Could be him

It's after midnight and I just cannot sleep. The room is dimly lit by moonlight through the blinds, but this weak light is enough so I can see him lying on my side.

He is completely asleep, but there is a small smile on his lips that caught my attention. I don't know if he smiles every night, but tonight, especially tonight he's smiling. And that's why I cannot sleep because I'm here watching her sleep while I realize what wonderful man he is and that he never will be mine.

That he is determined, respectable, has a career in the CIA and is a concerned parent and protector, I already knew but tonight I could see a different side of him, affectionate, gentle, passionate and enthralling.

I shouldn't be thinking anything of it, after all I already have enough problems and he's a married man, married to my sister. Although he did not say anything and treat her by your surname I know he still loves her, I feel that he still loves her. This morning when I asked him if he knew that Irina had an affair with Sloane he seemed sad and resentful and it was precisely at that moment that I could see that he still loves her. And even if he tries to deny, he forgave her for everything she did in the past.

How Irina did had his forgiveness's still a mystery to me. But then I wonder, which man wouldn't forgive her? She is still beautiful, sexy and domineering as ever.

Irina never had problems controlling people, she always could control who she wanted, but me. I know her very well, I know how she works, I know her style, after all, I 'm exactly like her in that sense.

Irina and I get along very well, we were always very close and united. I did a lot for her and she also did a lot for me. Even so I don't feel guilty for what I did tonight, I know that what I did was wrong, that I have betrayed her trust, but still I don't feel guilty. Actually I'm feeling satisfied, like I haven't felt for a long time. She was right about her husband, Jack leaves nothing to be desired in bed, and I 'm not that kind of woman who gets easily satisfied.

I cannot help but smile. I don't know why he decided to come here tonight. In the morning he was worried and impatient and I didn't help much by saying that I found him sexy, but that earned me a good laugh after he is gone. Then in the evening he returned, more relaxed and eager. I said he could go through it alone and kissed me. I wasn't expecting that kiss, he caught me completely off guard. It was an amazing, sweet and dangerous surprise.

Maybe he just has come were for curiosity. I showed him I was interested after all, or maybe he has just come to end with a bit of his solitude, but I'm still not sure.

He is different from all the men I know. He may be intense but at the same time he's gentle, loving, caring... He's embarrassed smile confuses me somewhat and his hands... My goodness, his hands left me breathless every time they touched me, caressed me, every time they...

A sigh escapes my mouth and I close my eyes for a few seconds. There is no doubt that Jack is a man of many qualities, but there is something about him that makes my stomach tighten.

To many people this would mean nothing, but to me it means a lot. I have felt this before and don't want to feel it again, not now, not him. I like it or not, he's still my brother in law.

Great, now he's here staring at me. I didn't want him to wake up now, I didn't want him caught me watching him the way I am.

"What is it Katya?" I asked gently, his voice slightly hoarsely.

"I'm thinking." I answered staring at him.

"At 3 am?"

"Yes, sometimes I cannot sleep through the night and I think about things." I say with sincerity. Too much sincerity for my own taste.

"And what were you thinking about?"

Now it would be the perfect opportunity to say something that was not completely stupid and without the slightest shred of truth, but something about this man keeps me from doing that now. So once again I say the truth, the silly and childish truth.

"I was wondering on why you came here tonight."

"Are you thinking about that 3 am?" He asked me with a wry smile.

"Yes."

"Well, first because since you kissed me I have been thinking about you."

"It was a good kiss."

"Second, because you made me really curious flirting with me the way you did."

"I am very good at it!"

"No doubt. And third, but not the least, I cannot say no to a beautiful woman, incredibly sexy, and of questionable character, whose last name is Derevko." He completed smiling.

I could not stop laughing when I said it "That's me."

It's amazing to see him like this, so sweet and attentive, saying these cute things for me after I have seeing how serious he is when he is working. I shouldn't but I'm melting more and more each word. I want to kiss him again but something prevents me from taking the first step.

"You know," he began "I have this strange tendency to feel attracted by psychopaths murderous." completed pulling me into his arms.

So close and yet so far, I was thinking about it when he kissed me lightly on the lips and whispered in my ear.

"Try to get some rest."

"Are you tired?" I asked him when I laid my head on his shoulder and felt his arms slide down my back and rest his hands on my hips.

These hands give me ideas that surprise myself, but why I have to blame him for have a perfect touch?

"A little." Jack answered wearily.

"That's what happens…" I started sarcastically.

"What?"

No doubt I got his attention. Looking at me with that look of doubt and confusion in the face, Jack tried to figure out what I was meaning

"It's ... I shouldn't expect much of a man at your age." I said moving my hand on his chest as seductive as I could.

"What are you trying to insinuate Katya?"

"That you are old and tired."

"You are completely wrong, you know?" Jack said before covering my mouth with his and rest his body over mine.

The provocation worked. Maybe I never had a night as good as this in my entire life, I may never have it again, but I'm sure I'll never again give myself to this man. As much as my mind and my body beg this won't happen again. Jack Bristow is the man who I always looked for, the man for whom I could love without difficulty and that's the last thing I need right now, fall in love with my sister's husband .