Percy Jackson and the Olympians Season 1:
The Lightning Thief
First Script
Episode 1: I Accidently Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher
*episode starts with Percy Jackson sitting on his bed looking directly at the screen*
Percy Jackson: Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood
Percy Jackson: If you're watching this because you think you
might be one, my advice is: turn off the TV now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.
Percy Jackson: Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most
of the time it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.
Percy Jackson: If you're a normal kid, watching this because
you think it's fiction, great. Watch on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.
Percy Jackson: But if you recognize yourself in these scenes - if
you feel something stirring inside - stop watching immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before they sense it too, and they'll come for you.
Percy Jackson: Don't say I didn't warn you.
*theme song plays*
A half-blood of the eldest gods
Shall reach sixteen against all odds
And see the world in endless sleep
The hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap
A single choice shall end his days
Olympus to preserve or raze
*theme song ends*
*screen shows Percy on a bus, looking out the window*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: My name is Percy Jackson.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I'm twelve years old. Until a few
months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Am I a troubled kid?
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Yeah. You could say that.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I could start at any point in my short
miserable life to prove it, but things really started
going bad last May, when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhattan- twenty-eight mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.
*shot zooms out to show the entire bus*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I know - it sounds like torture. Most
Yancy field trips were.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: But Mr. Brunner, out Latin teacher,
was leading this trip, so I had hopes.
*shot zooms in to Mr. Brunner*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Mr. Brunner was this middle-aged
guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair
and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which
always smelled like coffee. You wouldn't think he'd be
cool, but he told stories and jokes and let us play
games in class. He also had this awesome collection of
Roman armor and weapons, so he was the only
teacher whose class didn't put me to sleep.
*shot goes back to Percy looking out the bus window*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I hoped the trip would be okay. At
least, I hoped that for once I wouldn't get in trouble.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Boy, was I wrong.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: See, bad things happen to me on
field trips. *flashback plays* Like at my fifth-grade
school, when we went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had
this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon. I
wasn't aiming for the school bus, but of course I got
expelled. *flashback ends**flashback starts* And before
that, at my fourth grade school, when we took a
behind-the-scenes tour of the Marine World shark
pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and
our class took an unplanned swim. *flashback
ends**flashback starts*And the time before that. . .
Well, you get the idea. *flashback ends*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: This trip, I was determined to be
good.
*shot widens to show Nancy Bobofit and Grover Underwood*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: All the way into the city, I put up
with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly, redheaded
kleptomaniac girl, hitting my best friend Grover in the
back of the head with chunks of peanut butter-and-
ketchup sandwich.
*shot zooms in to just Grover*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Grover was an easy target. He was
scrawny. He cried when he got frustrated. He must've
been held back several grades, because he was the only
sixth grader with acne and the start of a wispy beard
on his chin. On top of all that, he was crippled. He
had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his
life because he had some kind of muscular disease in
his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him,
but don't let that fool you. You should've seen him
run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.
*shot zooms back out to show Nancy throwing wads of sandwich at Grover*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Anyway, Nancy Bobofit was throwing
wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair,
and she knew I couldn't do anything back to her
because I was already on probation. The headmaster
had threatened me with death by in-school suspension
if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly
entertaining happened on this trip.
*shot zooms out to show Percy*
Percy Jackson: *mumbling* I'm going to kill her.
*Grover tries to calm Percy down*
Grover Underwood: It's okay. I like peanut butter.
*Grover dodges another sandwich wad*
Percy Jackson: *angrily* That's it.
*Percy tries to get up, Grover pulls him back down*
Grover Underwood: You're already on probation. You know
who'll get blamed if anything happens.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Looking back on it, I wish I'd decked
Nancy Bobofit right then and there. In-school
suspension would've been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.
*screen fades to black*
*screen shows the class walking into the museum*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Mr. Brunner led the museum tour.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: He rode up front in his wheelchair,
guiding us through the big echoey galleries, past
marble statues and glass cases full of really old black-and-orange pottery.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: It blew my mind that this stuff had
survived for two thousand, three thousand years.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: He gathered us around a thirteen-
foot-tall stone column with a big sphinx on the top,
and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a
stele, for a girl about our age. He told us about the
carvings on the sides. I was trying to listen to what he
had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but
everybody around me was talking, and every time I
told them to shut up, the other teacher chaperone,
Mrs. Dodds, would give me the evil eye.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Mrs. Dodds was this little math
teacher from Georgia who always wore black leather
jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked mean enough to ride a Harley right into your locker. She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our last math teacher had a nervous breakdown.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: **flashback* From her first day, Mrs.
Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn. She would point her crooked finger at me and say, "Now, honey, " real sweet, and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month. *flashback ends*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: *flashback* One time, after she'd
made me erase answers out of old math workbooks
until midnight, I told Grover I didn't think Mrs.
Dodds was human. He looked at me, real serious, and
said, "You're absolutely right. " *flashback ends*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Mr. Brunner kept talking about
Greek funeral art.
*Nancy snickers something about the naked guy on the stele*
Percy Jackson: *turns* Will you shut up?
Percy Jackson Voiceover: It came out louder than I meant it
to.
*The class laughs*
*Mr. Brunner stops his story*
Mr. Brunner: Mr. Jackson, did you have a comment?
Percy Jackson: *face flushes* No sir.
*Mr. Brunner points to a picture on the stele*
Mr. Brunner: Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture
represents?
*Percy looks at the carving and feels relieved*
Percy Jackson: That's Kronos eating his kids, right?
Mr. Brunner: *looking unsatisfied* Yes, and he did this
because…
Percy Jackson: Well… *racking his brain* Kronos was the king
god, and-
Mr. Brunner: God?
Percy Jackson: Titan. And ... He didn't trust his kids, who were
the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus, and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead. And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters-
Unnamed Girl #1: Eeew!
Percy Jackson: -And so there was this big fight between the
gods and the Titans, and the gods won.
*some of the group snickers*
Nancy Bobofit: *mumbling to a friend* Like we're going to use
this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, 'Please explain why Kronos ate his kids.'
Mr. Brunner: And why, Mr. Jackson, to paraphrase Miss
Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life?
Grover Underwood: *muttering* Busted.
Nancy Bobofit: *face flushes**hissing* Shut up.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: At least Nancy got packed, too. Mr.
Brunner was the only one who ever caught her saying
anything wrong. He had radar ears.
Percy Jackson: *shrugs* I don't know, sir.
Mr. Brunner: *looking disappointed* I see. Well, half credit, Mr.
Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you lead us back outside?
*The class drifts off, the girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doo-fuses.*
Mr. Brunner: Mr. Jackson.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I knew that was coming
Percy Jackson: Keep going Grover. *turns to Mr. Brunner* Sir?
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Mr. Brunner had this look that
wouldn't let you go- intense brown eyes that could've been a thousand years old and had seen everything
Mr. Brunner: You must learn the answer to my question.
Percy Jackson: About the Titans?
Mr. Brunner: About real life. And how your studies apply to it.
Percy Jackson: Oh.
Mr. Brunner: What you learn from me, is vitally important. I
expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I wanted to get angry, this guy
pushed me so hard.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: *flashback* I mean, sure, it was kind
of cool on tournament days, when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armor and shouted: "What ho!'" and challenged us, sword-point against chalk, to run to the board and name every Greek and Roman per-son who had ever lived, and their mother, and what god they worshipped. But Mr. Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else, despite the fact that I have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and I had never made above a C- in my life. No-he didn't expect me to be as good; he expected me to be better. And I just couldn't learn all those names and facts, much less spell them correctly. *flashback ends*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I mumbled something about trying
harder, while Mr. Brunner took one long sad look at the stele, like he'd been at this girl's funeral.
Mr. Brunner: Go outside and eat your lunch.
*screen fades to black*
*screen shows the class outside of the museum*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: The class gathered on the front steps
of the museum, where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Overhead, a huge storm was brewing,
with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city. I figured maybe it was global warming or something, because the weather all across New York state had been weird since Christmas. We'd had massive snow storms, flooding, wildfires from lightning strikes. I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Nobody else seemed to notice. Some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables crackers. Nancy Bobofit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's purse, and, of course Mrs. Dodds wasn't seeing a thing.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Grover and I sat on the
edge of the fountain, away from the others. We thought that maybe if we did that, everybody wouldn't know we were from that school - the school for loser freaks who couldn't make it elsewhere.
Grover Underwood: Detention?
Percy Jackson: Nah, not from Brunner. I just wish he'd lay off
me sometimes. I mean – I'm not a genius.
*Grover pauses for a minute*
Grover Underwood: Can I have your apple?
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I didn't have much of an appetite, so
I let him take it.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I watched the stream of cabs going
down Fifth Avenue, and thought about my mom's apartment, only a little ways uptown from where we sat. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head home. She'd hug me and be glad to see me, but she'd be disappointed, too. She'd send me right back to Yancy, remind me that I had to try harder, even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to be kicked out again. I wouldn't be able to stand that sad look she'd give me.
*shot moves to show Mr. Brunner*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Mr. Brunner parked his wheelchair
at the base of the handicapped ramp. He ate celery while he read a paperback novel. A red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair, making it look like a motorized cafe table.
*shot moves to show Percy, Grover and Nancy at the fountain*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I was about to unwrap my sandwich
when Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends - I guess she'd gotten tired of stealing from the tourists-and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.
Nancy Bobofit: *grins toothily* Oops.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I tried to stay cool. The school
counselor had told me a million times, "Count to ten, get control of your temper. " But I was so mad my mind went blank. A wave roared in my ears.
*the water from the fountain pulls Nancy in*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I don't remember touching her, but
the next thing I knew, Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain, screaming.
Nancy Bobofit: Percy pushed me!
*Mrs. Dodds materializes next to them*
Unnamed Kid #1: Did you see-
Unnamed Kid #2: -the water-
Unnamed Kid #3: -like it grabbed her-
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I didn't know what they were talking
about. All I knew was that I was in trouble again.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: As soon as Mrs. Dodds was sure poor
little Nancy was okay, promising to get her a new shirt at the museum gift shop, etc. , etc. , Mrs. Dodds turned on me. There was a triumphant fire in her eyes, as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester.
Mrs. Dodds: Now, honey-
Percy Jackson: *grumbling* I know, a month erasing
workbooks.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: That wasn't the right thing to say.
Mrs. Dodds: Come with me.
Grover Underwood: Wait! It was me. I pushed her.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't
believe he was trying to cover for me. Mrs. Dodds scared Grover to death.
*Mrs. Dodds stares at Grover and his whiskery chin trembles*
Mrs. Dodds: I don't think so, Mr. Underwood.
Grover Underwood: But-
Mrs. Dodds: You-will-stay-here.
*Grover looks at Percy desperately*
Percy Jackson: It's okay, man. Thanks for trying.
Mrs. Dodds: Honey. Now.
*Nancy smirks at Percy*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later
stare. Then I turned to face Mrs. Dodds, but she wasn't there. She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the steps, gesturing impatiently at me to come on.
*Percy looks confused*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I have moments like that a lot, when
my brain falls asleep or something, and the next thing I know I've missed something, as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank place behind it. The school counselor told me this was part of the ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I wasn't so sure.
*Percy goes after Mrs. Dodds*
*Halfway up the steps, Percy glances back at Grover who seems like he's trying to signal Mr. Brunner*
*Percy looks back at Mrs. Dodds who is now at the end of the entrance hall*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Okay, I thought. She's going to make
me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: But apparently that wasn't the plan.
*Percy finally catches up with Mrs. Dodds in the Greek and Roman section*
*The gallery is empty, expect for the two of them*
*Mrs. Dodds stands in from of a marble frieze of the Greek Gods with her arms crossed, and she is slightly growling*
Mrs. Dodds: You've been giving us problems, honey.
Percy Jackson: Yes ma'am.
Mrs. Dodds: *tugging on the cuffs of her leather jacket* Did you
really think you could get away with it.
Percy Jackson: *is nervous* I'll - I'll try harder ma'am.
*thunder shakes the building*
Mrs. Dodds: We are not fools, Percy Jackson. It was only a
matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: I didn't know what she was talking
about.
Percy Jackson Voiceover: All I could think of was that the
teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room. Or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.
Mrs. Dodds: *demandingly* Well?
Percy Jackson: Ma'am I don't…
Mrs. Dodds: Your time is up.
*Mrs. Dodds' eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into large, leathery wings. She wasn't human. She was a shriveled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs, and she was about to slice me to ribbons.*
Percy Jackson Voiceover: Then things got even stranger.
*screen fades to black*
*screen shows Mr. Brunner entering the gallery*
Mr. Brunner: *tossing a pen at Percy* What ho, Percy!
*Mrs. Dodds lunges at Percy*
*Percy yelps and dodges, feeling the talons slash the air next to his ear*
*Percy snatches the ballpoint pen out of the ears which turns to a bronze sword as soon as he touches it*
*Mrs. Dodds spins toward Percy with a murderous look in her eyes*
*Percy is shaking and almost drops the sword*
Mrs. Dodds: *snarling* Die, honey!
*Mrs. Dodds flies straight at Percy*
*Percy swings the sword in absolute terror. It hits Mrs. Dodds' shoulder, passes clean through her body and she explodes into yellow powder leaving a smell of sulfur, a dying screech and a chill of evil*
*Percy stands in the gallery, alone, trembling*
*Percy heads back outside, where it had started to rain*
Nancy Bobofit: I hope Mrs. Kerr whipped your butt.
Percy Jackson: *confused* Who?
Nancy Bobofit: Our teacher. Duh!
Percy Jackson: What are you talking about?
*Nancy rolls her eyes and turns away*
Percy Jackson: Grover, where's Mrs. Dodds?
Grover Underwood: *pauses* Who?
Percy Jackson: Not funny, man. This is serious.
*thunders booms overhead*
*Percy looks over at Mr. Brunner and heads over*
Mr. Brunner: *distractedly* Ah, that would be my pen. Please
bring your own writing utensil in the future, Mr. Jackson.
*Percy hands Mr. Brunner his pen*
Percy Jackson: Sir, where's Mrs. Dodds?
Mr. Brunner: *stares at Percy blankly* Who?
Percy Jackson: The other chaperone. Mrs. Dodds. The pre-
algebra teacher.
Mr. Brunner: *frowning and looking mildly concerned* Percy,
there is no Mrs. Dodds on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?