I held Mitch's hand, sobbing along with him. The rain relentlessly poured down, drenching me to the bone as I tried my best to shield Mitch from it. The lighting illuminated his face for a split second.
Bloody, twisted, tear-streaked, fearful.
"Mitch, I'm sorry. I should've known!" I choked.
"You couldn't have known I was depressed, Jerome. I never told you." Mitch argued between labored breaths.
He's right. I couldn't have known. I didn't know, until I found him in his bathroom, blood dripping down his arms as he looked up at me with wide eyes, just before he bolted.
He ran, into the forest, not caring about the downpour. And here we were. Mitch, laying half on the dirt and half in my lap, dying.
"I'm supposed to know everything about you, though! I'm not just your best friend, Mitch. I'm your lover." I sobbed.
"And I wish I'd told you the one secret I kept from you. Maybe I could've stayed with you longer. Much longer." Mitch mumbled.
"Much longer..." I breathed, remembering the piece of jewelry in my pocket. I shakily brought it out, slipping it onto his finger before he could react.
"I don't care if you don't want it, I just wanted you to know that it's at least what I wanted." I sniffed. Mitch stared at the glittering diamond for a moment before looking up at me.
"I wish you would've asked sooner." He smiled, despite the circumstances.
"I wish that too..." I sighed. "I love you, Mitch. I'd give anything to spend another day with you." My breathing increased as tears edged my eyes again.
"I love you too." Mitch whispered. I looked down to see his eyes closed.
"No, no, no, Mitch come on." I refused to believe it. After I got no response, I shook him gently.
"Mitch quit playing around. Wake up." I urged, panic beginning to flood my body. I pressed my ear to his chest.
Silence.
~Jerome's Thoughts~
-Over a series of weeks following Mitch's death-
It's funny, how alive and vibrant a person can be, just seconds before they're gone. Mitch certainly didn't deserve to be the pale, lifeless body in the casket.
No, he's sleeping, not dead. He loved to sleep. Maybe if I thought that enough, eventually I'd believe my own words.
But right now, I can't believe anything. Mitch had said everything was alright... and now look at him.
Maybe if I cried loud enough, he'd hear me from heaven. Maybe my tears on his face as I kissed him goodbye would be enough to wake him from his eternal sleep.
But no matter how loudly I cried, during those late nights, and no matter how many tears fell on his skin, he never woke.
People tell me I'll get over it. But how do you get over your best friend, your lover's death? He promised me I'd never be alone again. But now, he's gone. Leaving me in this world without him.
I don't blame Mitch, at all. I blame myself, for never persisting at finding out what was deep in his thoughts.
I believed him when he said he was fine. And that's just one of the many things I regret.
I regret every little argument we had. I regret not kissing him every day. I regret taking what I had for granted.
And it seemed like the second I had Mitch, he was gone.
I can look up at the clouds anytime. Say 'I love you' as many times as I wanted. But I know he'll never hear me. And it makes me wish I'd said it more often, when he could've.
I'm so sorry. I miss him so much. I don't know what I'll do without him. Is life really worth it, without him? Would he have wanted me to keep going? Or does he want me to join him?
These are the decisions Mitch would've helped me make. I'm completely lost right now. Does he wait at his grave for me, for my daily visits?
Will you wait for me, Mitch?
*The End*