1. take me back to tulsa
He says, don't wait up.
She stays awake until daylight anyway, watching the baby, because thinking about the baby and anticipating his needs keeps her mind and her fingers busy. She gives him a warm bottle before he has time to cry for it. She counts the seconds until he falls asleep again, and listens to him breathe in the darkness. It's the middle of the summer, and the window's open; she stares outside and starts to think about Rick, and what he's chasing in the darkness god knows how many miles away.
The baby's breath catches in his throat, and she's on her feet again.
In the morning, she wakes up in a panic. The house is silent. She looks over. Jack's awake, smiling at the ceiling.
The front door opens noisily, despite his clumsy, futile attempt to enter undetected.
"Hey," he says breathlessly, from the doorway of the nursery. "You stay up all night again?"
She picks up the baby, who presses his face into her shoulder but doesn't make a sound. "No. Where were you?"
Rick closes the window. "I had a lead. I told you."
"You're not a writer," she says.
He looks at her like she's slapped him. She smiles at the baby, pretending she doesn't notice.
"You're not a journalist," she finally amends. "You don't get 'leads.' Even if you find what you're looking for, no one's going to care. You'll just be another quack. Even if you're right." She hands him the baby. "I'm going to bed."
"Mommy needs a nap," she hears him say as she heads down the hallway. "That's all, baby. Don't you worry."
She closes the door, and stays in bed for the rest of the day, thinking about that poor kid's lot in life. He deserves better: a better father, a better home, a better life, a better mother.
When dusk begins to set in, Rick sits on the edge of the bed, guitar in hand, and waits for her to laugh:
I ran into the devil, babe, he loaned me twenty bills
I spent the night in Utah in a cave up in the hills
set out running but I take my time, a friend of the devil is a friend of mine
if I get home before daylight, I just might get some sleep tonight
"That's not an answer," she reminds him.
"The truth's always just around the corner. Just over the next hill. I give up," he says dramatically, throwing himself across the bed.
This time, she does laugh, crawls on top of him. "It's good to have you back," she whispers.
"I was always here," he says, kissing her.
She could argue, but she doesn't. He rests his hands on the small of her back.
"I never left. Never will," he murmurs.
"I'm going to hold you to that." She draws an X across his heart with the tip of her finger, again and again.
"Hope to die," he says.
("Friend of the Devil," Grateful Dead, 1970)
Notes:
1. "Take Me Back to Tulsa" is the title of a Bob Wills song that goes: take me back to Tulsa, I'm too young to marry.