Aomine and Kise had appeared at Midorima's door with the intention of begging for chemistry notes only to find that Midorima was attending piano lessons at the moment.
"You can wait in his room if you want," said Midorima's sister.
"I'm bored," Aomine announced, dropping his schoolbag to the floor as soon as he entered. He looked around Midorima's immaculate room and without a moment's hesitation, "Let's look for Midorima's stash," as if this was the most obvious thing to do in any household.
"Does Midorimacchi even have a stash?"
"We'll find out." Aomine began tugging open drawers at random.
"Wait! Midorimacchi's going to be mad if he knows we went through his stuff!" Kise whispered noisily, glancing out the door nervously.
"Come on, aren't you the least bit curious?" Aomine checked beneath the bed. Nothing.
"Well, yea, but—."
"Found it!" His hand emerged from under the mattress with a composition book and a Teikou jersey bearing the number 4. He tossed the jersey aside.
"What is it, what is it?" Kise had zipped beside Aomine in an instant, paranoia forgotten.
Aomine wrinkled his nose as he flipped through the pages. "Ugh. I thought it'd be a magazine or a diary full of dirty confessions, but this is like gross poetry or something."
"The world is my oyster, and you my most treasured pearl," Kise read a line aloud. "—Whatta what?"
"This is bullshit." Aomine shoved his findings back in their place. "I'm going to check his computer. There has to be something or else Midorima's an alien."
Aomine sat at Midorima's desk and began clicking through Midorima's folders.
"This is going to take forever." Kise came over to hover by Aomine's shoulder, eyes fixed on the screen nonetheless. "Maybe Midorimacchi really just doesn't…have urges."
"Trust me, I'm a professional," Aomine retorted, clicking determinedly like a man on a mission. A mission to unearth Midorima's porn. "I've had years of experience hiding porn." He hovered the mouse over a folder that read: Horoscope Analysis for 2014. "How much you wanna bet that's where he keeps his wank material?" Aomine grinned at Kise, who only blinked inquiringly, and double-clicked.
The folder contained exactly 1175 images. Kise's eyes went wide as Aomine scrolled through them.
"I didn't know Midorimacchi had a thing for redheads."
"They're all like ass shots, too. Still hot, but I mean where are the tits?"
After it was quite clear that there was nothing more to see other than more redheads, Aomine decided to launch Midorima's browser history. Much to his delight, it seemed Midorima had been rather…busy just the night before.
"Raunchy redhead gets rammed," Aomine read. "He really likes redheads, huh? Shit, what else?"
"Asuka takes it up the ass."
"Backdoor sluts."
"Bottom bitches."
"Arouse Him Like Crazy…" Aomine drew away sharply from the screen in disgust. "Why's he reading Cosmo?"
"Looks like Midorimacchi was researching lubes, too," Kise pointed out the results page of an entered search term.
"Yea, red-bean flavored lube," Aomine wheezed. And beneath that: "How to…" Aomine gave pause before leaning in and squinting. "How to make love to a guy—what the fuck, make love?" He made an immature, gagging noise. "This is getting weird. Do we keep looking?" He asked, his finger automatically scrolling the mouse wheel anyway.
"Mm…doesn't look like there's much else. The rest is just Midorimacchi looking at Akashicchi's facebook photos and—." Kise gripped Aomine by the shoulder, hard. "…Hey," he said quietly. "Akashicchi has red hair."
"Yea?" Aomine shrugged Kise off as he closed out the Internet browser.
"And he's a guy."
"Okay, so?" Aomine said impatiently. "What's your—. Oh. Oh."
They sat in silence for a moment, processing this.
"You know, I don't really need to study after all."
—
The following day, Aomine would make remarks towards Midorima such as, "Hey, isn't Akashi such an ass sometimes? Don't you ever get the urge to just pound him?" To which Midorima would ignore, like 80% of the things Aomine normally said to him.
Meanwhile, Kise would ask if Midorima knew how to wipe his browser history.
"I have nothing to hide." Midorima said, looking extremely affronted. "…But perhaps it would be better to know such things. After all, man proposes."
"Yea, and man jacks off." Kise muttered beneath his breath as he proceeded to show Midorima the basics of private browsing.