When Everything Around Is Broken, a glee fanfic

AN: This plot bunny hit me after watching the season finale (which I thoroughly enjoyed btw!). I was listening to "Scars" by Allison Iraheta and I felt it fit the situation I had envisioned in my head. I changed 'father' to 'mother' for obvious reasons. lol Oh, and the title of the story is from a line in David Cook's "Searchlights." Amazing song! Please R&R! :o)

When Everything Around Is Broken…Could You Say That This Felt Right?

Puck wandered down the hallway of the hospital, anxious for another look at his beautiful daughter. Quinn was asleep, and the rest of the Glee club had gone home. Mr. Schuester was the last to leave, and that had been hours ago. Puck wasn't sure who he was expecting to see when he turned the corner toward the nursery. He definitely didn't expect to see Rachel Berry. Yet, there she was, standing at the window and staring at the babies. She was still in her dress from Regionals, but she had changed into black and gold Converse sneakers instead of her heels. Puck smirked, because only Rachel would own a pair of tennis shoes to match a party dress. Her hair was free from that creepy Bumpit thing that Kurt insisted all the girls wear for the performance; instead it was hanging in a loose ponytail down her back. Puck was exhausted but not blind. Rachel looked great. She really was beautiful, and she looked even more beautiful standing there staring at his daughter. For some reason, knowing that's why she was there made his heart burn. Not in an indigestion sort of way, but a good, warm sensation filling his body. It made him smile for the first time since Quinn told him they had to give Beth up.

He quietly walked up beside her to stand close to her, shoulders barely brushing. She glanced up at him in surprise, but graced him with a sweet smile. Not saying a word, she swung her head back toward the nursery window. They stood there for a few silent moments and Puck wondered what she was thinking about.

Finally, she let out this wistful sigh and spoke, "She's beautiful."

Puck chuckled lightly, "I think she looks like Quinn."

"Oh, I see some Puckerman in her," Rachel grinned as she playfully nudged his side with her elbow.

"Yeah?" Puck asked leaning on the window to look full at Rachel.

Rachel took in his disbelieving face and knew he was being self-deprecating again. She wished she could make him see himself the way she saw him.

"Yeah," Rachel replied softly.

Puck smiled at her and kept his eyes on her as she turned her attention to the glass once more. The look she had as she stared at Beth was filled with wonder but with a certain amount of pensiveness. He wondered if she felt uncomfortable being there.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said suddenly.

Rachel looked up at him warily. She honestly didn't know what to say. There were so many thoughts going processing in her brain, she wasn't sure if she could pinpoint even one to tell him. Thoughts of her mom and Regionals and losing Glee club and Beth and the three boys that had particular holds on her heart—everything was swirling through her mind all at once.

"Oh, I don't want to bother you," she settled on deflecting.

Puck eyed her suspiciously. The Rachel he knew never wanted to be quiet. "Hey," he prodded gently. "You can talk to me. We're friends."

Rachel couldn't help the smile that began to stretch across her face. Sure, he'd said way back when on the bleachers that they weren't friends. And sure, she had felt that wall slowly dissipating, especially in the last few weeks. But, to hear him say they were friends made it seem more real.

"We are?" she dared to clarify.

"Yeah," he admitted sheepishly. Puck stole another glance out of the corner of his eye. "I know what I said...before and all, but I like to think I've done quite a bit of growing up in the last few months."

"You have, Noah," Rachel assured him, gently resting her hand on his and squeezing it. "You have matured into a genuinely nice, mature young man." She smiled shyly up at him and blushed. "You stuck up for me when Jesse broke my heart. I never did thank you for that, by the way."

Now it was Puck's turn to flush. "No problem," he shrugged. "Like I said, we're friends. I've got your back." To make his point, his tickled his fingers up her spine and ruffled her hair, causing her to giggle.

"Okay," she smiled genuinely. "I'm glad."

"You wanna grab something from the cafeteria?" he asked suddenly.

Rachel nodded and took one last look at Beth with a dreamy smile on her face before stepping toward the elevator with Puck. They rode down to the cafeteria in companionable silence, each to his or her own thoughts. Rachel ordered lemon tea and a sugar cookie, while Puck opted for coffee and a piece of apple pie. They munched on their snacks and watched the hospital staff bustle around.

"So, tell me something," Puck finally said.

"What do you want me to say?" Rachel giggled, taken aback by his sudden question.

"I don't know," he smirked. "Surprise me."

Rachel shifted listlessly and stared into the bottom of her cup. "Finn told me he loves me," she whispered.

Puck chuckled and shook his head. Hudson was finally making his move. Puck couldn't decide if he liked that or not. "That doesn't surprise me," he pointed out.

Rachel grinned and rolled her eyes at his teasing.

"Quinn asked me if I love her," Puck offered.

"That doesn't surprise me either," Rachel sighed with a slight smile on her face.

"So, uh, what did you say?" Puck asked casually. He didn't know why, but he really needed to know what she said.

"Nothing," Rachel confessed. Puck let out an inaudible breath as she looked up at him with shining eyes and shrugged. "What was I supposed to say? I don't know what I feel about anything anymore." Biting her lip anxiously, she continued, "What did you say?"

Puck swallowed thickly. "I said I loved her, especially in that moment, but I'm not sure it's the 'in love' kind of love. You know?"

"Yes, it makes perfect sense," Rachel nodded. "You and Quinn are tied together now forever. Just because you aren't raising your child together does not mean that bond is any less strong."

"Shelby wants her, you know," Puck mentioned, carefully taking in Rachel's reaction.

"Oh?" she lilted, trying really hard not to let any tears that suddenly sprang to her eyes escape.

Puck sighed and ran his hand over his shaved head. He felt like a jerk for telling her, but he didn't want her finding out another way. He cared about Rachel too much to let someone slip up down the road and say something about Beth. See? They're friends. It's not like on some days he thinks they could be more than just friends (he does). But, she just got her heart stomped on by Jesse, and he's seen the looks she gives to Finn. And now with Finn confessing his love, it's really only a matter of time. But Puck's not stupid enough to think that she doesn't feel anything for him (she does). Face it, the unresolved sexual tension between them is palpable. He likes it. It keeps him on his toes. It's just more than sexual tension with Rachel. He was protective of her (he'd proved that already), but he couldn't stand to think that this news was just one more thing to knock her down another notch.

"Yeah," he admitted. "She's still gonna name her Beth."

"Well, that's lovely," Rachel scoffed bitterly. "She finally got the baby girl she always wanted." Then, she rose abruptly to throw away her cup with much more force than necessary.

Puck went to stand behind her and gently pried her fingers away from the dirty trashcan she was grabbing onto for dear life. He then held her close to his chest much like they had in that "One" song they did. He remembered how comfortable it felt to hold her. And so far, as tense as she was, she was letting him.

"Hey," he leaned to whisper in her ear, "Just because she wants a baby doesn't mean she didn't want you."

Rachel whirled around and out of his arms before glaring at him. "Oh really, Noah?" she screeched incredulously. "Because I am pretty sure you weren't there when she dismissed the idea of getting to know me!" Puck inched toward her to calm her down, but Rachel continued to back away. "You weren't there when she shot down my offer to simply go to dinner or my suggestion for her to come to McKinley, for her to train me, to teach me. She doesn't want me, Noah. I'm not a baby," she whimpered, collapsing into the closest chair and laying her head on the table in her arms.

"Berry," he crooned, gently scooping her out of her own chair to sit on his lap as she cried into his shirt. "Then don't take it lying down."

"I've tried, Noah," she hiccupped. "I am done trying."

"You know that saying, 'It ain't over till the fat lady sings'?" Puck asked, brushing the stray hairs away from her face.

Rachel let out a sad chuckle. "Noah, what exactly are you trying to say?"

"Well, you are definitely far from fat," he winked, earning another giggle out of her, "but I think this situation with you and Shelby ain't over till you sing it out." Rachel stared at him dubiously, but he pressed on, "I know you, Rachel Berry. You sing about everything. Surely you have something you want to say to her that can only be spoken through lyrics.

"Well, there is one song that has been floating through my head for the last few days," Rachel reasoned.

Puck smiled; of course she would have something in mind already. "So do it," he encouraged. "Stick it to her and let her know what she's missing by not being a part of your life."

"Will you come with me?" Rachel whispered. She hated that she sounded so needy, but right now, she just needed a friend. Someone to help her through this.

"'Course I will," Puck agreed.

Monday after school, Rachel was emotionally drained. They had poured their hearts and souls into Glee club, only to have it taken away. They sang a special song for Mr. Schuester at her insistence, but the way he teared up made the kids feel even worse. Puck and Rachel stood just outside Shelby Corcoran's office when Rachel paused to take a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" Puck checked on her. "We don't have to do this today."

"I have to do it, or I never will," Rachel said determinedly. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer. Puck slipped his hand into hers and quickly gave it a squeeze of reassurance.

"Come in," Shelby said.

Rachel walked resolutely into the room and began speaking before Shelby even had time to register who was in her office. "I wanted Regionals to be the last time you had to see me and vice versa, but someone who is very important to me told me that I can't let this go if I haven't said everything I need to say to you," she said, glancing at Puck. "So, here it is. This is me laying it all out of the table for you."

Shelby began to stand up and said, "Rachel, I-"

"No, Shelby," Rachel said sharply but not disrespectfully. "Please listen. This is important. To me. For us."

Shelby stared at Rachel's pleading face and swallowed hard. She eyed Puck who silently conveyed the message of Please. Just do this one thing. She nodded imperceptibly.

"Okay," she conceded.

Rachel took a deep breath and decided to just jump in. "I'm tired of thinking I'm not enough for you. Because I am. I am driven and talented and smart, and I'm going places. Not to mention that I'm most definitely worth getting to know and love. And if you're too blinded by wanting a baby to raise than a teenage daughter to mentor then that is not my problem anymore." Rachel blinked furiously, trying to rid her eyes from the building tears. "I'm done trying, Shelby. You are not the only one who has it hard in this situation. Don't think for a second that I don't realize you were the one who put Jesse up to being my friend or boyfriend or whatever he was and then have him crush my heart right before the biggest competition of our lives at this present time," she accused. Shelby opened her mouth to protest that statement, but Rachel pressed on, "I have so much more I want to say to you; I can't even get it all out. But seeing as I'm my mother's daughter, I figured I could get through to you in song. So, please listen and understand where I'm trying to come from. That is all I ask."

It didn't even matter that she had no music, Rachel simply sang. She sang from her heart, even though it felt like it was breaking in two.

Did I say something stupid?
There goes one more mistake
Do I bore you with my problems?
Is that why you turn away?
Do you know how hard I've tried
To become what you want me to be?

Take me, this is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not, all that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars

Shelby closed her eyes as she listened to Rachel sing. The words she sang hit Shelby straight in the gut.

You say don't act like a child
But what if it's a mother I need?
It's not like you don't know
What you got yourself into
Don't tell me I'm the one who's naive
Do you know how hard I've tried
To become what you want me to be?

Come on, just let it go
These are things you can't control
Your expectations, your explanations
Don't make sense to me
You and your alternatives
Don't send me to your therapist
Deep down I know what you need
And I'm not sure that's what I wanna be

Puck watched in amazement as the girl before him poured out her soul to this woman. He had never heard Rachel sing with such raw emotion. He watched Shelby hold back tears, and he knew this was hard on her too whether either female would ever admit it.

Did I say something stupid?
There goes on more mistake

As soon as Rachel trailed off the final note, Shelby came to stand right in front of her. "Rachel, honey, I'm sorry things can't be the way you want them to be. I told you before: I can't come waltzing into your life any more than you can come into mine. It doesn't work that way, sweetie," she pleaded for understanding.

"I know that now. I don't expect anything else from you, Shelby," Rachel sighed. "I'm not mad; I don't hate you. I'm disappointed, yes, but in time I'll get over it. I'll go back to life before I even thought about my mom. And you can go back to before you met me. But promise me this: Promise me that you will love Beth with your whole heart and you will teach her everything you wanted to teach me. Promise me that she will know that her real parents were good, strong people that only wanted the best for her. Please just promise me that you will be the kind of mother to her that I know you could've been to me."

Shelby wiped her eyes with the palm of her hands before speaking, "I promise, Rachel."

That was all Rachel needed to hear. She quickly headed for the door. Puck slipped out before Rachel turned one last time to face her mother, "Goodbye, Shelby."

Without waiting for an answer, she shut the door, leaving Shelby to speak to the empty office, "Goodbye, Rachel."

Rachel slumped into the passenger seat of Puck's truck and leaned her head on the cool glass. Puck let her have some silence for awhile; she needed time.

Finally, he spoke up, "Thanks for saying that about me and Quinn back there."

"Of course, Noah. I care about you," she said fervently. "And I know how hard it was for you to give Beth up." She leaned over to touch his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I will be," he admitted. "How are you?" he asked seriously.

"I think I'll be fine too," Rachel said definitively.

"Good," he said, flashing a small grin. "I'm, uh, here for you, you know," he stated awkwardly.

Rachel smiled as they rolled to a stop at a red light. She placed her hand on his cheek and said, "I know. I'm always here for you too, Noah."

"I know," Puck returned gratefully, savoring the warmth of her hand on his face. "Hey, let's go get a slushie," he suggested happily.

"Grape?" Rachel piped up hopefully, quirking an eyebrow.

"Always," Puck grinned.

Please let me know what you think! :o)