Horcrux Alert!
Being in the right place at the right time was something that didn't come naturally to Albus Dumbledore. After being lured to the ministry during the attempt to steal the Philsopher's Stone, Dumbledore was determined that he would be around when he and his phenomenal magical skill was needed.
So it was to his great delight when he quite accidently stumbled upon a chance to share his enormous wisdom with an innocent first year, who was about to make a terribly deadly mistake. And to add to this moment, Dumbledore's genius realised he could use the greatest magic of all: Music.
Ginny was minding her own business, about to dip her quill in her inkwell and begin writing in her diary, when, to her great surprise, Albus Dumbledore, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, strode up next to her and began singing.
"Hey, Ginevra, listen up, your attention if you please."
Ginny, blushing furiously at being addressed by such a magestic wizard, turned her head to face Dumbledore.
"I wanna give you a warning
'Cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious dark Horcrux
If you should get any object with the name 'Tom Riddle'
Better off protecting your chances
Under no circumstances, should you open it,
Or else it will."
Dumbledore waved his hand and Ginny, seated in an armchair, floated behind him as the Headmaster strode over to where Percy Weasley's homework lay forgotten on a desk in front of the Prefect.
"Translate your documents into Swahili."
Colin Creevey began photographing the unusual scene.
"Make your TV record 'Gigli'"
Lavender Brown was discussing the latest trends in hairstyling and fashion with Parvati Patil.
"Neuter your pets, and give your laundry static cling."
Dumbledore turned back to Ginny.
"Look out!
It's gonna make your fellow students freeze
Look out!
Erase your knowledge of your own memory
Look out!
Erase your life and your soul too
And the life of anyone related to you!
Horcrux alert!
Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message onto everybody
Soon, very soon it will make you paint on all the walls
It'll make your schoolbooks all sticky,
Give your puffskien a hickey
And invest all your knuts in stock in Madam Puddifoots.
Then, it will tie up your mind, making prank long-distance calls
It'll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower
So just trash it now, or else it will."
Dumbledore turned to the astonished faces of Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas and Hermione Granger.
"Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,
Legally change your name to Reggie
Even mess up the pH balance in your potion"
Look out!"
Dumbledore twirled to face the terrified Neville Longbottom.
"It's gonna melt your face right off your skill
Look out!
And make your wireless only play Celestina Warbeck"
Lee Jordan was suitably horrified.
"Look out!
And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep
Look out!
And make your physically attracted to sheep."
Cormac McLaggen scoffed at that warning. Dumbledore turned back to Ginny.
"Look out!
Steal your Qi and your magical possesions
Look out!
Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards
Look out!
Then cause a major rift in time and space
And leave a bunch of Honeydukes wrappers all over the place
That's right it's a
Horcrux Alert!
Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Horcrux Alert!
Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone your know, tell everybody now
If you get possessed, you'll wish you had never been born
So before it mails your mother all of your dorm
Close your diary and make sure it powers down
Stab it with the fang of a forty-three-foot long basilisk
Bury it completely; rocks and boulders should be fine
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were corresponding!
Horcrux alert!
Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Horcrux alert!
Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Horcrux alert!
Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
What are you waiting for?
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!
Stop Tom right now!"
Ginny had no fight in her when faced with such awesome power. She wordlessly handed Dumbledore Tom Riddle's diary, which seemed to trigger off laser-like eye twinkling in the old wizard.
Dumbledore, whistling merrily, trotted off - another innocent soul was saved. Ginny, blushing at all the attention, tried to ignore all the piercing stares she was receiving, as Harry Potter voiced what she and everyone else was wondering:
"What on earth is a Horcrux?"