Title: Just one step
Summary: She makes a step. And everything changes.
Genre: Mystery/Drama
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
"Speaking", Flashbacks, Writing,"Thoughts".
Chapter 1. The coming of Swan.
— Hatred is the madness of the heart,
—Lord Byron.
She steps out of the taxi and looks around. The first thing she sees is green. Everything here is green. To her surprise the house is dirty cream. It's beautiful and has a certain charm of old. The house she's going to live in reminds her of princesses and castles, fairytales. And she doesn't belong there. She can already feel that she doesn't belong in this house.
The taxi driver helps her with luggage and when he's done, he leaves. She's alone.
But as soon as everything is quiet, the door opens and a beautiful woman of 35 runs down the stairs smiling.
"Bella!" she exclaims gripping the younger girl in a death grip. "I'm so happy to see you!"
"But why didn't you come then?" Bella thinks bitterly.
Bella smiles shyly and looks at her mother. It isn't easy for her; she's smiling less and less every day. Sometimes she's afraid of waking up one day without any idea how to smile, really smile and not to fake smiles.
"I'm happy to see you, too, Esme," says Bella hugging the older woman back.
Esme looks at Bella and then throws up her hands in theatrical gesture.
"You've grown since the last time I saw you!"
Bella glances up at Esme and then looks back at the house.
"You have a nice house, Esme," Bella compliments her mother just to change the subject, not because she really thinks so. Lately Bella couldn't even think of talking about herself without bringing up painful memories.
"Oh, thank you, dear! Now I want you to meet my family. They're very nice people, you will instantly like them…"
Esme is so happy and she smiles so much. Bella thinks that she has chosen to forget everything that went wrong. She enjoys her life here.
Bella picks up her suitcases and marches to the door where Esme has already disappeared. She enters the house and it's so bright that she has to close her eyes for a moment to adapt to the whiteness of the place. When she opens her eyes there are people in front of her. Five, to be exact.
Esme is in front of the small group, right beside her is a tall blond man with straight hair that is combed back with gel. He is handsome and it seems that the three behind him are his kids, because his features are very prominent in their faces. There are two boys and a girl. The taller boy is thin and his hair reminds Bella of fire. He has striking emerald eyes and perfect straight nose, thin lips and high cheekbones. He is more handsome than his father, if it's even possible. The other boy is clearly older than the first one, and he is more muscular than the redhead, too. His hair is shot and nearly black. He has childish eyes and smirking lips and the same emerald eyes as his brother. And he is adorable. The girl is the smallest of them. She is tiny and she can't stay still. Her eyes are big and as pitch black as her spiky hair. And she's beautiful.
"Carlisle, children, this is my daughter I've told you about," Esme smiles at them and then looks at Bella. "Dear, this is my family. My husband, Carlisle, and my children, Emmett, Edward, Alice and Jacqueline. Jackie, come closer"
A small adorable girl walks out from behind the older children and stops in front of Bella looking up at her.
"I'm Jacqueline"
The name, the girl paralyzes Bella. She stands there with her eyes not leaving the girl. For a moment she can't breathe, she can't think, all she can see is a reminder of her past.
"Calm down, Bella, calm down!"
She forces herself to breath and smile at the girl.
"I'm Bella"
She watches the girl out of the corner of her eyes. She doesn't want her to come closer; she doesn't want to talk to this girl. The only thing she wants from this girl is to keep her distance.
"You're pretty," says the girl.
Bella gives her a forced smile and looks everywhere but at the girl.
"I'm a little tired, Esme"
She looks at her mother as if telling her to hurry up and show her the room she's going to stay in. And she knows that she's being mean and rude but right now she can't care less. All she wants to do right now is get away from that girl, get in bed and cry into cushions.
Esme shows Bella her room and tells her that dinner is in an hour.
She sits down on her bed, grabs one of the cushions and buries her face into it. How many times has she done exactly the same? What a cry-baby! Sometimes she hates herself for being so weak. She always scolds herself for dwelling on the past, because she knows that it's better to let it go. But at the same time she always reminds herself that she has to remember, that memories are her only connection to her life before.
Bella shakes her head trying to clear it out. The past is the past, nothing can change it.
She goes down to the living room where the Cullen family is sitting. They are all dressed down and pretty. Bella feels a little uncomfortable; she doesn't have a fancy dress on. Her jeans are quite old and her T-shirt is grey. She doesn't fit in here.
She sits opposite Alice between Jacqueline and Edward. Sitting near the girl is physically painful, but she grits her teeth and stays silent.
"Good evening," Bella greets them shyly.
The family smiles at her and says their hellos and good evenings and they are smiley and welcoming, but Bella feels as if she is the fifth wheel (she is).
"Do you have a hobby?' Alice's smile is blinding and Bella looks down at her dish.
"I like reading," she plays with a piece of food a little before she looks up at the black-haired girl. She tries to be faithful (she doesn't, because she lies, lies, lies). "And what about you?"
"I absolutely love ballet!" exclaims Alice, and Jacqueline also nods.
Bella grips her fork in order not to show any emotions, not to betray herself for ballet was her life for so long and now… now she doesn't have her life anymore. She lives a nightmare begging to wake up.
She is just 3 years old. She waits for her father and mother to come down, but she's so bored that she decides to watch TV.
She sees white and black and it. Woman dances so gracefully and her arms are like wings and she's beautiful. For a moment Bella can't breathe. She's captivated.
When her father comes down, he sees his little daughter holding her breath and absorbing every move of Maya Plisetskaya.
"I want to be like her!" exclaims Bella turning to her father and she storms her foot on the floor looking at her father without breaking eye contact, and Charlie briefly wonders what she'll do if he says 'no'. But he doesn't and she tugs on his sleeve, because she wants it now.
She moves faster and faster and never looks at what is going on around her. She paid for that.
"How long have you been dancing?" asks Bella curious. Alice is so proud, as if she has moved mountains with her bare hands.
"Four years," Alice's chin rises up. "And Jacqueline is a newbie, she started only three weeks ago. Esme was the one who took me to my first ballet class. We are so lucky to have her!"
"Did Esme tried to replace me with her? She made Alice just like me… I can't believe her!"
From there the dinner goes smoothly and there and there are a few words being exchanged and a smile or two. But the kids are just testing her weak points.
The last thought before she falls asleep is frightens her.
"What if they are going to find out everything that I'm trying to burry?"
The first day of school… How to describe it better? First of all, there are a lot of teenagers – they talk, listen to their music, and shout, shout, shout. I wanted to hide in some hole when I first saw the school parking lot.
I've never felt so shy and uncomfortable in my whole life. I am a new girl. And they stare. Stare. STARE. I felt like a dog at the exhibition. They look at you trying to see your faults and if they don't see them, they make them up.
No one talked to me and I was afraid to talk to them.
There were moments that I don't remember. I forgot what happened while I walking to History class. And I don't remember some moments from English. It feels as if I slept through them. Maybe I did.
It may seem strange but today surrounded by all those kids I've felt lonely like never before. But when I'm alone locked in my room, it feels as if there is someone there with me. I sound completely mad. I imagine someone ten or so years later will pick my diary and think that it has been written by a psycho.
What else happened today? Nothing. There was nothing interesting, except maybe that blond handsome boy. But I'm too much of a coward to speak to him. Maybe there is a tiny chance of him talking to me first?
She walks around the town most of the school town, sometimes she sits in the only café in Forks in the furthest and darkest corner. She doesn't like people watching her. She doesn't like talking with them because she's frightened to let them in and then lose them. She's afraid she will tell them too much.
And that's why instead of going to school, she explores the little town and the woods nearby. While she's walking in the forest, she thinks of the beauty it holds. And it doesn't matter that it is green – she likes green. The trees are so high that she can't see the sky. The smell is so wonderful that she can stay hours here. The ground is so soft that she wants to lie down and never stand up. There are mountains – tall and proud, lakes – still and the bluest of blue, waterfalls – swift and pure white, and the ocean – still and violent, white, green and blue.
Seven days and twenty four hours. That's how long she has been living with Esme. She dislikes the house, but the family is quite nice, they try not to disturb her a lot and for that she is grateful.
She goes down and sees Esme sitting near the window twisting her fingers. Bella thinks that Esme is pissed.
"Good ev…"
Esme jumps up and shouts at the frightened girl.
"Where were you?"
"In school," lies Bella.
Esme knows, she realizes, she knows everything.
"How dare you lie to me, you little…!"
Bella doesn't hear the last word because her cheek is hurting. She feels as if she has been struck with a brick. And it is hot, blazing even.
Bella looks up at Esme and something changes. She suddenly hates her so much, so fiercely. She is repulsed and wants to reach for the throat of the woman and strangle her for good.
But instead of that she runs out of the house into the woods. She runs and runs. Everything around her is one green line. She hates green. And then there is only blue.
"Just one step, one little step and everything will be gone. Come on, come on!" something shouts in her and she lifts her leg and wants to fall…
"If I were you, I wouldn't do that"