A Metal Bat and Fast Reflexes Prologue

By ColonelCrawfish

Hey! This is my first Team Fortress 2 fanfic! I've decided to write this from the point of view of the Scout. He's my favorite class, I use him the most, and he seems the easiest one to write. I haven't really written about any videogames before, but I hope this'll turn out okay. All characters and stuff and crap in this are owned by VALVe, not me. Here's the prologue. Enjoy! ;D

So um, yeah. I'm th' Scout. I don't really got much ta tell ya about me. I don't got a real name any more. When I joined RED, the bastards took my name, and labeled me Scout, and that's what I go by now. I got used to it though. I probably wouldn't even answer to my real name anymore anyway, so whatever.

Basically, what I do is fight. There's three categories of class. Offensive, Defensive, and Support. I'm an Offensive class a' course, and I go attack. This company that I work for, Restructable Excavate Demolition or whatever the hell it is, got this thing goin on wit this other company, BLU. "Builders League of Shit"'s what I say. These guys got some jib with what were doin, and they want our blueprints.

So what we gotta do is fight 'em off, and keep 'em from getting our junk and killin us. They're nine guys, all the same classes as we are, except on the BLU team. But these guys are cocky little fuckers, ya know? Really get under yer skin and push yer buttons. So what I do is I go scout shit. That's my name, right? I'm faster than all the other dopes here, so I do my job good. Speaking of the other dopes, I'm not the only guy on the team. I got eight more lunatics to deal with, and they're on my side.

First, we got the Soldier. Soldier's a fellow Offensive class, like me. This guy is batshit insane. He wasn't even in the military, and this crazy bastard went on some Nazi killing spree. He made his own medals.

I'm surprised he's not in prison. The thing is, this guy aint right, ya know? He's got a few screws loose. He acts like some super strict US military sergeant. I heard he keeps the severed heads a' people he killed, and lectures 'em like military troops 'er something. Really creepy shit. I aint on bad terms wit 'em, but we aint exactly friends. He's always tellin me ta man up and stuff, but whatever. Screw him.

Next, we got tha Pyro. He's an Offensive guy too. He runs around settin shit on fire. But uhh….. this guy is a bit weird. He's always up and doin stuff with us, but he don't talk much. Well…. he does talk, but we can't understand 'em. He wears this flame resistant suit or somethin. We can't even understand what the fuck he's sayin with that damn gas mask on. Nobody's ever seen him without it on. I bet he even wears that thing while he's asleep. But hey, he don't talk, so I get along wit 'em.

Then we got Heavy. He's a big fatass Russian that carries around a fucking mini battleship that tears people to shreds. He's on defense. He aint that smart, ya know? He can't even make a full sentence. He's always talkin about babies and sandwiches and shit, but I don't really know. He's just a bear. A big shaved, idiot bear.

An' 'nen theres Demo. He's on D. You don't see guys like him just walkin down tha street though, if you know what I'm sayin. He's black, an' he's Scottish. Weird enough right? But get 'dis. He's missin an eye. He's a black, Scottish, Cyclops.

I heard when 'e was young he accidentally blew up his parents tryin to kill that Loch Ness thing in Ireland or whatever. An' 'nis guy is drunk CONSTANTLY. He says really hilarious shit while he's hammered, though. The only two things this guy is good for is parties, and blowin stuff up.

We also got Medic. 'Dis guy is probably tha craziest outta all of us. He's like some crazy, psycho, ex- Nazi guy that creeps me tha hell out. He heals us and shit like he's supposed to, but he aint no regular doc. He puts his life over ours. Like, say we come up to a sentry nest. He knows we're screwed, so he'll hightail it and let us die. He also likes when people are in pain, like some sadist freak-o. I think he calls it "Shad Florida" or something. I dunno, but you know what I think? This guy is just plain messed up.

Our seventh weirdo in tha batch is Sniper. He says he came from the Outback in Australia, huntin kangaroos and koalas, or whatever the hell they shoot there. Truth is, he's just a bum that lives in a van. Shootin shit, and peein in jars. Oh yeah, speakin 'a that, he throws piss at people. No, really.

He says he's "professional" and 'dat he has "standards", but I think he's just a little wuss. Stand a few miles away an' camp. He aint even in tha fray! I got bullet wounds, man! Bullet wounds! He just got a cut unda' tha eye. But hey, we eat taco's togetha' from time ta' time, so he's cool.

Spy. Spy….spy….spy….. This guy's a real jerk. He's tha' typical French snooty guy, basically tha buzz-kill of tha group. He's always gotta find a problem with everything. He calls himself a "dashing rouge", but he aint shit. He aint got tha guts to actually be out in the battlefield riskin yer life. He just runs around behind everyone, all invisible and shit, and backstabs people. That's what he is. A backstabber. Well, the main reason I hate 'em is because he fucks my mom. But hey, everyone fucked my mom back in Boston. That's why I'm here.

Last, but not least, is Engie. He's basically the only real friend I got around here. He's like tha father I neva' had. Well….I guess he's ONLY father I've ever had.

Dad left Mom when I was born. He knew I wasn't his kid, so he left. I neva' really met my actual Dad, but hey. I don't think I really wanna find out.

But yeah. Engie's kinda a role model for me. He's the only other American that aint a raving lunatic. He understands…..ya know? He helps me out and keeps me in line. I can basically tell him anything. I know we're co-workers, but he really helps me stay sane.

Yup. That's how stuff works around here. It's nine 'a us against nine 'a them. We battle it out for our companies. It aint easy, but hey, it's a job.

Hoped you liked this! Mind you, this is only the prologue. It'll get much better once the story actually starts. This is going to be the only part when it's just the Scout talking. The rest of the story is going to be like a regular story, in traditional narrative format. Stay tuned, Crawfish out.