Disclaimer: Unfortunately…I did not write Romeo & Juliet. Shakespeare, or as some people believe a weird rich guy, wrote this. THIS is a parody OF his work. No harm to you Shakespeare!

Prologue

Two families, both pretty damn alike
they live in Verona
And have hated each other since the day Adam met Eve

They kill each other…a lot

Although both houses have sexy teenagers,

Two of them fall in love…in 2 days and die
Basically because of their parents
Something else I cannot understand
So listen well because this story begins
:claps:

Act I

Scene I: A Public Place, (not a street or a market, but a public place)

Sampson: We will not be laughed at!
Gregory: Nope

Sampson: Like...if they try and kill us, We will ATTACK!
Gregory: don't be a hero, you cant fight worth jack

Sampson: I can to!
Gregory: No, mate you suck

Sampson: True…unless HES A MONTAGUE!

Gregory: That would require movement

Sampson: I'd kill any Montague!

Gregory: If you could…
Sampson: Dammit your right, BUT I'd make an attempt and woo their maids!
Gregory: Not only are all the maids old… but we hate their masters

Sampson: YES! But I will cut their heads off!
Gregory: ...
Sampson: After I rape them!
Gregory: The heads of the maids?
Sampson: YES! Their maiden heads. This is up for interpretation ( counts syllables in interpretation)

Gregory: right…
Sampson: It's true! (and randomly) I'm pretty!
Gregory: You're not a fish, but if you were a fish…you'd be a fish AH my Montague senses are tingling!
Sampson: I WILL: drops sword: ha::picks it up: FIGHT!

Gregory: psh, I give you 5 minuetes
Sampson: Do not fear me!
Gregory: …I'll try not to
Sampson: Ok! Now for my genius plan::counts syllables in genius: (damn only two) We…not do anything, till…they do

Gregory: Brilliant, I'll frown while they pass by, and they can do whatever they want.
Sampson: AHAH! I will bite my thumb at them!
(Enter 2 Montague: Abraham and Balthasar)

Abraham: Did you bite your thumb at me?
Sampson: Yup…
Abraham: AT ME?
Sampson: ... :to Gregory: if I say yes, is the law on our side?
Gregory: Nope
Sampson: :thanks: No…but I do bite my thumb
Gregory: :slaps head: do you wanna fight?

Abraham: Yes…but no
Sampson: If you do….GREGORY'S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS
Abraham: I'm better
Sampson: Psh
Gregory: Defend me!
Sampson: He's so better!
Abraham: Liar
Sampson: DRAW! Go Gregory! Greg! ORY!

:stab stab stabbity stab:

(Benvolio runs because he hears swords slashing)

Benvolio: Stop it!
(Tybalt comes in)

Tybalt: DIE!
Benvolio: I don't want to fight really.
Tybalt: ….but …but…but…your swords out:cries:
Benvolio: My lord, FINE!
:stab stab stabbity stab:

( Basically everyone from both sides of family, cousin, 2nd cousins, Uncle Meg and Aunt Joe, and those scary people that come once a year to your house and bring fruit cake, well all of them fight)

Some Random Guy: KILL BOTH HOUSES

(Monsieur Capulet et Madame Capulet enter)

Monsieur Capulet: A FIGHT! Give me my sword bitch!
Madame Capulet: Your so old you need a crutch instead of a sword, WOOOO
Monsieur Capulet: Meanie

(Senior Montague y Senora Montague enter)

Senior Montague: DIE CAPULET!
Senora Montague: your so not fighting: cracks whip:

( A prince and his dudes enter)
Prince: I TOLD YA'LL Not to FIGHT! Capulet! See me now! Montague I wanna see you at lunch! AND WHOEVER FIGHTS AGAIN WILL DIE!
(Everyone leaves, because this happens every Thursday and third Monday of every month)
Senior Montague: How did this happen
Benvolio: You really need to know?
Senora Montague: Where is Romeo?
Benvolio: He's avoiding ME::sob:
Senior Montague: It's true!

Benvolio: You know why?
Senior Montague: ..no
Benvolio: I'll find out!
(Senior and Senora Montague exit! Romeo enters)
Benvolio: Mornin'
Romeo: It's still morning?
Benvolio: Dude are you stoned? Its nine
Romeo: I'm depressed, my dad is avoiding me, my love doesn't know me, I broke my high heels yesterday, my pet rabbit ran away, and to top it off I found this flower and now I'm having an allergic reaction :cries:
Benvolio: oh… with who?
Romeo: I don't know! Ms.Fluffy just..ran off!
Benvolio: no who do you love
Romeo: Oh. She doesn't know me, don't laugh!
Benvolio: …umm I'd rather cry
Romeo: Why?
Benvolio: Because you are pathetic….ly have a good heart

Romeo: Oh.. I LOVE HER!
(runs off)