I have had loads of ideas for this new story for ages now and i've finally posted the first chapter. I really hope you enjoy the story because i really enjoyed writing it!
Please read and review, your reviews make my day and they encourage me to write faster :)x
Disowner: All the characters and some of the setting from Downton Abbey belong to Julian Fellows, only the story is my own.
Chapter 1:
During dinner, Richard had insisted that Mary sit by him, at the other side of the table from where Matthew was sitting, naturally. Matthew couldn't take his eyes off Mary and seemed oblivious to everybody and everything else that was going on in the room.
Mary so desperately wanted to look up at Matthew, just once, she thought but Sir Richard was watching her like a hawk. She thought that perhaps it was a good thing; her not being able to spend any time with Matthew, or to speak to him for that matter because she felt that if she did, she may not be able to stay away and knowing that she would have to would break her heart. No, she thought, I'm not going to look.
She turned her attention back to her plate of food but she didn't feel very hungry so she simply rolled her food around on the plate with her fork. The fact that she didn't want to be there must have been quite obvious because Sir Richard was quick to point it out.
"Mary." He whispered sharply in to her ear "You could at least pretend to be happy to be here!" he said under his breath, not wanting anybody else to hear.
Having heard what he had to say, Mary simply turned to face him, no expression whatsoever on her face, looked him in the eye and turned back to her food.
Her ignorance had made him quite angry, but knowing that he was amongst her family, he tried not to let it show.
Quite aware that Sir Richard was the cause of Mary's unhappiness, Cora decided to intervene, allowing her daughter a moment to breathe without being watched over by his beady eyes.
"Sir Richard" she began, forcing a smile on her face "you must tell us, how is everything at Haksby?"
"To be honest, the damned builders aren't working as fast as I'd like…" he replied, sounding annoyed.
He continued to complain about everything that wasn't quite going to plan at Haksby and Cora was beginning to wish she had never asked.
Knowing that his eyes were off her for the time being, thanks to her mama, Mary felt a little more relaxed. She couldn't keep her eyes off Matthew for much longer and decided to take just one look, that couldn't hurt, she thought.
Before taking a deep breath, she turned her head towards Matthew and as soon as she did, their eyes met. He must have been watching me, she thought to herself. They must have only stared at each other for a couple of seconds but to Mary it seemed like an eternity. His beautiful soft blue eyes were locked on her and for a second she held her breath and took in the wonderful moment. When she looked at him, she felt somehow liberated, like he was her path to freedom but then she felt quite sad; she had been given the choice between two paths, one that led to happiness, freedom and love and another that led to misery, fear and hatred… but of course, she had chosen the wrong one, she had been mistaken once again. Why hadn't she accepted Matthew? Why had she been so stubborn?
Suddenly, she felt a strong hand grab her wrist from under the table. She quickly looked away from Matthew and instead turned towards Richard who was staring at her, his eyes filled with anger.
Mary tried to pull her arm away from him but his grip on her only got tighter, causing her to let out a small sigh, catching Matthew's attention.
"You will stay away from him, do you hear me?" he whispered in a harsh and angry voice.
"You're hurting me." She whispered back, still trying to free her wrist from his grasp.
"Let that be a lesson to you." He replied, releasing his grip on her arm.
Mary was horrified, she didn't know where to look, she felt tears in her eyes that she could hardly hold back. This was the man she was going to marry, he was supposed to make her feel safe and happy but she didn't feel safe, she was scared, scared of her future husband and what he might do to her. Suddenly feeling quite light headed, she lifted a hand to her forehead.
"Are you quite well my dear?" Violet asked, having noticed how pale her eldest granddaughter was.
"No, not really" she replied quietly. "I'm afraid I've got a headache, would you excuse me?" she asked, standing up from her chair.
"Shall I send Anna up?" Cora asked as she watched her daughter make her way to the door.
"No, I shall be fine if I could only rest." She replied, glancing at Matthew before she left the room.
Matthew gave Richard a knowing look and took a deep breath before staring at the door that Mary had just shut behind her, wondering what Sir Richard could have done to her to make her feel this way.
When Mary arrived at her room, she pushed the door open and walked in, trembling and shaking, leaving the door half open. She lifted a hand to her mouth as she began to sob, making her way over to her bed before collapsing on it, crying into the sheets.
Once she got over the initial shock of it all, she wiped away her tears and sat up on her bed. Her wrist was hurting quite badly so she gently pulled off her glove from her left hand and threw it onto the floor in front of her. She held her wrist in the light of her lamp and began crying again when she saw what Richard had done. Her wrist was now a dark shade of blue where Richard had tightened his grip. His fingers had marked her delicate skin. She gently ran her fingers over the bruises which caused her to let out a little cry. What had she done to deserve this? She couldn't understand why he would feel the need to hurt her.
After having stared at the fire for a while, she felt quite tired and laid back down on top of the golden covers on her bed. She gently placed her bruised arm by her side and cried herself to sleep.
…
After a brandy and a cigar with Robert and Matthew, Richard decided to retire for the evening.
"I shall be leaving now, would you let Mary know I've gone?" Richard asked Robert as he stood up and smoothed his shirt down.
"Why don't you say goodnight to her yourself?" Matthew asked sounding quite angry, also standing up.
"Matthew." Robert whispered, trying to calm him down.
"His fiancée is in bed, not feeling well and he doesn't care enough to make sure she's alright!" Matthew told Robert, his voice getting considerably louder. "If she were my-"
"But she isn't – yours, is she?" Richard interrupted. "She is mine. And I would make sure that she's alright but she is in her bedroom and it isn't thought proper for an unmarried man to wonder around a lady's bedroom at night, is it?" he asked, feeling quite proud of himself for answering back.
To this Matthew couldn't respond, he was turning red with anger but he knew that Richard would have an answer to everything he said, so he decided to say nothing more.
"Goodnight." Richard said coldly as he left the room.
Both men just stared at him and watched him leave. Robert nodded at him but Matthew stood motionless. How could Mary even consider to marry a man like Richard? He wasn't even a man, he was a monster. She could do so much better…
"I'm feeling rather tired, I wonder if you'd mind if I left too?" he asked, lifting a hand to scratch his forehead.
"Of course I wouldn't, will you be coming on Wednesday the 25th for the race?" Robert asked. "Cora wanted to know."
"The race?" Matthew asked back, not knowing what Robert was talking about.
"Yes, the horse race, didn't you know?" he inquired "It's to support the local school, a fundraiser if you will. Mary is taking part, if she is feeling well enough that is." He added.
"No, I didn't know… But yes, I will come, it seems to be for a good cause." Matthew replied, smiling at Robert.
"I know it would cheer Mary to have you there, she hasn't been herself lately…" he said, staring at Matthew and waiting for a response.
"That's probably something to do with that man she's about to marry" he said. "But I suppose I'll come, for Mary of course. Will she be riding Diamond?" he asked.
"Yes I think so." He answered.
Matthew smiled at Robert. "I must be leaving now, I wouldn't want to keep the chauffeur waiting. Goodnight." He said before leaving the room.
Just as he was about to leave, a thought came into his mind, he made sure nobody was watching him and once he knew that he was alone, he walked towards the stairs and quickly headed towards Mary's room.
When he arrived, he noticed the door was ajar. He knocked before peeping around the corner to see if she was there. He entered the room and closed the door behind him, he found her lying on top of her bed covers. He smiled to himself. The fire had gone out and it was rather chilly in her room so he decided to pull the covers over her.
As he got closer to her, he noticed the bruising on her wrist. Richard, was his first thought. I'll kill him, he thought to himself. Why would he want to hurt something so delicate and beautiful? It made him see red.
He crouched down by Mary's side and gently pulled the covers from under her causing her to stir.
"Matthew?" she asked, in a low innocent voice.
"I thought I'd come see how you were feeling." He replied, just as innocently.
"Oh" she said, lifting a hand to her head. "I'm feeling much better now, thank you." She said, pushing herself up in to a sitting position and smiling at Matthew.
"I'm glad to hear it" he said quietly. "But your wrist… what happened?" he asked.
"Oh… I" she began, pulling her arm up and covering it with her other hand, hoping that he wouldn't see it. "It was silly of me really… I …" not knowing what to say, she searched for an answer.
"It was him, wasn't it?" he asked, staring her in the eye.
She let out a sigh, knowing she couldn't lie to him. She swallowed and closed her eyes before nodding her head. "Yes…"
"I knew it. Has he hurt you before? If he has I swear I'll-" but before he could finish his sentence, Mary cut him off.
"No, this was the first time, I promise." She replied shyly, staring past him into thin air. "But… he, he said that if he ever caught me with you again that, well that I would pay…" she whispered, turning to face him again.
Having heard this, Matthew felt like going after Sir Richard and hurting him just as much as he had hurt Mary. He despised him so much.
"That's it, you cannot stay with this man, you must sack Carlisle." He said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"I can't Matthew! You know I can't…" she replied, tears forming in her eyes. "You must leave, before somebody finds you here." She said, wiping her eyes dry.
"I'm not leaving until I know you'll be alright." He answered stubbornly.
"Well then you'll be waiting a long time, I'm afraid. I'm not sure I'll ever be alright, not when I'm destined to spend the rest of my life with that man." She replied, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Don't say that" he said, cupping her cheek in his hand.
"Why not?! It's true! I'm destined to a life of misery!" she began. "You see, ever since I was a little girl, I've dreamt of marrying for love, and not for money or a position. All I have ever wanted is for someone, anyone, to love me and make me feel safe and happy and free." She said, smiling. "But now, I know that my dreams will never come true, and that it's time to wake up." She added, closing her eyes in disbelief.
"Don't ever say that, because part of your dream already has come true hasn't it?" he said, leaving her to guess what he meant.
"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.
"You said that all you have ever wanted was for someone to love you, and Mary, my darling, I do." He whispered, taking her hand in his.
She couldn't believe what she was hearing, the man that she had loved for so long had just told her that he loved her back. He had called her darling. She had been longing for this day for so long, for the day that Matthew Crawley declared his love for her and called her darling. And he just had. Suddenly she felt so happy, he had just made her dreams come true.
"You love me?" she asked, staring into his – now dark – blue eyes.
"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. When I saw you for the very first time, my heart nearly melted, I never knew that anybody could be so perfect, your eyes are the most beautiful I've ever seen and your smile…" he said, staring into thin air and smiling "when you smile, I become oblivious to everything going on around me because your smile lights up the room." He whispered.
Mary took in everything he had just said and smiled the biggest smile she had ever smiled. She had butterflies in her tummy, she couldn't help the tears of joy that were rolling down her rosy cheeks, she felt so happy, so very happy.
But then she remembered. Her smile suddenly turning into a frown.
"Why does it all have to be so complicated?" she asked, closing her eyes and sighing.
"It doesn't have to be, sack Carlisle and marry me." He said, as if it were that simple.
"You know I can't Matthew, don't make it little when it is not." She replied in a sad voice.
"I'm sorry" he said, thinking of what he could say.
Mary didn't know what to say, the man she had loved for as long as she could remember and just told her he felt the same way about her but she knew she had to marry Richard… Or did she?...
"I'd better be leaving, I wouldn't want anybody to find me up here and get the wrong impression." He said as he straightened his composure.
"Wait." She said, grabbing his hand as he turned his back to her.
Matthew stopped and turned back around to face her, not knowing what she wanted.
"Don't leave me." She whispered, staring up into his eyes.
"Mary, I must, I cannot be found in your room." He replied, a sad expression on his face as he set off walking towards the door.
"Matthew, please". She said, jumping out of bed and following him.
Matthew turned around again, wondering what it was she wanted.
"Stay." She whispered as she walked closer to him.
"You know I can't, what about propriety? As much as I would like to stay, I must refuse, you are engaged Mary and until you sack Carlisle, I think it best if we don't see much of each other, for your own sake." He replied. That was one of the hardest things he had ever had to say, he couldn't bear to hurt her.
"Not being with you is killing me, Matthew, I don't know how much more I can take…" she said, staring at the floor. "I'm seeing Richard on Wednesday, at the race, I will sack him then." She said, having come to a decision.
"Mary, are you sure?" he asked, taking a step closer to her.
"I love you, Matthew, I cannot marry a man that I do not love." She answered, looking up at him.
Matthew took a deep breath before taking another step forward so that he was standing so close to Mary that he could feel her warm breath against his own lips.
Mary swallowed when she realized how close she was to him. She couldn't focus on anything but his lips. She wanted nothing more than for him to take her into his arms and kiss her. She felt her heart beating faster and faster in her chest and for a minute, she held her breath.
Matthew so desperately wanted to kiss her, he wanted her to be his so that he could protect her from people like Carlisle. He could feel his whole body tingling, her lips looked so pink and soft.
Without thinking, he took a deep breath, leaned forward and pressed a kiss warm to her lips. They felt just as soft as he thought they would, he never wanted to stop kissing her, it felt so right.
Mary closed her eyes and tried to make the perfect moment last for as long as she could. She felt as though she were in heaven. Earlier that day, she had been living a nightmare but now, all her dreams were coming true.
Matthew pulled away from her and stared into her deep brown eyes.
Mary hadn't wanted him to stop kissing her, she felt cold without him so close to her. Her lips were tingling as though they were asking for more.
"Mary, are you sure this is what you want?" he asked.
"I have never been more positive about anything in my life." She whispered.
Without saying another word, Matthew took her into his arms and pressed kiss after kiss to her soft lips before sweeping her off her feet into his arms and carrying her over to the bed.
"Mary, my darling" he said softly, looking down into her eyes "I promise you that you will marry for love. And I promise you that make you feel safe and happy and free and most of all I promise to love you, I will love you until I die and if there is a life after that, I will love you then. I promise to make all your dreams come true." He whispered.
"Matthew, my dreams already have, you are my dream." She replied, looking up at him with love in her eyes.
That's all for the first chapter, I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you thought of it, your reviews really help and they encourage me to write the chapters quicker and post them quicker.
In the next chapter: Mary tries to sack Carlisle but it may go badly for Mary as the horse race takes a turn for the worst. And Mary has something to tell Matthew.