Lost Abroad
Desmond: YAY, YAY, YAY, YAY, YAY, AND ANOTHER YAAAAAY!
Charlie: Desmond, please shut the hell up you've been saying that for an hour.
Desmond: (Quietly) Yaaaay…
(Jack gets over exited and then passes out)
Sawyer: Has anyone got a pen? I wanna doodle on his face.
Hurley: hehe doodle (sniggers)
Selena: Hello there, I'm a tour guide I'll be showing you around and making sure you don't do anything stupid I've been watching ever since that err… fuzz ball started shouting YAAY over and over. We've had a few complaints
Sawyer: Oh yeah how many?
Selena: (takes the clip off the clipboard and dozens and dozens fall to the ground, all titled complaints)
Shannon: That's a lot of paper.
Smoke monster: Really! Really! You don't say! GOD I CANT BELIEVE I GET STUCK WITH THESE LOSERS!
Charlie: oh shut up, it's only because you're in the suitcase.
Smoke Monster: Yes but why? Why not Goodwin or Frogurt?
Charlie: Well a murderous piece of smoke floating about isn't exactly going to be a welcoming sight! Plus Goodwin and Frogurt still think we're playing hide and seek.
Smoke Monster: we've been gone about half a day!
Announcer: flight 467 to Florida is now departing. Please report to departure lounges 5 and 6.
Sawyer: OK, sky voice we will do those things you just told us to do.
Charlie: report to what
Sawyer: Shhh I will serve you, oh mighty sky voice.
Selena: Come on then departure lounges 5 or 6. Let's go for 6.
Charlie: why 6? what's so special about it?
Selena: because hopefully it's the empty one
Smoke Monster: hurtful
(Jack at this moment in time is struggling to get off the floor, and every time he sits up, Charlie pushes him back down.)
Jack: (singing)Show me the way to go home, everybody! I'm tired and I want to go to bed, just the women!
(Meanwhile in the departure lounge…)
Shannon: oh my god, I can't believe we're going to Florida! I can't wait to see all the landmarks, talk about historical events and characters for my educational benefit.
(Jack gets up hears this from Shannon and faints…again)
Sawyer: do you know what, the sky voice isn't giving me anything evil or good to do so I'm normal again, 'SUP freckles?
Kate: typical you were just afraid of an announcer speaker, and you're still acting like a player, ugh men.
Ana: More like ugh sawyer!
Kate: You go girl!
(Ana and Kate go for a high five but miss. Kate hits Ana in the face, so Ana pounces on Kate and they turn into a ball of smoke as they wrestle)
Jack: Charlie?
Charlie: ooh look a tree…
Jack: oooh where?
Kate: Jack it's nowhere, we're in a…
Charlie: shhhhh Kate, Kate, let him dream.
Claire: hey Charlie.
Charlie: oh hey Claire.
Smoke Monster: Charlie, it feels really tight in here are these your things?
Charlie: yeah
Smoke Monster: isn't that Locke's "personal space" as he calls it?
Charlie: yeah so?
Smoke Monster: OH LOCKE!
Locke: yeah? Wait, who said that, OH NO, I'VE GONE INSANE! AHHHH!
Smoke Monster: No Locke it's OK. It's just the smoke monster who kills people and makes them go missing.
Locke: Oh then that's OK. So what did you want?
Smoke Monster: check the suitcase.
(Locke opens the suitcase and then his face turns to horror and he starts to inflate with anger.)
Locke: Charlie! I can't believe you filled my personal space
Claire: Err Charlie?
Charlie: (to Locke) this is not the time, (to Claire) that is NOT what it sounds!
Claire: goodbye now
Hurly: oh s*** I forgot to get tickets!
(goes to ticket stall)
Stall manager: sorry sir you need two seats, because you're so fat!
(Hurley runs back and the group got bored and decided to get on the plane)
Hurley: WAIIITTT!
(He runs five steps then pants out of breath and passes out, as Claire comes back and tries to drag him on the plane. Sawyer Ana, Kate, Jack Charlie and Ben try to help, and in the end 3 security guards and a flight attendant all have to chip in.)
On the plane…
Pilot: hello there vacationers. We'll be going to Florida today … errr … food will be coming round on the trolley, and errr … Please turn off all mobile phones and all other electrically operated devices. Please enjoy the flight.
Sawyer: Ahh, it's the sky voice's husband!
Charlie: not this again (In nice voice) Sawyer… (shouts) SHUT THE HELL UP!
Hurly: LOL MAN LOL!
Jack: I'm so uncomfortable in this stupid seatbelt
Charlie: take it off then!
Jack: I… I can't.
Charlie: are you scared, is the big boy scared? Oh no, he's scared… awww…
Jack: Shhhhh OK I'm scared but Sawyer's on the seat opposite us - he'll torture me mentally. Speaking of torturing, where's Sayid?
Charlie: Sawyer was mad at him still for torturing him with bamboo shoots, so he put about 100 layers of palm frond on his tent so he can't get out… we left without him.
Jack: Oh…
On the way to the hotel…13:01 p.m.
Sawyer: can we go to the pool now?
Ana: if he asks that one more time I'm gonna smack him in places that shouldn't be smacked!
Sawyer: when are we going to the…?
(Ana smacks Sawyer in the balls)
Sawyer: ahhhhhhhhhhhh (recovers) you smacked my winky!
Ana: get over it, be a man!
Sawyer: Says you, you're a ghost!
Ana: So's Charlie, and Libby and Jack, and Locke, and Shannon, and Boone, and Alex. They're all dead - we're the cool ghosts.
Sam Winchester: So Dean we'll… (Looks) stop hitting on the hot chick ghost!
Dean Winchester: yeah ok errm right, why are we here?
Sam Winchester: we gotta bust all the ghosts you idiot. Remember I have that video of you screaming like the scared little girl you are that I just happened to record.
Dean Winchester: right yeah ok busting the ghosts… Why?
Sam Winchester: (teasingly) video... Let's go
Ana: r-random, t-that small guy was HOT!
Sawyer: I'm not small…
Ana: I wasn't talking about you but now I think about it …Come here, hot stuff!
(Sawyer and Ana proceed to make out.)
Charlie: yuck, yuck, yucky!
Sawyer: aww bless the little munchkin - he doesn't know how he came into his British world.
Charlie: what are you talking about?
Sawyer: (takes Charlie in the corner and tells him how babies are made.)
Sawyer: it's the circle of life, boy.
Charlie: it's the grossest circle I've ever heard in my life. OH MY GOD! Ugh! Eww!
(At the hotel… finally! 14:07 p.m.)
Desmond: we're here, we're here, we're here! WHOOOO!
Charlie: can we just leave him, somewhere - anywhere?
Charlie: hey Desmond, do you wanna play in the elevators with me?
Desmond: oh I'll do anything with you, Charlie
Charlie: ok… let's GO!
Jack: Locke, Locke, Locke, Locke you wanna play on the luggage trolleys?
Locke: sure why not?
17:24 p.m.
(Selena appears through the hotel doors, exhausted.)
Selena: hello? Guys?
Jack and Locke: WWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Selena: guys, guys what room are the girls in?
Locke: 4b
In the room 4B…
Claire: where have you been?
Selena: you left me at the airport, I wasn't on the plane, didn't you notice?
Claire: LOL… I-I mean oh no…
At the pool the next day…
(Sawyer appears to be sleeping on a Lillo in the middle of the pool)
Charlie: (sniggers)GO! (All the boys fire water balloons at him)
Sawyer: AHHHHHHH! (falls off Lillo)
Ben: hehe giggle…
Charlie: dude did you sleep there?
Sawyer: maybe…
Charlie: c'mon we've gotta pack and go
Sawyer: where?
Charlie: to the town.
Sawyer: boring!
Charlie: to the mall.
Sawyer: lame
Charlie: to where the hot chicks hang out.
Sawyer: I say we go!
Charlie: come on, let's pack
Sawyer: why?
Charlie: we're going tonight.
Sawyer: why?
Charlie: 'cause…
Sawyer: why?
(Charlie smacks Sawyer on the head.)
Sawyer: owww! I'll go pack!
Charlie: yeah you run away…
In the town…
(Shannon has 4 bags in each hand and Jack is trailing behind with about 20 shoe boxes.)
Shannon: someone carry these bags!
Boone: what's the magic word?
Shannon: carry the bags… (Boone raises an eyebrow) please.
Boone: actually the word was Damon but I'll accept your please 'cause you're a pretty girl.
Charlie: I bought you this, Claire.
Claire: Awww a jar of smooth peanut butter that's not imaginary.
Charlie: yeah
Kate: Sawyer, where did you get that money?
Sawyer: errr
Kate: you conned someone?
Sawyer: hehe
Selena: I'm going to get some, what I call, "lunch".
Sawyer: it is lunch, it just is lunch!
Hurley: can I have a…
Selena: NO!
Hurley: …double cheese burger?
Selena: (mutters to self as she walks off)
Sawyer: that is such an annoying, what I call, phrase
Charlie: (to Claire) I got some pickles too
Claire: ok… why?
Charlie: c'mon try it.
Claire: (flicks pickle around as she's talking)
Jack: Claire! You're getting pickle-nut-butter all over my poster of me fixing everything!
Claire: Jack… that's just a Bob the Builder poster with a picture of your head taped over it!
Jack: (sniffles) killjoy
Claire: excuse me?
Jack: n-nothing (under breath) you scare me.
Claire: get ready to be terrified
Jack: arrgghhhhh not my perfect face!
Kate: perfect?
Jack: (stands with a serious face) hey!
Kate: what you gonna do?
Jack: I'll tell what ya I'm gonna…
Selena: BREAK IT UPPPP! We've got to go to the airport. To go home.
Jack and Kate: ooooooooooooh we don't want to! (they look at each other, slap each other and then snog each other)
At the airport again…
Everyone is hugging random people coming off other planes, saying they'll miss them, but Sawyer is making out with all the women instead.
Hot woman: call me!
Sawyer: we'll see…
Announcer: flight oceanic 815 replica is ready for boarding!
Sawyer: (gulps)Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Don't disobey her, she'll get her husband!
Charlie: arrrgghhhh!
Jack: (coughs) issues
Ana: how can you say that? I mean, speak for yourself! Ugh that's annoyed me now…
On the plane…
Smokey: has everyone got their unpoppable man-sized plastic balls for the crash?
Everyone: yes!
Kate: what about the other people on the plane?
Charlie: we're the only people on the plane!
Kate: what?
Charlie: we're gonna crash again but we don't want to get hurt, hence the plastic balls.
Smokey: get inside them, we'll be there any minute.
Three minutes later…
Charlie: AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
Hurley: ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone else: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(The plane crashes with everybody lying down in their air bubbles)
Desmond: (sits up really fast) Who's alive?
Ana: not me!
Hurley: me neither, I can't find a pulse! I'm dead I - I (finds pulse) I'm good.
Sawyer: (sits up, notices a leg is sticking up) oh my god! (Twists it)
Charlie: (lying underneath Sawyer) owww!
Sawyer: oh, sorry. (Twists it back)
Charlie: owww!
Desmond: So when's the trip?
A/n: Hey there this is Wickedgal08. This is my 10 year old sister's account and this is her story. I'm asking on her behalf for you not to judge her too harshly as she's not really watched the show, only the odd episode. I think this is really funny considering her age so I hope you like this! I know I'm proud of her for writing it. Selena is her OC, and Sam and Dean are from Supernatural... Their appearance here is random but funny.