AN: This story is strange. Just a warning. XD

However, it's not one of those mindless, I-wanna-shoot-myself humor stories. It's a Mary Sue parody. Yay, MarySue parodies. But of course, I didn't want it to be yet another Mary Sue parody. So it's a special one. In various senses of the word.

Theo Time; chapter 1
by: Amiasha

Yuugi Motou sat at his desk, chin propped up on his hand, staring blankly at the teacher. Contrary to popular belief, Yuugi was not a straight A student, and his grades had been steadily dropping since... Well, a certain spirit had been released from the Puzzle and could talk to him during class. Like he was now.

'Let me take over, aibou. I'm a master at shooting rubber bands. I'm sure I can hit him right between the eyes'.

Yuugi stifled a giggle. 'How, pray tell, would you do this without getting us in trouble?'

'...When did I ever say we wouldn't get in trouble?'

Yuugi was saved from having to strangle the spirit by a girl entering the room. She was a little taller than Yami, maybe Anzu's height, and she had gorgeous, shimmery golden hair that fell in soft waves just past her shoulders. Her eyes were sapphire blue, she had perfect cupid's bow red lips, and flawless skin. She wore her school uniform well, if perhaps a size too small, the clothing hugging her womanly curves and causing all the boys in the room to start nosebleeds. Besides Yami, that was.

'Slut.' He muttered, adjusting his collar.

"Class, we have a new student joining us today." The teacher said, oblivious to the many nosebleeds. "This is Crystal Ame. I assume you'll all be kind to her?"

"We will, sensei." The class, or at least the boys, chorused.

"There's a spare seat next to Motou-kun, why don't you go sit there?" The teacher said to Crystal, and she happily nodded before gliding over to the empty desk. Yuugi's eyes started to turn to hearts, but were inturrupted by a loud shriek from Yami.

'Aiboooooou! Do we have to sit next to it?'

'What has gotten into you?' Yuugi asked the spirit, staring dreamily at Crystal, who didn't seem to notice.

'It's a demon, aibou! Can't you sense it?'

'Stop being silly, Yami. There's nothing wrong, she's a perfectly normal girl. A perfectly normal... Beautiful... Girl...'

Yami's lower lip trembled as he crossed his arms in his soul room and pouted, knowing it was a lost cause to talk to his lovestruck aibou any longer.

Crystal finally seemed to notice Yuugi's gaze on her. She turned toward him, causing her hair to cascade in a wave of gold, and giggled. "Hi!" She chirped, her voice sweet and melodic. "You must be Motou-kun!"

Yuugi nodded, blushing. "Yuugi's fine." He said dazedly.

Crystal giggled again. "Call me Crystal-chan then, Yuugi!" She said brightly. Neither she nor Yuugi noticed all the boys looking jealous, or Anzu looking pissed.

The bell rang for lunch, and everyone sprang out of their seats. Yuugi and Crystal were soon joined by Jounouchi, Honda, Anzu, and Ryou.

"Hi there!" Jounouchi and Honda both said, pushing each other in order to get to Crystal. "I'm Jounouchi!" "I'm Honda!"

"Hi!" Crystal said, sounding delighted to meet them. She looked over at Ryou, and Anzu, who were looking bored and annoyed, respectively. "My name's Crystal! Who are you two?"

"Ryou Bakura." Ryou introduced himself politely, shaking her hand when she offered it but otherwise not looking all too fazed by her. His eyes were a bit blank, actually, alerting his friends to the fact that he was talking to his yami.

"I'm Anzu Mazaki." Anzu said, her tone barely restrained. "Nice to meet you." She also shook the girl's hand. But she couldn't hold back any longer. "Did the school send you the wrong uniform? It looks a bit... Small. I could loan you a spare uniform of mine..."

Crystal looked oblivious. "I always wear this size, Anzu-chan, it's fine. Thanks for your offer, but I think your clothes would be a bit big on me."

Jou and Honda exchanged glances before grabbing Anzu to keep her from leaping on Crystal, who had obliviously turned her back on them to return her attention to Yuugi.

"Let's go have lunch!" Yuugi suggested, smiling brightly and beginning to lead the way out of the classroom. The others followed him, Honda and Jou releasing Anzu once they were sure she wouldn't jump on and kill Crystal.

Everyone went outside, all having brought their own lunches, and gathered under a tree to eat.

"This is such a nice place!" Crystal commented, smiling. "I'm going to love it here in Domino!"

Meanwhile, a little ways off and in a more shadowed location, Yami and Bakura were in their spectral forms, dicussing the new girl with their arms crossed.

"She's a whore." Bakura commented, glaring in Crystal's direction.

"My thoughts exactly." Yami replied, nodding. "And... I have a feeling there's something bad about her."

Bakura looked at the smaller spirit, raising an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes." Yami responded, eyes still focused on the group. "She seems... Evil..."

Bakura snorted. "Sure she does. You're just mad she's out-whoring you."

Yami smacked Bakura upside the head. "I am NOT!" He replied, glaring daggers at the other boy. Then he sighed. "This always happens."

"What always happens?" Bakura asked, rubbing his head.

"I always tell everyone that something's wrong, and they never heed my warnings." Yami replied bitterly. "In fact, sometimes they outright ignore me."

Bakura blinked and looked over at him casually. "Hm? Did you say somethng?"

The white haired thief earned another smack for that.

"I'm trying to discuss something important with you!" Yami snapped, looking offended and sniffling. "You're the only other person not lovestruck!"

"That's because I'm superior." Bakura explained calmly. "I always see through these sort of people."

Yami twitched, tapping his fingers against his arm. "Sure you do. Even IF that were-" He suddenly stopped.

Bakura, who'd been paying more attention to the group than Yami, blinked as the other spirit quit talking for once. "Why'd you stop?" He asked, turning to look back at the former Pharaoh.

Yami was standing very still, eyes wide, because behind him, with their hand on his shoulder, stood... A guy. That was just about it. He was just... A guy. A plain guy. He had curly black hair and dark brown eyes, and was a little taller than Honda. In Bakura's opinion, he needed a shower. His hair was a bit greasy.

Yami finally broke out of his shock, turning around and jumping back. He glared up at the man. "What do you think you're doing?" He asked, brushing off his shoulder. "And for that matter, why are you in a school playground? You don't look like a kid."

"I'm still in 12th grade." The guy replied cheerfully.

Yami and Bakura exchanged glances.

"How old are you, then?" Bakura asked, sweatdropping.

"Twenty-four."

Yami and Bakura both face-faulted.

"You're twenty-four and still in 12th grade?" Yami asked, disbelief in his tone. "That would make you at least SIX YEARS BEHIND."

The guy shrugged, unfazed. "How old are YOU two?" He asked.

"...Seventeen." Yami responded, followed by Bakura's "Eighteen."

The guy smiled a little too happily, and Yami and Bakura exchanged glances again. This guy was a bit... Creepy.

Changing the subject entirely, the guy's smile grew and he seemingly tried to look as appealing as possible. Which was about as appealing as a... Boring looking guy with greasy hair. "How about we go out and get something to eat?"

Sweatdrops immediatly formed on both spirits' heads. "You can't be serious." Yami said. "Not only are you a lot older than we are, you're... In need of a shower. And we don't even know your name."

"My name's Theo." He said proudly, striking a pose quickly before returnign to staring at the duo. "And we have a lot in common."

"Oh? Because I was pretty sure that we were not only younger and better groomed, but also cuter, smarter, shorter, and more dead." Bakura responded, his sweatdrop growing.

"That's where you're wrong!" Theo exclaimed enthusiastically, blowing Yami's bangs back with the force of his happy speech. "Well... Okay, you're right on most of them. But I'm dead too! And I'm a yami!"

Yami and Bakura stared.

"...What?" Yami asked, leaning to the side and tilting his head, shaking it rapidly up and down as if trying to dislodge water from it. "Repeat that; I couldn't have heard you correctly."

"I'm a yami!" Theo happily repeated. "I died about a hundred years ago, and somehow got stuck in a locket!"

"... Okay... Who's your omote, then?" Bakura asked.

"Crystal-chan!"

Yami immediatly turned towards Bakura, grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, and began shaking him. "I TOLD YOU!" He said. "I told you she had something evil about her! A dead high school flunkie with greasy hair and a liking for teenage boys is certainly definable as evil!"

Bakura sighed, pulling out a piece of paper which had a line down the middle, forming two colums, one of which titled 'Bakura' and the other 'That twit Pharaoh'. He made a tally in the 'Pharaoh' colum, making the score zero for Bakura and fourteen for Yami. "I'll catch up to you, just you wait."

Yami stared at him for a moment. He was about to respond when Theo spoke up again.

"My death was so tragic..." He said, hands clasped together and eyes havign turned into hearts, speaking wistfully and giving the other spirits the impression it wasn't tragic at all. "I was a rising star soccar player-"

"For your high school?" Bakura asked with a snort. Theo ignored him.

"-And I was playing a game. I was the goalie, and all the action was happening on the other side of the field, so I wasn't paying attention. There was this really cute teammate too; he was about the same age as you two, and I was asking him if he wanted to go out and get some ice cream after the game. Suddenly, out of no where, WHAM! I was smacked in the head with the soccar ball, and was killed instantly." He sniffed. "And he was going to say 'yes', I just know it..."

Bakura and Yami, yet again, looked at each other. This didn't sound tragic in the slightest. It sounded... Stupid.

"So... How'd you end up in a locket?" Bakura asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you see..." Theo said, seeming happy someone wanted to know. "One of my ex-boyfriends was in the crowd, and he had a locket I'd given him. I somehow got sucked into that, and it passed down his family line until it got to Crystal-chan." His eyes sparkled again. "And she's the sweetest girl ever!"

"I'm surprised she's not afraid of you." Yami commented. "Because I sure as hell am."

Theo was unfazed by Yami's comment, simply turning to look at him with his still-sparkly eyes. He smiled brightly, as if really looking at the boy for the first time. "You're sooooo cute! Like a little doll!" He chirped out of the blue, pinching Yami's cheek and sending Bakura into a fit of laughter as Yami looked scandalized. "Soooooo cute!"

Theo promptly receieved a hand shaped red mark on his face, curtosy of a very annoyed and slightly blushing Yami, which only heightened Bakura's giggles. Theo was not especially fazed, apparently having been slapped quite a few times before. He turned on Bakura.

"You're cute toooooo!" He grabbed the boy's hair in one hand gently and began petting it with the other. "Your haaaaaaair! It's so soft! How can I get mine like that?"

"Try washing it." The thief suggested, shoving the man away from him with both hands. "And keep your damned hands away from me. Go molest the Pharaoh if you must, just stay away from me."

Yami gave him a horrified look. "Don't give him ideas!"

Bakura snorted, as Theo squealed. "You're soooo adorable when you're scared!" Theo said, clasping his hands together again.

Yami blinked a few times, seemingly stunned, before he turned on his heel and ran back towards where Yuugi and the others were. Bakura blinked after him, realizing he was alone with Theo, and took off after the other boy.

"Hey, wait!" Theo called, raising a hand and then running after them as well.

Yuugi looked up from where Crystal was chatting about all the countries she'd visited and languages she'd learned as he saw his transparent Yami rushing towards him, looking a bit terrified. Concern for his yami only barely overriding his desire to continue listening to Crystal, he contacted the spirit through their link.

'What's wrong, Yami?'

'That slut you're listening to prattle on has a yami who's actually a dead soccar player form the 1800s and he's got a liking for Bakura and I and I don't want him near me!' The former Pharaoh rambled in one breath, coming to hide behind Yuugi and bury his face in the boy's back, even though he was still a spirit and supposed to be insubstantial.

Meanwhile Ryou was having much the same conversation with Bakura, only with more cursing and less crying. The thief didn't hide behind his other either, instead opting for returning to his soul room. The two omotes blinked at each other, before looking towards the area where Yami and Bakura had run from and seeing Theo bounding towards them, as incorporeal.

"Ah, Theo!" Crystal exclaimed, not seeming to be bothered that no one was supposed to know about her yami. She skipped towards them, and they hugged. Much to the confusion of everyone but the omote and yami pairs, who couldn't see the yami and thought Crystal was hugging her imaginary friend Theo.

AN: Disturbed yet? XD Next chapter might be awhile, or might not. Dunno; I've got quite a few fics I'm working on. XD

Please review, and I shall love you forever.