On a light, breezy morning somewhere in the general vicinity of Portland, Joel "King" Hall was awoken by the sound of rustling oak leaves. He sighed, rolled out of bed, and stumbled to the bathroom, where he looked to the mirror to see the face of a short, disgruntled, and sleepy Welsh corgi.
"Fucking shit" King said to no one in particular, and splashed water onto his face.
Joel Hall- King- was originally a human student, a junior in high school. However, by declaring his disbelief in the supernatural in public, he attracted the attention of a malevolent trickster: a spirit known as the Gryphon. The Gryphon transformed Joel into a corgi for his inflexibility, and to add insult to injury, erased the memories of all of Joel's family and friends, making it so that it was as if he had never existed as a human. Then, the Gryphon vanished, presumably off to go torment his next ideological victim.
Joel was left trapped in the body of a corgi- albeit an anthromorphic one- and was forced to associate with animals rather than humans. Having no life to return to, he decided to create on for himself, and changed his name to "King" for good measure.
King slowly walked out of the bathroom and then sat down at the kitchen table, pouring himself a large bowl of breakfast cereal. He grabbed a newspaper from a chair and began to read, sighing at yet another article about the economy. King had stubbornly refused to drop any of his human customs since becoming a dog, and wasn't about to stop now.
The phone on the side of the table rang, and King put down his spoonful of cereal to pick it up. "Yeah?" he mumbled into the phone. "What is it? I just woke up." "Ozymandias, my lad!" a nasally voice squealed. "The time is here! The time is now! The time has come… to design!" King sighed deeply and laid his head down on the table. "What is it, Keene" he asked. "A party is being thrown tonight for the privileged few, and your services are required!" the voice exclaimed from the other end of the line. "Ten thirty! My office! Chop-chop!"
The line went dead, and then changed to a dial tone.
"The Miltons again" King said to himself, shutting his newspaper. "Unbelievable."
The apartment complex in which King is living is owned by the Milton family- an unusual family of wealthy ferrets. Their former owner, sadly deceased, was the billionaire Agatha Milton, famed writer of suspense novels, and left for all of her wealth to go to her ferrets once she passed away. The ferrets, having no idea of the value of money, vastly overpay their workers. After meeting King, the Miltons hired him as an interior decorator: someone to tell them what modern art to use on their walls for parties and whatnot. In exchange for this service, King is given housing in the Milton's apartment complex- and high pay.
All of this would be a dream for King, except for the fact that the Miltons… are highly eccentric, to say the least.
King finished his breakfast and walked outside, locking his apartment behind him.
"Hey DINGUS!" someone shouted from behind him. "Who let you out of the kennel?" King tensed up and reeled around to stare into the face of a taunting pinscher mix-breed, flexing his muscles in a pathetic attempt in dominance. This was Bino- the egocentric self-proclaimed "man of the neighborhood".
"Bino, if you're going to swear at me, do it right" King snarled. "What the fuck kind of an insult is Dingus?" "You better watch it, bro" Bino boasted, "I'm strong as hell." "Why?" King smirked. "You'll drool on me or something?" "You're a pathetic loser!" Bino scolded. "You hang out with retards, and cats!" "It's none of your goddamn business who I hang out with" King stated, as calmly as possible. "Why is it such a problem that I don't want to be in the Good 'Ol Dogs' club? There's no way in hell I'd ever kowtow to your wishes."
"Hey!" a girl's voice yelled from the yard. "Bino! Get yer butt in here already! The Real Housewives' of Portland's startin'!" "Coming, Sasha" Bino replied, turning around and running back into his yard. King sighed and continued walking away from the house. No point in wasting any more time here, then… King thought to himself, scratching his head.
King and Bino are not exactly fans of each other. Once King moved into the neighborhood, Bino introduced him to the Good 'Ol Dogs Club, a club built around catering to the wishes of Bino and his equally dysfunctional girlfriend Sasha. Their conversation at that time went something like this:
"Essentially, this club is built around a voting system based on what we will be striving towards. Each vote is counted equally, but select members have veto power, which takes precedence over the votes" Bino told King.
"So, who are the select members?" King asked.
"Myself and Sasha" Bino replied.
"That makes it a dictatorship!" King exclaimed angrily. "What a ridiculous system!"
"What, are you some kind of Communist?" Bino asked sarcastically.
At that point, King lost it. Then, the two of them got into an argument, and King was permanently banned from ever entering the Good 'Ol Dogs club.
King jogged to the Miltons' main building, a palace of a mansion based off of a Grecian temple, and then rang the ornamental golden doorbell (specifically designed to look like a cherub, for the "low price" of $400. That's how rich and idiotic the Miltons were.)
Keene Milton, a large brown ferret and the head of the house, rushed down the marble staircase and opened the door for King to come inside. "Ozymandias!" he exclaimed happily. "I'm so glad that you've arrived. Please! Come inside! Smell the roses! Taste the Sauvignon Blanc and Roquefort!" King walked into the foyer, stopping to marvel at the Sistine Chapel-esque mosaic on the ceiling. "Amazing" King gasped. "Did you just have this done? It's a really good recreation of the Chapel's ceiling." "Yes!" Keene replied. "To make this, printmakers took thousands of pictures, overlaid them onto acrylics, and painted over them to make this. As it's obviously a forgery, it was quite cheap." "How much was it?" King asked. "Just under thirty thousand" Keene remarked, aloof as always. "Why does that matter, Ozymandias?" he asked. "Will you stop calling me Ozymandias?" King asked. "I'm not Ozymandias. I know that it means "king of kings", but that would just make my name "King of King of Kings", and that's ridiculous." Keene erupted into peals of laughter. "Too exalted for an interior decorator?" he asked. "Yeah, I guess" King replied. He knew that he wasn't really qualified to be an interior decorator, but he didn't want to argue with Keene over it. "I'd prefer to be an interior decorator than the King of King of Kings" King told Keene. "Understood" Keene smirked. "Now, I must take you to the main event. Moreover, why were you delayed this morning?" "I had to deal with Bino" King sighed. "That guy never shuts up." "A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies" Keene quipped. "Nice" King grinned. "Did you come up with that?" "Sadly, I am not the literary master of quotation" Keene began, "It was Oscar Wilde, of course."
Keene took King into the main upstairs hallway, the principal section of interest for the Miltons. The guests would be taken on a tour through this hallway and then taken to the living and dining rooms for the party. All right, Kingthought to himself, what does this place need? Well, there's no greenery anywhere. The place seems kind of sterile, even with all of the ornamental Grecian pieces. It needs an earthier feel to it.
"I'd suggest that we bring in some hanging plants and Mediterranean grasses to fit with the paintings" King stated. "The tall, spiky ones would fit well with them." "Come hither and go forth" Keene suggested, flinging a wad of bills at King. I'm always amazed that no one takes advantage of the Miltons, King thought to himself, they're so bad with money. Lucky for them, I'm not that kind of guy.
King said goodbye to Keene and the Milton family, who then resumed spending money.
King started to walk down the street, but was stopped midway by a breathless Norwich terrier with an ankh necklace. "King!" she urged, "You must stop! You cannot continue to the Crate and Barrel at this moment! It is crucial!" "What is it now, Tarot?" King snapped. "I'm sick and tired of dealing with you people. What's the goddamn Gryphon done now?"
Tarot is not, in fact, a Norwich terrier. She is actually a supernatural creature like the Gryphon, but prefers to take the form of a Norwich terrier as she has a crush on another dog, a friend of King's. As she can foretell the future with ease, she enjoys aiding- and sometimes misleading- King with her prophecies.
"The Gryphon has done nothing" Tarot continued. "The Crate and Barrel will explode in one hour." "What? Why is that?!" King exclaimed, shocked. "It has been rigged" she continued. "None will die in the accident, but you would no doubt be seriously injured if you went there." "So, you didn't see me there in the first place?" King asked. "What makes you assume that?" Tarot asked over his question. "I never know with you" King replied. "The one thing that I do know is that I can't trust you. You concocted this crazy plot a while ago, and I thought that the Gryphon was after me again, but it was really so that I would set up a date for you and Peanut!" "I don't remember it going like that-" Tarot began to reply, but King stormed past her and continued on his way. It's my future and I'll decide what to do with it, he told himself, but I'll stay away from Crate and Barrel for an hour, just in case. Wait a minute. If there is a bomb there, for real, then maybe I can stop it from exploding. But then if that's the case, then why wouldn't Tarot just do that? Was it because of her Universal Laws or some bullshit like that? Did she tell me because she can't change things herself? No, I'm over thinking things. It's probably one of her weird schemes.
Still, King walked to the Crate and Barrel, and arrived there five minutes before the hour that Tarot had mentioned had passed. King walked up to the store and saw that it was closed for the day: not a single person was left inside, even a security guard.
King looked at his watch, and saw that the building would supposedly explode in thirty seconds. He ran to the other side of the street and counted down, humoring himself.
Thirty seconds later, the building exploded, and King was knocked to the ground by the immense shockwave. What was it? Some type of gas bomb? There was so much smoke, but very little rubble. King couldn't tell. He was too busy choking on the thick smoke, and being astonished that Tarot's prophecy had come true.
When the dust cleared, King saw that a small crowd had gathered around the ruins of the Crate and Barrel, taking pictures of the wreckage. Sirens blared from down the street, and a fire truck, followed by a police car, stopped in front of the crowd.
Shit! King thought to himself. If I stick around here, they'll think that I blew up the Crate and Barrel! I have to get out of here now!
King mustered all of the strength in his body and tried to stand, but his legs refused to move. He was left lying face down on the ground, covered in dirt and dust from the wreckage.
A police officer noticed the bedraggled King, and walked over to him. "I am charging you with suspected arson, second degree murder, and intent to destroy a public building" the officer snarled, and snapped cold handcuffs on King's wrists. Then, he picked King up and shoved him into the back of the police car.
I was charged with second degree murder? King's brain screamed. But Tarot told me that no one died in the explosion!
King spent the next four hours being grilled by the police. Once they realized that King was innocent (with a little help from the Miltons testifying for him and paying off the police), King was free to go. Only then did King learn of the true tragedy behind the incident.
"Peanut and Grape DIED IN THE BLAST?!" King cried, as the Milton family nodded sadly. "Bino and Max were hit as well" Keene sighed, wiping his eyes. "It's terrible." Stunned, King was at a loss for words. "It was because of this that we felt you were innocent" Keene continued, "Considering your friendship with those two, we felt that there was absolutely no way that you could have killed him."
King held his emotions in until the Miltons dropped him off at a park, and then King let everything go and began to cry. Peanut and Grape were gone- it was almost too much for him to comprehend. They were the first friends that he had made since becoming a corgi, and it was because of them that he had found a way to fit into his new life.
King sat down on a log in the middle of the forest, just as twilight began to set in, and cried his eyes out.
"What seems to be the issue?" a baritone voice boomed from above King, and a gigantic gryphon swooped down from the trees to land in front of King's log. The birdlike gryphon rolled a long cigar between its talons and took a long puff.
"God damn it, Gryphon, why are you here?!" King screamed, and then burst into tears again. "My life's miserable enough! What is it now? Are you going to turn me into an insect?!" The gryphon looked at him quizzically. "Not exactly" he replied. "I noticed that a tragedy had befallen, and I wondered if you would like to make a deal." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" King shouted. "FUCKING TELL ME!" "Calm down!" the gryphon scolded. "Now, do you still have your chain of fate?"
King's chain of fate is shaped like an ornamental pocket watch from the Victorian era. However, its purpose is far different from telling the time. It is a device that was given to King by the gryphon and several other supernatural creatures, and it contains King's fate. By smashing the watch, he would be forced to remain in the body of an anthromorphic corgi for the rest of his life. As this was all of the information that King knew, he kept the watch hidden in his apartment and refused to touch it.
"Yes" King replied, wiping some of his tears away. "Why?" "It has more than one function" the gryphon smirked. "The function that you don't know about is called temporal distortion. If you rewind the watch back to a specific time, you return to that time period." The gryphon took a minute to let that sink in, and King's eyes widened with shock. "Now" the gryphon continued, "Here is my deal. First of all, I will show you how to use the temporal distortion, but there are several catches." "What?" King asked. "First, you must locate and destroy the bomb before it detonates" the Gryphon continued, "Second, you must do your best to identify and capture the bomber, and third, you cannot come into contact with yourself at any time. If that happens, there is a very good chance that you'll cease to exist. Time paradoxes are strange that way." "All of those are fine" King replied. "This is so unlike you, Gryphon. Do you actually care about everyone that died in the explosion?" The gryphon smiled, but didn't respond. "There is one more thing" the gryphon noted. "I will pose a question to you if you do end up changing the timelines, but I will not reveal it at this time. You will be essentially unaffected- I'm not going to transform you into anything. Do you agree to that condition as well?" "All right" King agreed. "I have to go eat dinner, and then I'll get the watch and come back."
King stopped in at a McDonalds, and had the fastest dinner of his entire life. Then, he ran back to his apartment as if he was possessed, grabbed the watch from its hiding place under the bed, and rushed back to the park, where the gryphon was happily waiting.
King handed the watch to the Gryphon, who opened up the back and fiddled with the gears. Then, he returned the watch to King. "Just rewind the hour hand" the gryphon told him. "Remember, you've only got one shot at this, so you need to get some sleep beforehand." The gryphon ruffled his feathers and sprinkled some golden dust onto King's forehead, and King fell into a deep sleep.
King awoke on an uncomfortable field of dead leaves and sticks, back in the same park. The gryphon stood over him as King sat up. "All right" King snarled, "I know that this is probably a trick, but I have to try something. I'm not going to let my friends get killed."
King rewound the hour hand 24 hours, and then stared straight at the gryphon. "It's not working!" King exclaimed, and then vanished into thin air.
King reappeared in the same park, minus the gryphon. The air was clear, and the sunrise was just beginning to end. King strung the watch around his neck, like a necklace, composed himself, and then ran out of the park at top speed.
Okay, King, King thought to himself, you're apparently one day in the past. You have to stop the bomber and avoid yourself. Goddammit, that's annoying. I wish that I could just stop Peanut and Grape from going to the Crate and Barrel instead. So, where was I right now? Come to think of it, I was arguing with Bino at my apartment. Wasn't Bino also killed in the explosion?
King rushed down the street, and then noticed Tarot jogging in the opposite direction. "Augh!" she screamed. "This is wrong! You're not supposed to be here! I'm going to see another you in ten minutes!" "Your prophecy is wrong!" King yelled. "People died! Can you tell them?!" "Sorry" Tarot sighed. "I can't. Standard celestial policy is to not interfere with time paradoxes. For all I know, I might spontaneously combust." King half-sighed, half-snarled, and continued running down the street.
Okay. Crate and Barrel, King thought to himself, if I go there now, then I'll be there way before the bomber gets there. There's something else as well: Why would Peanut, Grape, Max, and Bino be at an interior design store in the first place?
King reached Bino and Max's house, next to his own apartment. Through the window, he could see Max inside playing Team Fortress 2. Bino was nowhere to be found- he was probably in the back of the house, making out with Sasha.
I don't have enough money for taxi fare to go to Peanut and Grape's house, King thought to himself, so I'll have to stay here for a bit to find out why they would be going to the Crate and Barrel.
King waited outside until Max finally looked to his left and saw King standing outside. The cat shut his laptop off and jumped down the stairs, opening the door for King. "Morning, dude" Max exclaimed happily. "How come you're here? I thought you were working for the Miltons all morning." "I got a day off" King replied. "So, um, is there something going on at the Crate and Barrel today? I called up Peanut to go to the movies and he said that he'd be there with you and Grape today, but didn't explain why. If there's something cool there, can I come with you guys?" Max tensed up at the question. "That's wrong" he replied. "We're not going there today. I don't know what Peanut's talking about. Maybe he's just going out with Grape today and gave you that as an excuse. What a weird excuse, anyway: an interior design store?"
He's totally dodging the question, King realized. There is something going on for sure.
Max started sweating and becoming jumpy, unable to come up with anything else to say as King stared at him. Then, King nodded. "All right, thanks" King told Max. "I have to go do some errands. See you later!" Relieved, Max nodded and walked inside, shutting the door behind him.
King walked down the street and then broke into a run, barreling towards the Crate and Barrel. When he finally reached it, he was so out of breath that he had to stop and sit down on the curb for a while. After that, he walked into the Crate and Barrel.
King slowly walked through the aisles of bowls and cutlery, clocks and paperweights, and everything modernist, and looked for whatever looked bomb-like or suspicious. He picked up a spherical clock- nothing. He sifted through a huge bowl of sand- nothing either. After looking through dozens, easily several hundred items, King was feeling dejected and tired, but he kept going. Several hours passed.
King constantly kept one eye on the door, watching for anyone that looked suspicious, but no one particularly stood out. In fact, the same customers arrived every time: always a woman with a baby stroller, or several children trailing behind her. King really doubted that anyone would hide a bomb in a baby carriage, and didn't bother checking to find out.
King heard an irritated sigh from the front door, and his Douchebag Radar immediately skyrocketed. Bino was in the building! King quickly darted behind a rack of towels to hide. Sure enough, Bino and Max had just entered the store, followed by Peanut and Grape. This is the one time that I'm glad to be short, King thought to himself, I hope that they don't notice me.
"This place looks like hell" Bino told Max. "I can't believe anyone would care about this stuff." "King does" Max replied. "Actually, I thought that it was a really good idea. I hope that he'll like what we find here. Nice job, Peanut!" The pointer mix laughed. "No problem, Max" Peanut replied. "I thought that there would be some good stuff here." "Remember: I'm only here because Fox is sick" Bino snapped. "We are not 'hanging out'." "Jesus, you're a prick today" Grape sighed, waving her tail. "I bet you're just annoyed that you have to spend time with two cats, plus Peanut." "Peanut's practically a cat!" Bino exclaimed, and Peanut laughed, brushing off the comment. "Anyway, what do you think we should get for him?" "What to get for King?" Max asked. "I don't know. Whatever looks the best, I guess. What about some modern art?" "It has been a whole year since he moved here" Grape interjected, "so we need to get some great gifts. I mean, we don't even know when the guy's birthday is, so this should be good."
They were here getting gifts… for me? King thought, amazed and happy. I didn't even remember that it's the anniversary of moving here. The time has just flown by. I have great friends. Even Bino's trying to be nice for once, filling in for Fox.
"Yeah, King's a good guy" Peanut told the others. "He was a little weird when we first met him- he acted just like a human, and kept to himself a lot. But, when he opened up, it turned out that he was a great guy. I mean, he isn't prejudiced towards cats or any other species, and he's always been there for us." "Yeah" Grape interjected, "He's always been there with us- at the Pridelands movies, at the zoos, even when those PETA guys broke out of jail and tried to kidnap everyone in the neighborhood." "That's right", Max continued, "I remember. When that happened, he and Fox broke out of their van, and then got the police to break everyone out of the PETA guys' warehouse. They saved us there. King gets along with practically everyone- except for you, Bino." Bino sighed. "Is it my fault that he's opposed to being in the Good Ol' Dogs' club?" Bino asked. Max laughed. "If you weren't such a dictator there, I bet he would have joined" Max scolded.
King felt extremely happy, but couldn't make any noise so as to not alert the three of his friends (and Bino).
Peanut started walking towards the towel rack, and King quickly walked away, out of their field of vision.
After spending another hour both avoiding the four and looking for the bomb, the Crate and Barrel was ready to close. Shit! King mentally exclaimed, I don't have any more time! I have to grab the four of them and get them out of here!
Then, King looked to the window and saw a highly disturbing sight: himself.
The King of yesterday was standing outside the Crate and Barrel, waiting for it to explode. God DAMN IT! King mentally shouted, why did I do that?! Now I can't leave that way! If I do, then I'll cause a time paradox and probably die! But… if I stay in here, then everyone will die anyway, and if I send everyone outside without me, they'll either see that there are two me's, or they won't and I'll still be inside, left to die instead of them! Arrgh!
King started pacing in circles down the aisle, and then tripped over a raised tile, falling over and crashing into the ground. He rubbed his head and sat up, and then realized the one place in the store that he hadn't looked.
He still hadn't looked underneath the bookshelf- like aisles.
King frantically ran up and down the aisles, stopping to lie down on the ground to look underneath each one. Finally, underneath the third aisle, he found a large, black, boxy device with a timer on it- a time bomb. Attached to the bomb was a sheet of paper, and King took it out to read it. It read like this:
These little fuckers in your store that ruined my life deserve to die. If you are an employee reading this message, then evacuate everyone from the building other than the animals. If you do this and come back here tonight, you will receive fifty thousand dollars in cash. Do not attempt to stop this bomb from exploding.
Sincerely, Duncan.
King stared at the paper in shock. If I remember correctly, Duncan was one of those guys who used to be from PETA- the ones that kidnapped everyone, the ones that we had put in jail, King thought to himself. Somehow, he must have found out about my friends meeting here, and wanted to kill as many at once as he could. Now, I've got to get rid of this bomb, and fast.
Twenty minutes remaining before the bomb would explode.
King grabbed a cloth bag from a shelf, gently put the bomb inside it, and then walked down the aisle as nonchalantly as possible. Yesterday's King was still waiting outside the main entrance, and King's friends were on the other side of the store.
Then, King had a stroke of genius. "Excuse me" he asked the customer service clerk, "Do you have a bathroom anywhere?" The clerk pointed to the left of the store, and King nodded and quickly walked in that direction. Once no one was watching, King entered the men's bathroom, stood on top of a toilet seat, and then broke the window above the toilet stall. He climbed out of the window and fell onto a large holly bush. "OW!" King exclaimed, prickled by the bush, but ignored his pain and continued.
Where do I get rid of this bomb? King thought to himself. I need somewhere with water…Carmen Bridge!
King hailed a taxi and jumped in, still carrying the bag of bomb. "Carmen Bridge!" he yelled. "It's a life or death situation!" "Whose?" the driver asked, starting to drive. "OURS!" King yelled. "I found a bomb!" "WHAT?!" the driver shouted. "JUST GO!" King yelled, and the driver nodded and furiously drove down the highway.
With less than five minutes to spare, the driver arrived at the end of the bridge and let King out. King ran to the middle of the bridge, and then threw the bag of bomb as far away into the water as he could.
Upon impact with the water, the bomb exploded. The shock wave shook the bridge and rattled the drivers going past. The taxi driver stood and gaped at the impact, and then jumped in his taxi and drove away, frightened that something else might happen.
King walked down to the end of the bridge and sat down on a bench, exhausted. He heard wing beats approaching, and the Gryphon flew down from the trees behind him, and stood in front of him, smirking.
"All right" King sighed, "I saved them all. What's the catch?" "Time distortions aren't supposed to work" the gryphon told King. "I need you to do something. As soon as night falls, everything will revert back to before you had travelled through time, unless you smash your watch- your chain of fate." "So that's it" King replied, "Either I'll be a corgi for the rest of my life or my friends will be dead." The gryphon smiled a lupine smile.
"Gryphon" King snarled, "Fuck you."
Then he tore off the watch and smashed it to pieces.
"You chose the former option" the gryphon gasped, "I am truly surprised." "What happens now?" King asked. "Where does the other me go?" "It ceased to exist once you changed the timeline" the gryphon replied, smiling. "Your friends never saw you standing outside." "It's going to take some getting used to, not being human" King said, half to the gryphon and half to himself. "You're doing a fine job of it" the gryphon reassured. "Now, your friends have made you a surprise party. Would you like a ride?" "Are you saying that you'd fly me there?" King asked. The gryphon nodded.
Despite the fact that it made no sense to, King smiled.
Afterwards- far afterwards, after King was flown back to his friends, had an amazing party, made sure that the police were there and waiting to arrest Duncan, the bomber, had a long, romantic Skype call with his girlfriend Bailey in Connecticut, and apologized to the Miltons for skipping work, King finally returned to his apartment to sleep.
On the way to his apartment, King noticed Tarot jogging down the street during the last minutes of twilight. "Good evening" she smiled. "I see that you have made an important decision." "Yeah" King replied. "Fuck all of your, the Gryphon's, and any other supernatural creature's enlightened celestial bullshit. It's my life, and I'm going to decide how to live it. If that means that I'm not Joel Hall anymore, and I'm King for the rest of my life, then that's fine with me. Some things are more important than that."
"Good" Tarot replied, "In that case, all of us 'supernatural creatures' will leave you alone from now on. I wish you well in your efforts in life."
Tarot laughed- a pleasant, bubbling sound- and walked away, and King was left standing alone in the dark, staring up at the stars.