When I was 19, I married my long time boyfriend Zach. We were on a mission in Brazil together. It wasn't a dangerous mission or anything; it was a standard routine in out drop off. But somehow someone found out and they hired a hit man. To this day we don't know who hired him. The hit man tired to complete his job and shot me in the arm. Luckily it barely grazed my skin. I told myself over and over again that, I was fine, completely one hundred fine. I mean I had the entire Circle of Cavan during my last year of high school. I had been though much worse. But for some reason, I wasn't fine. For some reason the bullet really scared me. I talked to Zach and discovered he felt the same way. We were worried; worried that we could die at any moment, worried that we would never get married, worried we would never have the life together that we had always dreamed of. So we decided to make our love enteral, so to speak. In other words we got married. We went to city hall and got married. Only My mother, Mr. Solomon, Agent Townsend, Aunt Abby, Macey, and Liz were there. Bex was on a mission. We could have waited, we should have waited, but we didn't want to. My mother believed I was rushing into the marriage, that Zach and I hadn't properly talked about what we wanted in life and were we though we would be in ten years. At the time I though she was crazy. Zach and I loved each other and both saw us together in ten years. That was all that mattered, we could make it work. In hindsight I see her point. I still remember the look on Macey's face when I told I was getting married in 24 hours. She was on the phone non –stop for the next day. She managed to get a designer bridal dress, a huge amazingly good chocolate cake, and a very good photographer. I'm still not sure how she did it. I never told anyone this, but I regret getting married as early as I did. I mean there was never a question who I was going to marry I just wished I had waited maybe traveled, finished college first, and planned a real wedding. Still I love Zach more than anything. I guess the only really regret I have is that we are never going to have kids. Zach refuses to even talk about having kids. His mom hurt him and he doesn't want to hurt his kids, in the same way. Zach sees parenthood as a way to screw up a kid. As he puts it he loves his unborn children too much to ever bring them in to this world, or to ever raise them. As poetic as that sounds it annoying and frustrating. When I was younger I just assumed he would but after being married for five years I know he never will. I mean I don't want kids right now, but maybe in two or three years. This sounds crazy, but I really want to be a mom, and I really want to have Zach's kids, but I'm worried I never will. I don't want to wake up one day 20 or 30 years from now and realized I missed out on something great. No I need to tell Zach how I feel. I mean we never had a conversation ever. It's always just Zach saying no. But marriage is never easy, you have to work hard, really hard everyday, but I want kids and I want to have them with Zach and I'm willing to put in the hours to make this work.