A Story of Afterlife and Trout
By
That Other Person Who Wishes to Remain Nameless Even Though Some People Know Who the Nameless Person is
Sirius Black was dead, and he was quite a bit upset about this. He thought that he was really a very wonderful sort of person, and he figured that even if other people didn't think so, they would at least think that he was better than Snape.
Sirius Black, who was still quite dead... or at least not quite living, laughed at the thought of Severus Snape. It simply seemed like the sort of thing that one might do when one was dead: laugh at the living, especially the living who one was not very fond of.
When Sirius was finished with laughing, he stopped. He thought weakly about how he would like much better to finish being dead, and he supposed that a lot of dead people felt that way when they discovered that they were indeed quite a bit more dead than one would like. He looked around, or at least he thought he was looking around, but he couldn't tell since there wasn't really anything to look at. He found himself feeling quite bored.
Sirius Black knew that he really didn't fair well when he was bored, though he doubted that he could really fair poorly since he didn't think that he could truly fare at all anymore. He felt this was such a waste.
Sirius then decided that the only thing to do now was to think, and he seemed to be getting rather good at it. He thought about muggle alarm clocks, and how they could perhaps, on a good day, startle you, but never quite alarm you. After a while of this, he decided that thinking about how muggles give rather misleading names to their appliances was really not worth thinking about. And so he thought about his death.
He honestly felt that it was a very lame way to die really, and since he felt a bit lame himself for being dead in the first place, he stared to feel just a bit miserable. He had basically been taken down my a window hanging. he grew quite a bit more miserable at the rising of this new thought. he scoffed and did what he thought could possibly pass as a digruntled glare: just because one might call it a veil, that didn't' mean that it wasn't really a curtain.
And then James Potter was there. He was standing there as if he could actually stand! (Sirius had the sinking feeling that dead people couldn't stand, or really do anything at all productive for that matter.) But James was there, and he was waving, and then, suddenly, he was holding a trout.
James Potter looked down at Sirius, and asked him simply "Would you like a trout?"
The rout didn't seem to happy about this.
"The trout doesn't really seem to keen on that" Sirius stated obviously.
"I doubt it is, but I was just trying to be friendly. You know, welcome you to the realm of the dead, and trout" James answered back.
"We have to spend the afterlife with ...trout??"
"Well, it's really quite silly to think that trout don't die as well, Padfoot" James answered in a matter-of-fact tone.
Sirius wasn't really sure how he felt about the trout, but he figured that he would simply have to get used to them. He did, however, sincerely hope that he wouldn't have to be flat mates with one of them.
There is nothing more! What are you doing down here?!?