Dance With My Father Again
The rain drizzled against the window, creating small rivers against the pane. Inside, Nymphadora Tonks sat in an armchair and surveyed the room around her. The walls, covered in framed photographs, both Muggle and wizarding, looked shabby with their fading wallpaper, which was illuminated by the light from the small yet cheerful fire.
On the mantelpiece, above the fire, stood a variety of objects. Simple and small, they reflected her past, her mother's past, and her father's past. A stack of Gilderoy Lockhart books, a sailing ship in a glass bottle, and a greying wedding photo, moving as the people in it twirled to some unheard music.
Tonks sighed and passed her hand over the roundness of her stomach, tracing the curve that was her unborn child. Her wedding, held not many months before, had been so different. There were no guests, no presents, and there was no extreme joy. Just Tonks, Remus, Andromeda, and Ted in their sitting room. Andromeda had done her best to make it a cheery affair, cooking up a feast and decorating the house tastefully, but Nymphadora was not fooled. She could tell that, underneath their accepting faces and open arms, her parents did not care for Remus. They thought he was a bad choice for her and worried about his condition. Tonks didn't listen to what they had to say. She believed that she loved him, and love him she did.
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iIt was two months into their marriage that Remus first disappeared. She thought he wouldn't leave for long; he would be back soon. After a week, Tonks had crept into her parents' bedroom to find her father sitting on a chair, staring out the window, the wireless playing softly in the background.
"Where do you think he is, Dad?" she whispered. "Why isn't he back yet?"
Ted Tonks turned to his daughter and smiled gently, passing his hand over her light purple hair. He was a fatherly man and hated to see his girl so worried. The frown lines beginning to show on her forehead and around her eyes were worrying him, so he reached out his hand to take hers and pulled her onto the seat next to him.
"I'm sure he's fine," he told her gently. "You know he wanted to talk to Harry, and the Death Eaters aren't the easiest people to get away from. Relax, darling, please."
Tonks grimaced. Her pregnancy had been confirmed a fortnight before, and Remus hadn't seemed too pleased about it. Of course, he had given an excited cry and squeezed her until she shouted for air, but the real pleasure was missing from his eyes.
Tonks knew what he was thinking, she knew the guilt he must have been feeling about his condition. She knew the last thing he wanted was to pass it on to their young child.
There wasn't any point in going to work, seeing as Mad-Eye was gone, and Voldemort's people had infiltrated the Ministry. Tonks knew that as a member of the Order of the Phoenix and the wife of a werewolf, she wouldn't be welcomed back to her job as long as Voldemort was in power. She didn't think she would be able to work properly in any case, as her pregnancy and stress about Remus, Harry, and the rest of the wizarding world was pulling her down.
She sighed. Ted heard her and, with a thoughtful look on his face, reached over to the wireless sitting on the chest-of-drawers and changed the station. A low, upbeat song began to play, and Ted stood up, pulling his daughter with him. Tonks slung her arms around her father's neck, and he wrapped his around her back, hugging her. They began to dance in time to the music, as they had all of Tonks's life./i
It had started when Tonks was only a baby, or in fact, even before that. When Andromeda was pregnant, her feet aching and her back sore, but still full of energy, anxious to do something to prepare for the baby, to clean the house, to help save the world, Ted would take her in his arms and they would do a slow waltz around their small sitting room, standing as close as they could with the unborn Nymphadora pushing between them.
When Tonks was born, Ted would pick her up from the bundle of blankets she lay in and twirl her around the room, rejoicing in the sight of the angry red leaving her face and hair, and in the sound of her crying dying down. He would hold her close and smell the soft baby scent so alien to him.
When she was a little girl, he would carry her in front of him so her face was level with his, and they would dance, the music usually made by Nymphadora, who, while blessed with any sort of beauty she desired, was not entirely gifted in the area of singing. Tonks would giggle as she spun, her hair changing between blonde and light brown, growing curlier and curlier with each song. She would run to her father when he got home each day from his job in the Muggle world, jumping around his feet and falling over with excitement. "Dance, Daddy," she would say, "I want to dance!"
When she grew older still, her pretty dresses changing to jeans and her long curly hair to two plaits on each side of her head, they'd dance. Ted would turn on the wireless and they'd dance to whatever was popular at the time. Tonks would stand on his shoes and they'd parade about the sitting room or the bedroom, or, to Andromeda's consternation, the kitchen on various occasions. She would shoo them out with mock exasperation, but sigh contentedly as she saw them. Andromeda was responsible for Tonks's schooling and her academic growth, but any fool could see it was dancing with her father that made her truly happy.
When Tonks started at Hogwarts, their dances had to stop for a time, and it was for the worse. Tonks grew clumsier and clumsier, it seemed, with every visit, and only during the holidays when her father caught her up again in his arms did she regain any of the grace she once had. Tonks would show Ted the latest dances, dances that involved twisting and shaking and jumping, and they'd both laugh as he attempted to copy her. Ted would shake his head and claim that he was going to put a hip out, and they'd go back to their usual steps, treading the well-worn patterns in the carpet once more.
Once Tonks finished Hogwarts and started her training to become an Auror, she rarely returned home, and when she did, it was only for fleeting visits. When they danced, Ted would marvel at the fact they could see eye to eye, and feel the calluses in her hands when they spun. Being an Auror was taking a physical toll on his daughter, but Ted could see the spark in her eyes, hear the laughter she trilled as they danced.
iComing back to what was happening, Ted shook his head, causing Tonks to look up quizzically. He smiled at her and stroked her hair.
"He'll come back, darling. I know he will. He won't leave you."
Comforted, Tonks lay her bright head back on her father's shoulder as the tempo slowed, and their feet moved in slow, soothing circles./i
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Tonks sighed, passing her hand over the curve of her stomach once more. She cast yet another glance around the room, to the wedding picture of her parents dancing so many years before. She closed her eyes, thinking once more about the day that the news had come.
She and her mother had been reading in the sitting room, and Remus had been pottering about upstairs. Potterwatch was running in the background, and it seemed that the world had stopped when Lee Jordan's voice, issuing from the wireless, had said, "It is with great regret that we inform our listeners of the murders of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell."
Andromeda had gasped and collapsed in her chair, her cry causing Remus to run down the stairs in alarm. As he saw his mother-in-law prostrate in her chair, he had darted to her side, looking to Tonks for an explanation. He didn't get one from her however.
Tonks had closed her eyes, a terrible feeling twisting her stomach and making her breathing slow immensely. It was worse than a swooping feeling; instead, it was as though a large rock had fallen on top of her. She had taken a deep breath, and, as she started to cry, explained to her husband what had happened./i
Now, Tonks opened her eyes and stood up. She crossed the room to the wireless and turned it to a wizarding station. A slow tune began to play, and, with her arms wrapped around herself and her head bowed, Tonks began to dance around the room, her feet treading the paths she and her father had made over the years gone by.
If I could steal one final glance,
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again.
April 15th, 2009.