Stan Smith entered the briefing room.
"Good morning Mr. Smith" said Bullock.
"What's the scoop this time?" asked Stan.
"It appears that Tearjerker has taken on a notorious new identity, Mememaker. He's seized a powerful AI from us that has the ability to generate memes and fake news on a massive scale. He plans on generating an 'ultimate meme'
onto the computer and television screens of every household in the world, in an attempt to create a drama free world for
all. Free of drama from regular people of course, not of memes. This ultimate meme is said to be able to transform people
into memes, so the entire world can be a circus for Mememaker's amusement! Resistance will be impossible, as the Stan
Smith stopping Mememaker from taking over the world meme is just too damn funny!" explained Bullock, displaying the
Stan Smith takes on Mememaker meme on screen.
"OH MY GOD, THAT IS REALLY FUNNY!" said Stan.
"Here's the 'Me briefing you about Mememaker's evil scheme meme" said Bullock, handing Stan a picture.
"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, that is too funny. What country are you sending me to?" asked Stan.
"MemeillVania, or rather the former Vampire republic of Transylvannia, now renamed in Mememaker's honor" said Bullock.
"OUCH! I got a papercut! My finger is bleeding" said Stan.
"They have a meme for that!" said Bullock.
"Damn it I thought I was being original" said Stan.
"When are you going to learn Stan? There is no such thing as being 'original' anymore!" replied Bullock.
Stan caught a plane and flew to MemeillVania. When he arrived, he found himself in a forest of paintings and strange
holographic images.
"Wow, I can't tell if this is real or a dream or a meme" thought Stan. Bullets began flying towards him.
"Was that just a sound effect or something? UGH, I've been shot in the leg" yelled Stan. Then the real Stan shoots the Stan
that was shot in the leg, and he falls over. "Nope, that wasn't me. Just a meme of me!" said Stan.
Stan fires his gun and a song plays:
INTRO SEQUENCE AND ARBITRARY SONG:
Note that this is a parody of the "Moonraker" 007 song:
Where are you? Where do you hide? Where is the link that leads to your site?
Just like the mememaker goes to create his dream of a perfect meme,
I search for real love, for someone to have and hold,
I've seen your smile in a thousand memes,
Felt your touch but it always seems,
your feelings towards me are not real...they're only memes. Only memes.
Where are you? When will we meet?
Take my unfinished caption art and make it complete
Just like the mememaker knows, his meme will be viral one day
I've seen your smile in a thousand memes but it always seems
your feelings are not real, they're only MEMES!
AND NOW, BACK TO OUR LITTLE STORY:
Stan began crawling on his hind legs through the jungles of Memeillvania. He did not want to be shot by poison darts or
bullets. Suddenly, his cell phone ringtone went off. He just got a text from Bullock.
It read:
Agent Smith, you were not supposed to kill the fake version of you. It was set there to keep Mememaker on the wrong
track. But never mind that, you'll still do fine. S has some things he wants to equip you with. Your cell phone will turn into a
pit leading into the center of the earth in exactly five seconds.
"AAAAUH! WORST MISSION IMPOSSIBLE JOKE EVER!" yelled Stan, as he began falling. He found himself in S's secret lab
underground.
"Oh man, do you have an Aspirin?" asked Stan.
"Yeah, I do!" said S, giving Stan an aspirin and some ice cold cola to drink it down with.
"Ahhh, much better!" said Stan giving S a thumbs up.
"You must be here to see my new gizmos and gadgets" said S.
"Yeah, that's pretty much it. And some Quiznos!" said Stan.
"What?" asked S.
"Nothing, never mind. I like Quiznos. Besides the point, yes, I'd like to see what kind of new stuff you have for me" said
Stan.
"Well, I have a remote control that can convert lesbians and make them heterosexual" said S.
"That's not really what I had in mind, but I guess I'll take it. What else ya got?" asked Stan.
"I have another device that can turn straight women into lesbians, and lesbians into straight women. Woah, yeah, that's hot isn't it?" said S.
"Depends who you're asking, I don't need it...yet. Anything else ya got, non-lesbian related?" asked Stan.
"This is a little high-tech ray gun. I call it Raymond, cuz everybody loves him. He can zap people and bam, they're dead!
Better and far more efficient than the regular Walter-PPK gun you currently use. Heh! Yeah!" said S, laughing. Stan took the
gun and equipped it.
"Well, that's certainly useful. Anything else?" asked Stan.
"This is the Meme-Identifier Camera. Point it at anything, push that green button, and you'll be able to tell if it's real, or just
one of Mememaker's creations" explained S.
"Good, that's it?" asked Stan.
"That's it, pops!" said S.
Stan then felt himself being lifted on a platform, and pushed up into the sky, flying towards a giant castle. He landed right
in front of it.
Stan opened up the castle doors, and went inside. He found himself in a giant disco dancing room. He saw troll faces on
the walls everywhere.
"Wow, this must be Mememaker's Castle" thought Stan. He saw a foxy fox-lady pole-dancing for some rabbit people.
"I wonder if she's real" said Stan, pointing the camera at her legs.
The camera beeped, then revealed the text:
SHE'S REAL! WOW, MMM, SHE HAS SOME NICE LEGS AND CURVES!
"That she does," Stan muttered to himself. He deposited some money in the fox-lady's g-string, and signaled to her. He got no reaction whatsoever.
"Hmm, either she's just in a rotten mood or...SHE'S A LESBIAN!" concluded Stan, using S's remote control to transform her into being straight. Still, he got no reactions.
"Guess those years of watching televangelism didn't pay off. You just can't change homosexuals" concluded Stan.
"Did you need something, Mister American Dad? Cuz I'm open for anything!" said the lady, walking up to Stan, swishing her slender hips back and forth.
"Um, well, actually I just thought I'd ask you a few questions, that's all!" said Stan.
"Are you sure that's all? By the way, my name is Whett Fhurr Yeuh" said Whett.
"I can see that. Am I dreaming? Is that um, Spanish or something?" asked Stan.
"No, silly! Heeheh!" giggled the fox lady, pulling herself up onto Stan's lap.
"So, is this where you twerk, I mean, work?" asked Stan.
"Yeah, it is!" replied Whett.
"You know, this is going to sound kind of awkward, but, you're a fox! And I'm a man!" said Stan.
"Yes, you are a man. A big, big man!" said Whett.
"Well, my name is Smith. Stan Smith. I'm not sure about this right now. Besides, I thought you were a lesbian!" said Stan.
"What made you think that?" asked Whett, horrified.
"You didn't show immediate interest. See, most women can't resist my charm. I'm a suave secret agent who always has the ladies under his all american spell!" said Stan.
"Really? That's news to me!" said Whett, rolling her eyes, and losing interest.
"Well, wait a minute, I guess I'm just a little heartbroken. See, my last love, she was shot and killed by a villain" said Stan.
"Oh, that must be real tough, peh. You won't be getting any pity sex from me" said Whett.
"Well, I was just trying to get some information. What exactly is this place and what is it used for?" asked Stan.
"This is Mememaker's Disco Palace. It is used to troll people into believing that this is really where Mememaker lives. But it isn't where he lives. He lives underwater, near Miami Beach, Florida. That is all I know!" said Whett.
"Well, thanks. Now, um, about that lap dance! I still want one" said Stan.
"You missed your chance!" said Whett.
"Oh, come on. I have lots of money. LOTS!" said Stan, smirking.
"We'll talk about this some other time" said Whett.
Stan caught a plane and flew to Miami, Florida.
"Ah, nothing like the beach of Miami to take your mind off of furries and strange people!" said Stan. Stan headed for the
local beach house.
"I'll have some Coconut juice. Shake it, stir it, killl it, grill it, do whatever you want with it, if its alive don't lick it!" said Stan.
The female bartender looked confused.
"Hey, sup, my name is Meikoh. You're definately not getting a job here. We already have enough weird people as it is.
Like Octopuss Girl!" said the bartender.
"Well, when do I get to meet this 'octopuss girl' does she have a job here? Does she have a circus?" asked Stan.
"No, she's just annoying, and she gets crushes on everyone she sees, including me" said Meikoh.
"Ah, so she might surprise me from behind?" asked Stan.
"Wouldn't be too shocked. Here's your drink, sir!" said Meikoh.
"You know, Meikoh, I'm wondering, do you know anything about a man by the name of Mememaker?" asked Stan.
"I swear I'm gonna take that coconut juice away from you if you keep saying weird crap!" siad Meikoh. Then Stan saw the face of 'Mememaker' on Meikoh's shirt.
"Speak up now or I'll kill you!" said Stan pointing a gun at Meikoh.
"Woah, you're a psycho!" said Meikoh.
"Don't you call me a psycho Meikoh, considering that you yourself work for one" said Stan.
"I really don't know what you're talking about" said Meikoh.
"Yes, yes you do, that little man with the musket on your shirt. I mean, whatever. The little man on your shirt!" said Stan.
"Oh, you mean this guy? That's Tearjerker. I was all psyched to see his movie, but then it got mysteriously cancelled on the night of the premiere. Wait, are you like some kind of spy or something?" asked Meikoh.
"Hahah, aheh, ahehah, why yes Meikoh. My name is Smith. Stan Smith" said Stan.
"Oh really? I was expecting James Bond. Go away, macho moron!" said Meikoh.
"Feminist short-haired twit!" muttered Stan, as he kicked a pebble and walked away. Then he heard screaming from a
long distance away.
"Hark, a damsel in distress. Time for this guy to save the day!" said Stan, tearing his tuxedo off and racing towards the
source of the screams. A man inside of a giant shark machine was scaring kids, and generally being a nuissance.
"Hahahahahaaa, I am Dr. Nemo, Shark Master!" said Dr. Nemo.
"Dr. Nemo? I thought I eliminated you years ago!" said Stan.
"The Shark Master will eat everyone on the beach!" said Dr. Nemo.
"That shark isn't really eating anyone. Those bloody arms and legs in his mouth aren't even real. They have troll faces plastered to them. You're just scaring people!" said Stan.
"Exactly. Hahahahaaa" yelled Dr. Nemo.
"Well you know what's even deadlier than fright?" asked Stan.
"No, what?" asked Dr. Nemo.
"DEATH! Stan style!" said Stan, firing his gun at the shark. It had no effect, so he used his ray gun. Then the window was
blasted open, and Stan fired both his ray gun and his pistol into the head of Dr. Nemo over and over and over, until finally
he fell out of the shark and died, releasing Octopuss Girl, who came and hugged Stan.
"Well, Dr. Nemo is sleeping with the fish, just like the movie, heh!" said Stan.
"Thanks so much for saving me, now I can have you in my army and we'll conquer the universe!" said Octopuss Girl,
hugging Stan.
"Um, get those tentacles off of me. You run back to your beach-house buddy and pester her. Look, I'll buy you an ice cream, just leave me alone!" said Stan.
"Oh, alright!" said Octopuss Girl walking away sadly. Stan saw a UFO with a Tearjerker logo on it rise up out of the ocean,
then he watched as it skidded across the ripples and waves of the ocean, heading towards its destination. He then saw
someone riding in a motorboat, that also had a Tearjerker logo glued on it.
"HEY, nice boat!" said Stan.
"Yeah," replied the man driving the boat. "It sure is a beauty!"
"You know what would go good with that motorboat?" asked Stan.
"Me. Smith, Stan Smith!" said Stan. Stan jumped into the boat, and began firing his gun at the captain of the boat, shooting him dead at point blank range. Stan
then re-loaded, and hopped into the boat, shoving the dead body into the ocean.
"Time for me to stop conserving my conservative power and chase that spaceship!" said Stan. Stan fired up the
motorboat.
SWOOSH!
He turned on some suspensful music and began chasing the spaceship in hot pursuit. Several other boats tried to catch up
to him, but Stan fired torpedos backwards towards them, blowing all the boats to smithereens. Then, he finally caught up
with Tearjerker's ship, which descended into the waters. Stan put on his scuba gear, and dove on in.
Stan pushed away some coral reefs, and saw a giant palace spreading out before him. He swam on in. Within hours, he
reached an air-tight dome area. Stan entered. There, sitting in a chair, was Mememaker.
"Hello Stan," said Mememaker, sitting on a chair, and typing on his laptop. "Yeah, we have Wi-Fi under the sea get over it, it's an alien thing!" he added.
"What exactly are you up to, Mememaker?" asked Stan, pointing his gun.
"You really could just shoot me you know, no one's stopping you. I'm pretty sure the government hired you to kill me, so why not get the job done?" asked Mememaker.
"Cuz this is a movie, and we do things the movie way, until the right moment arrives!" replied Stan.
"Okay, then let's settle this over a game of Baccarat!" suggested Mememaker.
"Let's not!" said Stan.
"Solitaire?" asked Mememaker.
"That's a one man game and you know it!" said Stan.
"You really want me to tell you what I'm up to, Stan? Cuz it's gonna sound batshit crazy" said Mememaker.
"Go ahead and tell me, you sick freak" said Stan.
"Well, after you stopped my plan to release that sad depressing movie, and after you stopped some other plans of
other villains, I got so sick of my drama filled days of crying and crying. Nothing in my life was worth living for. None of my
plans were working. So I, I turned to humor, Stan. Can you really blame me for trying to be more cynical? My
supercomputer has the capacity to generate an image of a trollface to every major computer in the world. I can hack into anything, bitch.
Edgar Snowball's a third grader compared to me. And then, once I troll everyone, I'll have everybody's secrets. And once I know everybody's secrets, I'll have the world on bended knee, bowing down to the superior power that is...MEMEMAKER! Hahahaaa!" laughed
Mememaker.
"You're a fiend!" said Stan.
"Yeah, yeah, you know you could just totally destroy my computer right now with your gadgets but you're not doing it.
Heh. That's cute. Anyway, gotta cruise," said Mememaker, pushing a button that brought a capsule down that encased his body, sending him up towards the surface.
"He's escaping! What a fiend!" yelled Stan.
"Yes, Staneul, I am a fiend!" said Mememaker, blowing Stan a kiss.
"I'm comin' after ya!" said Stan, encasing himself in one of Mememaker's capsules. He then blasted off out of the ocean, through the sky, and up into deep space, up onto a giant mothership.
The battle:
Stan broke free from his capsule after entering the mothership. There was Mememaker, sitting on a throne, stroking a
pet robot cat.
"May I be excused for a moment?" asked Mememaker.
"Uh, sure!" said Stan. Mememaker entered a dark room, and put an audio cd into an old record player and played it.
"Yeah, now I remember my evil mission" said Mememaker, walking back into his throne room, sitting back down.
"I forgot to mention several essential aspects of my plan," said Mememaker.
"Please do," said Stan, sitting down and eating caramel popcorn.
"Heh, you like popcorn, that's adorable you're like a kitty or something," said Mememaker. Anyway, I already have the
entire world under my control. Isn't it obvious? Thanks to social media, and memes, everyone's essentially a brain dead
zombie. All people talk about is the next big thing on the internet. Oh, did ya see the cow with the frog butt that plays the
ukelele Steve? Crap like that. It's pathetic. People will believe anything as long as it looks cute or tasty. Flappy Bird? That
was me, too. Nyan Puppy? Checkaroo. Through tones from I-Doser software and stuff I found on weird websites I can
generate ideas and transmit thoughts and emotions into peoples brains and get everyone focusing on the same thing at
the same time! If I like cheese, the world likes cheese, if I like iced tea, the world likes iced tea, if I kill myself, everyone
does! I'm what you'd call a viral villain! Mahahahaaa" laughed the evil Mememaker.
"You're a fiend!" said Stan.
"You've said that already" said Mememaker.
"Well, it's true!" said Stan.
"I just am so sick of emotions and having such intense feelings. I wanna portray feelings as these gross and exagerrated
things to make me feel better about my own life. Please, Stan, have sympathy and join me. Make my dream come true!"
said Roger.
"Your dream is a nightmare, Mememaker. You're going down" said Stan, firing his gun. But Roger was in an anti-gravity
bullet proof bubble.
"Ha, and again HA! Your bullets have no power over me Staneul" said Mememaker. Suddenly, dropping down from a
rope on the ceiling was Whet Fhurr Yeu, the furry girl, descending down to the space station floor.
"WHAT? Whett? I thought I captured you and encased you in my fox-lady slave dungeon, and put you right next to
Crystal!" said Mememaker.
"Yeah, well, I escaped! And you know what I don't like about your little dream?" asked Whett.
"What?" asked Mememaker.
"It isn't wet," said Whett, spraying a super soaker at Tear Jerker's anti gravity bubble that ran on electricity.
"AAAAAH!" yelled Mememaker, as he became temporarily jolted. He broke free from his bubble and began running
around like a chicken with its head cut off. Stan dropped a time bomb near Mememaker's supercomputer, and quickly
grabbed Whett, and shot Mememaker with a stun gun, grabbed him and threw him out the air lock. Then, he and Whett
entered the encased capsule that used to belong to Mememaker, and used it to head back to Earth at warp speed,
back into the dome underwater.
"I don't know what to say about this," said Stan. "I just saved the world and all, but I feel like I'm in an episode of Aqua
Man. Or SpongeBob Squarepants"
"Don't worry about it!" said Whett. Stan and Whett kissed, and she gave him his dance.
HQ tried to contact Stan, and could see him underwater with his girlfriend.
"Stan, what are you doing? She's a furry. And you're a professional agent. What are you doing?" asked Bullock.
"Um, I'm just going swimming" said Stan.
Later,
Stan returned to HQ.
"Good work Mr. Smith. You'll receive your paycheck soon. And no, they won't have any troll faces on them!" said
Bullock.
"Aheheh, good one Boss. Pop culture rules. And blows at the same time. So, when is my next mission?" asked Stan.
"After I execute Mememaker's plan myself, but in a different way. I want everyone to have sudden cravings for french
toast, Turkish delight, and grilled cheese on a massive scale for no apparent reason. I also want every woman to want to
date me!" said Bullock.
"That isn't possible sir!" said Stan.
"Why?" asked Bullock.
"I destroyed Mememaker's computer, sir" said Stan.
"Oh. Rats! That was expensive material bult by us, the CIA. Smith, you're fired!" said Bullock.
"WHAT?" asked Stan.
"Just kidding," said Bullock, putting on a troll-face mask.
"Were your agents able to save the captured prisoners?" asked Stan.
"Yes, Furry Rider, Crystal, Whett, all of them! They're now my personal servants" replied Bullock.
"What's that text say on your screen, Sir?" asked Stan, leaning towards Bullock's computer.
"Nothing, nothing" said Bullock, embarresed. Bullock ran off crying.
"I wanted to take over the world before Mememaker did! Waah!" said Bullock, sobbing and running away. Stan looked at Bullock's computer screen and saw text.
It read:
DO A BULLOCK ROLL.
_
THE END
_