Chapter 1

(All Harry Potter stuff is J.K. Rowling's work, all other stuff belongs to whoever it belongs to except for the stupid stuff I write)

It was a dark and rainy night on Privet Drive where Harry Potter's life was more miserable than ever. Not only was he locked back in the cupboard and starved and beaten with a cane. He was also subjected to Aunt Marge's dogs mauling him while he slept. Furthermore, to make things even worse, Uncle Vernon was very angry about not being included in the town's musical theatre and he would sing to Harry non-stop, and he sang very loudly and very poorly. Not only that, he would sing in full costume. Of course, even though everyone knew this was going on, no one bothered getting him out of there. Finally, he was fed up waiting for his friends and decided that he'll just leave and nothing bad will happen.

Harry packed his trunk and took Hedwig and was walking down the street. He could still hear Uncle Vernon singing Gilbert and Sullivan terribly off-key and wondered why no one in the neighbourhood had complained or bothered to murder him yet.

"I AAAMM THE VERRRRRY MUUUUDEEEEEEEEL OF THEEE SOOOMEETHING SOOOOMETHING!..."

And then he saw something... something terrifying... a glimpse of something so terrible...so horrible... this author trembles to describe it...

It was... a white rabbit... YES, A WHITE LITTLE BUNNY... no, it's not cute! It's a vicious little thing with big, sharp pointy teeth and it will rip out your throat and feast on your flesh!

Harry ran but he had been spotted, the rabbit leapt, teeth bared... Harry had no choice but to pull out his wand but he stumbled backwards and fell to the ground. Just then, a purple taxi cab arrived, nearly running Harry over.

"Where's the Knight Bus?"

"Out of service, owl got stuck in the engine,"

"Ouch!"

"Yeah, bloody mess, started it up, bloody feathers everywhere."

"Well... it's nearly midnight; I've been horribly abused for the last month and was nearly killed by that rabbit so just take me to... I don't know, Diagon Alley seems good."

"Did you say rabbit?" The driver looked surprised.

"Laugh if you want, that's a cruel, evil beast with big, pointy teeth! If you're so brave why don't you go fight it."

The driver looked very nervous, "Oh, one of those rabbits, nasty buggers, lost my second-cousin's neighbour's sister to one of those, bloody mess it was. Say... what's that awful racket?"

"My uncle singing, he's trying to get into musical theatre."

"Bloody hell, let's get out of here." And the taxi magically sped away.

Finally they reached Diagon Alley. It being midnight the only thing that was open was the Leaky Cauldron so Harry went in. Oddly, the undersecretary to the secretary to the Minister of Magic was there waiting.

"Hello Harry! The minister is... indisposed... he's been... toadified..." The woman looked rather upset and Harry wondered if he'd been turned into an actual toad, then again, it wouldn't change things much.

"Anyway, I'm Wilhemina Snell, undersecretary to the secretary to Minister Fudge. Sorry about the whole not getting you out of an abusive situation for years and years and continuing to do so. Dumbledore said it was absolutely necessary for something or other, we didn't really inquire. But now that you're here, just hang out until the school year starts. Oh and stay away from anyone claiming to have the Cauldron of Shipping, I won't tell you why because it will peak your curiosity."

"I suppose if I ask you what that's all about, you're just going to deny saying anything in the first place so I won't ask, hope Minister Fudge is feeling better."

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered under her breath, "Oh, one other thing, there's a mass murderer named Sirius Black who's broken out of Azkaban and plans to kill you but don't worry about that." And with that she apparated.

Harry got a room at the pub and laid down on the bed and dreamt of rabbits, and cauldrons... and rabbit stew... mmm delicious rabbit stew...