding world used to be so bright to him, so full of hope and opportunities. He looked forward to learning, to school and then he was shoved into a position, everything already planned out for him, he had no choice, no free will, no nothing. The light of the world he had come to love had pulled him in; the light that had captivated him had faded over the years, after every trial, every death. There was no more light, it had gone out.
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
His parents had died to save him, they were the ones who defeated Voldemort; not him, but they were gone, and he was here. He had to do a job he wasn't ready for, he had to do something that was best left to adults. His parent's died to defeat Voldemort, and that left their job to him. He was bound, he had no choice. It was his destiny. Harry's tears fell harder as he smiled without happiness. It wasn't his parents fault; it was the wizarding world's.
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Voldemort's face was always in his dreams, his laugh, his wand, and his cruel, red eyes. His parent's screams were there too, as were the random faces of those who needed him and those who wanted him dead. He couldn't remember a single pleasant dream from his life, but he knew he had them; just that he wasn't old enough to remember them. Harry smiled sadly as his eyes glazed over and the images of those dying flew through his head again.
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
There was no way he was completely sane anymore. He was depressed, he knew that. Voldemort wasn't the one who chased away his sanity though; it was his mother's screams. It had scared him so much, it's all he heard anymore, it's all he could hear now, it was if a Dementor was there within him. Harry shivered, and pulled his knees closer to his chest, the tears now falling onto his knees. These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
His heart breaking, his soul – bleeding. It hurt so much. Harry let out a gasp of pain as he sung.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Their faces all flying through his mind. He could live for all of eternity, and it wouldn't be enough time. Time couldn't erase everything. These memories would always haunt him.
Hermione and Ron were both crying, they had no idea where Harry was. He had known so much more of Hogwarts than them, and they didn't have the map. He could be anywhere. They had checked everywhere they could think of – except the… they gasped and started running up the numerous stairs contained in Hogwarts. The castle tried to help them, one of her own was in pain, and he needed someone. They were on their way to the Astronomy Tower; they just hoped they weren't too late.
Lily, James, Sirius and Remus were watching him, tears pouring down their faces.
'Oh, my baby.' Lily cried as she turned and accepted the comfort James was giving, but he wished he had some as well, he couldn't stand seeing his son like this, it was heart breaking. Sirius and Remus gathered around the two as they watched as their child cried, as he hurt, as he sung and as he broke. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
Protecting them all, wiping their tears. No one there for him as he cried, alone in a bathroom. Moaning Myrtle watching with a miserable expression as he opened the sink and slid down to the chamber below. She wanted to help, but was sworn to secrecy.
Draco listened, remembering Harry trying to comfort him when he was crying in the bathroom, but he attacked him. He broke down sobbing as he remembered all he had done to Potter – Harry. He hurt so much. He knew where he was, he had seen Harry sitting there once when he was on Prefect Duty, but he left him alone. He ran, using the secret passages he knew. He caught up to Ron and Hermione, and they all shared a glance. Their eyes all hardened in determination and sorrow, as they picked up the pace, they were running out of time.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
People screaming when Voldemort entered Hogwarts and when Dementors came. He produced patroni, and he fought for his life. No one fought for him, he was all alone and unloved.
And I held your hand through all of these years
He babied them; he didn't let them know all the horrors. He could have shown numerous memories to let them know about everything in this world, but he protected them. There was never anyone to protect him.
But you still have
All of me
He did everything for him, they had all of him, but he had no one. He was alone.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
He tried to tell himself to move on, that they were gone and not coming back. It didn't help, it just hurt more. Their faces flying through his head over and over again, never stopping, never letting him heal.
But though you're still with me
They were everywhere, memories, imagination, words, voices.
I've been alone all along
They weren't there, not really. He was alone. So very alone, he was scared and lonely. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
He protected them, he comforted them, they never helped him, he cried alone and friendless.
They ran faster, they were almost there.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
He fought for them, chased away those that they feared. His fears were still here, he was so scared, and he shivered as he slowly stood.
They ran up the last set of stairs.
And I held your hand through all of these years
He protected them, he babied them. They held innocence, he didn't.
They went through the door and saw him on the edge of the tower.
But you still have
All of me
Harry looked back at them and smiled an empty smile.
'You don't have me anymore' He whispered to them, the tears flowing.
'HARRY ! NO!' They screamed.
Harry ignored them and jumped. Casting an Avada Kedavra at himself at the same time.
He joined his parents and godfathers, looking confused. They smiled sadly at him.
'You're not alone anymore' they told him, and the tears started running again.
A.N Watcha think? I wonder if anyone even reads these things? If you do, let me know and I will send you a cookie! R&R