Chapter 1

Ryuichi was watching Bad Luck practice in the studio once again. His chestnut hair gleamed in the artificial light as he tilted his head. He wasn't so much paying attention to the band as to it's singer. He sighed, his blue eyes narrowed and intent, like when he sang. He wondered if Shuichi would know what to do if he saw the true face of Nittle Grasper's lead singer. Probably not, he thought with a sigh. When the studio light went off, he jumped up, letting the childlike facade fall onto his face. "Shu-chan, wanna get somethin to eat, na no da?"

"Oh.. I would Sakuma-san, but I am supposed to go see Yuki." The pink haired singer said enthusiastically. He patted the singer from Nittle Grasper's shoulder and ran down the hall, singing. Hiro and Kei noticed the dark narrowed eyes the singer trained on Shuichi's back.

Ryuichi ignored the worried looks Tohma and Nuriko were giving him as he tapped the beat of the song with his foot. It was something new, and he was bound and determined to get it right before they went home. Before he was alone again. He sighed as he stumbled over some of the wording again.

"Ryu-chan, why don't we call it for the night? You look beat. Go home, take a shower. We can pick it up tomorrow." Tohma said in a manner that told Ryuichi that there was going to be no arguing.

"Ja ne." Ryuichi said disheartened and picked up Kamugoro on his way out. He got into his sporty little car and took it for a spin, trying to clear his head. He knew that Shuichi was in love with Yuki, knew it when he met the kid. But he couldn't help but being drawn to the boy's shine. It was so much like his own. He blinked, circling a park and slowly parking when he saw a lonely figure on a bench. He climbed out of the car, grabbing Kamugoro. He smiled slightly as he hopped the bunny along and made it land on the bench. "What's wrong, Shu-chan?" He made Kamugoro speak.

"Yuki threw all my stuff out of the apartment and told me to get out. He changed the locks and has music on so he can't hear me. I don't have anywhere to go!" The pink-haired singer wailed.

"You could stay with Ryu-chan." Kamugoro said.

"I don't want to be a hassle to Sakuma-san." Shuichi whimpered, his eyes widening as Ryuichi took the bunny off of his hand and laid it on the bench. Violet eyes met blue ones and Shuichi was shocked to see the resemblance between Ryuichi's eyes and Yuki's. They both could be so hard and cold.

"You wouldn't be hassling me." Ryuichi said. "But if you catch a cold out here, I am going to be very upset, Shu-chan." Ryuichi stood up, picking up Kamugoro in his left hand and then held out his right to the pink-haired boy. "C'mon." He waited until Shuichi took his hand and led him to the sporty car, letting him sit in the passenger seat. He put Kamugoro down in the back carefully and then took off.

Shuichi stared up at the building, all shiny with windows and steel, obviously brand new. He barely was aware of the security guard greeting Ryuichi, or the brief talk Ryuichi had with the security about letting Shuichi in as his guest. He was too wrapped up in the thick white carpets and beautiful paintings on white walls to notice that Ryuichi had left Kamugoro in the car. He was only brought back to the present when Ryuichi started peeling his wet and cold clothes off of him. He yelped and pushed Ryuichi's hands away. "I can do that."

"No." Ryuichi said, quietly before moving Shuichi's hands and removing the drenched shirt. He set it on the navy blue and white tiled floor and then tugged the skin-tight wet pants off of Shuichi, who blushed. "Towels are in that cabinet, I will find you some clothes to wear." Ryuichi said wearily as he walked out of the bathroom and shut the door.

Shuichi stared at the door for a long moment and then stripped out of the boxers he had been wearing underneath and stepped into the shower. It was a very nice shower with a glass door, a place to sit under the water, and a plug to fill up the tub. He settled under the hot water, enjoying it. He heard the bathroom door open and then shut again. When he toweled off, he found a pair of sleep pants and an oversized t-shirt that had their band logo on it. He was surprised that Ryuichi would even own something like that. But he dressed in it, noticing his clothes were gone as well.

Ryuichi was finishing up a plate of cookies with hot cocoa, having always kept a roll of premade cookie dough in his refrigerator. He looked up when Shuichi came out of his bathroom, looking much better. "That's better, Shu-chan." He gestured to the couch, where he had put several pillows and blankets. "You can sleep there, or in the bed if you want." He said as he set the plate and hot cocoa on the bar and then jumped up, sitting next to them. "Get some cookies and some cocoa, while it's hot." He said quietly.

"Uh.... Sakuma-san... are you.. are you all right?" Shuichi hesitantly inquired. He had never seen Ryuichi this serious this long. Usually by now the singer was bouncing off the walls. He nibbled on one of the cookies and took a sip of the cocoa.

'Yeah, Shu-chan." Ryuichi said before sliding off the counter. "Bed or couch?"

"Couch." Shuichi said quickly, not wanting to kick Ryuichi out of his own bed.

"Ah. Good night, Shu-chan." Ryuichi said as he walked into the bedroom and shut the door, the light flickering for a moment before he turned it off.

Shuichi stared after the man that he thought of as god. There was seriously something wrong with Ryuichi, and he wanted to know what it was. But he was kind of afraid. He didn't want to admit that Ryuichi was human, that he wasn't some tireless singing god that was hyper all the time. But he couldn't help remembering the sad look in his idol's eyes. His hand rested on the door handle to the bedroom, but he heard Ryuichi talking and froze.

"Shu-chan is such a special person, Kamu-chan. I don't know how to explain that to him. He is in love with Eiri, but Eiri isn't any good for him. always kicking him out and calling him names. I hate the way Eiri treats him. But there isn't anything I can do, but be a friend and smile and cheer him up." Ryuichi shifted, the bed creaking, as he buried his face in his arms, sniffling.

Shuichi stared at the door, surprised at the depth of Ryuichi. He opened the door slowly, peering in. He couldn't stand the heartbreaking sobs coming from the other man, so he closed the door quietly and settled on the edge of the bed. He ran his fingers through the chestnut hair of the sobbing man, trying to find something to say, something to ease the man's pain. "Sakuma-san? What's wrong?" He said finally.

"Nothing." Ryuichi said, his voice muffled by his arms. He was surprised that Shuichi was in his room, let alone touching him and acting concerned. He shifted away from Shuichi's touch, and was startled when the younger singer tightened his grip in his hair.

"No. Really. What's wrong, Sakuma-san?" Shuichi tried again, his fingers tugging at the fine silky hair on Ryuichi's head.

"I can't tell you, Shu-chan." Ryuichi murmured, lifting his head to look up at Shuichi with big blue eyes.

"Sure you can. We are friends, aren't we, Sakuma-san?" Shuichi smiled, coaxing the older man.

"You never call me Ryu-chan." Ryuichi pouted.

"Ryu-chan, what is wrong?" Shuichi replied. He was surprised by the brilliant smile he got from the older man. "Well?"

"I just don't like how Shu-chan is sad all the time. Kamu-chan doesn't like either. We want to see the sparkle from Shu-chan all the time." Ryuichi said, putting on his childlike facade again. He was startled by the frown it produced from Shuichi. It was such a dark thing on the normally happy face of his friend. "What is wrong, Shu-chan?"

"Which Sa- Ryu-chan is real? The kiddie one? The serious one I see on stage? The strange mix I have seen tonight?" Shuichi felt like there was something that he wasn't understanding.

"All of the above." Ryuichi said quietly. "I am cute and innocent and kidlike because that is what the crowds want to see. I am serious when I sing because it makes me mysterious and adds to the show. The mix is because I don't know how to act towards you. I worry about you, I miss your smile when it is gone. I know you don't think of me like that, but I can't help but feel that way about you. Sometimes when I see you singing I get goosebumps because it is so transparent, your heart, it's like glass. I can see the raw emotion and the tenderness and you just shine." Ryuichi blurted out trying not to think about what he was saying.

Shuichi didn't know what to say. It was true, utterly true. He loved Yuki with all his heart, yet... yet... He had always found Ryuichi Sakuma amazing in every way. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Finally he spoke. "If wasn't for you I would still be in that house without love. I would never had tried to achieve my dream. I would never had known I wanted to sing. You.. opened my world up." He said slowly, trying to sift through the emotions he was feeling. "The way you always shined on the stage. I wanted to mimic it for so long. I wanted to be just like you."

Ryuichi smiled, a sad little thing. "Shuichi, you could surpass me in a heartbeat, if you had someone stable standing behind you." He was sure it was true. But he knew as long as Yuki played games, as long as things were unstable and Shuichi was unsure of himself he would never reach his potential. "Go to bed, Shu-chan." Ryuichi said softly. He gave the younger man a soft push toward the door and smiled lazily. "You have a big day ahead of you."

Shuichi was confused as the older man pushed him out of the room gently and shut the door. He stared at the wood for a long time, trying to figure out what had just happened in that room.