Hello! So, this is my first story and I'm kinda just getting the hang of things. I hope you enjoy. :)
It was nighttime. I knew he was probably asleep but I needed this. It wasn't just a simple craving. It was an intense desire to finally feel the static. The electricity that I knew was there. I slowly walked over to the bunk bed I knew his beautiful form was hiding behind. Upon reaching the bed, I found out my prediction was correct. He was sprawled out, lost in a deep sleep. I felt bad about waking him up but nudged his almost lifeless body harder. This time he groaned and cracked his eyes open to look at me.
"Are you okay?" He was immediately concerned because of the fear that I knew was evident in my eyes.
I hesitated, "Could you stand up?" In an instant, he was up standing between the bunk bed and I. He was too close for me to be comfortable and it wasn't close enough. I stepped back to collect my thoughts and his eyes showed a deep worry for me. I literally felt like he was staring right through me, attempting to see my emotions I kept bottled up. It made me nervous and I started to regret my decision. I know I had told myself I could handle rejection but maybe I couldn't. Maybe I was overestimating my own strength. Maybe I was about to ruin the whole band and I should just go back to the TV room.
"Logan…?" Kendall's voice broke me out of my thoughts; he was quiet, trying not to startle me. He obviously knew I was half there and half in my own world.
"I… I'm… I… Sorry Kendall, I'm…" I trailed off then pointed weakly towards the TV room with my thumb. "I'm gonna go back in there, I had a… weird dream… and uhh… I'm fine… I… Sorry I woke you," I was struggling to come up with an excuse and my nerves just messed up my speaking even more. I turned to go back into the main room of the bus without waiting for Kendall to respond. I hoped he would just go back to sleep. I made it to the room and flopped down on the pull out bed. It folded up into a table easily. This wasn't where I slept, I was in the bunk above Kendall's, but I wasn't going to face him in case he hadn't fallen asleep yet. So, I was going to just watch TV and maybe fall asleep in here tonight. I had flopped down on my stomach and now I turned to my side and pulled my legs up to my chest. I was seriously screwed up in the head if I thought I was about to make out with my best friend. Suddenly, a weight was being pressed onto the other side of the bed, I turned my head and lowered my legs to find Kendall sitting on the edge. I didn't want to talk to him about what I had just done and I was pretty sure Kendall could see that in my eyes. I was pleading with him not to bring it up right now. Finally, after a minute, Kendall spoke.
"Mind if I lay here? The bunk bed gets uncomfortable sometimes," I knew he wasn't particularly lying, I mean, the bunks did get uncomfortable, but it wasn't anything Kendall couldn't deal with.
Not trusting my voice, I just nodded and Kendall lied down next to me on his back, watching the TV screen play some show I wasn't familiar with. I copied his movements and tried to focus on the program. It was difficult though and finally, I decided to feign tiredness. I turned to my side and 'yawned' then snuggled into one of the squishy pillows, getting comfortable. I was lying on my side and decided to actually try to fall asleep. After about 15 minutes I heard Kendall shifting his weight and then he was up against me. He put his hand onto my shoulder and started to squeeze it sweetly. I didn't want to think anything of it because this was how Kendall was. If something was wrong with someone in the band, Kendall would be there to comfort us.
"Don't worry Logan… everything will work out for you," he whispered this. I didn't know what it meant though. How could he tell that I was at such a conflict with myself? I tried to pretend I was asleep even though I stiffened up. I didn't answer him and tried to loosen my body up. Nothing was going my way tonight; I couldn't even enjoy Kendall's body heat because I knew he took it in a completely different way than I did. He wrapped his arm around my body and squeezed tight. I tightened my body and tried not to let myself get completely lost in his embrace. I knew it was late, probably midnight, but I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep. Not with Kendall so close to me. So I laid there, listening to Kendall breath for about an hour. I knew when he fell asleep. His breathing got a little more even and I could hear a light snore. It was, to put it lightly, adorable. About 10 minutes after that, Kendall turned onto his back, his arm pulling away from me slowly. Now, that wasn't acceptable. I mean, now I was cold. So, I turned around, with every intention to snuggle myself into his still form, then, if we woke up in that position, blame it on my unconscious mind. However, when I turned my body, I could see Kendall clearly since my eyes had adjusted. He looked so beautiful and flat out happy. If he was this happy in his dreams, I never wanted him to wake up. I looked at his hair, which was a little bit wild and crazy. It looked so soft… maybe I could just feel it… Now I knew that was stupid but I couldn't help it. I slowly lifted my hand and brought it to his head. I ran my fingers, ever so slightly over his forehead and into his blonde locks. Perfect. It felt perfect, Kendall was perfect. For about 15 minutes more I just ran my fingers through his hair, playing with the soft strands. It felt amazing and I didn't want to stop but Kendall moved a bit in his sleep and that was when I realized how freaked out he would be if he woke up right now. I slowly pulled my hand away from his head and started to scoot away from him. But I heard a sleepy groan. My eyes shot open and I looked at Kendall worried.
"Don't stop," he mumbled to me. "Mmm…. Felt so good…" I doubt my eyes have ever grown so wide before in my life. He had been awake?!
"K-Kendall?" I stuttered, then closed my eyes tightly, scrunching my eyebrows together in embarrassment.
"Hmm?" I realized his eyes were still closed once I re-opened mine.
"I-I…" I trailed off. I was going to apologize but he told me not to stop… it was obvious he didn't mind me doing it.
"Logan… do me a favor and stop worrying so much okay?" He still hadn't opened his eyes. "…and keep playing with my hair, damnit." I smiled gently and looked at him. He was so precious and beautiful. Ugh. Reluctantly I brought my hand back up to his hair. Once my fingers were happily settled in the softness again I saw Kendall smile widely. He moaned in happiness. "Thanks," he said softly and settled himself into the bed more. I didn't know what to say. Kendall was so ridiculous sometimes… and such a tease. At some point I stopped moving my hand and simply left my hand gently locked in his hair. I was smiling and looking at Kendall with a dreamy look on my face. I had thought he had been sleeping again but I was wrong…again. He cracked his eyes open and looked at me, catching me off guard. I immediately dropped the smile and the stupid look. He frowned. "Logan. I like when you smile." I shifted my eyes nervously, not answering him. Suddenly, Kendall was pulling me into him more. Making sure I was once again pressed up against him. I was stiff and trying not to lean on him so much. "Jesus, Logan, relax!" He insisted. Finally, I complied. I removed my hand from his hair and wrapped it around his body instead. My head came to his muscular chest and I listened to his heart beating. Now I was relaxed, this is what he wanted. "Logan…" he whispered. "Look at me, please." I looked up at him and he was closer than I expected. It shocked me a little but then he was leaning closer. My breathing hitched unwillingly. I was stiff again. He stopped once his lips were barely brushing against mine. I knew this was his way of asking me permission. He wanted me to bring our lips together in a full kiss. I wasn't too sure of what was going on, hell, I might've been dreaming. I didn't care though, I took my chance. I placed my lips onto his and squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I was so afraid of his reaction. But he slowly began to move his lips with mine. I propped myself up using my hands, putting each one above his shoulders on the bed. I had more control in this position and I leaned down, deepening our kiss. He worked his lips with mine happily and I broke away, letting our lips ghost against each other again. I let out a breath I had been holding in and waited for a second. Then, we started to kiss again, this time Kendall brought our lips together completely. He put both of his hands around my head and kneaded his fingers into my hair, pulling me impossibly closer to him. Once I felt brave enough I let my tongue trace his bottom lip slowly. It was more of a teasing mechanism than asking for permission to enter his mouth. I heard him moan in pleasure, unable to contain himself. His moan brought me back to my senses with a harsh force. I pulled away quickly and plopped myself onto his chest again. I listened to his heart beat at a much quicker, much more unsteady pace than before. What the hell was even going on. I was kind of shocked, but more terrified.
"Logan?"
"Shh- I'm dreaming. That was all a dream. The guy I think I might be in love with definitely did not just kiss me. A dream. Dream, dream, dream." I focused on the small vibrations throughout the bus. I wondered where we were headed for our next show in an attempt to distract myself.
Kendall chuckled quietly but didn't reply. Instead, he started playing with my hair. I was just going to allow it, it was a harmless motion. Plus, I was currently trying to convince myself that if I went to sleep now I would wake up in the morning and realize this was all a dream. All was going fine; I was actually falling asleep when suddenly Kendall started to massage my head. He was pressing his fingers deep into the back of my neck and moving them slowly. Now, head massages were fine, it felt amazing. But the neck, we had a problem. I moaned unwillingly.
"A guy you think you might be in love with?" Kendall murmured. Well, fuck. I could feel myself blushing and hid my face in his chest. Kendall's hand stopped moving and then went back to just playing with my hair gently.
"I have a secret," Kendall murmured, sounding a bit like he was about to fall asleep. I didn't answer. I didn't even want to hear it. Even if he told me he loved me back or something, I wasn't ready for this.
I was scared. ME! Logan Henderson! What the hell is Kendall doing to me?
Kendall still hadn't told me his secret. I didn't ask. I didn't want to know. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow things might make more sense. Tomorrow I might accept the fact that this was really happening… and I was the reason it all started. Tomorrow Kendall can tell me his secret. Tomorrow. I listened to Kendall's breathing even out. He pulled me impossibly closer to his body and I gladly snuggled in. But tonight. Tonight, this would suffice. Tonight, there could be words said without speaking. I could enjoy tonight.