A/N: Thought I'd venture into the world of Zollie! May or may not write a second part of this, depending if there's demand for it / if I can think of anything to write for it / how to write it. Let me know what you guys think!
"I can't do this, Ollie. I can't." Zosia cried, already exhausted from the days events.
"Yes you can, Zosh. You've got to. C'mon, focus on me. Me and our little girl, that's all that matters right?" Ollie soothed, kissing the top of her head for encouragement and comfort.
It had been a long and tumultuous 9 months for the pair. Zosia's pregnancy came as an unexpected shock, to say the least. They had only been back together a few months, and whilst they had agreed the relationship needed to be 'more', more had become passion with reckless abandon, and in all honesty, they weren't always careful. Sometimes when the opportunity presented itself, there was no time for caution, and neither wanted to ruin the moment with an interruption for protection. It had taken them a while to get their heads around the whole thing; there was some talk of termination in the early stages, but eventually they had made the decision to commit to parenthood, ready or not. They were both adults in a committed relationship with stable jobs, if now wasn't the right time, when would be?
It had been difficult, to say the least. Zosia had taken it upon herself to stop taking her daily dosage of lithium, in fear of hurting their baby. Sure of their decision or not, she couldn't risk that, she'd never forgive herself. She had her good days and her bad, but with the constant support of Ollie and her psychiatrist, she'd made it through.
So here they were, at the 8 month mark of the pregnancy, Zosia a week out from the start of her maternity leave, when she began to feel the twinges of labour. She'd tried desperately to ignore it, hoping they were just Braxton Hicks, she'd certainly had her share of those, hoping that she could stop it and make it to the end of the pregnancy. She'd begged them all, Ollie, Jac, even Mr T, to give her something to delay labour, but they were insistent. Baby wants what baby wants, and now they found themselves on the maternity ward of Holby, both still in their scrubs, having come straight down in the middle of a shift. Zosia's waters had broken mid treatment of an elderly patient, a retired midwife, as ironic as it sounds, and it was then she realised she could not delay this birth anymore, no matter how hard she tried.
"She's too early, Ollie. She won't survive. We have to protect her, please. Please, help me." Zosia looked up at her boyfriend, and tearily begged for his understanding and assistance.
Ollie sighed, he wished more than anything that he could help, but there really was nothing they could do anymore. "I know Zosh, I know. But she wants to come out, so we have to let her."
"No, she can't. We can't. I'm a bad mum, this is my fault. They'll take her from me. Please, don't let them take our baby. Please, I'll do anything." Zosia was becoming hysterical, and Ollie was beginning to suspect the heightened emotions of childbirth were messing with her mental health. Paranoia was a common symptom of bipolar episodes, and whilst he hadn't personally witnessed one of Zosia's before, this is what her father had worried about. But he wasn't going anywhere, he loved this girl. He loved her, and would do anything for her, no matter what.
"Can we have a minute, please?" Ollie glanced up at Derwood and the midwife, knowing Zosia would be worse off with them still in the room, constantly reminding her of the situation and not helping in any way.
"Of course, we'll be right outside if you need us." The gynaecologist replied, taking his leave and allowing the couple a moment alone.
"Zosia, look at me." When she continued to glance downwards, he tried again, lifting her chin to shift her gaze to match his. "Look at me. Just look at me and nobody else." Confident he held her gaze, he continued. "Nobody is going to take our baby. She's perfectly viable at this point, you know that. I know that you know that."
You don't even have to be a doctor to know that much.
"I want mama."
"I know, I know. But she's not here, Zosh."
"You're lying. Where's mama? Please, I need her." She sobbed, breaking his heart.
"I'm sorry, Zosia. Your mother died, you know that." He suspected the lack of lithium, combined with the hormones and high emotions of birth were taking their toll on his girlfriend.
"I'm scared." She confessed, almost inaudibly. "What's happening to me?"
"Oh, Zosia. Come here." He sat beside her on the edge of the bed, as best he could, and wrapped his arms around her, cuddling her into his side. "It's alright. It's all going to be okay. You're fine."
Minutes passed, the two of them cuddling in silence, Ollie stroking her hair and pressing occasional kisses to the crown of her head for comfort, when she felt the next contraction rip through her. She groaned in pain, and gripped the bed sheet underneath her as it passed through her body. Almost as soon as this one passed, Zosia felt another beginning to take hold of her.
As the contraction passed, Ollie began to stand up from the bed. "I'm just going to get Mr T, okay? Your contractions are a lot closer and I think you may be dilating quicker than expected." He crossed the room quickly, opening the door and asking for Derwood. "Derwood, I think we need you. This is happening a lot faster than we thought."
As the pair returned to her bedside, Zosia immediately reached out for Ollie's hand, craving the physical contact and comfort in her time of need. Derwood stood at the foot of the bed and made some notes on her chart before glancing up at her. "Okay Zosia, I need to examine you now, to see how far you're dilated. Is that okay?" She nodded her consent, and he lifted the blankets and her gown to begin his examination. "Alrighty then, looks like baby Valentine is ready to meet her parents. On your next contraction, Zosia, I need you to push as hard as you can, okay?"
"Okay." She nodded her understanding and took a deep breath as the sure signs of another contraction gripped her body.
"That's it, big deep breath. Here we go."
She gripped Ollie's hand in hers as she bore down, pushing and panting through the contraction as she had been instructed.
"That's it, good girl. That's great, Zosia, breathe through it." Derwood encouraged, as the contraction passed. "Good job. Try and relax until the next one, okay? You need to muster your strength and give baby a chance."
"I want mama." She cried again. "Please, I need mama."
"Zosia..." Ollie sighed. What was he supposed to say? He'd already told her the truth once already, he couldn't bear to be the one to break her heart all over again. He looked to Mr Thompson, exchanging concerned glances, silently hoping he could help.
"No, no. Get my dad. He'll tell me the truth. He knows." The young doctor announced, concerned by the deep sigh.
"Zosh, are you sure?" Ollie wasn't convinced, he knew the relationship between Guy and his daughter was strained at the best of times, and certainly a high emotion and stressful situation was not the place for that.
"Yes, Oliver. Just get my dad. I need to see him." She nodded, letting go of his hand as she breathed deeply, taking every opportunity to rest.
Once again, Oliver crossed the room and opened the door, stepping outside and walking towards the waiting room. "Mr Self," he said. "Zosia is asking for you."
"Really?" The consultants face lit up at the mention of his daughter.
"Yeah, but listen to me, I think she's having an episode. She won't accept that her mother is dead, and insisted I get you because you would understand." He explained, sighing and running his hand through his hair. "Please, Mr Self. I don't know what to do but I don't want her to be on her own. She's already pushing." He pleaded, already turning on his heel and speeding back to his partner.
"Zoshie, how are you darling?" Guy asked, making his way to her bedside.
"It hurts, daddy." She cried, as her father dropped a kiss on her head. "Where's mama?"
The consultant sighed and took a few seconds to decide what to say to his vulnerable daughter. "Mama isn't here right now, but listen to me, Zosia, you have to push. Come on, be strong for mama." His words of encouragement were much needed as another contraction took hold, and she was instructed to continue her pushing efforts.
"Great job, darling." Guy comforted, as Ollie kissed her head.
After an hour of pushing, the end was finally in sight.
"Alright, Zosia, you've done so well. One more push, you're so nearly there." Derwood explained, as Zosia lay back in defeat.
"I can't do this anymore." She cried in exasperation, leaning back against the multitude of pillows.
"Yes you can, Zosh, come on. It's alright, I'm right here. One more push, then we'll have our little girl." Ollie gripped her hand as he pulled her up and kissed their entwined hands.
"Zosia, you really need to push on the next one, okay? Baby needs to come out, and she'll get stuck without oxygen if you don't let her come out." Derwood warned, unsure of what else he could say. He'd seen this all too many times, labour was obviously, without doubt, an exhausting process, and by the time many mothers got to the final push, it often felt as though there was nothing left in the tank.
As she took a deep breath and gathered all her remaining strength, she nodded as she felt the final contraction take over. Gripping the hands of her boyfriend and her father, she pushed as hard as she could, letting out a loud groan as she felt her baby being delivered.
"That's it, shoulders are out. Keep going, Zosia." Derwood encouraged, as she gave one final push to deliver her first baby. "Well done." He grinned, as he held the crying baby. "Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby girl. She's a little on the small side, but that's to be expected being a little early. We'll monitor that. Oliver, would you like to cut the cord?" He grinned, offering the scissors to the new father.
"I would love to." He replied, making his way to the end of the bed, to cut the cord on his newborn.
"There you are, just one snip there. Perfect, well done." He praised as he passed the baby over to her father. "There is your daughter. I'll leave you to it for a while."
"Well done, Zoshie." Guy praised, beaming at the sight of his granddaughter as he kissed his own daughter on the head.
"She's perfect, Zosh. She's got your nose, but my eyes, look." Ollie grinned as he brought their daughter over to show her.
"I wanna hold her." She requested, putting her arms out for the tiny baby. She couldn't help but smile through tears as the crying child was placed in her arms for the first time. "Hi, baby. Hi. I'm your mama. Bardzo cie kocham, my little angel. Oh it's okay, you can stop crying now. I've got you." She rocked her daughter slowly as she began to settle down, and tilted her up to show her dad. "Look baby, there's your dziadek."
"Oh Zoshie, she's perfect. She looks just like you, aside from Valentine's eyes, of course." Guy commented, giving his daughter another kiss on the head. "Mama would be so, so proud of you."
"So I know we haven't really spoken about names, but -" Ollie began, before he was cut off by Zosia.
"Penny." She interrupted.
"What?" Did he hear that right?
"Penny. Her name is Penny." She smiled, looking from their daughter to her boyfriend.
"Zosia..." he trailed off, overcome with emotion that she would even think to consider that as an option. "Are you sure?"
"Penny Anya Valentine. That's her name." She nodded, fixated on the tiny bundle in her arms.
It was at that moment Mr Thompson made his return, with the on-call psychiatrist in tow. "Zosia, we need to have a word."
"No, no I know what this is. You're going to take my baby. This is about mama, isn't it? You think I'm mad." She tried to shuffle backwards, but there was nowhere to go.
"Zosia, I'm Doctor Keaton. I need you to calm down, okay? Nobody is taking your baby. We just want to have a word with you." The psychiatrist explained, nodding at Derwood to take his leave.
"Please. Please don't take my baby. She needs me." She cried desperately.
Ollie was at a loss for words. He'd never seen her like this, and he didn't know what to do. "Zosh, it's alright. Nobody's taking Penny." He tried to comfort her, to keep her calm, anything to make this better for them.
"I'm mad, aren't I? This is just like before."
"You're not mad at all, darling. You're just not very well. The pregnancy hormones combined with you not taking your medication is just messing with your head." Guy explained, doing his best to comfort his terrified daughter. "Dr Keaton is here to look after you, to make you better. That's all."
"You won't take Penny?"
"No, Zosia. We just want what's best for you, and for Penny. We'd like you to stay in our mother and baby unit for a while, so we can assess you properly and make sure you're getting the right treatment for your bipolar while you're recovering. Childbirth can be very traumatic, especially to those with mental health issues. We just want to help." Dr Keaton explained. "Is that okay with you?"
Zosia looked around in blind panic, looking from Ollie, to Guy, to down at Penny, desperately hoping someone would help her decide. She knew she needed help, but she didn't want to be apart from Ollie. She needed him; Penny needed him.
"Will I still be able to see Ollie?" She asked, teary eyed.
"Of course. Oliver will be able to visit as much as he likes. We're not forcing you, Zosia, we just think this would be best for you."
Zosia took a deep breath and looked up at Ollie as she squeezed his hand. "Okay. Okay, I'll do it."
"Alright then. Well I need to make some arrangements, so I'll leave you be. I'll be back later and we can discuss your care plan properly, okay?" Zosia nodded her understanding as the psychiatrist took her leave.
"Dad, can we have a minute, please?" Zosia asked, silently pleading her father to leave her.
"Of course. I'll alert Doctor Copeland, shall I?"
"Can you send him up? I want him to meet Penny."
"Sure, darling." He kissed the top of his daughters head before making his exit, heading towards Keller to find his daughter's best friend.
"Bet this isn't what you expected when you had your first child, huh?" Zosia smiled sadly, looking up at Ollie, who had sat himself next to her as best he could. "A mad girlfriend for the mother of your baby. I wouldn't blame you if you left, you know."
"Zosia, do you really think that? Do you really think I'd leave you?"
"It wouldn't be the first time somebody left me because I'm crazy." She admitted, looking down.
"Zosia, I love you, so so much. You're the love of my life and the mother of my child, and I can't imagine my life without you. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
"I love you too." The new mother sniffed, looking up at her boyfriend and gently kissing his waiting lips. "Promise me you'll visit us. I can't do this without you, Ollie. I really can't."
"I promise you, Zosh. You won't be able to get rid of me. Plus we have Penny to think about now. She needs to know who her dad is."
As the new family of three enjoyed their precious time together, the door to their room swung open to reveal one burgundy scrub clad Dominic Copeland.
"Zosh! Your dad's just told me the news, how are you?" He exclaimed, practically running across the room to his best friend.
"Hi, Dom. I'm okay, we both are." She smiled meekly as she tilted the baby up towards him. "Dominic Copeland, Penny Anya Valentine."
"Oh, Zosh, she's beautiful. She's so little. Can I have a hold?"
"No!" Zosia snapped, holding Penny tighter, causing the small baby to begin whining.
"Zosia…" Ollie warned, trying to soothe her. "It's alright."
Confused about the way his best friend was acting, but putting it down to the stress of pregnancy and new motherhood, he changed subject. "When are you coming home?"
"About that…" Zosia began, trailing off as she struggled to find the words to explain. "I, um, well, the thing is…"
"The thing is what? Is Ollie becoming a permanent resident? Because you know I could do without you two and your sex noises while I wallow in my own sexless self pity." Though Dominic of course meant well in his snark, he wasn't making this any easier.
"No, Dom, I, um…" How does one even begin to explain this whole thing?
"Zosia isn't coming home just yet, Dom. She's going to stay in a mother and baby unit for a while, the pregnancy hormones haven't really helped." Ollie took over explaining the situation as it were, sensing Zosia's uneasiness and inability to explain herself.
"Oh, Zosia, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. That was so insensitive of me, your dad didn't say anything." He began his guilt ridden back pedal, but Zosia cut him off.
"It's fine, Dom. I'm okay. I just can't be here while I'm like this, I need to sort my head out. But I can't leave Penny, so it's the best place for the both of us." She tried to reason with herself, despite being scared out of her mind.
"I'm proud of you, lady. That's a big step. Before you know it you'll be home again and I'll be corrupting your little girl from the start." He grinned mischievously, attempting to make her feel better.
"You think so?" That was all she wanted, to get back to some kind of a sense of normality, and live happily with her beautiful baby girl, Ollie and Dom.
"Of course I do, silly! You might be a little nuts on paper but you're still my crazy best friend, and I need you, and your little madam."
Zosia smiled as she looked around at the people she loved the most, and continued to tell herself she was doing the right thing. This was what she needed, she needed help. She was going to get help, and then she, Ollie and Penny could be a proper family, and everything was going to be alright.