Lily arrived late Friday afternoon of her Easter break, when most students were still home with their families. She was in her third year, and it was finally occurring to her that being a part of a family didn't mean loving them unconditionally. After her and Petunia's screaming matches lasted for five days straight, only to cease when they lapsed into cold glaring silences, Lily snapped, and decided to floo back to the castle early. It wasn't fair for Petunia to treat her worse than dirt, even if they were sisters. Lily found she had sisters, real sisters, with Marlene and Dorcas and Laura. She pictured Petunia's condescending glare, and scowled. Lily couldn't even remember why they were fighting anymore, but her parents' disappointed looks cut her like a knife. She knew they would have loved more than anything for the two to put differences aside, at least while Lily was home, but it seemed impossible.
She spent the rest of the day wandering the castle, too absentminded to think of dinner. Her mind wandered to finals coming up, Marlene's new boyfriend, a fourth year from Slytherin that she didn't think deserved her, and finally ended on the dreary mood that had gripped the castle even when students were here, but now seemed even more pronounced. This was partly because of the atrocious spring weather as of late, where Lily felt like she hadn't seen sun in weeks. Another part was the copious amounts of homework the third-years were beginning to receive in each class. But, the largest part, she'd have to admit, was sadly because of James Potter.
It had been three and a half weeks since the Transfiguration class where he was pulled out. Lily remembered his triumphant and smug face when he was the first in the class to turn his beetle into a stopwatch, and how it fell into shattering despair when his name was called. Lily reflected, he must have seen his father's death coming, as he'd been sick for quite some time now. Lily learned this from Laura Corner, who's parents were family friends. Dragon Pox had left Fleamont Potter, a once healthy Auror, bedridden and weak for the past six months. Remus told Lily that James had been dealing with his dad's transformation from a strong healthy man to a shell of a person who could barely feed themselves poorly, generally not speaking about it at all. While they were studying last week, Sev said Fleamont was a crooked Auror that put the "wrong side" behind bars. Lily promptly left, and waited for him to turn up and apologize. It took him less time than usual, probably sensing he'd gone too far with the comment. The whole school was talking about it, as well as the lack of anything remotely fun lately. It was as if the spirit of Hogwarts had been sucked out by a dementor. Sirius, usually one of the biggest pranksters, had fallen into a sad quiet state similar to James's, as Fleamont was akin to a father to him. Remus and Peter followed them around, Remus always trying to comfort, Peter looking at a loss for words. All of the mischief of the Marauders was gone, and many students who knew or who's parents knew Fleamont were in a sad state of mourning.
She thought about how empty James' eyes have seemed lately, devoid of his normal arrogance, but also any mischief or humor or kindness. It was like staring at a hazel wall; completely flat. Although James and Lily have a complicated relationship, even at fourteen she could see that, it didn't mean she wouldn't give anything to see the spark that used to be in them. She thought about when her uncle died years ago, and how close she was to her dad, and she honestly could not imagine how losing a parent must feel.
Her mind began to wander to sad far off places, until she was startled by a strange tinkling noise and muffled laughter. Curiously, she turned her attention to the nearby corridor, of which she previously assumed was deserted. She heard muffled voices coming from a broom cupboard. She knew what went on in those things, and turned to leave while blushing slightly. Before she could go though, the door swung open, its contents revealed. She gasped.
"Potter? What the bloody hell are you doing?" She hissed.
"Lily? Oh, Lily." James looked up and grinned at her stupidly. He was with some girls, Holly Yaxley the sixth year Ravenclaw and Rebecca Merryweather, her friend. The girls were giggling at James, who was stumbling towards her. Lily noticed the reproachful glances the girls gave her, as well as the empty bottles of firewisky littering the broom cupboard floor. She also noticed the girls were only flushed and giggly, while James's eyes were drooping and he was struggling to stand up. She watched in horror and fascination, (she had rarely seen her parents drink more than a glass of wine let alone anyone this pissed) as he tripped over his robes and fell right into her.
"Oh!" He exclaimed, seeming surprised he was suddenly on the ground with her underneath.
"Merlin James." Lily snapped, her temper flaring. "Can you walk two feet without bloody tripping over yourself?" The girls guffawed behind them. She stood haughtily, brushing off her robes. As James struggled to stand, Lily began to fully grasp the situation. Suddenly she was furious.
"Are you insane?" She cried at James, who was now using the walls for support. "Do you know how much trouble we'll be in if anyone sees? And you two!" She directed her anger toward the girls. "How could you let this happen? He's only a third year! What were you thinking letting him get in this state?"
"Hey, he wanted to have some fun! Who are we to stop him?" Yaxley asked, feigning innocence.
"Plus it was dead hilarious" Rebecca added shrugging, "well until you came along that is."
"Wazzamatter Lils?" James asked weakly, "It's all harmless, really. Hey, didja know your hair looks just like a campfire?" He began to reach for one of her loose strands of hair when he stumbled once more.
Lily couldn't believe this mess. She looked at James, who was now on the floor again, trying and failing to grab at her hair. He had a serene grin on his face, and Lily realized how much she had missed seeing his smile. That thought was pushed aside however when he bent over and threw up right onto her shoes.
"Urgh!" She cried as the girls behind her shrieked with laughter. James looked up at her, eyes full of confusion, and mumbled an apology. Lily was thoroughly disgusted, but also knew that if she was found now, both her and James would be in monumental amounts of trouble. Not to mention it was a little hard to be mad at someone who was just so helpless and confused, as James seemed to be now.
"Okay, okay, let's get you up." She said, trying to keep her voice calm. "James I'm going to take you up to bed." He smiled up at her as if the best news he's ever heard is that she was going to help him. It was a little sweet to be looked at like that, she admitted to herself begrudgingly. She carefully removed each of her vomit-drenched shoes and placed them next to the door. In socks, she stepped around James to his back, and hauled him up by his armpits. It was no easy feat, since he was mostly dead weight. He finally put one arm around her, and lolled his head up on her shoulder. The girls had been watching and snickering at Lily's ordeal. She made up her mind then that she very much didn't like them, and decided to show it by using her wand to levitate and throw her soiled shoes at their heads.
"What the hell?" Yaxley shrieked. "Stupid girl, we aren't doing anything to you!" She had been nailed in the shoulder, Rebecca right in the chest.
"Oh sod off." Lily snapped. Dragging James with her she yelled behind her back in their direction, "Go find someone else to be the butt of your fun." She hid a satisfied smirk as the girls looked like they were about to vomit themselves from the mess they were covered in.
"Lily." James mumbled her name a couple times.
"Yes Potter?" She asked.
"Did you just throw your shoes at them?" He asked. "Lily Evans threw shoes at the two popularest girls in school." He let out a silly giggle.
"Not only shoes, but shoes filled with your puke." Lily corrected, laughing in spite of herself.
"You really are one of a kind... You're your own girl." James was grinning, and trailed off, as he had forgotten what he was trying to say.
"Yes, and you are absolutely plastered." Lily told him, grinning.
"What? Shhhh." James said to her, putting his finger sloppily up to his lips and winking. She giggled at him and at the over-all ridiculousness of this situation. Never had she ever pictured James Potter's arm wrapped around her back for support, and her not hexing it to shrivel up the moment he touched her. She now looked closely over at him. His cheeks were flushed with drunkenness, and his black hair was even messier than normal. He had some cobwebs, presumably from the broom closet, stuck in his pitch black locks. She took her other hand and ruffled his hair, shaking them out.
"I thought you hated when I did that." He said, a bit puzzled.
"Oh shut up. I was just brushing spiderwebs!" Lily said defensively.
"I knew you were waiting all this time for my moment of weakness, so you co' take advantage of me and touch my precious curls!" He exclaimed, slurring. "I mean, this is the most sought out head of hair in school. Girlz line up after I go to the barber's to get a piece." He wiggled his eyebrows at her and ran his hand through his hair dramatically.
"Potter, you are the biggest prat I've ever met." Lily giggled. "How can you even get though the door with your head that big?"
"Oh well it looks big but most of it is just the hair." He informed her. She laughed hard, and realized this was the longest conversation she'd ever even had with James. She was about to tell him this, when she noticed a queer look on his face. Suddenly, he took off running down the corridors.
"Potter! Get back here!" Lily cried. What in Merlin's name was he doing?
"You'll have to catch me Evans!" He called back. "I'm taking you on an adventure!"
Now thoroughly annoyed, Lily huffed and sprinted to catch up. James was too fast though, no doubt from his Quidditch training. Not to mention she kept slipping in her socks. This is what she gets for trying to help, she thought. If they got in trouble now, she promised herself that she would not rest until he paid for it.
She almost ran into him when he stumbled to a halt in front of a portrait of a some fruit. To her surprise, he reached up a hand and tickled the pear, and it let out a girlish giggle. The portrait swung open to reveal the kitchens. James jumped inside, Lily in tow. She'd never been down here before, but was delighted by all of the friendly house elves that came to greet her. Since most students were gone, they were enthusiastic to help the two as much as possible.
"Master James!" A few squeaked. They all seemed familiar with him, probably as he was usually in detention helping them with the cleaning. Lily rolled her eyes, as James was treated like a celebrity down here. And he took it in stride.
"Humphrey! Looking as dashing as always! And, Nenny, is that a new uniform?" The elf he addressed blushed and giggled.
"James, can you please explain to me why we are here and not upstairs putting your drunk arse to bed?" Lily asked, tone laced with sarcasm.
"Why certainly Evans!" James grinned. "Cici? The Potter Special please." The elf he had addressed nodded in delight and ran off to the stoves.
"Should I even bother to ask what the Potter Special is?" Lily inquired, amused.
"No no, I shan't ruin the surprise." He stated dramatically, but he leaned in and his voice dropped to a whisper. "But I will tell you the sheer deliciousness of this dish will not only make your taste buds feel as if they discovered God, but will leave you believing in miracles again."
"Potter, your breath smells like a mini bar!" Lily laughed, pushing him away. He then tried to chase her down, breathing loudly like a dragon, but he tripped over a large baking pan.
She grabbed his arm then, and dragged him over to the corner table, so they didn't get in anyone's way. Soon the elves came with two large plates and the main dish. Turns out the Potter special was cookie dough topped with chocolate pudding, ice cream bananas, walnuts and chocolate sauce. With a cherry on top of course. Biting into it Lily determined that it was weird, but it was delicious. They ate in silence, and she watched James animatedly take each bite and exclaim in exultation. Once they finished the elves took the dishes away, and faster than Lily could wipe her face of whipped cream, James was gone again.
It was annoying that James was going vigilante on her, but he was so drunk and so much happier than she had recently seen him, that Lily didn't care as much about chasing him down. If it was a month ago, she reflected, she would have turned him in to Dumbledore by now, or at least gave him a good hexing. She found him staring at a portrait of two witches trying to catch a phoenix.
"This girl is Madame Henrietta of Wales, and she needs a new feather to impress the prince. She loves him, but he only cares for lavish things. Little does she know he has ten phoenixes at home. Poor girl is out on a fool's errand." He concluded solemnly. The portrait woman stared at him for a bit before grumbling that her name was Natalia and she had no bloody clue what he was talking about. "Henrietta, dear, the chase has addled your mind!" He told her in a reassuring tone. The woman gave up and walked off to a different portrait. Lily tried to hide her amusement, and looked up at James when he whipped around. His eyes were alive.
"What about him, what's his story?" He asked, pointing a finger at a different painting. This was a portrait of a stuffy man with brown hair and a bulbous mustache. He gave them an irritable huff.
"Oh you mean Fredrico McFlufferton?" Lily asked, playing along. "Well, he is obsessed with plant husbandry, and began to experiment on human subjects. You see that mustache? Actually made of a turnip." James howled with laughter. "Sadly," Lily continued, "His life's work was all for naught when the turnip-staches revolted against him and went to fulfill their lives in the wild."
"You really are something Evans." James wiped his eyes on his shirt sleeve. Lily grinned. The two began running down the corridors, stopping when they pleased and pointing to a random painting, demanding the other explain it. It was funny, Lily thought, this whole day she'd been feeling so lonely. Who knew she would find comfort in James, who she usually generally disliked, and a drunk James at that. He was beginning to sober as they went, slurring his words less. His hazel eyes were beginning to become more alert. She hadn't thought much about getting caught anymore, as there was virtually no one around. They passed Rebecca and Holly by the dungeons once, and Lily stuck her tongue out at them. She hadn't thought of Petunia all day.
Suddenly James came to a halt, and Lily almost ran into him. He was staring up at a portrait of a couple lions dozing. He had quite a different expression on his face. Lily looked up at it, and back to him, unsure.
"So, what's their stories Potter?" She asked him lightly.
"They were my dad's favorite." He said simply.
She looked over at him, startled. His eyes were clearly lost in a sea of thoughts. She saw a pain she would have never wished on anyone play across his face. He then closed off, and they went back to the hazel wall she'd seen the past couple weeks. Lily felt like her heart hurt. She couldn't see him like this again.
"So tell me about him." She said firmly. He looked over at her, as if being woken up. "I know lions were his favorite now," Lily said, "But tell me more."
He looked taken aback at first. Lily didn't blame him, as she'd never shown any interest in any aspect of the life of James Potter before now, let alone his family.
"Well" He began unsurely, "He was a Gryffindor too, which makes his love for lions a bit cliche." Lily smiled encouragingly at him. "He always had his ties untied, and said he'd never stand to be choked like that. But he still wore them, which I never thought made any sense." James allowed himself a very watery smile.
"He was brave. He was the kind of person to put all of himself into something. He loved cheesy old black and white Muggle films where the actors were terrible. I would always complain. The Chudley Cannons won the league when I was nine, and it was the only time I've ever seen him cry because he was so happy. He'd surprise my mom with her favorite candies at work, he..." James choked, and ceased talking. Lily opened her eyes, having closed them to picture James's father, and noticed tears running down his cheeks.
"He was the best man I've ever known." James whispered brokenly. His eyes were swollen and red. Lily rushed to grab him as he stumbled, now crying in earnest. She looked up at the lions snoozing in the portrait, and had to hold back tears of her own. Never had she seen James Potter cry.
She led him, much like she did when she took him from the broom cupboard earlier, with her arm wrapped around his shoulders. She led him as he cried blindly into her hair. She got him back up to the Gryffindor common room, and he was beginning to calm down. She guided him up the stairs to his room, his shoulders drooped in defeat. Fetching a cup of tea from the elves, she grabbed blankets and went back up, knocking softly. Hearing a croaking answer from inside, she came in.
He was laying in bed with all of his clothes still on. She came over and wrapped the blankets around him.
"I'm sorry I snotted in your hair." He joked weakly.
"I'll get over it." She smiled kindly down to him.
"I feel like such a mess." He muttered, shame-faced. "I only drank with them earlier because I couldn't stand being numb anymore. All I wanted to do was be happy for a while. But it seems impossible that I ever can feel anything other than..." He gestured down at his puffy eyes, at a loss for words.
"James, it is okay to hurt." Lily said. "It is going to be hell. You're going to feel irrevocably sad. But one day, it'll start to hurt less, and then less." He looked up at her as if she was a new color, with such reverence and admiration. She felt a bit uncomfortable but pushed on. "It'll never stop hurting. But maybe one day you can look up a the painting of those lions and smile, because you feel your dad in them, and in everything you do." Lily finished, feeling like that was a very lame way to end, but not knowing what else to really say.
James looked up at her, expression unreadable for a bit. Then he broke out in a grin.
"You chucked your shoes at Yaxley and Merryweather." He let out a low chuckle.
Lily laughed in spite of herself. "They deserved it." She said.
James looked up at her, with a bittersweet expression.
"I had a really good day with you Evans." He said softly. "Thanks for sticking by my side, even though you hate me."
"I don't hate you James." Lily said. She was surprised by how much she wanted him to know this. "I had a really nice day too, even when I was chasing your drunk arse all over the castle." They both laughed.
"It'll be okay James." Lily continued. "Even though it might not now."
"I know." He said softly. It was the first time she believed he actually did.
Spontaneously, she bent down over the bed and kissed him on the cheek. In the kiss, she put all her emotions, how sorry she was about his father, how much he surprised her that day. It was quick, and when she was done, she met his eyes for a second, and saw a light in them she hadn't seen for weeks.
"There's tea on your bed stand if you want. Get some sleep." She said, and turned to go. When she quietly shut the door behind her, James let out a sound that sounded suspiciously like "Shit."
That was the first time James Potter had ever gotten drunk.