This is the result of watching the part in "Amy's Choice" when she says "What is the point of you?" over and over and over again. You start to become very sad and in much need of good wallowing and happy amy/eleven fluffyness! Thus I present to you, Amy/eleven goodness! It might be a bit longer but its more of a one/two shot break from "Return to me my love" Set during "Flesh and Stone" how i think it should have ended :) Please read review and enjoy
Disclaimer:
The Doctor: You know when grown-ups tell you that you own nothing, and you think that they're probably lying to make you feel better?
Me: Yes.
The Doctor: Well... you own nothing
Home
"I want to go home," she says quietly.
There is a short moment of silence as strict seconds and minutes are hconcerned. But it is really eons and eons of eternity. And he feels it, he feels all of the time that stands between them. He is utterly consumed by the intensity.
"Okay," the Doctor replies simply.
But it is not okay. He feels sick to his stomach and wishes that he could vomit this twisted disease eating at him. It is not a disease but some deep wound that he has carried longer than any burden known to mankind. Not that he is technically part of mankind, because technically he is not a man, and not a human.
Time Lord.
The Doctor cannot look at the redheaded girl who, only a little while ago, with starry eyes, had wished desperately to see a planet. Because a planet means something in the universe. Structures, monuments, species of all kinds: they all eventually fade out of existence. Planets continue to move and move through all the pain of their inhabitants.
She almost died because of you.
The Doctor closes his eyes tightly, wishing that everything will be forgotten. He has no pain, no misery, and no regret. But he understands that he does not regret showing the human an entire galaxy far beyond her wildest imagination. He will never regret that, he is, in fact, grateful that the TARDIS crashed by her house all those years ago.
He hates how easily he can kill her. He hates that everything about him, makes him a death trap for an unsuspecting girl with sparkling green eyes. He despises himself suddenly for what he is, for who he is. And it is a rare moment when he despises himself for no other reason other than that he is a Time Lord.
Brown eyes are opening again to welcome in the light. Fingers shakily shift and turn different levers in the TARDIS.
"Do you want to know why?"
He blinks upon hearing her voice and turns to face her.
Amy Pond is looking up at him. She is trying to give him a smile, trying to show him that everything can be well again. As she looks up into his brown eyes, she fiddles with her fingers nervously.
"Hmm?" he asks. It takes everything in him to answer her that simply. Of course he wants to know why she wants to leave! But, of course, he does not want to know. At the same time he wishes he can shut off his ears as easily as he shuts off a light. Because he knows why she must leave, and why she must never leave his flying phone box.
Amy stands up but does not move closer to him. She begins again, "I asked—"
The Doctor shakes his head. "I know what you said."
"I'm scared."
"Of telling me?"
He watches as her red hair sways back and forth.
"No," she says simply. "I'm scared."
The Time Lord takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with oxygen for support. He will take all the support he can get at this moment.
Because he knows, in his heart, that she was going to say that.
He remembers how he left her in the dark forest alone. He whispered that he would always come back. After all, he has always come back, no matter how late. How one by one the men he had ordered to protect her, disappeared into the blinding light and are now erased from existence. How, never giving up hope, he had spoken to her through the communication device guiding her through the darkness.
And in every moment she could have died. Every second she is with him, no matter where they are, she can die. He might lose her because of his own idiocy, or because of something so evil that it destroys all the beauty and amazing-ness that is his Amy Pond.
For she is his Amy.
The Doctor hates himself for that too. He is selfish to keep her with him, yet selfless to want her so far away from him. To be frank, he is a torn Time Lord through and through.
"Amy," he says in a kind voice, "Amy, I know why you are scared."
She blinks, almost amazed that he knows her secret. She raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms in a protective stance. At the same time, she seems a little intrigued. "You do?"
The Doctor turns away from her. "Do you want to go back to the minute you left?"
He hears a footstep. "Why aren't you looking at me, Doctor?"
His heart skips a beat. He loves the way she makes his name sound. He loves the music in his ears when she speaks. He loves every bit of Amy Pond and yet cannot describe how perfect she is to him.
The Time Lord's shoulders move up and down. He is trying to shrug and fain indifference. "Don't know. Just thinking that's all."
"Can I ask what you're thinking about?"
The Doctor cannot help wondering if she is smiling now. He wonders if she is grinning and he is missing a beauty greater than all the sunrises and sunsets which have ever been or are yet to come. He wonders if her eyes are searching him, trying to detect his secret.
That is what he is thinking about.
But he also thinks about how shattered he is, and how very lifeless he feels.
She wants to go home. Why can't this place be her…?
He does not let himself finish that thought.
"No," he says aloud.
"I could have died," says Amy. She says it so simply, yet there is so much weight behind her words. He questions whether she wants to hurt him by saying that. Doesn't she know? Doesn't she know that he will trade places with her faster than the blink of an eye? Doesn't she know that he will throw himself into the fire to save her?
Doesn't she know any of that?
How can she know any of that? You haven't told her the truth. You haven't told her that you want to take her into your arms and hold her safely from the hateful world. You didn't tell her that her eyes are the only eyes you'd like to be lost in. You haven't mentioned that she is all you ever need in this life and without her light, without her happiness, without her, you might as well not exist.
Coward.
"You didn't die," says the Doctor.
"Do you know what it is like to be in the darkness for that long? To be that lonely, almost forgotten?" Amy asks.
"Yes," he sharply.
The biting tone in his voice was not intended for her to hear. It comes out anyway; he finds that the more he tries the less he is able to hide how he feels from her.
"Sorry." He thinks that she remembers now. She remembers that he is the last of his kind. He is more than endangered but nearer extinction than many other species.
The Doctor inhales sharply. "I didn't mean that. You've experienced a traumatic experience that most humans will never understand." He now looks at her and notes the genuine sadness on her face. Even though he is so very ancient, and she is so very new, she does care for him.
"I'm getting married," she says suddenly.
The Time Lord opens his mouth, and then closes it quickly. "Married?"
Amy nods.
"When?"
"Tomorrow," she says.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
Amy blinks. "Oh? Is that all you have to say?"
It is not all he wants to say. It is nowhere near to what he wants to tell her. Then the Doctor realizes, with an ache, that the TARDIS has reached its destination. Beyond the doors lies Amy's room, her house, her home. And when she walks out of the TARDIS she will return to her normal life. And when the Doctor, in his TARDIS disappear, he will go on and on and on…because that is what he has done for centuries upon centuries.
He has continued moving, he has continued breathing.
Like the planets and stars that last for ages.
Only difference is that the Time Lord feels. He has emotions galore which make his insides twist and shake. Only difference is that the Doctor is inches away from being human.
Planets don't choose the ships that leave and enter them. They can't ask a certain species to stay forever and never leave. They don't have mouths, they don't think.
The Doctor has a mouth, and he thinks regularly.
Say it!
"I don't want you to leave."
Amy's eyes open wide. "What?"
"I'm scared," he says suddenly. "I'm scared too, I don't want to lose you Amy. I don't want you to leave and get married tomorrow. The truth is…the truth is…"
She patiently waits for him to continue.
"I think…that is…that I might be…sort of falling in love with you."
He has finally said it. He has showed himself that his more human than planet, and the spoken confession makes him smile.
He bites his lip. "And I know, I know that it is a selfish desire, but it is how I feel nonetheless and I cannot, I will not let you leave my life forever and not tell you how I feel. So please stay, please stay with me Amy Pond."
And it is at this moment when his world stands absolutely still. For a minute the time traveler feels no time. For a second the Time Lord does not submit or escape from time. For a moment he is just a man telling a girl that he loves her.
Amy is quiet, and her quiet irritates the Doctor.
"What are you thinking?" he asks her.
"What about River?"
The Doctor sighs. "Is that all you have to say? 'What about River?'?"
He shakes his head and rubs his temples. "Just forget it alright? Forget what I said."
She touches his hand. It is a gentle touch, one that he has not felt in a long time. It give his a fraction of hope. It gives him just enough hope to take another breath and not cease it all together.
"Will you wait a moment?" she asks.
"What are you doing?"
Amy lets go of the Doctor's hand and walks towards the door. "I'll be back in a minute…maybe five."
"Amy," says the Doctor anxiously. "What are you doing?"
But Amy does not answer his question. "Will you just wait, don't go anywhere."
The Doctor nods and watches as Amy walks into her bedroom. He does not follow her, he just waits and waits. He wonders if this is how it is to wait a twelve years for someone. He wonders too if Amy actually heard his declaration of love.
Stupid, that's what you are. You're no Time Lord, you're just stupid.
Soon Amy is back with a book in her hand. She hands it to the Doctor. "Page fifty nine."
The Doctor looks at the cover and sees that the book he is holding is her diary. "Amy," he says, "are you sure you want me to read this?"
Amy nods. "Page fifty nine at least."
The Doctor flips quickly to page fifty nine. He then looks at Amy to make sure, one last time, that he has the permission to read her personal diary. She nods. "Read it aloud if you want."
He looks down at the entry and begins. "Dear Diary, nothing much happened today except that the world nearly ended and was saved. Nothing much happened except that I found out about the mysterious crack in the wall. And he came back. There is nothing else important in the day except that he's real, his ship, the screwdriver, everything I've ever hoped, ever believed. I told him that I didn't believe he was the same man I met when I was seven, but I believed him from the first moment I saw him."
The Doctor looks up at Amy and the corners of his mouth begin to form into a smile. She shakes her head, though she is smiling too. "Keep reading."
He continues, "The Doctor left a couple of hours ago, but I already find myself missing him. And it's not the same way I missed him when I was a little girl. When I waited for him to come back all those years ago I did so because I felt that I was missing some terribly amazing adventure. That I was missing my only friend. But this ache now is different. I know that I am missing a terribly amazing adventure and find myself missing the only man I'm ever going to give my heart to."
The Doctor finds suddenly that the writing is blurry. He blinks and realizes a tear is falling down his cheek. He closes the book and gazes at the girl whose heart he took.
"Amy," he says breathlessly, "why didn't you tell me?"
She raises a brow. "I was scared, something else to run away from."
He takes her hands in his. "Please don't run away."
She grins. "I wasn't planning on it."
And very slowly, very carefully, his lips find a way to hers. His eyes close as he enjoys the sweetness and blessing of a moment. The Doctor is in bliss and finally happy. They break from the kiss and sigh.
"I want this to be your home," he whispers entwining his fingers with hers. "Stay."
"And Mrs. Doctor?" Amy asks.
The Doctor smiles. "Maybe one day."
Amy's eyes widen. "Oh."
"What?"
"I was asking about River. What were you talking about?"
The Doctor's face is a bit red now. "Nothing."
Amy smiles and gazes into his eyes. "Where you talking about us?"
"Maybe," he says unable to hold his smile.
"I'd like that," he says warmly. Her expression changes. "But about that other thing."
"River?"
"River."
The Doctor sighs. He knows that he and River Song have been meeting at the wrong times. She is his future but he keeps finding her in his past. She understands what it is to walk against time better than humans walking against the wind. Time, for her, is very similar to the wind. She knows it exists, but she does not let it affect her. He, the Doctor, is lucky to have a woman in his future like her.
He smiles and picks up Amy so as not to let her feet touch the ground.
"Time can be rewritten," he whispers in her ear.
Can i get an awwww? soo whad do you think?