Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did I would never mutilate it this way.

A.N. This was not written upon the request of any reviewer. No, this is what happens when you leave upon-request without any requests. Seeing this I hope you will feel encouraged to review with your requests (any plot, any pairing) so I am not left to my own devises. Now please read, review, and enjoy.

Alternative Ending for Harry Potter 1

Voldemort: Join me Harry, and together we will rule the world.

Harry: Never. You killed my parents.

Voldemort: No Harry, I am your parents.

Harry: Nooo! Wait-you're both my parents? How does that work?

Voldemort: You're my clone. I was hit by this one experimental charm once, and well you were the result.

Harry: Noooooo!

Voldemort: Yeah, that was my reaction.

Harry: What do you mean?

Voldemort: Well, you're kinda a disappointing clone.

Harry: I survived the killing curse! I'm famous! I-

Voldemort: Yeah I know. You killed me! Who wants a clone that kills them? But I've decided to give you a second chance. So will you join me?

Harry: Um-

Dumbledore burst in. Dumbledore: Harry! I've come to save you.

Harry: Actually I don't need saving. He wants me to join him.

Dumbledore: And he didn't kill you when you refused?

Harry: I've decided to take him up on his offer.

Voldemort: Hah! Take that old man!

Dumbledore: …

Harry: Yeah so anyway, I guess this is goodbye.

Dumbledore: …

Harry turns to leave.

Voldemort Wait! Voldemort looks at Dumbledore incredulously. Voldemort: My clone just said goodbye to you. You're never going to see him again. Aren't you going to say goodbye?

Harry: It doesn't matter, I don't really care.

Dumbledore: Goodbye Harry. I just want you to know that you did so poorly in your exams you probably would have been kicked out anyway so-

Harry: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Voldemort: Come on clone, I'll teach you how to kill a person with just a look.

Harry: Then can we go get ice-cream?

Voldemort: Of course!

And so Voldemort and Harry walked off into the sunset- wait no that was a great ball of fire from the villages they torched- and killed happily ever after. Hermione and Ron ended up dying next year trying to save Ginny, who died as well. Tom Riddle joined Voldemort and Harry after killing Dumbledore. He brought the basilisk. Sirius Black was killed after Voldemort, Harry, and Tom Riddle freed everyone in Azkaban. Harry had an affair with Bellatrix then killed Neville after he killed her. Remus Lupin was killed by Greyback. Peter Pettigrew was killed by Voldemort and Harry. The world fell into chaos. Then Voldemort and Harry and Tom Riddle fought for dominance and killed each other. The world went back to normal. Except for the fact that it was ruled by Nagini. The End.

A.N. Thanks for reading, now if you would be so kind as to review...