My Future/My Life/ My Everything

A story about Amy and Ricky as they take their first step into parenthood Amy is currently still seeing Ben for the time being but as she goes through her new life as a mother she soon discovers feelings and concerns that must be addressed before she hurts anyone including herself.

Chapter 1: A Overdue Apology

*Beginning after John is born and Ricky appears in Amy's house and tells John he loves him*

Ricky: "hey there little buddy, daddy's here, I love you"

Ricky said to his newborn son John as Amy lay peacefully in bed next to them.

Ricky: "You see your mommy there, she really loves you, you know that right john"

He smiled

Amy began to squirm in her sleep; Ricky sat down in the chair next to Amy's bed holding John and watched her as she moved around uncomfortably in her sleep thoughts came rushing in his head thoughts even he did not understand fully. Amy awoke from her sleep very restless but aware

Amy: "ugh who's in here?"

Amy looked over only to see her son was no longer in his bassinet

Amy: "John!!!"

Ricky: "Hey calm down he's right here see"

Amy: "How … How did you get in here … I mean … who let you in?"

Ricky: "What you think I broke in or something?"

Amy: "No! I was just asking."

Amy looked away feeling guilty

Ricky: "Ya sure I came over to steal our son away from you … right …"

Amy looked up at Ricky with a awe struck face

Ricky: "It's a joke Amy calm down here you wanna hold him so you can stop being so shaken up?"

Amy: "Look Ricky I'm sorry I just wasn't expecting you to be there when I woke up."

Amy looked down and started to remember what she was dreaming about while she slept she dreamt of her pregnancy and life going through it with Ben and then flashbacks of band camp with Ricky and of her completely cutting Ricky off from their son. The thoughts made her tear up as she began to realize that as much as she hated to admit it to herself Ricky was there and he was always going to be there whether it be for her or John.

Amy: "Ricky." She said with a hardened look on her face

Ricky: "What?"

Amy: "You promise you won't just abandon him like …" Amy quickly caught her sentence and to her surprise she couldn't believe what she was about to say. She thought to herself, "was I about to say like you abandoned me?" She questioned in her mind.

Ricky: "Abandon him like what? Look if you're worried about me up and leaving out of this you can forget it I'm not going anywhere!"

Amy: "I can't do this by myself," she began to weep Ricky stood up until Anne suddenly walked in the room when Ricky was going to attempt to comfort her

Anne: "Is everything alright in here?"

Amy: "Ya everything's fine"

Anne: "You're sure? I'm right here Amy you can tell me"

Amy: "Mom I need a minute with Ricky"

Anne: Anne looked at Ricky with a worried face as did he look at her with the same expression, "Ok honey ill be right outside if you need anything"

Amy: "Ricky," she said her voice cracked as she exclaimed his name out

Ricky:" Hey what's wrong? I don't want to see you like this," Ricky got up from the chair and went over to Amy and hugged her as she began to explain

Amy: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything"

Ricky: "What's there to be sorry about? I don't remember you doing anything wrong"

Amy: "You don't understand", she exclaimed, " I thought that if I left you out of this my life would be so much easier and you could just live your life the way you wanted to," her voice cracking every 2 or so words

Ricky: "… what do you mean by live my life the way I wanted to?"

Amy: "Never mind forget it," she said releasing herself from his hug and wiping her tears away from her face

Ricky: "Amy tell me what you mean by live my life the way I wanted to?" Ricky made an angry expression and gave Amy a very cold stare

Amy: "Gee I don't know why don't you think about it its not hard you do it to half the girls in school let alone you got me pregnant"

Ricky: "You think I don't care about what I did? DO YOU HONESTLY STILL SEE ME AS THE PERSON THAT GOT YOU PREGNANT AT BAND CAMP?" Ricky had become very upset by Amy's comment and started to tear up

Amy: "Keep your voice down John is sleeping" she started to cry yet again "what do you want me to think I don't know anything about you all I know is you like to manipulate girls and then when your done with them you send them packing and head off to the next one!! I thought you weren't ready to settle down and that your little speech about wanting to be there for John was just a act so you can look like you had a heart!"

Ricky: "What makes you think I would want to keep living that lifestyle? I HATED MYSELF AMY, I HATED MYSELF FOR EVERY GIRL I SLEPT WITH, I HATED MYSELF FOR SLEEPING WITH YOU AND I KNEW THAT I REALLY DID HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU!" Ricky could not hold his temper and he said some things he didn't mean to come out

Amy: forgetting that john was asleep and letting what Ricky said get to her she raised her voice "THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE, WHY DID YOU PRETEND LIKE I WAS NOBODY ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, WHY DID YOU ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T CARE!!!??"

Ricky: "I need to go, give John a kiss for me since his mommy obviously assumes his father doesn't want to be in the picture!"

Amy: "RICKY!!!!!" she was crying more than ever now, she tried to go after him but she was still weak from birthing John and she fell on the floor while trying to get out of bed.

Ricky left slamming Amy's bedroom door behind him and stormed out of Amy's house without another word. Anne was listening in on Amy and Ricky's conversation outside of the room Ricky walked right past her without even noticing.

Anne: Anne walked into Amy's room panicking when she didn't find Amy on her bed, "AMY!!!!" she found her lying next to her bed, "AMY DID HE HURT YOU?" John had woken up now crying from all of the commotion " O god I'll get him" she stood up and grabbed John and tried rocking him back to sleep but it wasn't working he just started crying harder and harder as did Amy

Amy: "Mom" she managed to spit the word out "Mom I'm such a terrible person!"

Anne: "Amy did he put his hands on you!?"

Amy: "No mom I tried to follow him but he left and I couldn't get out of bed fast enough and I fell" she said crying harder now, she noticed John and his screaming she took him from her mothers hands "hey buddy its ok" she said lying to him and herself, se kissed John on the forehead and said "from daddy" she smiled and John calmed down a little

Anne: "Amy what's going on why are you such a wreck?" she asked nervously

Amy: "Um I just had a baby and now I just realized his father isn't as heartless as I thought he was and now I think I hurt his feelings and I don't know what to do anymore" She started crying even more now and John continued with her "It's ok it's ok" she repeated to John and he calmed down after about 10 minutes of rocking him to sleep John fell back to sleep. Amy and Anne went down stairs to talk about the situation

Anne: "Amy tell me what's going on I nearly burst into that room when I heard all of the screaming and yelling"

Amy: "DOES THIS HOUSE GIVE NO PRIVACY?!" she said catching her mothers confession "Mom I always thought Ben, me and John were it I thought Ricky never cared so he shouldn't give much thought or even decide to be in John's life and now I—I---"she couldn't finish her sentence the guilt from the argument began to sink into her skin again and she began to weep all over

Anne: "Amy I know this is rough but if Ricky wants to be apart of his sons life you have no say in the matter if he does or doesn't want to be unless you take it up with the court system you can't just count him out"

Amy: "I know that!! But I just automatically assumed he never cared!! But I guess I was wrong about that!!"

Anne: "Amy you need to talk to Ricky it's pretty obvious you two have things you'd like to say to each other I'm sure John is not the only thing that's bugging him or you"

Amy: "I never wanted any of this, how can it hurt so much" Anne was about to say something but then Amy's cell phone rang the caller ID read Ben she picked it up "Hello?"

Ben: "I love you"

Amy: Amy did not respond she was trying to hold herself together

Ben: "Is everything alright is something wrong with John?! I can have my driver come and…" Amy cut him off before he could say anymore

Amy: "Everything is fine" she said almost on the brink of breaking down

Ben: "Well schools almost out can I stop by later"

Amy: "Sure" she said unwillingly

Ben: "alright then ill see you later then"

Amy: fakes a giggle "ya cya" Amy hung up the phone and looked at her mother and said "can we talk later I just need some time to myself ok?" she began crying before she went upstairs

Anne: "Ok Amy just let me know when your ready" she smiled and gave Amy a hug

Amy: "Thank you" Amy went upstairs and began thinking to herself about why the argument with Ricky was getting to her, why was it digging into her deeper and deeper hurting more and more, why did it matter to her whether he was hurting or not? She said to herself "I can't still have feelings for him can I?" After about a hour of crying she finally cried herself to sleep only to dream about her recent confrontation with Ricky and something not even she understood.