So Long, Lonesome

Summary: Post-'Eggtown' - Jack laments over letting Kate go back to the Barracks, but he's soon rewarded for his leap of faith.

Thanks to the generous folks who've left me such encouraging reviews. I really appreciate them. After the gloom of "Videotape," I wrote this little scenario afterwards to cheer myself up. More Jack angst continues, but hey, what's a Lost fic without a heaping of that? I should also add - 'So Long, Lonesome' is the name of a song by Explosions in the Sky; a beautiful song to anyone interested.

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He couldn't quite believe it.

Yet, as he squinted at his own surprise, what did he really expect? She chose to stay behind, chose to tie her hands to a future with Sawyer and, above all, certainty. Freedom. A no-brainer.

Still, disbelief suspended over him in a murky haze as he looked over the sloping hill, almost anticipating her lithe figure to stride into view, her loose hair swinging in tandem with her steps. He frowned at all the reasons that would compel her to stay and simultaneously justified each one for her.

'She'll be on the run again-'

'She'll go to jail­–'

'She won't be happy with you–'

And of course, the one thing that would sway her decision, looming and determined in his thoughts – that nagging '300 lb. elephant in the room' that he once underestimated not too long ago: her love for Sawyer. Over time, he let her slip through his fingers and into the Southerner's arms, and only he had himself to blame. His singular, obsessive will to prove his dead father wrong in what he can achieve as a leader, now suddenly seemed flat and misguided now. Was this his reward? Did his need to give his dad the proverbial finger lead to this moment and this sacrifice?

He let out defeated puff of air, silently mocking himself, 'Congratulations, Jackass, you did it. You got what you wanted -'

"Jack?"

Juliet's voice broke through his thoughts. "We should head back to the beach. It's probably best for everyone to stay together…in case Sayid calls with news," she said quietly.

Jack nodded, forcing himself to break out of his meditation. Juliet eyed him carefully, "You ok?"

She was met with a blunt nod. But his lips creased tightly, and he eyed the uneven patches of grass behind her feet.

"Yeah. Let's go," he said as he walked past her, leaving Juliet to turn around and look on skeptically.

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The journey back to their beach was quiet, calm. The sun was setting, and they figured Sayid wouldn't contact them until the next morning. So, the waiting game would begin until then. Jack anchored the hike back, liberated to his own reveries with Juliet leading at the front. Fragments of conversations among the others drifted in, later prodded out.

"How long have you lived here?"

"Almost four years now."

"That's quite a long time…you must be relieved that you're going back. Can't imagine how long that must have been for you, I mean, I've only been here for a day, and yet, I feel like it's been—"

Jack half-listened to Charlotte's chatter as he aimlessly dodged the bumps and crevices along the dirt trail. He'd tried, soon after they took to the path, to focus on the subsequent steps he'd need to take for the group once they got back to their beach, but more persistent and intrusive was the gloom that was now washing over him.

He squinted ahead to the trail to detect how much further he'd be left in his own thoughts, while hoping that a couple more steps would find him at the shore; relief would be short-lived, but it would still be relief - he would find himself checking on Sun's condition, or discuss how much items to ration with Rose or Bernard…maybe even give a speech about Sayid's mission…anything that would require him to solve a problem or make a decision. Any worthy distraction to head off the sudden resolution of never seeing Kate again, even though it was he, who, ironically, had set her free.

"Jack…hey…"

Snapping out of his reverie, Jack stopped and inspected the scene in front of him. Charlotte and Daniel had stopped a few feet in front and were now gazing at him expectantly. Juliet was next to him, and placed a gentle hand on his arm.

"Are you alright?" she asked, looking concerned. He looked back at her, and gave her a small smile.

"I'm fine. Just…thinking about Sayid and Desmond. That's all," he answered, then jerked his head slightly forward, "We should keep moving."

Taking cue, Daniel and Charlotte slowly shuffled forward. Jack, trudging on, mentally willed himself to regain his focus, his view now occupied by Daniel's outstretched arms as he conversed with Charlotte about sunshine recorders.

"He keeps talking about the sunlight on the island," Juliet noted, smiling. "I think he got more than he bargained for, getting on that chopper."

Jack kept his eye trained on Daniel, "Maybe. Or maybe they're here for more than just getting Ben, and they're just not telling us that part," he said quietly.

"Are you gonna miss it?"

"Miss what?" he asked, pushing away a lonely branch in his path.

"This place," she asked.

Jack stopped. He let out a breath, looking thoughtful. He glanced back at her and shook his head. "No." Letting out a suppressed laugh, he reiterated, "I mean, I have things to go back to, people to go back for."

Even as the words left him, he looked away, feeling ashamed and unsure. He looked back at her, brow creasing.

"You?"

"You already know my answer," she responded softly, "You made good on your promise, Jack. You said we'd get off this island, together, and we are."

She smiled broadly at him, the blue in her eyes sparkling despite the dimming forest light, and he couldn't help but smile back.

"C'mon," she said, taking a few steps forward, "we're gonna lose 'em. And they won't have the sunlight to talk about for much longer," she remarked over her shoulder, adding in mock worry, "and then what are they gonna do?"

Jack softly laughed, and followed her lead.

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He didn't know what time it was, but guessing from the calm of the tide, he knew it was late. Maybe 11, or even midnight. In less than a day, he would be miles away from this island, and it made him feel strangely glum. This crazy, mystical place that held so many secrets had prompted him, to unearth some of his own unexpectedly, he had gained a sense of who he was here, what he was capable of. He'd lied to Juliet on the walk back; yes, he would miss this place. He lifted his feet out of the wet sand; when another gentle tide came in, he instantly started sinking in again.

He scanned the vastness of the black waters, then the open field of the night sky. Twinkling stars implored him to make out shapes and figures, challenging him to play connect-the-dots. His eyes misted, wondering if Kate was looking out at the same bed of stars, thinking about him. What would the future hold for him now, without the island, without Kate? He thought of Juliet – she made her feelings clear. Would he?

"Can't sleep, huh?"

Jack whipped around, her soft voice barely reaching his ears against the stir of the waves.

Kate. His mouth agape, he looked her over with surprise, then concern.

"Kate…wha-," he stammered, "what are you doing here? I thought…you know…you wanted-, you decided to stay behind." He strained to read her eyes.

Kate sighed, sheepish, "Locke, he…told me to leave. Said I wasn't welcome there." She flipped her hair to one side, the gentle winds allowing the tendrils to caress her face. She smiled, allowing Jack to join in the absurdity.

"Oh," was all he could muster. Frowning slightly, his shifted his feet out of the sand again.

Kate's smile faded with his plain response. They stood opposite each other in silence. Finally, Kate bowed her head, and moved to shovel her feet out of her shoes. Sinking her bare, aching feet into the cool sand, she sighed. Watching the rippling landscape before her, it was her turn now feel glum.

Another minute of quiet tension passed between them. Finally, Kate spoke.

"I'm not gonna get in your way, Jack," she said boldly, "With Juliet, I mean."

Her own statement took her by surprise yet felt oddly satisfying at the same time.

"What?" Jack looked at her, startled, "Kate, I- it's not what you think. Look, I know what you saw that day going up to the radio tower, but…"

Jack stopped, debating whether to call or fold; he decided to fold as she looked on, curiously.

"I don't love Juliet," he asserted. Kate felt a tinge of relief soothe her, but she wanted more.

She pressed on, frustrated, "Then what is it, Jack?" She took a step forward towards his now shrugging figure. She felt a myriad of emotions course through her. She wanted desperately to leave this place with some semblance of honesty and reassurance.

"What happened to Sawyer?" he asked, changing the subject.

She narrowed her eyes at him, then let out a frustrated sigh, "He decided to stay behind. And," she shrugged, "I guess you could say we're just not really on the same page anymore."

"Well," he smirked, "Sawyer is Sawyer. He's not the most flexible guy I know, but I'm sure he loves-"

Kate wheeled around to snap, "I know what you're doing, Jack!"

She shook her head at him, "I know why you told me to go with Sayid, and why you're telling me something I already know about Sawyer. But I made a conscious choice to leave this place," she said angrily, gesturing down towards the sand below her, "everything here, behind. I know what I have to do, Jack."

She turned again towards the ocean, and said stiffly, "They know everything about me…who I was, what I did."

She felt her throat constrict, and she swallowed hard, hoping to push down the shame, and the guilt and the awareness of her approach towards an 8' x 8' jail cell. Her face crumpled as she placed a hand to shield her eyes. She suddenly felt so defeated, burdened by the uselessness of everything in her life. Like a queue of dominos, the sustained pieces of her life she'd erected since arriving to the island, were now toppling over and onto each other. Fate had flicked its finger with one cruel move, stopping everything dead in its tracks.

Pursing her lips together, she turned away from the shore, knowing instinctively what to do next. But before she could reach a safe distance, she heard his voice call her name. Then, a warm hand wrapped around her forearm, gently pulling her back. The reversal of her steps found her face to face with the man she would walk to the ends of the earth for, the pools of his brown eyes luring her in.

"Kate, it's going to be ok," he asserted with a hint of desperation in his voice, "I'll do anything to help you, and everything to keep you safe." His eyes beseeching her restore her faith.

As she blinked back her tears, she couldn't help but notice the similarity between his declaration and Sawyer's, yet the two were markedly different in context and in motive. The tears in her eyes prevented her to see his face clearly, but she didn't need to see him to hear and feel the love she knew he held for her. Feeling his firm grasp steadying her, she felt a swell of conviction come over her. 'Everything will be ok,' she thought. She suddenly felt the urge to give credence to his hope.

She took a hold of his fingers with her free hand, interlacing hers into his tentatively.

"Jack, " she whispered, "What you've done… after all of my lies, after what I did to you. Trusting me after I'd given you so many reasons not to," she said gravely, "You took an unselfish leap of faith in me, and that's something nobody has ever done…you believed in me."

"And I know now that…this," she emphasized as she tightened her fingers around his hand, "is why I came back. I came back for you, Jack."

Jack stared at her, stupefied. 'Let it go, Jack,' as his father told him once. And this time, he wanted to oblige because in one brash stroke, Kate's words flattened all of his frustration, insecurity and confusion. He felt his usual need for logic slowly quickly fall by the wayside at her proclamation, and instead, a surge of fervency coursed through veins.

Without hesitating, he reached out and around her waist, pulling her towards his parted lips and into a bold, devouring kiss.

Kate, startled, but moved by his passion, adjusted herself to revel in the new scent and physical feel of this man. The fine prickling of his two-day old stubble; his lips seeking and capturing hers for possession; his scent – a mixture of saltwater, sweat and wood; the heaving chest beneath her fingers as she grasped and ungrasped his shirt before moving to stroke his bare clavicle.

After reaching a heady pitch, They both paused to gaze into each other's eyes, now overcast with emotion and desire. Kate smiled as she slid her arms around his back, and raised her chin to meet with his.

"We're both sinking," she whispered as she held him tight.

Jack chuckled, placing soft kisses to the left of her mouth. His fingers caressed her face, her hair, "It's about time…" he whispered, dipping his nose down to greet hers.

She let out a soft giggle, and tugged at him to draw him into another kiss. They both closed their eyes, relishing in their newfound intimacy.

Slowly and without haste, their kiss deepened, the movements of their lips synchronizing with the soft waves lapping up the sand above their feet – always pushing and pulling, back and forth. The waters swirled and twisted as did the gentle dueling of their lips and tongues, both satisfied with the repetition. They didn't know what the future held, but with this night, the future would be a future etched with a promise full of hope, perserverance and love.