Slumped on the ground, sobs wracked my body. My shoulders shook with every cry that erupted from my lips. Soaked to the bone, I didn't care if I died from hypothermia. I didn't care. My head hung low, my chin touching my chest, my hair stringy as it fell into my face. No one was out and about on a night like this, the heavy rain, lightening and thunder had scared them indoors. I was in the park, sitting in the middle of an open field, alone and empty. My world had come crashing down around my feet, everyone was gone. No one was left but me.
My parents, my sister Val, her husband Albert, and the girls had gone to a cabin in upstate New York on vacation a week ago. Yesterday, the van they were riding in crashed into the side of a mountain. Killing every single one of them. Ranger drove me to the coroners office to identify them, silent in his normal driving zone. He held me as I stood ramrod straight as the cover was pulled back from the first body. It was my father. I cried out in desperation, hoping my voice would wake him up. He was just sleeping, right? But no. He was dead, as were the other six family members that lay on the cold metal coroner gurneys. I broke down and completely lost it. I pulled at my hair, screaming at the top of my lungs, clawing at my face.
No! No! No! Why wasn't it me instead. I'm the one with the dangerous job. I'm the one who gets kidnapped, shot, stabbed, beaten, electrocuted. Why wasn't it me. Ranger dragged me out of the building, wrapped in his strong arms. I cried myself into oblivion and soon sat in the passenger side of the Porche 911 in a catatonic state. We drove the 5 1/2 hours back to Trenton in silence. Not that I noticed. I was in my own little world, the Kingdom of Denial. I imagined that I would walk into my parents house to hear my mother ask me when I was going to marry Joe and have children. My dad would be sitting in front of the tv watching a Ranger's game, my sister and her husband would be sitting next to each other holding hands and making googly eyes at each other. Angie would be spouting some trivial piece of aquired knowledge, Mary Alice would be galloping around whinnying like a horse, and baby Lisa would be cruising around the furniture, babbling in her baby language. But no, I would never hear them again, never see them alive again, never tell them that I love them again. I was alive. They were dead.
After we got back to Trenton, Ranger's phone rang and he answered it. He snapped the phone shut and floored the 911, sliding to a stop in front of St. Francis Hospital. He dragged me inside to the ER, when a doctor walked up to us, his face grim. "Are you related to Mrs. Edna Mazur?" I didn't answer, I just stood there, a far away look in my eyes.
Ranger spoke, "She's her granddaughter. Forgive her, she just lost her family in a car crash yesterday."
The doctor looked pained and as if he wanted to shrivel up and die right then and there. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. I broke from my trance to look at it before looking into his eyes. " I'm sorry to inform you that your Grandmother Edna Mazur, has died from complications from a heart attack. She was in a coma and never felt a thing." My eyes went wild, I shook and dropped to my knees. A gut wrenching sob tore from my throat as I watched the doctor walk away with his head buried in his hands. Tears ran from my eyes, a river of tears flowing down my face. No! Not another one. The last memory I had was little black spots dancing in front of my eyes and the darkness closing in.
BEEEP BEEP BEEP... BEEP BEEP BEEP...
The sound of a heart monitor filtered into the fog that clouded my brain. Heart monitor? Who's hurt? Who's in the hospital? Ranger? Bobby? Lester? OH GOD! It was me! Why was I here? Oh, GOD! They're gone. They're all gone. A small gasp slipped through my lips and I tried desperately to open my eyes. I fought through the fog and blackness that surrounded me and pried first one and then my other eye open.
I heard feet shuffling and someone opening a sliding door. "Call the doctor. She's awake." The door slid shut and a warm hand grasped mine while a silky voice flooded over me. "It's alright Babe. I'm right here." Ranger. My heart tried to flutter, but it didn't much feel like it. It was too heavy and too sad. I focused my eyes on his face, and traced the outline of his jaw with my fingertip.
"Ranger." I whispered. "Are they all gone?" I asked, my face pleading for the answer I so desperately wanted. His face filled with pain and agony and I knew it was real. The crash and the heart attack... they were real. I was alone. He held my hand in his, as he carefully watched me, not moving a muscle. "What am I going to do?"
Just then the doctor walked in and began to check me over. "Stephanie, do you know where you are?"
I nodded my head, "The hospital. You're Doctor Woodhouse, you've helped me in the ER before." I said in a frail voice.
"Do you know what day it is?" He flashed a pen light into my eyes, watching my pupils dialate properly.
"It's Monday, April 3rd, 2012."
"Do you know who this gentleman standing next to you is." I nodded slowly and turned my head to look at him.
"Ranger Manoso. Owner and CEO of Rangeman Inc. My best friend and the love of my life." I was shocked at the admission of the last part. I had never voiced my feeling toward him before, with good reason. He didn't do relationships. Period. A tear rolled down my cheek at that thought, and I rolled away from him, to face the wall.
"Stephanie, you fainted in the ER. You are in a private room, in the private wing of the hospital. This is 's private recovery room." I sighed and closed my eyes, wanting the day to be over. "I can see you are tired, just rest. You will be discharged in the morning. Get a good night's rest." He patted my arm and walked out of the room.
"Babe..." He began to say, but I shook my head and quieted him.
"Please leave me alone. I need to be alone." I pulled the covers over my head and sliently cried. I heard the door slide open and then closed. An exchange of words from three different men, barely audible through the glass, were heard.
"She needs to be alone." Ranger said.
"She needs to have someone watching her at all times." A voice eerily similar to Bobby's said with a hint of dispair.
"Bomber will freak out. We need to give her enough space, but keep watching her. I'm worried about her, she looks like she's about to break." A voice matching Ram's answered Bobby's voice.
"I have to go. I can't stay here and watch her just lay there like that. It breaks my heart. I can't do it anymore." A sigh exhaled loudly. "She called me the love of her life. Shit, man! I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I thought she knew." Ranger's voice cracked. My heart broke. No... it shattered into a million pieces.
Bobby's voice was hard, "You fed her all those lines. What did you expect? How did you think she was going to feel?"
Ram's voice was even harder, like cold steel. "You fucked her over. And now you want to leave her like this? Fuck you man. I don't care if you are my boss, I should fucking kill you right here, right now. She is the best thing that ever happened to you. And you can't commit to her? You are a fucking coward and a leach. As far as I am concerned, you can go fuck yourself."
"Ram." Bobby's voice said forcefully. "I know you're upset. But going off on Ranger is not going to make things any better. We need to focus on being there for Bomber. We're the only family she has left." I had tears running down my face, my jaw clenched. My fists were balled up, until I couldn't take it any more. I pulled all the lead lines off of me, tore out my IV, dressed quickly, shoved my feet into my shoes, and pulled on my jacket. I threw open the door to the room and ran for all I was worth down the hall to the stairs. I crashed the outer door open as I ran out of the hospital, through the parking lot and into the night. I had suprised the guys so much so, that I had a good twenty second start on them before they ran after me. I ducked between two parked cars at the far end of the parking lot and waited, as I tried to control my breathing.
I saw Bobby and Ranger run past me and out into the night, searching. I stood up slowly and inched my way in the opposite direction, until I was able to hail a cab. I had the cabbie, one of my dad's friends, drop me off at Columbus Park near my parent's house. I ran into the park as the rain came down in sheets. I was drenched by the time I had covered 25 yards. I ran until I dropped to my knees in the middle of the field. I turned my face to the sky, shouting at God. "You son-of-a-bitch! You took my family. You bastard! You killed them. I will never forgive you for the rest of my life. I swear on my life I will rather spend eternity in hell with Satan before I spend a single second in Heaven with you." The rain hid my tears. I hung my head, my chin resting on my chest. My hair was stringy, hanging in my face. I didn't care. It was cold. I didn't care. I wanted to die. I wanted my family back.
I heard the sound of boots splashing in the water pooled on the ground near me. A voice barked, "I found her. Be back at Haywood shortly." A phone snapped shut. A man dropped to his knees next to me, wrapping his arms around me, sobs wracked his body. I felt the warmth of his tears as they flowed from his cheeks to my forehead. I had anticipated that this man would be Ranger, but there was no tell-tale tingle on the back of my neck. There was however an odd warm feeling in the pit of my stomach that spread around to my back and down my spine. I had never felt it before today, it was unnerving and exhilerating all at the same time. I started to feel like a human again, if only for the moment. My head tilted up enought to see the man who had found me and cried with me.
"Ram?" I asked concern filled my voice. I raised his chin with my hand.
"Lieben, I'm sorry. I was just so relieved to see you alright, I couldn't contain myself." He hugged me, still sniffling, he dropped kisses along my temple and the top of my head.
Trying to hold back the flood of emotions, I stated in a cold voice. "I heard what you three were saying outside of the room. I heard Ranger." I balled my fists and gritted my teeth. "How could I have been so stupid? Why would someone like Ranger love someone like me? I'm nobody! I'm nothing! I don't deserve someone like him for being so stupid. I don't deserve anyone!" I shouted, wanting to rip out Ranger's heart, like he had done to mine. "He broke my heart into a million pieces when he said that." I shook with anger.
Ram placed his hands on either side of my face and turned me to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry, Lieben. I'm so sorry." He wrapped me in his strong arms, rocking us back and forth, comforting me as the floodgates broke and all my pent up agony, frustration, sadness, terror, anger and heartbreak flowed out full force. I beat my hands upon his chest, screamed in his face, all the while he sat there and took it, never letting me out of his arms. I finally sagged against him, too tired to move. He picked me up in his arms, cradling me against his chest and walked me back to the Bronco. He slid me into the front passneger seat and covered me in a warm blanket. His lips brushed against my forehead as I sank into the seat and promptly fell asleep.
I awoke to find myself laying in a familiar bed. The only problem was it wasn't mine. I sat straight up to see I was laying in Ranger's bed. Fighting back the bile that rose in the back of my throat, I dressed quickly, grabbed my belongings and headed out into the living room. Sitting on the sofa and love seats with Ranger were Lester, Bobby, Tank and Ram. All five sets of eyes focused on me as I walked towards the door. Ranger was instantly by my side, his arm snaked out, his hand curled around my wrist. "Don't touch me!" I ground out through gritted teeth.
He snatched his hand back as if I had burned him, pain and raw emotion in his eyes. "Babe..."
"Don't call me that!" I turned to look him in the eyes, "You no longer have the right to call me that. You lied to me. You strung me along. You had me as a fuck buddy." I dropped my things to the floor and pounded my fists into his chest. "You let me fall in love with you. You knew it and did nothing to stop it! Ram was right calling you coward and a leach!" He stood there with his arms at his side, his head hanging. "You will never be able to love someone. You have nothing but a cold dead heart."
Ram walked over and grabbed me around the waist pulling me back from Ranger. Tank strode over, looked at Ranger dead in the eyes and punched him as hard as I've ever seen someone hit before. Ranger's eyes rolled into the back of his head as his body slumped to the floor. Tank held out his arms to me and I ran into them, allowing myself to be wrapped in his warmth and love. Bobby cleared his throat and I shifted into his embrace. His hands slowly rubbed circles on my back as he hugged me, making me feel a little better. I returned to Ram's arms and he picked me up to cradle me into his chest as he walked out of Ranger's apartment. Tank, Lester and Bobby stepped over Ranger who was still unconscious on the floor as they too left the apartment on 7.
Ram carried me downstairs to his apartment on 4 with Tank, Bobby, Lester hot on our heels. Hal, Cal and Hector saw us on the monitors from the control room and soon joined us in Ram's apartment, concerned for me. "Lieben, you can stay here for now. I'll sleep on the couch. You need us right now." I looked around at the men standing around me. "Just like we need you." He placed me on my feet, I sank into his comfy couch.
"Ram..." I sighed, trying not to seem clingy. "I can manage by myself." I said in a small voice, toying with the piping on the edge of the sofa. Hector knelt in front of me, taking my hands into his.
"Estephanie. You need us. We need you. You stay here. We take care of you. We love you." I was shocked. This was the most I had ever heard him speak, let alone the most Engligh I ever heard from his mouth.
"Bomber. We just want to make sure you're safe." Hal said in a pleading tone, before he blushed. "Besides, we're family."
Cal nodded and took my hand in his as he settled onto the couch next to me. Tank sat on the other side of me, wrapping his arm massive over my shoulder. "Babygirl, don't worry. We'll always be there for you." I wanted to cry. I mean big, fat tears. Hector stood up from his kneeling position, and looked over to Lester. They nodded to each other and Hector walked out of the apartment.
My shoulders sagged, as I realized I would have to accept their help. "But, what about Ranger?" I cringed at his name, it felt as if the million little broken pieces of my heart were getting stomped on again.
"Leave him to us." Ram replied, a hard edge to his voice. My eyes widened and I think I may have whimpered a little.
"You're not going to hurt him again are you?" I looked directly at Tank when I said it. He grinned and shook his head.
"Naw, Babygirl. We'll take care of him verbally. But, just so you know, we may have to resort to blackmail." He grinned wide and winked at me.
"Tank, what on God's green earth, would you have to blackmail him with?" I questioned, eyebrows raised. The blank looks on all the guy's faces made me rethink what I had just said. What am I thinking? Of course they'd have something on him. They've known him forever. "Please, I just want him to leave me alone for a while. At least until I can figure out how to deal with him."
"Alright." Ram gave the guys all a look and they all rose and left us in peace. Ram sat on the sofa next to me, wrapped his arms around me and leaned back. I relaxed against him and felt exhausted. Noticing my sudden relaxed state, Ram rubbed my arm with his hand. "You want to take a nap? I can order dinner in a while. I'll wake you up when it gets here." Silent, I nodded and rose to my feet.
My feet carried me to the door to his bedroom, then I realized I had no clothing with me except what I was wearing. "Ram?"
"Hmm?" He sat up and turned his head to look at me.
"Can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?" He grinned and walked past me to his dresser. He pulled out a well worn Army t-shirt, tossed it to me and quietly shut the door behind me. I slipped out of my clothing and slipped on the t-shirt. I cracked the door open enough to stick my head through, Ram was sitting on the couch head back eyes closed. "Ram?"
"Hmm?" His eyes remained closed, but I could tell he was paying attention.
"Thanks. I mean, for the shirt." I paused for a moment trying to find the words. I managed to choke out the remainder, "And, thanks for rescuing me." In the blink of an eye, he moved over to stand in front of me.
"Lieben, no thanks needed. I did it because I wanted to. You needed me." He gave me a small smile, "Besides, you would have caught a cold sitting in the rain much longer." He teased, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear.
"Thanks all the same." I shut the door and crawled into Ram's bed. I must have fallen asleep quickly, because I soon found myself in dreamland.