Where did everything go so wrong? When did she become this dark, angry creature. When did I lose my Dawn. And when did I start feeling this way about her. Some point between the shy little visits to my crypt and screwing her sister, I fell in love. With the youngest of the Summer's women. It seems I can't help but fall for what causes me pain. But my Bit, she is so perfect. So bloody brilliant. When did I start losing her?
When her sister died? Or was it before that? The day she walked in on me and the slayer, I saw something inside her die. That light I always use to see when she would come and listen to me talk about all the terrible things I have done. It's unbelievable how much I love her now. Nothing I would not do for her. Steal. Kill. Save. Live. Die. Anything. For her only. I am so terrified of what she has become. This broken creature in desperate need of healing. Her sister is gone and it seems she has spiraled off into complete self destruction. I want so badly to save her, but she doesn't want me too.
Never loved anyone like I love the Nibblet. The way she use to accept me, just the way I was. Never felt ashamed to be close to me. Thought others were crazy for not accepting me the way she did. But I screwed things up. Bugger all! I can't seem to do anything right. Always screwing everything up. But I love her so much. I would die for her, and if I have to I will.
I walk down the street to the Summers home. 1630 Revello Drive. This place use to mean something different. Something beyond death and destruction. I decide to enter using the front door. No idea why. Should just climb the tree outside her window. Done it a million times before. Just to see her. I am here for more pressing reasons this time. No one comes to stop her anymore. No one comes to save her. Because their too busy saving someone else.
I walk up the stairs hoping she has already heard me. Dawn doesn't like surprises. Not anymore. Not after all the terrible surprises she has already endured. I see her sitting on her bed. She is applying more make up. Hell, I don't realize why she wears the stuff. Her face is so perfect without it. So much better without it. But she doesn't realize that. Trying to cover up her perfection with black dirt.
"Hello, love." I smile calmly as I walk into her room. She looks at me, a blank look in her glorious blue eyes.
"Hey." She breathes in deep and goes back to applying her darkness.
"You know you look much better without that stuff." I offer. But I know she wont believe me, never does anymore.
"Sure." She answers and continues anyway.
"So, big plans pet?" I ask, more afraid of the answer than anything. I hate that she always seems to have some big plans. A party. Slaying. She does that now. Almost as if she has a death wish. But she would be denied if that was what she wanted. Because I am always there in the shadows, watching.
"Yeah." She answers, "party." The brunette shrugs, as if it is nothing new.
"How 'bout you blow those plans off, love." I ask hopeful. If I can keep her here now, maybe I can keep her forever. Maybe.
"And do what?" She asks putting her eyeliner down. Almost as if she is hoping for something. Hoping for a reason not to go.
"Whatever you want Nibblet." Haven't called her that in a while. Not to her face. Afraid of how she will react lately. She doesn't react the way she use to. It scares me. I'm losing her. Bit by bit, and I it's killing me.
"Well, it better be something good." She smirks coyly. When did she get like this? When did she become this confident, self loathing creature. No matter what she is, I love her. No matter how she changes, she is still Dawn, and I will always love her simply for that.
"Like what pet?" I ask jokingly. Trying so hard to get her out of this haze. Trying so hard to get her back. Too hard.
"Well…" She stand up slyly. Her body moving closer. That perfect body. One I have thought about in so many terrible ways. Ways I should never think about the Nibblet. She is purity and beauty, and I should only be thinking about preserving that. But I can not help myself. I am a demon after all. Dawn continues to stalk towards me. Her movements slow, animalistic. Nothing like I have ever seen. This can't be my Dawnie. She begins gliding her hand along my chest. "I could think of something." She smiles devilishly.
"Pet." I grasp her hands to stop them from traveling further. Although stopping her is the last thing I want to do.
"Sorry." She steps back. "Forgot, wouldn't be proper right." She rolls her perfect blue eyes and huffs. This isn't my sweet bit. She would never act like this. Never touch me like that. She was too innocent for that kind of behavior. Trying to seduce me? Not right. No. Not my Dawn. Not. My. Girl.
"Pet what has gotten into you?" I ask confused. Why is she acting like this. Especially towards me. It couldn't be any worse. Or so I thought.
"Obviously not you." She rolls her eyes again. WHAT?? Dawn speaking like this was something I had never imagined possible. I stumble back as she speaks the words. What was happening. My girl was changing. Becoming something I would never want her too. "I suppose I should be going anyway." She grabs a small black purse that matches the tightly fitted black dress. One that hugs her curves perfectly, following each line and bend. Each glorious curve. I shake my head to prevent myself from thinking thoughts I shouldn't. She was already in such a fragile state I didn't need to give her any reason to think I was looking at her body. As she begins to walk out the door I grab her arm and jolt her back.
"Pet," I hold onto her tightly. "Stay." I am pleading now. I don't want to lose her now. Not to the night. Not to her darkness.
"Why?" She asks dully. It seems the fire inside her is brewing. Ready to explode. I just want her to stay, stay the way she was. Innocent little Dawnie.
"Don't go to the party." I beg. "Your just gonna end up getting drunk and doing something stupid." I want to save you love. Wish I had the strength. Wish I knew how. But I don't know how. Don't know how to save a seventeen year old girl. Saving was not my specialty. Healing was definitely not my department.
She begins to laugh now and it is almost disturbing. "Something stupid." She mocks me. And I don't mind. "What makes you so bold, as to think I haven't already done 'Something stupid'." She makes quotations with her fingers.
"Pet?" My eyes almost well up with tears. But they don't. Because they cant. I still can feel the pain though. My little bit, she couldn't have made that mistake. Been tainted. The hope had remained, and now it was a dead hope. It was obvious, the way she acted, things she said. She had certainly done, something stupid.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch." She growls. "I haven't." I sigh with relief. That's my girl. "Yet." She answers quickly and now I know there is no way I am letting her go to this damn party.
"What is wrong with you pet?" I ask still holding onto her arm firmly. But she isn't pulling away, she isn't fighting my grasp. It seems she is pushing her arm into my hold, rather than struggling for freedom. I would never understand this perfectly human creature.
She chuckles again. "So many things Spike." She shakes her head and the scent of her hair wafts through the room. I shiver at just how good she smells. "And if you're here for some intervention, your too late." She hisses at me. "You cant fix me." Why is she so bitter, so angry. Every word is filled with anger, and hatred. Why does she hate me so much? Maybe I deserve it. I'm sure I do.
"Pet, what did I do, to make you so bloody angry with me?" I ask curious. Hopeful she will tell me she isn't angry. But I know that isn't true. She is so clearly angry.
"You did Buffy, that's what you did." Her words are harsh. She never use to speak like this. Was always so innocent. Spoke like a child. She was not a child anymore. That was clear.
"Love, I am sorry if I took her away from you." I just want to see her happy. Don't want to make her hurt. I am trying so hard to ease her pain. And I don't think I can. But I will keep trying, until the day I die. Which could possibly never come.
"Spike, you couldn't be more clueless." She shakes her head. "It was you that broke my heart. Seeing you with her, like that." She has a disgusted look on her stunning pale face. "But I'm over it." She nods. I don't believe her. Seeing me with Buffy hurt her. Seeing her best friend with her sister. I suppose I should have known it would bother her. Just don't know why.
"Then why are you acting so different?" I ask as I realize I am still holding onto her, tighter now. But she doesn't react. I loosen my grip.
"Everyone grows up Spike." She answers, an earnestness in her meek voice. "And I have, grown up." She smirks now as she presses her hard little body against mine. If she keeps this up I am not sure I can be strong enough to hold back.
"Dawn…" I shake my head and pull away slightly. Its hard enough just standing in the same room as her, but with her pressing against me. My resolve seems to be falling apart.
"Oh, come on Spike." She snakes closer. "You don't want me." She asks, serious.
"Pet, don't." My voice is hoarse, I cant help it. "You don't know what your tempting." A demon. No chip. No soul. As much as I love her. I am still me.
"I'm not tempting you. I'm seducing you." She snickers and I see a piece of my old Dawnie. Silly. Playful. But not this way.
"Pet your just a kid, you don't know what your doing." I speak an obvious weakness in my voice. I want her. More than anything. But she doesn't know what that means. Doesn't know the creature she is toying with. Doesn't know what evil I am capable of. I wish I could be stronger than what is inside me. But I am not.
"Spike…" She speaks my name and I am losing my strength almost completely. I have let go of her arm now. But it is no use. Her little hands traveling all around my body. Cant deny just how much I want her. " If I know so little about what I'm doing, than teach me." The way she allows her tongue to show as she speaks. Toying with me. Driving me crazy.
"Pet you don't want this." I speak as I put my hands up and step back. Like I am being arrested. Hands in the air, terror on my face. I cant deny that I want this. And I don't think I am going to be able to refrain from doing what she is asking. Because I am still me. Still Spike.
"I want this." She promises still stepping towards me. She presses against me again, pinning my body against her wall. "I want you. Please Spike." She is begging now and I have completely forgotten why I came here in the first place. Was this why? She crushes her mouth into mine. I cant pull away, I return the kiss. And I feel it. Something inside. She's let it loose. If she wants to stop now there is no turning back. Because I cant control myself any longer. Lost all sense of right and wrong. Hell I never had any sense of it.
I continue devouring her mouth with mine. As I tare her clothes from her perfect body. She doesn't know what she is asking for. But I will show her. I lift her up in one swift movement, her long legs wrapped around my waste. Her lips taste like cherries. I toss her onto her bed. She asked for this. Practically begged. So it cant be wrong, if its what she wants. Who am I to deny this angel what she wants. No one. So I will give her exactly what she wants. For now. Hopefully it will be enough. Enough to keep her. If keeping this creature is possible. I just hope I can. Always. Just hope that I don't make any mistakes. I continue what I am doing, hopeful not to break her. Any more than she already is.