A/N: My take on the season 5 information that has been released. Well, i say my take, this is what i WISH would happen. Whether that does or not, is well, up to tptb. Awesome. /sarcasm So all you spoiler free folks, careful... CONTAINS POSSIBLE SPOILERS.
Huge, special warm fuzzy thanks to Twinkeyrocks for nudging me to develop practically the whole story. It wouldn't even be half the story without her, love you babe!
Italics is Leanne Rhymes - Please Remember.
Time, sometimes the time just slips away.
And you're left with yesterday, left with the memories.
I, I'll always think of you and smile,
And be happy for the time, I had you with me.
Though we go our separate ways,
I wont forget –So don't forget the memories we made.
I try to concentrate on what I'm supposed to be doing; I really am trying. I know it isn't my place anymore. I lost that, but I can't help but miss her. I screwed up. We've gone our separate ways, and I get that. I really do.
But sometimes it just isn't good enough. I want more – I want her.
I'll always be happy and treasure the memories, the time I had her with me. It was damn special to me.
But sometimes, even that isn't good enough. I want to make it better – I have to make this better.
I can see she feels it too. She doesn't smile at him like she used to smile at me. She doesn't get as excited around him. She doesn't tease him. She doesn't love him like she loved me.
I just want her to remember me, not what I became for a while, but what I really am. Who I really am. I want her to remember me, the guy she fell in love with. They guy she tried to forget.
Please remember, please remember I was there for you and you were there for me.
Please remember, please remember
i was there for you and you were there for me.
Please remember our time together
When time was yours and mine, and we were wild and free.
Please remember; please remember me.
I pick up my crap and head to my office. I shoulda known I wouldn't get any work done in the break room, 'specially when he's loitering about. Jackass, since when has a DA needed to spend so much time in the crime lab, huh?
I take the longer route to the office and walk past Trace. Just to see her, to hear her.
I stand in the doorway for a minute, and rest against it, case file in hand...
"No, James, come here, let me show you."
"Lindsay, I think I can look through a microscope, what is it I'm looking at"
She glances up, and catches me stood in the doorway. All of a sudden, she falls silent. Mr. Boyfriend, she's got something going on with glances towards her, and clears his throat,
"Can we help you, Danny?" he smirks as he pulls her closer to him.
"No, no. I just wanted to see how Montana's case was coming along?"
"It's fine, thanks," he answers for her as he places a kiss to her temple.
"Linds, you lost your tongue or somethin'"
"No, she just doesn't want to speak to you, actually" he chips in again.
"S'gonna be a bit hard, I work with her."
He seriously pisses me off, talk about jealous boyfriends. All I'm doing is talking to her.
We were best friends, all each other had at one point. He can't just come in here and take that.
I glance over in her direction, and I close my eyes for a second.
What am I doing? I'm messing this up for her. She doesn't deserve this. I need to get my act together and leave her alone. She's happy. That's all that matters.
"Sorry guys, I didn't mean to intrude or anythin'"
I turn in the opposite direction in the way I had intended to head, and instead just head straight to the office, screw the long route.
But, before I do, I turn back into trace.
"Linds, you know if you need any help on this, let me know. I'm on paperwork till Mac assigns me on a case, so you know, a pair of hands to analyse something, or anything. Just give me a shout, ya hear?"
"Thanks Danny" she smiles, locking eyes with me.
"So, Lindsay, what is this did you say I was looking at" James coughs to get her attention back.
I make the short walk to the office, passing Mac's and Stella's. It was odd when Stell moved out of our office.
I shake my head, it isn't 'ours' it's mine and Lindsay's there's no 'ours' about it, not anymore.
I push in through the doorway and chuck my paperwork onto my desk. I stalk, slowly towards it, until something catches my eye on her desk.
And how we laughed, and how we smiled.
And our home was yours and mine,
And how no dream was out of reach.
I stood by you, you stood by me.
We took each day, and made it shine.
We wrote our names across the sky.
We ran so fast, we ran so free.
I had you and you had me.
That picture was taken like the night before the hostage situation, when we were celebrating the end of the John McEnroe case, Sid, among with his many, many skills had done a photography course a few months back, when his archery had got 'routine' and wanted to try it out on us, before me and Linds 'headed home', or you know, back to mine for some drinks, a few games of pool.
I think the team purposely shoved Lindsay and me together. But, in all honesty, I didn't care.
I pick the picture up and trace the contours of both our faces.
I was laughing and she was smiling. For both of us, it was our favourite picture, of course, secretly. We both had ones was more couply, so to speak… Like the one where we had fallen asleep on the couch in the break room snuggled together, and Stella decided to whip her camera out to use as blackmail, apparently before Montana had started, I claimed I didn't cuddle, personally, I can't remember but, whatever.
Or the one that Flack had taken when we all got a day off together and decided to hot tail it down to Coney Island. He was dragging behind and in the end, me and Montana left him. Only for him to take a picture of us, her head on my shoulder, my arm wrapped around her waist, while holding hands. He used it as blackmail as well, until Stella practically beat the crap out of him for being 'tight'.
Hypocrite that she is, Stella.
I sit down, still holding the picture. Throughout the whole time I've known her, she stood by me, and I did for her, at least I would like to think I did...
She's always stood by me no matter what; she even broke protocol to give me them results on the cigarette. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
I flew out on a whim to stand by her in Montana when she needed me the most.
And now look where we are…
Leaning over our desks I place her picture back where it was.
I push the order for me to appear at Rikki's trial, as a witness, out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind.
And instantly I start mindlessly doodling on my calendar pad on my desk. Contemplating on what could have been.
What could have been if I hadn't of taken him that day?
What could have been if I had let her in and helped me?
What if I had caught Rikki taking my gun before she left the apartment, could I have stopped what happened after that?
I shake my head; Tom says I can't go down that path anymore. I cant do the what ifs.
I think he knows the only reason I'm going to him is to work out my issues so I can rebuild a friendship with her. Even if it's just a friendship, and nothing more – it's better than losing her.
They walk past the office, and I hear her laugh. She does genuinely seem happy, but I know her, and there's something missing out of that laugh.
She glances into the office for a second, and looks at me, then towards the photo on her desk, then back at me.
She looks at James, who's glaring at me.
She reaches for his hand, and heads of towards the elevator.
I finally open my case file, and blink back some tears.
Please remember Linds, please remember me.
--
--
I burst in through the office. I'm freezing cold. My hairs dripping and I'm beyond caring. "I need to know, why?" I say harshly.
He drops his pen in shock, I presume.
"What?" he whispers
"You heard me, I need to know why. Why did you screw that up for me?"
"Screw what up, Linds?"
"Everything, you screwed everything up. I actually liked him."
I move to my seat, and sit down
"Linds, what happened?" he asks, sitting forward on his seat
"Nothing, that's just it."
He cocks his eyebrows in confusion. "Linds, calm down. You ain't making any sense"
"Nothing does anymore" I sigh.
"Montana, talk to me. Did he hurt you?"
"No, I can't – I can't talk to you, – not anymore." I get up. I can't understand what it is that draws me to him in the first place, when everything goes bad, he's the first one i go to... I shake my head
"I have to go"
"Lindsay, stay, talk to me." he pleads with me.
"No. I have to go. Let me go."
--
--
My hand wavers on the door. I probably shouldn't be here, but I'm pretty sure that was what he was thinking when it was him in my position.
I glance back towards Flack, who raises his eyebrows at me. I know he's telling me to hurry my ass up so he can get back to work. I'm guess I'm lucky Sheldon offered to finish off my shift…
I take one last deep breath, and walk into the courtroom.
I saw the letter last week when I was looking for a pen on my desk, and it fell onto the floor. I didn't mean to look at it, I really didn't.
But curiosity killed the cat, after all.
Our eyes meet from across the vast courtroom. And suddenly, I have butterflies – the same kind of butterflies I got when he walked into the courtroom in Montana. I can tell from the look in his eyes, he's in pain from re-living the memories
I stand there for a second, before I scurry to a seat in the back.
He turns his attention back to the prosecutor, and clears his throat.
"In a back alley, just off Broadway"
"And when you found Ms. Sandoval, was your service weapon in her possession, Mr. Messer?"
He glanced over to Rikki and closed his eyes as a tear fell down his cheek. "Yes"
"So you would agree with the statement that Ms. Sandoval went with the intention of killing Ollie Barnes?"
"I think you would have done the exact same thing if you were in Rikki's position" he spat.
I clear my throat in attempts of ridding my eyes from the tears, crowning the rims of my eyes. I know how hard this must be for him, directly implicating her, but he has no choice...
"Answer my question, Mr Messer"
He grits his teeth, just like he does in an interrogation when he's getting angry. "Yes, she went with the intention of killing him, alright. But what else do you expect a grieving mother to do in that type of circumstance?"
"No further questions, your honor"
He shakes his head in disgust. He is so mad, it's practically radiating from his very person.
He stands up, closes his eyes and shakes his head as he moves towards what I presume is some kind of friend, maybe. A guy from their building, I just know I haven't seen him before.
The guy shuffles up the bench, but Danny puts his hand out and shakes his head. He glances over to me, and suddenly, my heart rate quickens. I didn't expect him to acknowledge me, not really. I just wanted to be here for him.
He walks towards the back of the courtroom, and I see him take a deep breath before he reaches my bench.
I shuffle quickly up the bench to make room for him. He promptly sits down and instantly takes my hand, and grips hold of it, tightly.
They call the next witness to the stand, and as he turns to face me, he whispers,
"Thank you, Lindsay."
For the rest of the trial, he grips hold of my hand, eyes never leaving the prosecutor and the witness stand. I have a million questions running through my mind, even after the ones that Flack cleared up on our way here.
He had told me that the prosecutor had tried to eat him alive, for walking her through the system. But, Flack defended his own, and put in his two cents as best he could.
He left the courtroom promptly, calling me on the way to the car telling me I needed to get my country ass down here within the half hour, because Danny was going to need me.
When I asked him in the car why he called me, he had replied simply and honestly "You're the one he needs. You're his best friend"
Coming from Flack, it meant a lot.
Which brings me to my current position.
I glance up at him, and his eyes are locked with Rikki's. For a second, a wave of jealousy gushes over me, until I look into her eyes.
The only thing that connects these two people is grief they went through, and are still going through from the loss of the little boy Danny so rarely spoke about.
Rikki's eyes lock with mine, and although I dreaded actually coming face to face with her – not because of what happened, but because of the fact that she lost her little boy. Someone that meant so much to her – I initially don't know what to do, but after a few seconds, I smile. I can tell from her face that she's sorry for what she thinks she put us through, but really, it was just another bump Danny and me had to get over.
We've had obstacles before, and no doubt we'll have them again. Whether they're as big as this, who knows. It all depends on what the higher powers decide for us, but with us, we're two people drawn to each other.
Even through each other's darkest times, the other is there at the other end. Even when the other pushes the other away – it's what we do.
He squeezes my hand and smiles weakly at me. I can instantly see in his eyes that something is different in him.
I see the man I fell in love with. He isn't there completely, but I see a faint glimmer in the ocean of emotions that he calls his eyes that resembles the Danny Messer I knew.
--
--
I shift lightly in my seat as I hear stirring in the courtroom. I really wish they would have let me into support him, but who am I to argue with the court system?
People starting filling out, and I look for their reactions.
I hear one couple saying "It isn't fair" and my heart slows, if they mean what I'm thinking, Danny might actually spiral into oblivion. I don't think he could deal with the guilt of being the person that gave the evidence that convicted Rikki of attempted whatever.
I stand up, and crane my neck to try and see into the courtroom. I wait for my eyes to fall onto him. But they don't.
After around 5 minutes, people stop exiting the courtroom and my heart sinks. I edge towards the door, and silently open it. My eyes fill with tears all over again at the sight of him sat on the bench with his "friend" with his head in his hands.
The "friend" turns, and smiles at me, before patting him on the back. Danny turns to look at me, and smiles.
I edge towards the front of the courtroom, and stand gingerly at the end of his row, waiting for him to tell me what Rikki got as a sentence.
Almost as if he can hear my concern for the other woman, he clears his throat
"She got a suspended sentence and a court order for mandatory grief counselling sessions"
I let out a sigh of relief "That's good, isn't it"
"Yeah, she's already going to a therapist back in Connecticut, so-"
"Connecticut?" I ask,
"She moved," he says simply, and I nod in response, while glancing at the person sitting next to him
"Ugh, Sorry." He starts, shaking his head, "Linds, this is Tom. Tom, this is Lindsay Monroe. Tom's my therapist, Linds. I've been talking to him for a while now."
"Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you, Montana" Tom smiles.
"Hey" I smile, before turning my attention back to Danny, regardless of whether Tom's there, or not… "Therapist?" I ask.
"Yeah," he shrugs "I wasn't dealing too good, Mac suggested I talked to someone"
I nod. "That's good." I say, taking in his appearance, he must have gotten his hair cut recently, and his shirt is actually ironed. His Mom probably dressed him, I muse to myself.
"You free afternoon Linds, I could really do with talking to someone," he says, as he stands up and takes my hand.
Tom clears his throat and smiles while he raises his eyebrows, I laugh slightly. Cause I mean, who's better to talk to than a therapist, right?
"Other than a therapist" Danny laughs. It's the first joke I hear him crack in the longest time.
"I'm free" I say, I try to think of something else to say, but nothing comes to mind. So I decide to leave it simple and honest.
"Good, that's real good" he smiles, rubbing his hand in mine.
I glance at him and laugh. "Real good is it, Dan?"
"Shuddup Montana" he laughs, as he leads me out of the courtroom.
We walk for a few minutes in silence until we reach the exit to the courthouse, and I let him lead.
Carrying on our comfortable silence he leads us all the way to Central park, where he turns and finally looks at me
"Was it really my fault you and James didn't work out?"
I sigh and take a deep breath "You know what, let's not talk about that, okay? I'm here for you this time. Mix it up a little bit" I grin.
"Sure, okay" he smiles, and we walk instep as a couple for a few minutes before he finally breaks the silence "This is nice"
"Yeah, it is" I smile in agreement
"I've missed you, you know that, right? I meant what I said that night, that I missed you"
"Yeah, and I believed you."
"I'm sorry I pushed you away you know, I never meant for that to happen, I just didn't know how to, well function."
"I understand"
"You do?"
"Sure, I've had my fair share of grief. Everyone deals in different ways. Sure, I wish I could have helped you and gotten you through it, but you needed to be by yourself, just like how I did."
"When did you start making sense, Montana?" He drawls in a thick country accent.
"Since I had time to think. Been catching up on my rain walks" I smile as he sits us down on a bench.
"I am-" he starts, but I cut him off
"Don't be sorry, just add it to experience, learn from it"
He nods, and smiles. "We're just disaster prone, us two, aren't we"
"It's what makes us who we are." I smile as I poke him in his love handles.
"Yeah, it makes us Danny and Lindsay"
I nod. "That it does, cowboy, that it does."