Glimpse

Summary: A mysterious character visits Ashley's nursery in The Sanctuary.

Rating: K

Disclaimer: I do not own Sanctuary. Just a loyal fan!

Author's Notes:

I have been watching a lot of Sanctuary recently and I have really been enjoying the Helen/John relationship (or whatever it is!)

My favourite kind of fic to do is filling in scenes I feel are missing from the show. This is one such time!

This is my first Sanctuary fic. Hope you enjoy :)

Seconds into consciousness and I already knew something was wrong. Ashley. I threw back the covers and didn't even pause for slippers or a dressing gown. I broke into a run down the corridor.

Before I got the nursery I was given a very clear indication that something awful had occurred. My old friend was sprawled unconscious on the carpet. Concern ran across my mind. I should stop and check if he was okay but he would be the first to tell me to go to my daughter.

"Ashley." I breathed. I rounded the corner and my eyes fell on the door, not just ajar but fully open. A tall, dark figure loomed over the cot. It was every mother's worst nightmare but even more terrible. "No!"

I threw myself into the room and at the figure. He spun around and effortlessly turned my panic to his advantage. His long, pale fingers clutched my throat.

"John." I spat.

"Helen." his velvet voice replied. My fingers curled into a fist which I very nearly got to his face. His free hand halted my attack.

"Now now, let's not let our daughter see her parents fighting." He admonished. His gaze was intense but strangely calm. Last time I had seen him he had been wild. James had wounded him after he had threatened me and he had disappeared. I thought I was free. I thought I could finally raise my daughter in peace. "I know you thought I was dead. Not the first time I have surprised you…"

He discarded me and I collapsed as a heap on the floor. He took the seconds of my incapacitation to gaze into the cot. His hand reached for her but he was rebuked by a sharp shock. Thank God, the forcefield was working at least. He turned to me, this time anger was creeping into his expression. I could see the reason filtering from his eyes.

"So I can't even touch her?! My own daughter!? What was your plan Helen? Were you going to raise her without a trace of me? Perhaps you were going to tell her dear Mr Watson was her father. That would put a lovely little confirmation on that sordid affair!"

"How dare you!" I was on my feet now. I was easing myself steadily towards him. If I could just put myself between him and the cot… "How dare you come in here after murdering countless people, after threatening me time and again and expect some kind of happy family reunion! Why should I let you into her life? What can you bring her except misery and disgust? She could never be proud of you. Never look up to you. Not after what you've done."

He stepped back and used the cot to brace himself. The anger was swept away suddenly, replaced by a furrowed brow and pensive expression. I placed my hand on the cot and stepped closer to him. Our bodies were almost touching however, to my relief, was now providing another barrier between my innocent baby girl and her murderous father.

"Why carry her to term? If I am so toxic then surely those are genes that you would never wish upon anyone." His breath brushed my face. The grief in his eyes was so close that it stung.

"She was life. Frozen, yes, but with every right to live. She wouldn't have survived much longer that way. She was conceived inside me. From that moment I had responsibility over her. From that moment I was her mother." He didn't respond to this. His height enabled him to look over me and his eyes fell once more onto her. It was a strange sight. For a moment I was sure I could see the John Druitt I had fallen in love with: the man before the source blood. The man before the murderer. Tendrils of sorrow suffocated my heart. It was as if a century had not passed. The pain of losing him returned with a vengeance.

"You have to leave. You can't stay here." The warmth of his form was intoxicating now. I wanted to thread my arms around him and let the past take hold. Even worse than that, I wished so desperately that he could be a part of our future.

"Can't I hold her? At least once." His hand reached out and his eyes pleaded with me.

"What, and let you teleport away with her? I'm not that stupid John." I shook my head; the mist of nostalgia was clearing.

"You have been working on an EM shield have you not? Specifically to prevent me from teleporting in here. Bring that. Create a localised field here and I won't be able to teleport with her."

"How do you know that?" my eyes narrowed

"You can't break up an old boys club Helen."

"But James despises you. He hasn't spoken to you out of choice since he found out you were responsible for the Ripper murders."

"Indeed. He has however been taking some tips from Tesla to build the EM shield."

"What?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you. What a surprise. Not such a fitting father figure now; consorting with a vampire." A grin played at the corner of his lips. It was immune to my frustration.

"Is this how you found out about Ashley? The Five's very own rumour mill?"

"Ashley?" The grin was gone without a trace "You called her Ashley. You gave her a masculine name and not an attractive one at that. Such a name hardly befits her." If I wasn't careful, this would end up exactly like the kind of debate we would have gotten into in our Oxford days. John had always been a traditionalist. It was in fact part of the reason I had named my daughter Ashley. The more distance she had from her father the better.

"She is named after the village in Cambridgeshire. I spent some time there while I was pregnant with her."

"You could have called her Patricia, after your mother."

"Look, I am already tired of your being here. You don't know anything about me anymore and you know nothing about Ashley. If you don't leave, I will force you to go." I pushed against him with the greatest force I could muster. He stumbled back into teleportation. The wisps of energy which swept him away were much welcomed.

I turned to look into the cot. Ashley was sleeping soundly. Her little breaths were rhythmic and calming. A tuft of blonde hair was a reminder of my own natural colour. Her blue eyes had John's colour but my shape. They were currently closed, reassuring me that nothing of my conversation with her father had disturbed her. I shouldn't disrupt her sleep now but our late night visit had unsettled me and I wanted to feel her weight in my arms and her warm, soft skin against my own.

I reached for her. The shield that protected her scanned me and, when it was satisfied, enveloped me into its protection. This was a Tesla design, one I had acquired a few years back before the funeral. It hadn't quite been finished but as the base work was complete I managed to patch it up to the point where it was effective and safe.

"Thank you Tesla." It was a phrase I would not have muttered in his presence for fear of one of his long winded, arrogant monologues on how brilliant he was…. Saying that, maybe I would have taken the risk in this case. Ashley's safety was worth much more than the effort to sigh and roll my eyes a few times.

She stirred slightly in my arms but only enough to reach her little hands out to me and nuzzle herself into my chest. A rush of love more powerful than any amount of adrenaline pulsed through me. I couldn't believe I had waited so long to become a mother. It was the most terrifying experience of my exceptionally long life, having another being rely on me so intrinsically. Despite this, I would not trade it for anything.

"Found it." The voice of Druitt penetrated the silence. Not gone then. I turned to see him clutching the EM shield. I dreaded to think of the state of the lab. The device had not been out in the open.

For a moment he paused, transfixed on myself and Ashley. A grimace of pain slowly worked its way into his features and his eyes fell to the floor. I did not approach him to offer comfort. He had done this to himself.

"Please Helen." He implored, taking a step towards me and delving into me with his sharp blue eyes "Turn this on and let me hold her. Just once." He offered me the EM shield "Let me have this one moment and I promise that you will not see me again."

My hand sheltered the back of Ashley's head as I considered his offer. Her hair was so fine and so soft. Even though she was 8 months old now she still smelled milky and new. She was pure. Totally untouched by evil. Was I willing to change that? Would it even make a difference to her? She would never remember this encounter. She would never realise her father had visited her tonight. John on the other hand… Maybe this was what he needed to help balance himself. If he could hold her maybe it would save someone's life. The silence was long but John patiently gave me all the time I needed to contemplate.

"Fine. But if you hurt her or try to transport with her, I swear to God that I will rip you apart piece by piece."

"You make a good mother Helen." He smiled with such warmth that for a moment I was transported back to the Clarence cab in which he had proposed to me. "She is my flesh and blood. There is no reason why I would wish to hurt her."

"Turn that on" I ordered, gesturing with my head towards the EM device. "The button on the side. Set it to maximum power" He followed my instructions without hesitation. The device lit up and hummed. I inspected it thoroughly. "Okay, now teleport. I want to see that it is working"

His commitment was made clear from his response to my imperative. Instantly, without question, he teleported. There was the sound of electric crackling as energy collided with energy. The wisps of John's teleportation seemed to be fighting against blue clouds being produced by the EM shield. The battle was short. John was thrown back, rematerialized, onto the floor.

"Ouch." He wheezed. He took a moment before clambering to his feet. Again he used the cot for support. "I hope I have sufficiently proven myself."

A part of me had been hoping that the EM shield would incapacitate him to a point where he would not be fit to hold her. Clearly, it needed a few more upgrades. Now we stood here, calmly facing each other, John holding out his arms expectantly, I knew I would be doing a great disservice to both of us not to honour my bargain. John was evil but I had never seen him hurt a child.

Carefully, I adjusted Ashley so she would be as comfortable as possible in John's arms. I also deactivated the shield which was attached to her night suit as the last thing I wanted was for John to get shocked and for either of us to drop her.

John's slender white fingers reached out and grasped her firmly but gently. The forms of himself and Ashley melted together as he brought her to his chest. He naturally compensated for her weight and not a single movement he made woke her. In fact, to his delight, she nuzzled into his chest the same way she always did into mine. How terribly ironic that she felt safe with him.

The way that Montague John Druitt looked in that moment will never leave me as long as I live. He was a different man in the time that he held his daughter. The serenity of the image was touching. He gazed down upon her like she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. It was a look more intense than any he had ever given me. The ice blue of his eyes juxtaposed with the warmth that he radiated as his hand reached up to her face. His thumb gently caressed her cheek.

"She looks a lot like you Helen… She's beautiful." I couldn't help but smile. Not because of the compliment towards myself but because I knew that Ashley was going to be everything I was and more.

"O, had I but followed the arts…" his tone was rueful.

"Twelth Night. Your favourite."

"Certainly. For good reason."

There was a lingering sorrow that draped over the room. The thought of what could have been weighed on us both. I relaxed my tired body against the chest of drawers and John took to the rocking chair, still carrying Ashley like the most precious of gifts. Much time passed this way. There was even a point at which he sang to her. Just a couple of verses of The Lost Chord. His ability to sing so stunningly was something I had forgotten in the anger of his betrayal.

"I think we have indulged ourselves enough." I gently interjected as first light started filtering into the room.

"Sadly, I think you are right." He stood very slowly and deliberately before approaching me. He came close so he could hand Ashley to me with as little movement as possible. When she was safely back in my care, his hand brushed up my arm and squeezed my shoulder lightly.

"Thank you so much Helen. I have had the chance to truly live again." I didn't object as he planted a kiss first on my cheek and then on the head of our sleeping daughter. As he pulled back, tears had found their way to his eyes.

He took several steps backwards towards the EM device. Not taking his eyes off of us for a moment, he kicked the switch off and within seconds he was gone.

"Goodbye John."