"Hey, leave him alone!"
It was the voice of Ruben! She hissed at the bullies, chasing them down the hall on all fours before returning to Ridley to help him pick his books up.
"Sorry about that. Those two are poopheads, please don't let them ruin your view of this school. We're actually really nice!"
Ridley smiled as he gathered his books up.
"Do you know where Taunt Class is? That's my first period, and I don't know my way around..."
Ridley said. Ruben happily offered to help him find his way, and off they went. Little did they know, they were being followed by some fucking loser... PICHU! Pichu was known as the biggest bully in the school. In Pichu's gang was Bowser, DK, and a sercit dlc character. In class, the teacher, red alloy, was taking roll. Ridley was sitting next to Ness. Red Alloy was asking questions.
"Do you guys know how to up taunt?"
"Ok"
"How about down taunt?"
"ok"
"Side Taunt?"
"ok"
But before Mr Alloy could ask another question, some asshole interrupted him, and he and or she and or them and or it was...
It was Ganondorf! Ganondorf was the Special Ed teacher.
"Hello I would like to speak to Ridley", he asked politely.
Ridley, who hated all of the attention he had just gathered, walked to Mr. Ganon and met him in the hallway.
"Hello, and welcome to Smash High. My job here is to teach students how to use their special moves. Are you familiar with them?", asked Ganondorf.
Ridley replied with, "No... how do I use them?" Ridley asked.
"Meet me in my class after lunch and I'll teach you how to use them". Mr. Ganondorf said as he thought Fucking re re. He's in high school and he can't even do fucking special attacks. Worthless little shits. I'm gonna quit this job one day and blow all my savings in Vegas. Cunts.
After school, Ridley entered the Special Ed classroom to find all the Koopa Kids outside their Clown Cars, drooling on the floor, feebly attempting to build Duplo sets.
"YOU LATE NIGGA" Dorf yelled
"Sorry..." Ridley said, as he looked around the classroom. This didn't feel right. "Er... Sir, I don't think I belong here.."
"yes you do"
Ridley sat down in a space next to Morton as they listened to Ganondorf's instructions.
"Ok you little shits listen here because I don't wanna explain this twice. Hold down the B button and move the control stick in various directions. You will find that you can do different attacks depending on what direction you're facing. Experiment with that. Have fun I'm gonna go drown myself." Ganondorf left the building, and left the sped kids to their own devices.
Ridley, nervous, asked Morton for help. "Um... excuse me, what's a B button?"
Morton turned to face Ridley, and looked him dead in the eyes. He vomited all over Ridley and passed out and is HOPEFULLY FUCKING DEAD. Oh dear.
Ridley woke up the next day to a black line poking him.
"huh what?" Ridley said.
"YO DAWG I BE MR GAME A WATCH" said Mr Game and Watch, as he said "YO DAWG I BE MR GAME AND WATCH".
"Ok Mr Watch" Ridley said "What time is it?"
"YO IT BE 7:30 AM" Said Mr Game and Watch at 7:30 am.
"OH SHIT I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL" shouted ridley, who was too late for school. But it turns out that he never left school. So Ridley goes to his next class
Ridley never really paid any attention to who was in his first period class. He looked around to see who was around him. There was Mario, Wii fit Trainer, and a girl who he thought looked very familiar. After class he approached her and asked her what she thought of the class. She looked at him wide eyed and sneered. She walked away and Ridley realized who it was. It was his old nemesis Seamus.
TL;DR, Ness thinks Ridley tryna slam dunk that pussy because he's trying to find Seamus and get to her next class so he can chat with her and bury the hatchet. WFT is fucking blind because she has no pupils. Despite a relationship between her and Ness being implied, her inner monologue reveals she is a hardcore lesbian.
With a raging boner and absolutely no idea where Seamus' class was, Ridley sacrificed his already shitty attendance score to stealthily sneak around campus peering through windows to see which classroom the booty was located. Well, less like sneaking and more like flying around looking like a jackass with his ween out. He flew by Sakria Samurai, the headmaster's office. Sakria saw Ridley and Ridley saw Sakria.
Sakria opened the window. "FUKKA YOU GETTO TO KURASSU DESUKA! YOU ARE RATO!"
So Ridley went back to class, disappointed at his life and going to his second period, which was amiibo training class. However, he bumped into Seamus on the way. She just got out of the bathroom, it took her a while because try to take a piss when you have a fucking 75000000 lbs spacesuit on you (or 850000000000000000000 kg for you Europian scrubs). So she stuffed Ridley into a locker. Well, more like 10 lockers.
After getting himself out of ten fucking lockers, he cried on the ground in the middle of the hallway. Then he heard a voice of encouragement.
"HYUP HYEAAAAH"!
Well it was none other than the hero of legend himself, Lank.
"(sniff) Thanks alot, Lank", managed Ridrey.
"HYAAAA HYEP HYEEAAH," whispered Lank, not trying to interrupt the ongoing classes.
"Do you really think that will help me seduce Seamus?", asked Ridrey.
"HYYYYYYYYYEAAH", Link replied with assurance.
"Alright, here it goes!".
In accordance with Link's advice, Ridley grabbed a sword and rushed outside to the schoolyard, where he immediately began chopping grass vehemently and screaming at the top of his lungs. All the students and teachers looked on at Ridley in amazement, including Seamus who changed into a kawaii schoolgirl uniform because I'm the author and I can make her wear whatever the fuck I want. anyway she looked out the window just like everyone else and thought to herself "Fuck, that's hot. Ridley just doesn't even care." and it was totally indie. Link shed a single tear watching his pupil totally slam dunk all that pussy.
Ridley had gone from a fucking loser to the most popular guy in school. Everywhere he went the next day, the pussy followed.
"This is just like one of my japanase animes!" Ridley exclaimed.
Suddenly, Seamus burst through the school doors and shoved past the bitches surrounding Ridley.
"Ridley you fucking hunk KISS ME RIGHT HERE IN THE SCHOOL I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE US"
"Oh uh gee willigers... Seamus, I would but look at the pussy I'm drowning in right now! You're practically worthless to me now I mean have you SEEN Ruben's tits? I don't need you anymore."
Ridley and his posse walked off to John Class, leaving Seamus devastated and jealous.
Seamus went into the ray gun store to shoot herself, however, pichu stopped her in her tracks, as he had a plan to get back at Ridley and Rueben. So Seamus followed him into a dark alleyway. Later, after Ridley was banging the mii gunner, he decided to go to the gym. he sees little mac, who cis the best athlete in the school, just under sonic, but he can't do the high jump for shit. He sees Ridley and wants to go ahead and high-fives him, but then, he was stabbed by a beam sword knife, by one of pichu's hidden goons...
Little Macs corpse was taken into the back, where Seamus was waiting. She stole Little Mac's cloths and dressed up like him. Now fully disguised, Seamus approaches Ridley.
"Hey, Ridley, have you seen Seamus's ass. It's so fucking full! Of course I'm to small to hit that amazon of a bitch, but you're the perfect size. Trust me when I say you should hit that," said Seamus convincingly.
"Hm, nah. She didn't like me before I started cutting grass. She doesn't like me for who I am inside. None of these grills do," said Ridley with a feeling of emptiness.
"Well, maybe she just afraid to display her feelings unless she had an excuse to. I'm sure she always liked you," explained Seamus.
"Hm, maybe you're right. Ill give it another go,".
It was a new day at Smash High School, and everyone was excited. Ridley was going to ask Seamus out, Seamus got a new zero suit that made it look like bitch be smuggling two hams down there, Diddy learned how to tie a noose, and Mr. G&W could finally afford to move out of his mom's house. Ridley drew from his newfound confidence and courage and approached Seamus during lunch. He arrived at her table to find her, WFT, Ness, Rosalina, Palutena, Zelda, and Reuben all sitting and eating together.
"Uh.. hi, girls... and Ness... can I t-talk to Seamus alone please?"
all the girls at the table went "Oooooooooooh!" causing Ridley to blush under his fucking crusty-ass exoskeleton. Seamus and Ridley departed together to the track, and began walking.
"Y'know, Mac told me something the other day... he said that dat ass was fat... also you're holding in your true feelings because you're scared. I was scared too but not anymore! I love you Seamus!" Ridley proclaimed, and they embraced intimately and began to kiss.
CHAPTER 1 END