Nowhere to Run

Hello! This is the first future fic that I've written, so it's going to be a little more difficult and I'm taking on creative liberty, of course. Well, first and foremost, this is a CrAsh fic so if you don't like them, then sorry. However, there's quite a bit of other ships floating around in here. Anyways, Ashley marries Jimmy, but under interesting circumstances (hopefully interesting). Ashley is going through the motions of marriage, but feels something is missing. They have a five-year old daughter, Leslie, who also feels like something is missing (you'll find that out later). Craig is a successful musician, but his label keeps pushing him to change for a more current market. He's dating Ellie, but they have quite a few problems, problems that are pushing them apart. Spinner and Paige are married (to appease the Spaige fans since I united Sparcy last story). They have cute little issues, much like their run during season three. Now this is tricky, but Sean was dating Ellie for a long period of time, but they broke up and he married Emma. Things get complicated with that trio later on. (This is my first time writing Sean. That should be fun. Lol.)

But in a weird way, this is all going to come down to Craig and Ashley. There are cameos from other characters. I chose Motown music, because though it's not CrAsh's style, a lot of the lyrics are about lost/regained love, loving music, and the ups and downs of life, which yes, describes CrAsh's relationship itself. So I hope this story has as much soul as that time in musical history. :) Meh, I'll try.

I. Never Can Say Good-bye

(That) I never can say (you) goodbye (girl)
(No, no, no, no) I never can say goodbye( girl)

Even though the pain and heartache
Seem to follow me wherever I go
Though I tried, tried to hide my feelings
They always seemed to show
Then you try to say you're leaving me
And I always have to say no
Tell me why is it so, why ?

Chorus

Every time I think I've had enough
And start heading for the door
There's a very strange vibration
That's piercing me right to the core
It says turn around you fool
You know you love her more and more Tell me why is it so?
Don't wanna let you go!

I keep thinking that our problems
Soon are all gonna work out
But there's that same unhappy feeling
And there's that anguish, there's that doubt
It's the same old dizzy hang-up
Can't do with you or without
Tell me why is it so?
Don't wanna let you go!

A ball bounces across the empty gym floor, then rolls to the bottom of his wheelchair. Jimmy picks it up, twirls it on his finger, then sighs. Just minutes before, there were ten, pre- teen girls jetting on the linoleum, weaving from side to side as the ball went between them, changing it up when he called for a specific play. He'd gotten really good at that lately, even drawing up one play that got the junior varsity Degrassi Lady Panthers into the regionals. They didn't advance past that point, but it had given him the incentive to arrange for a basketball camp during the summer so they could do better the next year. Ms. Hatzilakos heartily agreed, reminding him that the Panthers basketball team hadn't made it past regionals since he was in high school. It seemed like ages ago to him, but he was still just twenty-eight.

The bumpy surface of the ball scrapes his wedding ring, a small, but reasonably pricey, golden band. He stares at it, remembering when his wife put it on his finger. He swear he felt her whole handle tremble, but he thinks it was nerves. It was, after all, a huge wedding. He's still amazed they were able to fit all those guests into his parents' backyard, though it was pretty big. His dad invited all his business contacts, his family and Ms. Brooks' family, his golf buddies, and people like Spinner and Paige had to fill up the back seats. They were so far in the back Paige thought Ashley was wearing a cotton ball on her head instead of a veil. Ashley barely wears hers, thinks Jimmy, but neither did his mother. Maybe it's different for every girl.

Jimmy shoots again, then hears the gym door open. He turns to see Spinner, who just seemed to get taller as the years went by, but had now traded his skater wear for polo shirts and khakis.

"Shopping at the Gap again, Gavin?" says Jimmy, placing the ball in his lap.

"Dude, I feel like I should buy a boat or something," replies Spinner, pulling at the shirt. "But yeah, can't wear ripped jeans when you're running the restaurant."

"And that's Paige's design, right?" says Jimmy, holding in a laugh.

Spinner tightens his jaw, lets go of his shirt.

"Mmmhmm," says Jimmy. "Dude, you're forever going to be whipped."

"I picked out the napkin holders," says Spinner, grabbing the ball from Jimmy and shooting.

He misses, then sits down on the bleachers. Jimmy smiles. He remembers the most important time they were in a gym, when the lights were dimmed, when he was still doing physical therapy, when Spinner confessed. It had been a weird eleven years, when Jimmy hated having him in the same room at times, but always wondered what he was doing. They didn't even talk after Jimmy's college graduation party, though it was held at Spinner's restaurant for free. Jimmy's dad told him that was Spinner's idea, not his. Ashley made a call of thanks, invited him over to their first apartment, and Jimmy couldn't deny that he did want to see him, that Spinner was making all these positive changes, including being the youngest restaurant manager in the area. It was a shared congratulations, a first talk where they realized they wanted to keep giving congratulations, whether it was marriage, baby news, job news. The talking became easier with each day, with each moment, and pretty soon, it was as natural as when they were composing raps or having water gun fights.

"I got a call from Hazel the other day," announces Spinner, popping open the team's cooler.

"Hazel!" says Jimmy, scratching his chin. "How is she?"

"She's good," answers Spinner. "It's cool. She's designing CD covers down in New York City. Craig just called her to do one."

"Craig," mutters Jimmy sharply under his breath.

"What, man?" says Spinner, his head deep in the cooler by then.

"Nothing," says Jimmy, finally seeing Spinner. "Dude, don't steal the Gatorade."

"Practice is over," defends Spinner. "Mmmm, you got the blue kind."

Jimmy rolls to the ball bag and slips the ball in. Spinner pockets a Gatorade bottle, then lifts the cooler.

"Thanks for the lift, man," says Jimmy.

"No prob," says Spinner. "You bring the goodies and I'll bring the car. Can you get the girls the little packaged cupcakes, with the white swirl on top, next time? Man, I love those things."

II.

Ashley starts loading the dishwasher, the only noise the hum of the air conditioning filling the house. She peers into the living room. Leslie sits in front of the television, counting and singing along with Dora the Explorer in Spanish. Her jet black hair is in two long ponytails, covering her slight shoulders, while her blue eyes scan the screen. The sight makes Ashley smile, and she goes back to loading.

Leslie is a smart girl, so Ashley doesn't know why they're meeting with her school counselor the next day. She didn't think to ask; she was so in shock that she just said she and Jimmy would be there without questioning Ms. Park. Well, Ashley has an inkling. It's not that Jimmy pushes her, Ashley thinks, well, maybe he does, but she honestly does love to golf...to an extent. But it's not even the fun golf, her conscience interrupts, with the little windmills and the plastic Dracula opening his mouth so you can putt the ball through. He sees potential in her, thinks Ashley, flipping the dishwasher on. But didn't you do what people expected, and did that make you happy, asks her conscience? She knows the answer is yes.

"And Jimmy went through the same thing, which apparently didn't stick," whispers Ashley to the air.

Ashley wipes her forehead, and hears the screen door clatter. She peers into the living room again. Jimmy kisses Leslie on the head, and opens the closet door to put in his duffel bag. Ashley feels a slight pain in her chest and fans herself, as Jimmy wheels into the kitchen.

"You okay, babe?" asks Jimmy, stroking her waist.

Ashley smiles, and turns on the faucet, reaching for a cup to scrub, not facing him.

"Fine," replies Ashley. "Just hot."

Jimmy nods. "I think it was ninety-eight or something."

He opens the refrigerator, takes out a Coke.

"Thinking about taking Les to the green on Sunday," says Jimmy. "It'll be less hot according to the forecast."

Ashley waits a few seconds before saying anything, then reaches for a plate.

"Aren't you using the dishwasher?" asks Jimmy, giving her a puzzled look.

"I can get more done this way," says Ashley, shrugging. "Um...remember we have to see Leslie's counselor tomorrow."

"I don't see why we're doing it," says Jimmy, pouring some soda into the cup. "It's enough that we're paying for summer courses. They shouldn't make us come in, too."

Ashley gives him a sweet smile, then sits down at the table with him, wiping her hands with a cloth..

"It's probably just a courtesy, you know, tell us that we're getting our money's worth by sending her to a performing arts academy. They'll tell us that Leslie is the next Janis Joplin, and we'll walk out, pat ourselves on the back..."

Jimmy blows out a deep breath. "I'm still not sure about this performing arts thing, Ash."

Ashley tucks a hair behind her ear. "But she loves to sing. It's...," she starts.

"Yeah, but she's five, you know? I don't know," says Jimmy. "We'll wait and see if she likes it more than golf.."

Ashley scoots back her chair, already knowing what Jimmy doesn't. "Yeah."

She heads for the sink, but Jimmy grabs her arm gently, and blinks up at her lovingly. Ashley produces a weak grin, then kisses his lips.

"I'm coming, Mrs. Brooks," says Jimmy. "Don't you worry."

"Kerwin," says Ashley, rubbing his head. "I kept my name. Professional reasons. Remember?"

Ashley kisses his cheek, then the rush of water from the faucet commences again.

"Yeah, I remember," says Jimmy quietly.

While he rolls out of the room, he glances at her finger and Ashley notices.

"Can't wear it when I'm washing dishes," says Ashley, stroking her finger where the ring should be.

Jimmy nods, puts on a pleasant smile. "Yeah...yeah, I know, Ash."

Jimmy leaves, and Ashley turns on the radio, listening to the final strum of a guitar.

"And that was Craig Manning, gents and ladies," says the deejay. "And I'm Heather Sinclair, making sure you guys stay on the up and up while fulfilling all your musical requests. Looks like Manning's a hot one as he's been requested five time today."

Ashley turns off the faucet, staring absent-mindedly at the radio.

"And the latest rumor is that Toronto's best musical star will in fact pop by to do a few shows on the talk show circuit. So get those Manning Mania T-shirts out, and those little dolls with the loveable smirks. You know, the ones that can say four different things? My favorite is 'I'll sing to you forever and forever'. Well, he can't sing to you forever, but I can play him again. Here's his classic hit, 'I Can't Keep My Hands Off Of You'."

Heather chuckles, which sounds like a horse laugh, and Craig's voice fills the room. Ashley's pulse quickens.

I can't keep my hands off of you, and there's nothing I won't do...

Ashley nods her head to the song, taps her foot. She hadn't heard that song before she bought his album, which was hidden in a shoebox in her car. Jimmy didn't know she had it. He didn't know a lot of things.

The song gets louder. Ashley closes her eyes. It's all so clear, that day when everything changed. She sat in a chair nearest Jimmy, stroking his hand. Dr. Lewis closed the folder with the X-rays, keeping his head down, ashamed of the news.

"What if I never get married?" cried Jimmy, keeping his eye on the folder.

"You'll get married," assured Ashley. "You'll have a future."

Dr. Lewis nodded. "It can definitely be treated, Jimmy."

Jimmy shook his head. "I've already been through so much, Ash. I just graduated. Things were getting better. Who would want someone who's constantly got something wrong with him? I can't..."

He started choking on the words, crying while his mother stood in the back and sobbed.

Ashley wiped away tears, stroking his knee. "Just listen. It'll be okay."

"Can I pass this down to a child," whispers Jimmy. "I didn't even know I could have kids until just recently."

"Jimmy...," started Ashley.

Jimmy started punching the arms of his chair, so forcefully it threatened to tip over.

"Stop, Jimmy! Stop!" yelled Ashley, holding his hands behind his back.

Mr. Brooks, silent until then, advances to Dr. Lewis, wiping his red eyes.

"There are treatments, I'm sure," said Mr. Brooks. "Whatever he needs."

"Absolutely, sir," said Dr. Lewis. "Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome has to be treated, but the prognosis is usually very good. Especially for a young, hard-working man. It's progressive, so we didn't catch it early, but we've caught the early stages of it now."

"It's not fair!" whispers Jimmy, finally calming down as Ashley holds him. "I don't think I can take any more hospitals."

After that first few minutes, Mr. Brooks asked Ashley if she could go outside with Jimmy so he and Jimmy's mom could talk to the doctor. Ashley and Jimmy sat outside, Ashley sitting on the cold, hard floor.

"I'm cursed," said Jimmy, wiping his runny nose with a tissue.

Ashley fetched some more tissue from her purse, and handed it to him. "No, you're not."

Jimmy breathes in and out. "Don't you have to go to Craig's show tonight?"

Ashley nodded. He'd called earlier that day, wanting to know his girlfriend's opinion on what to wear during his first set. Ashley suggested the green shirt she bought him a week earlier; it brought out his eyes.

"This is more important," said Ashley. "I'll call him and explain."

"Thanks for coming," said Jimmy. "I just needed a friend. But you've always been a little more than a friend, right?"

Jimmy managed a smile, running a hand through her hair.

Ashley looked down, turning red. She didn't know that that was the start of her going to his treatments, more days away from Craig, so many days that Craig never saw her that much anymore. Jimmy couldn't tell anyone else and he didn't want anyone to know; he was too embarrassed. So Ashley sat with him, just like that day, and then one day, that day, she sat with Craig in Spinner's restaurant..

"Craig, this isn't fair to you," said Ashley, barely audible above the clink of silverware. "And I know it."

Craig blew on his soup. "I don't see why Jimmy gets more time with you," said Craig, coldly, throwing down his napkin.

"It's nothing like that," started Ashley. "I'm helping him out, writing news copy for the station, finishing my last year of college..."

"Missing my shows, my phone calls...do you remember what I look like, Ash?" exclaimed Craig.

"Of course I do," said Ashley, a little more softly. "Craig, I...things are getting really bad for him."

"Ash, you know I care about Jimmy too...or else I would've said something earlier, but..."

"It's just tough."

"I can't share you," said Craig, his eyes tearing up a little. "And you can't ask me to."

"I know," replied Ashley, tears falling into her own soup.

Craig reached over and brushed his lips with hers, and Ashley didn't want him to take away his mouth away, for him to go away.

"Please," whispered Ashley, when Craig pulled away.

Craig stood up and fished some money out of his wallet. Ashley saw a tear fall down his face.

"Jimmy doesn't know how lucky he is," said Craig, walking away. "I hope he figures it out."

Craig's song ends, and Ashley twists the knob of the radio, until it's silent once more. Too silent. She grips the edge of the kitchen counter hard, feels that sharp pain again. It's in her heart, a heart that beats because it's supposed to, not because it's happy.