She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. So she glared at him, panting as if she'd had run a marathon. He was looking back at her, one hand clutching his blastia.
"'m sorry," he said. "Didn't mean to scare you."
"Idiot," she snapped. "I'm not scared." Her voice trembled on the last word. Damn.
"Then why are you over there?" He wasn't teasing, just asking.
"I-I don't know." She sat on the floor right there, arms and legs crossed.
He didn't say anything, just waited. After the space of a minute, he sat down too. He crossed his own legs and hunched over them, elbows on knees. And he waited patiently, damn him.
She glared at him. He gazed frankly back. Any minute now, he would give up, throw his arms back to lean on them. Sigh. Leave. Anything. Rita didn't move.
He continued to stare at her across the six feet separating them. It bothered her.
"Idiot."
He did sigh then and she tensed.
"I don't disagree with you much there, but can I ask what I did just now?"
"I don't understand you," Rita snarled, beginning nearly before he'd finished.
"It's a two-way-street, believe me."
"Shut up! Whatever this... thing is," she stammered out, waving her hand between them in sharp, jerky starts, "I don't get it."
"What exactly is botherin' ya?" He didn't move, not much, but she caught the sharpness in hsi eys and how he tried to hide it behind his bangs. It made her mouth shut. This was stupid. She turned a quarter turn without uncrossing her legs, facing away from him.
"Rita, hun, ya gotta talk to me. This ol' man's an idiot, remember?" He drawled the words out, slow and low. It made her want to rip her hair out. Or his hair. Yeah, that sounded nice. This was all his fault, after all.
"Estelle and Yuri," was what she finally blurted out.
The second ticked by. Finally, finally, he took a hint and prompted.
"Huh?"
"They make it look so... easy," Rita ground out. At some point – she didn't know when – her arms had uncrossed and her fists were pressing into the floor at her sides. "And they don't even know it? It's just natural for them. But me – I – I don't –"
She cut herself off and punched the ground with enough force to send unpleasant tingles up to her elbow.
"Can I come over there?" he asked quietly.
"What are you asking me for?"
"Yer not going to set me on fire, are ya?"
She just glared at him, which he apparently took as an affirmative. He scooted closer until they were facing the same direction, not touching, staring somewhere far beyond the bookshelves.
"Rita darlin', you are probably the smartest person I know, so I can't keep up with you here."
She bristled, but he kept talking.
"What is it that's botherin' ya? It's not the lovebirds. It's somethin' about me, isn't it?"
Why didn't he understand? It was Yuri and Estelle, the way they didn't have to say anything, but their hands always seemed to be in the same place at the same time. That they knew each other, trusted each other, to just stand together and make the whole universe slow down and stare. That they could literally place their lives in each others' hands and never worry about whether they'd made the right choice. That they didn't even thing about how much of a miracle that kind of faith was.
"What don't you touch me?" she said instead.
"What?"
"You heard me the first time. You're stupid, not deaf."
"Do you want me to touch you?" And the way he dragged each syllable out in a husky voice and the way his fingers writhed like snakes as his hand crept towards her knee made her punch him as hard as she could in the nose. She felt the bone crunch to one side and blood exploded down his lip. He relled back, falling flat on the floor, and she stood up to stamp off when his hand, light as a butterfly, touched her foot.
"Wait," Raven said, his words slurred a little as he fought off any encroaching unconsciousness. "I deserved that. 'm sorry. I didn't really know how to answer the question."
Before Rita could kick at his hand, he'd pulled it away. She should have just left. Instead, she waited while he blinked a few times, still flat on his back. There was blood pooling in his ears.
"The reason," he began, sounding as if his nose were clogged – no shit Rita, you just clogged his nose with his nose – and fading fast, "was 'cause I didn't know ya wanted me to."
She fought back the sudden urge to blow up the nearest inanimate object.
"Shut up, old man. I'm going to find Estelle," she snapped, cutting him off as he tried to continue. She left him on the floor and she swore with every step until the burning itch behind her eyes went away.
She avoided him after that. She all but dragged Estelle to the lab, where he'd picked himself up into a slightly huddled sit, and if the noise Estelle made at his blood-streaked face bothered her, she squelched the feeling before her brain could process it. Besides, the minute the princess's hands started glowing, Rita turned on her heel and was gone.
She found Judy overseeing the Fiertia as it was loaded with crates.
"Where are you going," Rita demanded. Judy didn't even look over, still watching the chains hook together into the cradle for the ship, but she smiled prettily.
"Zaphias," was all she said.
"I'm coming too."
"We're leaving in three-" Ba'ul rumbled "-two minutes."
"Good. I'm ready to go now."
The krityan woman didn't comment on how Rita didn't even have shoes on.
"All right," Judy gushed serenely. "Let's go!"
-o0o-
The thing about Judy was that she had no tact. Oh, she knew how to keep a secret and she was far too perceptive by half, but even Rita had more of a sense of propriety. Mostly. The problem was that Judy was inconsistent with her approach.
"I'm so glad you're coming with us, Rita," she chirped as Ba'ul glided silently through the air. "Ba'ul has missed you."
Ba'ul sang in agreement, a string of eerie notes that thrummed through Rita's collarbone.
"I've been busy, you big blue fur ball," Rita huffed, but she ran a hand along the smooth wood of the railing. Ba'ul continued to hum, not offended in the slightest.
"We're only going to be in Zaphias for a few hours," Judy continued. "It's just a delivery trip. But then we're meeting Yuri in Halure."
"That's fine. I'm staying in Zaphias," Rita heard herself saying. You can go back without me. I was just catching a ride." There were plenty of things that needed doing in Zaphias. Witcher had been trying to get a meeting with her for weeks. He wouldn't admit it, but he was having problems figuring out her proposal for the mana grid.
Judy smiled and Ba'ul hummed.
"Should I tell anyone where you are?" the other woman asked, as if that were as natural a question as 'would you like any gravy?' Rita shrugged.
"It doesn't matter."
They spent the last few hours to Zaphias talking about the exorbitant prices Kaufman was charging for copper wire.
The landing field at Zaphias was covered in workers expecting Ba'ul and so it was easy for Rita to slip out unnoticed, even if her bare feet meant that she had to be careful where she stepped. More than worker paused to tip his cap at her, but she flapped her hand at them impatiently and just scurried towards the city.
The guards at the gate to the noble quarter were far less willing to just let her waltz in. She marched up to the closest one and stuck her nose in his face.
"I'm Rita Mordio, here to see Witcher." She'd forgotten his last name. Again.
"Identification card, please?" the guard asked, doing a very good job of pretending he wasn't afraid of her.
She slapped at her pockets until she realized that not only were her shoes missing, so was her jacket. She'd left it – she slammed down on that thought quickly.
"I don't have it. Look, Flynn – the Commandant," she corrected herself hastily, "knows me. Witcher's that creepy little kid that hangs out with his second-in-command." She swiped a hand over her own hair. "Apple-head?"
Recognition flitted through the guard's eyes, but he held his ground.
"I'm sorry, Miss Mordio," here he looked her up and down like the vagabond she likely looked like, "but I can't allow you to go through without identification."
Her reputation must have preceded her, however, because she'd barely clenched a fist before he continued.
"However, the word of the Commandant would most certainly suffice in lieu of paperwork. Could we trouble you to wait here until your identity has been verified?" Man should have been an actor, the way he rushed without making it seem like he was rushing.
For a brief moment, she considered blasting him.
She wondered if the blood pooling in his ears would make his helmet rust.
"Yeah, I can wait." And she sat down right there in front of the gate.
-o0o-
Witcher, as usual, was irritating. The first thing he had to do was scold her like she was the child.
"Really, you could have just let me know you were coming. I could have had a room set up. A little warning would be nice. And why did you have to show up like a tramp? I have a reputation, you know, and so do you!"
Rita let him ramble until she was sick of his voice. It didn't take long.
"Is there a lab still set up for me?"
"Bu- I-"
"Is there?" Witcher was someone she wouldn't mind blasting.
"Yes, he huffed, angry to have been interrupted. She cut him off before he could start ranting again. "Good, let's go." There were soldering she could be doing.
o-o-o
"Hey, old man."
"Mmph," was Raven's reply. He cracked an eyelid open to see Yuri standing over him.
"Hey, my boy," the archer greeted the younger man, not bothering to move from his comfortable position. His fingers were just beginning to go tingly as they fell asleep beneath his head, but the sun was warm on his face and there was just enough of a breeze to ruffle his hair.
"Aren't you afraid you're going to fall off one day?"
They were currently on the rooftop of Brave Vesperia's guildfront. Yuri must have just gotten in.
"I'm like a cat. Always land on my feet," Raven replied, shifting his shoulders ever so slightly. He wanted to know who'd picked out the roofing tile. Whoever it was had been a genius; it was almost as comfortable as his own mattress.
"Estelle was asking about you," Yuri said nonchalantly, like he was talking about the weather. "You all right?"
"Tell the princess not to worry her pretty little head about ol' Raven. I've never felt better."
"Mmm," was all Yuri said. He sat down, stretching one leg out and resting one arm on the other knee. Raven cracked the other eye open. Yuri was staring seriously out into space.
"Somethin' on yer mind?" Raven asked. Yuri was easy to deal with. You just asked. If he wanted to answer, he would. If he didn't, he wouldn't. It was too simple sometimes, and he didn't always make the right choice, but at least he would make it clear immediately.
"Yeah. Well... maybe."
And prompting him was usually safe. He might get exasperated if you pestered, but he'd tell you about that too.
"Maybe?" Raven let the word stretch out and hang between them. Yuri shifted thoughtfully.
"I dunno. It's about Estelle."
"Oh?"
"You know her birthday's coming up?"
"No, I didn't." Of course he did. They'd all received invitations.
"I mean, her nineteenth birthday's kinda special, y'know?"
"Mm-hmm..." Rita was right, Yuri didn't even know how hard he'd fallen. It was just normal for him, this constant thinking about her welfare, and unthinking ways of seeing to it.
"What are you getting her?" Raven asked, seeing where this was going. The kid was cute when he tried to act nonchalant about Estelle in those times when he wasn't. Yuri scratched at his chin.
"See, that's the thing. I asked her what she wanted and she said she just wanted me to be there."
Oh, this was a dilemma.
"And it's not like I'm not going to be there, but..."
"I hear ya," Raven soothed. It was also okay to interrupt Yuri. As long as you understood, it saved him from having to explain himself.
"Any suggestions?"
"Well, I'll tell ya right now, yer not going to be able ta out-do anyone money-wise. Brave Vesperia's no slouch on funds lately, but you'll be up against royalty here."
"Estelle doesn't care about that anyway," and despite the way Yuri shrugged it off, Raven caught the first showing of shaken self-esteem and snatched it up like a terrier on a rat. Ha, even the great Yuri Lowell could be intimidated, unsure, when it came to the princess.
Raven immediately kicked himself. It didn't matter what Yuri got her; Estelle would be happy. That he cared was what was important. It wasn't fair for Raven to feel smug about perfectly natural nervousness.
"Mmm. What would you give her if she was from the Lower Quarter."
"But she's a princess. I don't want to embarrass her."
Raven clamped down on the smug swell – he really was in more of a snitch than he'd thought if he was being this petty about something Yuri wasn't even aware of – and shrugged.
"She's a person same as you'n'me, right? Maybe ya can get her a book."
"The whole world knows she loves books," Yuri huffed, but Raven saw him latch onto the ideas. A starting point at least. Mission accomplished. Just one more thing...
"Ya could always get her underwear. Something cute, with little bows. No one else of those high'n'mighty nobles'll think of that, I guarantee ya."
If nothing else, that Yuri barely reacted showed how much he'd been reassured.
"You're sick, old man, you know that?" He picked himself up and stretched out his back, looking out over the Dhangrest rooftops.
"It's what I'm getting her," Raven lied cheekily. Yuri looked down at him, hesitating for only a fraction of a second.
"You better not, or I'll let Rita actually kill you," he retorted. Ouch. Restore a little confidence and he gets mean-spirited. Raven just grinned and closed his eyes. Yuri moved off.
"Oh, one more thing," he said, just before his footsteps reached the edge of the tile. Raven opened one eye expectantly.
"Judy told me to let you know Rita's in Zaphias."
Raven didn't let his grin fade. Yuri was watching him too closely to let that happen. Instead he just shrugged.
"All right."
Yuri stared at him hard for a moment, then shrugged and leaped nimbly off the roof. Not quite fooled then. Raven had been too serious lately if Yuri was being that perceptive. He'd have to lighten up a little.
Old habits died hard.
o-o-o
It was two days before the letter came. One of the maids – for some reason the maids scared less easily than the manservants did – delivered it in the wonderfully, blissfully invisible ways they did. One minute Rita was jammed up underneath an engine that was dripping oil all down her leg, and the next there was a letter poking unobtrusively into her line of sight and the confident clack of the maid's heels were already fading. Rita wiped rust off her fingers onto the borrowed coveralls she was wearing and picked up the envelope.
"Miss Rita Mordio," was all that was written on the front, in a hand she didn't recognize. When she opened it though, her nose wrinkled immediately.
'Hey there, Rita girl!
Just wanted to let you know I was in town! Come by and see us sometime?
xoxoxoxoxo
Raven'
Had it not been for the line of x's and o's, Rita could have ignored it. As it was, the paper shriveled into blackened ash and Rita stormed out of the lab, a wildfire covered in sweat, grease, and rust.
It wasn't hard to figure out where he was. Every time he weaseled out of something in Zaphias, he would skulk in the dungeon. It was creepy and it was weird and it was very predictable.
He didn't look surprised when she slammed the door to his cell open. Instead, he grinned a bit stupid grin.
"Rita darlin'-" he began, but she cut him off.
"Save it."
He wasn't to be dissuaded. He sat up on the cot.
"Wrench wench," he said, indicating the coveralls with an all-too-leisurely onceover. "Nice."
Stupid grin didn't fade.
She nearly hit him. She would have hit him, if the noise Estelle had made when she'd seen the blood – the blood in his ears all the way from his nose – hadn't come to mind.
"What do you want?"
He opened his mouth, but she didn't let him get a word out.
"And don't you dare pull that oblivious idiot act. It's not fair. You're not allowed to pretend nothing happened."
"I wasn't the one who ran away to Zaphias."
"I didn't run away. I'm working." Now she indicated her coveralls.
At least the stupid grin was gone. The cold, patient, unimpressed stare was worse though. She flinched when he sighed.
"C'mere," he said, patting the cot beside him.
Rita didn't move.
"C'mere," he repeated. "If I do anything dumb, you can break my nose again, all right?"
She stamped over and sat down with a huff on the farthest-most edge. Raven sighed again and ran a hand through his hair.
"Listen," he began, and suddenly she almost missed the goofy smile because the frank, serious expression that gazed at her through the dungeon's gloom was... intimidating. It made her stomach twist and her eyes burn again.
"Yes, I did something stupid," Raven was saying. "But yes, you definitely ran away, Rita."
"You-"
"I was going to explain myself. You left."
Her face burned, making the damp cell air practically frigid in comparison.
Raven looked away then, and she felt safe enough to drop her gaze into her lap.
"I'm sorry, Rita," he said.
They sat in silence for a moment. Rita wondered how Raven managed to be so patient all the time. She clenched her fists to keep from rattling him into words again. Only his still-serious expression, blissfully directed at some vague point in the distance, kept her still.
"Can I come closer?" Raven asked suddenly. Rita snapped her head up to look at him. He was still staring at the wall. She swallowed, then nodded.
"Yeah," she said, feeling stupid and childish and small.
He slid over until their knees were barely touching.
"Is this all right?" he asked, one broad hand sliding across her back to rest between her shoulder blades.
Rita stiffened.
"That," Raven said, and he pulled both his hand and knee away, "is why I didn't know ya wanted me touchin' ya."
"I- I was just startled," Rita spluttered, feeling her cheeks get even hotter. He was looking at her again and she couldn't meet his gaze.
"I even asked, Rita darlin'. Let's face it, you're not very good at this."
She was going to cry, she realized. That was what the itching behind her eyes meant. Not yet, but very soon.
"But," Raven continued, as if he didn't notice how she took handfuls of her coverall and squeezed until her knuckles were white, "I'm not either. We'll figure this out." He leaned forward and craned his neck until his face was in her vision, way down near her lap. "Ya are the genius mage, remember?"
The smile – soft and subtle and not the least but stupid – was probably supposed to reassure her. She just scowled and wiped at her eyes before the tears could emerge.
"C-can we try now?" she asked. "Like, practice or something?"
"Sure."
He waited. Why did he have to be so damn patient?
"Hold me," she said, because it was the only thing she could think of and shit seriously? it sounded like a bad romance novel and she was pretty sure she was crying now and damn it, damn it, damn it all the hell this was so stupid and all wrong and...
Very gently, his arm went around her shoulders. She tensed – she couldn't help it –but he didn't crush her into an embrace or even trap her with a second arm. He just laid his arm across her back, hand gently cupping her shoulder, and pulled her to him until his chin rested on top of her head. Their knees didn't touch and her hands stayed fisted in the pantlegs of her coveralls, but it was nice.
"Is this all right?" Raven asked, his voice thrumming through her throat into her temple.
"I'm s-sorry about your nose," she said. Yes, definitely crying now. Damn.
"It's okay, Rita darlin'."
She just cried harder.
"We'll get this, sweetheart," he said gently. "You keep trying at it and I'll try to keep my stupid levels to a minimum, fair?"
She sniffled and nodded, fighting past the sobs.
"Fair."
A/N: Well, today is the five year anniversary of Hand in Hand and to celebrate, have those deleted scenes I was talking about, beginning with something written long before this story actually got started! This won't update very often either (mainly because I don't want to ruin any potential moments for you by posting a scene before it's truly cut – like this one for example, parts of which ended up having a very different dynamic between Rita and Raven) but I figured someone out there might enjoy seeing what might have been. And who knows, I might actually expand some of these.
Most of these could probably be read as one-shots (maybe, if you count incomplete thoughts as one-shots) for those who haven't been initiated, but this is absolutely dedicated to my wonderful readers who have been with me through every stage of Hand in Hand. barefootbean, FrenchCirce, Madame Mush, Koware ta, nofun, Hinotori Ai, Esnapand, lazycat66, and everyone else, including all the lovely guests, thank you so so much. I could not have gotten this far without you.