Heartbreak and Heartache
A short one shot about how I think Edward would have reacted to Bella's betrayal in Eclipse.
Constructive feedback is appreciated but please be gentle this is my first foray into writing this stuff myself.
EPOV
Standing there on the side of the mountain, snow all around I almost shivered. I would have if I actually felt the cold but seeing as I am a vampire I feel nothing, not the cold, not pain well not physical pain. Emotional pain well that is a whole other matter. I think looking back now I may have shivered because of what I saw. The dog Jacob Black let me have it full whack right between the eyes. He showed me my Bella ask him to kiss her, he showed me her face as he took her in to his arms. He showed me her response to his lips on hers and in that one moment if I wasn't dead already I would have died a painful death a thousand times.
I could see quite plainly the emotion on her lovely face, her eyes full of pain and concern as well as love for him. There was uncertainty there too, the need to make him stay and be safe winning out over her desperate need not to hurt me. She did it anyway, she begged him not to go, to stay and be safe then she asked him to kiss her. Kiss her he did, and she responded knowing what it would do to me. She let him put his hands all over her after agreeing to be my wife and love me forever. She might as well have torn my head off and burnt my body parts it hurt that much.
Staggering backwards a little punch drunk I wander in a daze to where the tent is and start to pack it up. My actions come like a robot, I have the tent down and packed in a matter of seconds. I don't have an awful lot of time. The fight will be starting soon. Now witnessing what I have I am torn between staying here with Bella and going to help out my family.
Do I want to be around her to listen to her excuses of how it happened and why. Do I want to hear how she loves me more but she had to try to protect him. No I do not want to hear her excuses, she has betrayed me with my mortal enemy and I do not know how I am going to deal with the consequences of it.
I hear here approach but do not turn around, I can't, I cannot bear to look at her. I do not want to see the hurt in her eyes, or the sadness. Nor do I want her to see the hurt and pain in mine. When she speaks my name quietly she sounds so upset. I need to be strong it would be so easy to forgive her, one look into those beautiful big brown eyes would be all it would take but she has done the one thing that I do not know if I can ever forgive.
"Not now Isabella," I knew calling her by her given name would let her know just how upset I was. "I saw you and I need time to process what you did and now is not the appropriate time. We have other things to worry about right now. The fight is about to start, do you want me to commentate for you?"
"Edward, please I love you, please hear me out if not now later when all this is done , I need to know we'll be okay." she motions with her arm to our surroundings. I know what she means.
She approaches me and makes to take a hold of my hand, I move out of the way and I see her flinch like she has been struck. I cannot touch her not after he's had his filthy hands all over her. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about him touching her never mind her actually responding to his kisses.
I turn away again with my back to her, now I hear her sob quietly. I do not get the chance to say anything as I receive a communication from the others that it has started. I tell her everything as it happens and I see her flinch again when I mention Jacob has arrived at the clearing and has joined in the fight.
Another dagger slices through my non beating heart at her reaction to just the mention of his name. The fight in the clearing is going well, my family are making good progress in destroying the newborn army. Alice relays that there is no sign of Victoria or Riley Biers. I wonder why.
I catch their scent before I hear their thoughts. They have tracked me here knowing that Bella will be with me. It isn't pretty the fight that ensues. They almost have me but Bella being Bella surprises both me and them and slices her arm open to draw their attention away from me with her blood. It allows Seth and I to turn the tables on them and it is over in minutes. With a fire burning their remains I approach Bella and tend to her arm. Once again she tries to move into my arms but I recoil. Her sob this time almost has me back tracking. I stay strong and tell her quietly to follow me.
We walk slowly down the trail and into the clearing. Alice has already told everyone we are safe. She is a little unsure of why I am being so distant from Bella. I know she will have seen Bella kissing Jacob the moment Bella made the decision to do it. I hoped she would understand my reaction but with Alice you never know.
Her hand is on my arm suddenly rubbing up and down tells me she knows it all and understands.
"Bella are you okay? You're not in shock from what you have seen?" Alice asks her.
"No I'm okay I'd just like to go home if we're done here."
"The Volturi are coming Bella, we need to stand firm before we can leave." I tell her coldly.
Jane, Alec, Felix and Demetri glide towards us on what seems like a carpet of fog.. Jane's smug face makes me want to slap her. She and my father exchange pleasantries before they ask what has been going on. They listen quietly their eyebrows rise from time to time when they hear about numbers but other than that they do not comment. The wolves of course have gone, the Volturi would not understand our pact with the shapeshifters.
Bella speaking brings my attention back to the here and now. She tells Jane our wedding date is set and when she moves closer to me I am too surprised to move away. Jane I know will relay our message onto Aro. They must have been questioning her still being human.
They leave and my family gather around for a hug. Each in turn pull Bella into their gentle arms and hug her close. All but me that is, I do not know if I will ever be able to touch her like that again. Jasper stays close asking me with his eyes what is wrong. Esme has Bella wrapped in her arms up in front of us. I tell Jasper what happened on top of the mountain.
"What are you going to do Edward? You still love her right? She's your soul mate" he asks concerned for both of us I think.
"Yes, I still love her Jazz but at this moment I do not know if it is enough, I cannot bear to be even close to her. I really do not know what I am going to do or if I can get over this."
Just saying those words has Alice at my side in a flash.
"Edward, it will kill her if you do this. It will be far worse than before and you know how bad that was."
Pettily I reply
"Well I'm sure Jacob Black will be there to pick up the pieces again just like before. Although this time its different because she already has feelings for him. Will you take her home Alice I don't think she should be at our place right now"
"Edward, think about what you are doing please."
"I need time Alice, I feel like she ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. I trusted her implicitly, it was the one thing I never even considered she would do. Yes I thought she may run away screaming with me being a monster, or leave me to live a real human life. Fall in love with someone else and kiss him while engaged to me no I never even considered that. All these years I waited for her, she made me drop my guard, she made me feel things I never even considered I'd feel. I now know how it feels to be in love and be loved back, to want someone physically so much it actually hurts. This hurts more than I can ever explain and I need time to process it and I do not know how long. I cannot be around her while I do it either. I need space, please Alice for me."
"What should I tell her?" she asks quietly looking on the verge of tears.
"Nothing, I'll do that. You just be around to take her home when I'm done."
When we arrive back at the house I call her name and she turns to face me looking hopeful. She approaches me with a glint of hope in her eyes. I look away, I am a coward.
"Bella, I don't think we should see each other for a while. I need time to think about... what happened up on the mountain. I can't just pretend it did not happen. Every time I close my eyes I see you kissing him, I see you looking at him with love in your eyes. It hurts like hell Bella and I don't know what to do about it. I need some time."
Her sobs nearly bring me to my knees, I have to look away to stay strong and see through what I have decided.
"Edward please don't do this. Not again. I love you, I want to marry you. Jake is just Jake its not the same. Please Edward."
"It's not like before though is it Bella? Neither of us betrayed the other before. Jake is no longer just Jake, you forget I saw and heard everything. You love him, you kissed him like you kiss me. You wanted him like you want me and I hate that with all that I am. You only want to get married so I will have sex with you, so I'll change you. Your acceptance has always felt like you were bartering a deal. Look Alice will drop you off, I do not know when I will be ready to talk again, I hope you understand. Bella you have killed me today as if you ripped off my head and burnt my remains."
Her sobs now are loud and getting louder, she doesn't care who hears. Alice comes to her side and guides her to the waiting Mercedes. Before she gets in she turns to me and says quietly knowing I will hear.
"I will be waiting for you Edward, no matter how long it takes, I am yours and only yours. Jacob is my friend but I do not want to be with him or marry him. I only want that with you. I love you and only you always. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day. You know where I am my love."
I stood rooted to the spot until I could no longer see or hear the car. She was gone, my one true love gone and I was heartbroken. When I entered the house all eyes looked at me with a sadness. They all knew I needed time to deal with this, time on my own. With that I walked slowly up to my room where I will stay for some considerable time.
A week, a month has gone by when Carlisle storms into my room. I have not fed since that day, all I have done it lay on the bed and relive her betrayal.
"Edward, enough now, you need to hunt. You look like death, you've been in this room for three weeks now and enough is enough. Go hunt now or I will force feed you"
I turn to look at him and I know he is right but it is all still too raw.
"Bella has called you every single day Edward, when you do not answer your phone she calls Esme and Alice to check you are okay. She like you is heartbroken, you need each other to get through this, to heal. Talk to her son she needs you as much as you need her."
Ignoring his words I simply get up off my bed my mobile phone flashes with hundreds of missed calls and messages. All of them are from Bella. I had no recall of my phone ringing or my text message alert going off. I was well and truly out of it. I walk slowly out of the bedroom and down the stairs. From there I go out of the door and walk at human pace into the forest. It feels good to be out I think.
I need to run it has always relaxed me and left me invigorated. Today I run to forget, I am not ready, I do not know if I ever will be again.
The End
So do you love it or hate it? I always thought Edward would have reacted differently than he did. He is a very complicated man and I think he would have beat himself up over Bella kissing Jacob.
If I get a decent response to this I may decide to write a longer story and would be looking for a beta. It would have to be someone Team Edward with a proven track record. Let me know if you are interested and we can talk.