I want to die

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I want to die everyday, every minute, every second. Reason? Love. Yes, the reason is love. He loves me so much that I can't take it anymore. Everytime he looks into my emotionless eyes I want to die. His eyes, so full with love and mine, dead, dry. Every time he hides his tear I want to die 'cause I can't even wipe them away. Every time he smiles I want to die knowing the pain behind his smile.

Throughout my life I wanted to be loved like this and now when I am being loved just the exact way I used to dream, I want to die. I want to die 'cause I can't reciprocate him. I wanted to be with him my all life and now when I am with him, I want to die. I feel lucky, very lucky. That's why I want to die. I want to die 'cause he's giving all that he has to me. He loves me and cares for me more than anything in this world and I don't want him to do this. But I can't stop him. He won't stop. And that's why I want to die. He's my pain. I am his happiness, a painful happiness. And that leaves me with no other choice but to die.

He undresses me everyday but I don't feel shy. I don't feel like hiding me, 'cause I can't. He sees me naked almost everyday but I can't see lust in his eyes. I can't see anything in his eyes at all, except tears sometimes. And I want to die everytime he undresses me. He never touch me with lust, never kiss me with seductiond. I can't seduce him no more. I can't keep him staring at me. I want to die before he kills me with his deadly eyes.

He cries. I cry. I want to die, 'cause I hate tears. He loves. I love. And I want to die 'cause I don't want to love or to be loved. I can't ask him to go away 'cause he won't. And I am afraid I will be left alone. I am no more afraid of darkness. And I want to die 'cause there's too much light everywhere and I am afraid of light now.

I love him to feed me but I can't feed him back. I want to but I can't. I want to die every day, before him waking up, before seeing his eyes I can't read anymore, before seeing his smile which doesn't reciprocate his eyes, before being undressed by him, before being loved by him in many ways. I am afraid of love I am no more capable of. I want to die. Do I want wrong?

I want to die to start a new life without him, with seeing him from a far. He's better when he's far, when he doesn't touch me, when he doesn't look at me. He's better without me.

Sometimes I want to reach and wipe away his tears too but most of the time only thing I want is, to die. I will take his tears with me forever. He hurts my heart everyday with his love but I can't run away. I want to move but I can't. I want to die so that I can move again, run away from him, his love.

He talks to me, a lot. I hate his voice, talking rubbish. Sometimes he talks only about me and I hate it more. I want to die 'cause I don't want to hear his voice anymore.

I am Ana. I had met an accident 3 months ago and now I am on bed fully paralyzed. I only can blink my eyes (sometimes shade tears too). I can't move my head to even say a yes or no. No, I don't want to die 'cause I am like this. I want to die 'cause of him, CChirstian. I want to die everyday for life time 'cause I can't see him like this and die everyday. I want to die everyday, every minute, every second. Reason? Reason, is love. I love him so much that I don't want to be loved back by him.

KK:please Review :)