ORDER, ORDER
by ardavenport
"Hello. I am Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn of the Jedi Order and I am here to. . . . yes, a question?"
"Who did you piss off to be here with us?"
muffled snickering
"Aaaaah, well . . . . the Jedi Council has been made aware that there has been some dissatisfaction with our previous representatives - -"
"The Council sent a droid for the last three meetings!"
"Yes. And I understand that said droid did not return in satisfactory working condition from the last one."
louder, open snickering
"Yes. Now, if I may begin. I have been. . . .sent. . . . to present the ecological balance and quotas of The Jedi Temple for this meeting of the Sector Ecology Sub-Committee.
"The Jedi Temple is the largest structure in Sector Four-Dash-Three-Two-Three-Point-Seven-Nine-Five, as you can see in this holo-projection. It is designated and authorized as an overall Contributor Structure in the rolls of the Planetary Ecology Committee. That status is unchanged since the last meeting of this sub-committee and the Jedi Order does not have any requests to change the Temple's quotas or status."
"You people haven't changed anything for four-hundred years."
"Sssshhhhhh. Then this one should be quick."
"Please continue, Knight Qui-Gon."
"Thank-you. As I said, the Jedi Temple is an overall Contributor Structure to the ecology of this planet. Specifically, for the three ecological elements, it is an atmospheric contributor, a water neutral and a solid matter neutral. This means that the Temple and its associated neighboring structures return exactly as much solid and liquid components as it consumes, as you can see by the holo-chart broken down by element and molecule types. The Temple's water system is completely self-contained. Storage, recycling and use regions are highlighted here and here. . . . here. . . . . .and here. . . . . .and also here. . . . . here. . . . . .and here. The garden areas of the Temple, the largest places of water exchange are registered sub-ecologies with the Planetary Ecology Committee and they were inspected by the Sub-Committee Authority since your last meeting and their consumption and production quotas verified to be in compliance. Of course, water-based and solid organic consumables are brought in to the Temple but import of those is measured and balanced with corresponding export and this type of external exchange only constitutes less than 0.0014 percent of the total water and solid volume involved. All solid non-organic consumables and exports and from the Jedi Temple are balanced by material type as is shown in this chart. And the Jedi Temple's internal solid matter recycling is maintained by droids with Committee approved programming. It was inspected less than two standard years ago and verified to be operating at optimal efficiency. Facilities locations in the Temple are located here. . . . . here. . . . . here. . . .. here. . . . . . here. . . . . .and here. . . . . . and here. And, as you can see, there are several varieties of . . . . ."
Scrrraaaaappppe! Crash!
loud snickering and open laughter
"What?! What?!"
"Ha ha! He caught you snoozing, Veeto."
"What?! What?! I wasn't! My chair just slipped, that's all."
"Yeah, right."
"Pffffffttt!"
"Aaaarrrgem."
"Please, Knight Qui-Gon, continue. With less hand-waving this time? We've learned that things go smoother if we just ignore any committee members who might be. . . .resting there eyes during the presentations."
"Of course, Director."
"Um, Director if I might - - -"
moaning and groaning
"Oh not again."
"Give it up, Pakas!"
"You can't be serious."
"Order! Order."
wham, wham, wham
"Thank you, Director. Knight Qui-Gon, I wish to inquire if the Jedi Order is accepting any petitions to increase the Temple's contributor status in the rolls of the Planetary Ecology Committee."
"Pardon me?"
"Oh, he wants to build a new housing block out of an old warehouse and he can't balance his solids and liquids with the configuration he wants unless someone else gives him enough points to do it."
wham, wham
"Order, please."
"Thank you, Director."
"I see. . . . . .well, any petitions would have to be submitted to the Jedi Council. I am unable to help you."
"Yes, but you could offer an introduction for my case. For such a large structure, it would a simple. even trivial matter, to convert some of its excessively large and vacant volumes to more . . . . productive use."
moaning and groaning
"Pakas, it may be big, but that Temple's been there longer than the city. You're not getting anything out of them."
"Oh, only you would suggest converting a designated historic landmark into a recycling depot."
"Do you have to ask every single presenter about this?"
"Just change your config, Pakas."
wham, wham
"Order, please."
"Thank you, Director."
"Mister Pakas. I respect your right to petition the other residents of this sector for a balance more favorable to your project, but might I suggest that you petition them privately for our next meeting?"
"I appreciate your consideration, Director. But I have deadlines and can hardly wait a whole year for an ecological permit before I can even begin."
mumbling and grumbling
"I shall, of course, be brief in my entreaties to all your presenters."
"Hrrrrmmphf! Define brief!"
"Aaaarrrgem."
wham, wham
"Order, please."
"Mister Pakas?"
"Yes, Knight Qui-Gon? Would the Jedi Order like to consider my proposition?"
"As I said, I do not have any authority to entertain your petition, but it would seem to me that they are best submitted in private. . . ."
". . . . of course, petitions are always best submitted in private. . . ."
"And not at public meetings where they can clutter up an already tedious agenda."
". . . . yes, I can't clutter up the tedious agenda . . . ."
"For this year or next year's meeting, when you will submit your requests in text form only, after you have negotiated your petitions with only willing sector residents."
". . . . I'll negotiate the petitions and submit a it for the agenda next year. . . . "
"And you are terribly busy and have to leave now."
chair scraping floor
". . . . Yes, I do need to go. Very busy. . . . ."
door swishing open
receding footsteps
door clicking closed
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Director, I move that we have more hand waving."
END
(This story was first posted on tf.n: 28-Dec-2007)
Disclaimer: All characters and situations belong to George and Lucasfilm; I'm just playing in their sandbox.