A/N: I got the idea after I saw a picture of someone's feet covered in blood, and then a quote from Khalil Gibran (again).
Contain some descriptions of blood and adult theme, not explicit though.
Sorry for any errors, in spelling and grammar and any other errors. I'm not an expert.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED/Destiny
"You okay, Athrun?"
I blinked, and I saw Lacus in front of me, looking at me in question. "You spaced out. Is there something bothering you?" she asked kindly, sounded really concerned. After I snapped out from my own thought the noise of the crowd was filling my ears. I looked around me, seeing my friends from high school filling the ball room hotel, and then I turned to Lacus.
"I'm okay. Just… thinking about my fiancée," I answered her, playing the wine glass in my hand, watching the red liquid twirling as I moved the glass and my reflection.
"Is she all right? Is she alone now?" Lacus asked again.
"I hope she is, and yes, she is alone, but I think she's having a company at our apartment," I said. Maybe she would ask Meyrin from next door to watch movie with her.
"I wish I could meet her," Lacus sighed. She looked at her wine before she took a sip.
Since we graduated from high school, I rarely have time to catch up with Lacus and Kira. We went to different college. They went to Todai while I go to Osaka, choosing Management Science and Business Administration. Cagalli was with me in philosophy class. I met her more often at the convenience store where she did a part time job. We met, chatted, dated, and after we graduated I decided that she was the one for me, and proposed to her. Now we've been living together in our apartment for a year.
"We had our reunion parties at the same time. She would have come if she didn't have to go yesterday." I sighed. She had gone out of town yesterday and arrived this morning, and I wanted her to just rest; these last few days she seemed to be easily tired. I wanted to stay, worried with her condition, but she told me to go because I didnt go to the first reunion party three years ago. So I had asked Meyrin to watch her if she can, and attended the party, finally able to meet with my old friends.
It would be ten times better if she was here with me. I had this nagging feeling that made me uneasy since… I didn't know, a few minutes ago, I think. It made me thought about Cagalli and worrying for her, for no apparent reason. And I didn't like it one bit. It was as if something was calling to me, to go right after Cagalli, that something was wrong with her. Maybe it was not just tiredness, maybe she was sick…
I clenched and unclenched my free hand—the other one was holding the glass. I was hoping it would cease away some of my worry over my fiancée, but it was not working.
"Ah, there you are." Lacus and I turned to the voice. Kira approached us, smiling at me. "Thanks for keeping her companied, Athrun," he said as he walked to her side and wrapped his arms around her waist. Lacus smiled back at him, and they were on their private world for the moment.
God, I missed my fiancée!
Seeing Kira and his wife Lacus didn't make the worry go away. It was still there. My hand was itching to take the cell phone in my pocket and call Cagalli, to make sure she was all right.
"How was she?" Lacus asked.
"She hadn't changed, still the spoiled princess. She said a few bad things about you," Kira frowned as he was remembering his chat with Fllay, one of his high school's girls. She had come to Kira when we were having a nice conversation about our time in high school. Kira didn't want to go with her, but Lacus told him to, that she would be fine being here with me. She thought it would be better if Fllay just say what she wanted to say and go away. The sooner the better, Lacus had said.
I was glad Kira ended up with Lacus. She was a great person, much, much better than Fllay.
"I'm sorry you had to talk to her," Lacus said.
"Nah. It was all right. Better than she stalking you with her death glare," Kira answered her.
I was about to reply when my cell rang. I took it and my heart drummed faster. Meyrin. Why would she call? "Excuse me," I said to the couple and walked toward the garden and answered the call.
"What's it, Meyrin?" I asked with a slight of worry on my voice.
"A… Athrun…" She was stammering. My heart beat faster.
"What? Is it Cagalli?" Please let her be all right! I chanted in my head.
"She… she was…" Meyrin started to sob. "Athrun… You h-have to c-come h-h…"
"What happened!" I was panicked now.
"She… covered in blood… She fainted… I called 119…" Meyrin's sobbing voice told me.
I ran straight to my car.
"Meyrin!"
She stood in front of a room, her hands both covering her mouth, like she had just received really bad news. Or maybe she really had. If it was related to Cagalli…
And it had been an hour and half since she called…
My body went cold, my pace slowing.
As she heard the clicks of my shoes, Meyrin turned. When she noticed me she ran straight at me and sobbed at my chest, holding my sides.
"Athrun… Cagalli was…"
I realized where we were, in front of an operating room. I didn't realize the receptionist had said that to me, did she? I just ran after I got the information where my fiancée was.
"Meyrin, tell me what happened…!" I half commanded half begged to her. My voice sounded wrong. My drumming heart couldn't slow its pace. What happened to Cagalli?
The woman in front of me collected herself and guided me to the bench. A little part in my brain told me I should be the calm one and do that, but the other larger part told me it was just natural, I was panicking. But I didn't know what's wrong, yet. And when I knew…
"Cagalli asked me to come and accompany her for tonight… She said she just finished cleaning the house and not feeling so well…" She stopped to wipe the tears that starting to come up again. "When I knocked the door, she took time to open it. When she finally made it I saw her… she was in pain… clutching her stomach… She said it hurt so bad she didn't know what to do…" Now she just cried again. She told the rest in muffled voice. "When I took her to the bathroom to search for her medicine box… she… started bleeding… she was screaming in pain…" Meyrin sobbed. "There was so much blood…"
"Meyrin, what happened to her?" I asked in shallow voice, I wasn't sure she heard it.
"She had miscarriage Athrun… You lost your baby…"
"Baby…?" I asked, to Meyrin and myself. What baby? I didn't remember having a baby, or Cagalli having a baby, she didn't tell me. Did Cagalli know? Or did she not?
But we lost it already.
"The doctors are… finishing it… Some… parts," Meyrin winced; images were running through her mind, and mine also, "they are removing the remains… of the… fetus…" Meyrin finished reluctantly. If you were just thinking about removing some tissues from Cagalli's body, it might be all right, but this… a baby, a life; removing the remains of what was supposed to be a human being, removing what was alive… from Cagalli's womb…
My baby. Our baby… They were cutting it and going to just throw it away.
We didn't even get the chance to acknowledge that it had been there, that it had been alive.
I sat there; Meyrin was trying to comfort me, though she needed comfort herself. But I was in no shape on giving her comfort. I just sat and thought about the future I might have has, if this… didn't happen. Cagalli would find out in a few days; she would tell me, or give it to me as a surprise. We would celebrate the news together; we'll store every development we feel and see; every picture of the baby, every move and kick it gave Cagalli… the list could continue…
But no, it wouldn't be like that. It was too late.
I didn't noticed I was trembling until Meyrin hugged me, telling me it would be all right eventually, that we would get over it and try again. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the back of my hand getting damp by my tears.
I didn't realize the time flowing until the door to the operating room was opened and they carried the unconscious Cagalli with a hospital bed.
"It was my fault."
I looked at her, bewildered. How did she come up with such thing?
Cagalli had woken in the morning, a bit disoriented. I would prefer her not remembering anything, but that was so unlikely. After I had asked her if she remembered what had happened last night she just got silent. But I felt like I know what was on her mind, she was replaying last night event in her head, remembering what had happened and why she was here now. I just explained what I remembered Meyrin had said to me last night. It was hard, but her expression frustrated me. She didn't show any emotion, a straight poker face. Cagalli just listened to what I said, like she had predicted that that was what I would say.
"W-why would it be your fault? You didn't even realize that you were pre-preg…" I just couldn't say that aloud.
"That is the problem. I didn't even realize it. I should have known the day my period was late. But I thought it was just the usual thing. I dismissed it so easily. I work hard, I didn't eat well… Those must be the reason I… had miscarriage…" her voice turn into a whisper. She was finaly showing some emotion, but this one was not what I had wanted.
"But anyone could be late a few days, Cagalli. It was normal for you to not realize it. And I should be paying more attention to you when you overworked yourself, when I had noticed that you are so easily tired these days…" Now, guilt washed over me. I was the one to blame too.
"No. It was purely my fault," Cagalli insisted. Since I explained it all to her, her eyes never met mine. They were on IV bag, on the drawer, on the end of her bed, on the wall, on the ceiling, and now they were on her wrist, on her needle; never met mine. "I killed our baby…"
"Stop, Cagalli," I said through gritted teeth. I was angry that Cagalli blamed herself, and accused herself as a killer. It was an accident. "You didn't purposely do it. You would never have the intention of killing… our baby… Cagalli, I know this is hard, but you can't blame yourself. You're not a killer, Cagalli. You can never be…"
"Then who!" Cagalli snapped. "Who killed my baby? I didn't even get to hold him or her; I didn't even know if it was him or her, I didn't even know the baby had existed! And when I see it, it was just blood, blood everywhere… My baby… scattered in the bathroom… didn't even get the chance to live…"
"Cagalli…" I pulled her into my arms as she started to shake uncontrollably. Her tears streamed down her face and dampened the shirt I wore since last night. She gripped my side as she chanted about her baby over and over. And I was grieving with her. My tears flowed freely like a river. I didn't remember when was the last time I felt this sad. Maybe it was the time when my mother passed away. But it was a long time ago. I was still sad, but I didn't remember how sad I was. This time, it felt different. It felt twice as agonizing. I didn't even know my baby, didn't even know if he or she had been exists, just like Cagalli had said.
"We'll get through this, together. I promise…" I whispered softly in her ear, determined to make this true.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
I was startled, and woke up from my sleep. But it didn't surprise me much. I thought I had become used to it.
I sat and went to hug Cagalli, who was sobbing into her hands. I pulled her down and hugged her shoulders, her face on my chest. She gripped my shirt tight, just like always when she cried into me.
"It was a dream, Cagalli. It's okay…" I tried to soothe her. It was starting to get old. I should think of another line. But right now, that was all I have in my mind.
"It was a girl, Athrun… She asked me… why I'd let her die… She accused me that I killed her…" Cagalli sobbed harder. She rarely talked about her nightmares about the baby to me, but it seemed like when it was really bad, she would talk.
"Cagalli, you didn't. Do you remember what Mrs. Durrandal told you? You're not to blame. And you're not alone. I'm here… Sshh…"
It had been two months since that… day, when we found out about our baby. Cagalli had been in depression ever since. The first few weeks after she was out of the hospital, she was lifeless. I needed to remind her that she had a life to live. But I tried not to push her, because I know it would be hard for her, the mother who found out that she had miscarriage and didn't even know of the baby she had had.
I took a week off of work. I tried to convince her to go on a therapy. She was willing to go after some persuasion, from me and Meyrin. When I was doing my work, Meyrin was there for her, taking care of her. I couldn't thank her enough for that.
I always spared some time to take Cagalli to her therapist every Monday and Thursday. Mrs. Durandal was nice. She had two kids, but she could understand what Cagalli was going through. She even talked to me on the first day. She told me that Cagalli would need me for her recovery, and then asked if I need a therapist too. I declined. I just wanted Cagalli happy; I don't need any therapy right now because my job now was to support Cagalli through her lose.
And now, here I was, sitting in the café near the therapy clinic where Cagalli was, a cup of coffee in front of me. I just finished reading the message from my friend Kira, that he and his wife Lacus were expecting a baby this December. I couldn't help but felt a sharp shot of pain through my chest. After the loss I had, I received news of my friend having something I couldn't have. And then jealousy ran through me. Kira would tell his friends about his first child, he would show them proudly his beautiful wife, her stomach big and round, carrying a new life they made together, while I mourn with my fiancée, still haunted by the nightmares of our unborn baby.
I finished my coffee with one gulp, and looked at the digital clock in my cell phone. Cagalli's session would end ten minutes later.
I walked back to the therapy clinic and wait about a minute until Cagalli walked out with puffy eyes. As she spotted me she ran straight to me and gave me a tight, warm hug.
"You okay?" I asked, afraid that she was harmed or upset. Worry was my immediate reaction for her discomfort.
Cagalli didn't answer loudly but she nodded her head. I was wondering what was it with her, but then Mrs. Durandal came and smiled at me.
"Hello, Athrun. How are you?"
"I'm good, thank you. And I see that you are too," I replied. But I didn't miss it when Cagalli hugged me somehow tighter when I answered Mrs. Durandal.
"I am. Next session would be the last, maybe. And the next time, I would take her to a group therapy. It would help her better to understand the situation."
"Thank you, Mrs. Durandal. We'll take our leave now." I said and led Cagalli out of the place.
"See you in our next session, Cagalli."
I opened her passenger door and helped her get inside the car. When I got on my driver seat, Cagalli said, "We need to go to the grocery store. We ran out of groceries." Her voice was strained with tears, but it felt more alive than usual, though not as alive as I wanted it.
"Okay. But don't you think we should just go somewhere for dinner?"
"I want to cook for dinner."
If I wasn't mistaken, this was the first time she had the will to do something since… the day. Usually she didn't voice her opinion or wants. Maybe this was a sign of her moving on. I started the engine, and drove to leave the clinic and go to the grocery store.
"I know we'll have to wait for a little longer but I… really… don't want to eat elsewhere…"
"I know. It's okay, Cagalli. We'll do what you want to do," I told her. If she was moving on, I would do whatever she wanted.
I pulled up in a store and we got out. Inside, I took a cart and walked the aisle; Cagalli was grabbing the things she would need. I stood by her side, stroll the cart full of ingredients. I noticed that she had some light in her eyes. Maybe she had got something from her session today. It looked like the therapy was starting to help her be her old self back.
I tried to help her preparing dinner, but she shoved me away from the kitchen. She told me to do something else until the dinner ready. I scolded at her and left the kitchen, but couldn't help but smiling when I walked toward my study. Her scolding me was something I had missed. I used to tease her and she would do her scowl, or every time I tried to make something for her in her kitchen that usually end up the kitchen being ruined by me; thus made her banned me from her kitchen. I wanted to know how her session with Mrs. Durrandal today was. Maybe I could bring it up on dinner.
"Athrun! Dinner's ready!"
I put my glasses and shut down my computer. My stomach grumbled when the screen of my PC went blank. I felt starving. I went down the stairs and could smelt the delicious smell of manicotti. There was a faint smell of peach. My favorite vanilla-peach sorbet?
As I stood before the table, there they were, just exactly what I had smelled, except for the sorbet though. The smell of manicotti filled my nose. I sat before the dishes, waiting for Cagalli to sit across me.
"What's the occasion?" I asked her as she sat on her seat.
"Nothing. Just want to make you happy," she smiled at me. That smile, when was the last time I had seen it?
"You don't have too. I'll be stuffed with take outs. I don't want you to tire out." I grabbed the fork and knife.
"But don't you like my homemade manicotti better?"
I took a slice and put it on my mouth. The taste was divine. I let the taste of the cheese filled my mouth; I let a moan in my head. "That's true," I replied.
She smiled again. "Home made food is always the best," Cagalli said before she started to dig her manicotti. I enjoyed the dinner too much, and remembered I have something to ask Cagalli when I realized I had finished my dinner.
"Uh… Cagalli…?" I called her; I was still curious about her therapy session today.
"Do you want to watch something while eating your dessert?" The dessert? So I didn't just imagine smelling the peach?
"You made something from peach?" I asked, not realizing that I was smiling wide, but probably I did.
"Your favorite," she smiled again. "Go find something to watch while I prepare," Cagalli moved to the refrigerator.
I turned the TV on, but couldn't find anything interesting. I moved to the CD box and just picked a movie. It looked like a romance. Well, mostly I would be talking with Cagalli, so it didn't matter what we watch.
As the opening began, Cagalli came with two vanilla-peach sorbets. I inhaled the smell of fresh peach Cagalli handed me. I didn't realize she bought some peaches. How could I?
"What's this?" Cagalli asked as she sat beside me.
"'Message in the bottle'. I didn't know we have it. I don't know what it is about."
We watched the movie in silence. And as I finished my sorbet, I started thinking about the best way to ask Cagalli about her day. I saw Cagalli put her sorbet, unfinished.
"You don't like it?" I asked. But Cagalli hadn't complained about sorbet much. She basically loved any dessert.
"I'm full," she answered simply. She wiped her mouth with a piece of tissue and pulled her legs up, and curled up beside me. Instantly I pulled her closer with my left arm.
This hug felt different. For the past two months, I hugged her because she needed comfort from me, because she needed my support. But now, it felt warm, the usual hugging we had done when we were just enjoying each other's presence.
She was leaning her head on my shoulder, and I put my head on her head. "I missed you, Cagalli…"
And when I heard her sniffles, I realized what I had said.
"No… Cagalli I'm sorry." I didn't mean it to sound like she had been neglecting me for those two months. "I didn't mean to sound selfish… wanting you to be… It was just… I didn't mean to—"
"No, I'm sorry Athrun…" Cagalli hugged me and buried her head in the crook of my neck. "I wallowed in my sadness and shut myself from the world, from you. I should have realized that I still have a life to live on. I still have you… I had lost my baby…" Cagalli sobbed. "I don't want to lose you too…"
"You won't lose me, Honey," I assured her. I need her just as much as she needed me. How could I leave her? That was the last thing I wanted to do. Or maybe the thing I really didn't want to do.
"I was afraid that you would get tired of taking care of me while I couldn't take care of myself. I'm your wife; I should be taking care of you." Cagalli gripped my shirt like a child holding onto the mother for dear life. "Mrs. Durandal gave me the fear therapy; she said that you would leave me if I didn't pull myself out from my depression and get myself together soon. It made me so afraid… I-I started thinking about my surrounding. It was the first time I realize what date today was when I pay attention on Mrs. Durandal's calendar. And I realized I didn't know about you for these past two months. You felt… distant… I don't like it… I made your favorite dishes so you could look at me, and that I still care of you, that I still know you…"
I pulled her closer, pulled her on my lap and hugged her close to me while she was shaking and crying. I was a bit angry at Mrs. Durandal for giving her a hard blow on Cagalli. But part of me was glad that she snapped out of her own misery. I held her firmly, could feel her tears dampen my shoulder. The tears were for me. For the last two months, she always shed tears for our baby, when she was remembering or when she had had a bad dream. But this time, it was for me. She was sorry for not being there for me.
"You were the father… I know you are sad too. But you didn't have anyone to comfort you while you bothered yourself caring me… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"
"Maybe I was sad. But you are the mother, Cagalli. You would be sadder than me. I was sad more because you were grieving so long. I was afraid you were starting to lose yourself."
"I'm sorry—"
"No,no. None of that; stop it." I cut her. "No more apologizing, Cagalli. I know, I understand. And I'm glad that you are starting to open up again. And yes, I missed you. Do you remember the last time you smile?"
"I don't think I do…" Cagalli said after thinking a while, frowning. "I'm a bad—"
I cut her with his mouth; the first thing crossed my mind on how to shut her up. But when Cagalli responded, I just couldn't stop. I had missed her so badly, and her sweet mouth with a trace of peach and vanilla was the sweetest thing I'd ever taste. I kissed her deeper, her hands went to my hair, just the way I like it, and she knew it.
We moaned into each other's mouth. Our body moved closer, moving in sync, seeking in need. We kissed for a while before I started to search for another place to kiss. Cagalli tilted her neck and I made a trail from the base of her neck to her ear.
"Can we… move… somewhere… more comfortab-le…" Cagalli panted. My hands were moving across every inch of her body, not wanting to let go of this heaven yet.
"Are you sure about this?" I asked her. Maybe this was something triggered by her outburst or whatever, but I wanted her! God, it had been two months!
"Let me make up for the time I neglect you, Athrun… I want to make it up for you… And I want you. Please, make love to me…"
I growled. I stood up and pulled all the wires of the TV and the DVD player from the terminal, too impatient turn it off properly. Cagalli was clinging onto me, and when I threw the cables, she placed her lips on mine. I pulled her up, encircling her legs around my waist, and carried her to our bedroom.
"Congratulation, Lacus, Kira. What a handsome guy you have there!" Cagalli said, hugging Kira and looking at the little boy in Lacus's arms.
"Isn't he? Do you want to hold him?" Lacus asked, excited to show off her son.
"Oh, please," Cagalli said, and happily took over the little guy Lacus offered her. She held him carefully and whispered sweet things to him.
"He looks just like you, Kira." I said to the happy man beside me, who was looking at the women and the little guy held by Cagalli, my god-son.
"Yeah. And you know what, I'm so proud of it. I didn't know being a father is like this. Can you imagine?"
"Yeah, I wish I knew," I said slowly. I noticed Cagalli's expression changed from happy to sad; her lips formed a sad smile.
"Oh, I'm sorry…," he looked at Cagalli and noticed her expression too. Lacus was trying to take her son back, apologizing for making her sad. She was sensitive; but I know Cagalli wanted to hold Lacus' son, wanting to feel how it was like to hold a baby.
I had told Kira and Lacus a month before our wedding about our loss, when they accidentally asked us about having child. And when we told about it to them, they apologized, over and over, and Lacus was sobbing with Cagalli.
How many times we tried to forget, the loss was still fresh in our mind. The wedding was one of the best things in our lives, but every time we thought about having a baby, it would lead to our lost seven months ago. I was willing to try, but Cagalli always have a longing face remembering her baby. I just thought she still hadn't gotten over it, and I would wait for her.
"Lacus!"
We turned our head and saw a long black haired girl came. Lacus gasped and went welcoming her guest.
"Meer! You came."
"I want to see the baby! Oh, he is so cute! Can I hold him please?"
I ignored the happy family—Kira had greeted Lacus' cousin and turned to my wife, who was having a sad and longing face again. She buried her face in my neck as I hugged her waist.
"I'm sorry, but can we go home? I don't think I can…"
"Off course. Let me speak to them first," I went to Lacus and Kira to say that Cagalli was not feeling well and we would go home now. Again, they apologize for doing nothing wrong. And before we leave, I told them again congratulation for their baby.
On the way home, Cagalli tugged my sleeve. She was so quite since we got to the car. I didn't think of talking to her, maybe she would open up later. It surprised me a bit that she recovered this fast.
"What is it, Cagalli?" I asked. She looked unsure, like she was afraid of admitting something. She gripped my sleeve a bit tight, and her eyes were looking everywhere but me.
"Can we… go to the drug store?"
I felt like it was going to be serious and need full concentration, so I pulled over. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting, but I looked at her and asked, "What is it?"
Cagalli shifted in her seat without losing her grip. "I… I'm… a few days…"
"What is it, Cagalli? Tell me already," I was getting nervous. Was she sick? Maybe she had been for a few days and ran out of the medicine. What if she has some serious illness? Oh God, please don't do this to me!
"What? Are you sick? Is it bad? Do we have to go to the hos—"
"No, it's not that. I'm not sick," she told me before I could finish my rumbling. And I sighed in relief. If anything happened to her… "So, if you're not sick, why—"
"I'm a few days… late…"
I didn't get it. "Late… what?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"My period," she said impatiently. So what if her per—
Wait… What?
"What did you say?"
"My period is a few days late," now she said it slowly. Not because she thought I wouldn't understand, but she was just repeating it and anxious of what I would think of it.
And I couldn't think.
"I need to buy a… um… pregnancy test…"
Cagalli was in front of me, but I didn't see her. I didn't see anything. I was trying to think of something.
That Cagalli could be pregnant.
I hit the gas and drove away from the street, speeding up a bit. Cagalli startled and gripped the handle of her door.
"Where are we going?" she asked, her voice rose a bit.
"The hospital. I want a confirmation from a doctor."
"Well, congratulation Mr. Zala. Your wife is pregnant for six weeks. And you too, Mrs. Zala," the doctor said to the couple sitting in front of him. He could tell that they were a bit confused, or maybe scared. He knew because he was Cagalli's OB/GYN and the one who treated her after her miscarriage. And he was the one who suggested Mrs. Talia Durrandal to be her therapist.
"I know that maybe you two are scared, wondering if this one will be safe or not…," The doctor noticed that his patient winced slightly. "But now that you two are aware that you are having a baby, I hope you will be more… prepared and careful…" He paused before he went on, "And Mrs. Zala, I'm sorry for reminding you, but your miscarriage had happened because you had been working too hard, while you didn't even realize about the baby. So now that you knew, try to be more relax. Don't overwork yourself, rest properly, eat properly. And you will have to watch your wife, Mr. Zala."
"Off course I will," I said, promising to myself that we wouldn't lose it now.
"Do you think there is something you can prescribe for me, if I'm starting to get queasy, or any sign of morning sickness?" Cagalli asked.
"I suggest you don't take any medicine without doctor's prescription or morning sickness medication. Try to eat some wheat crackers or soda crackers before you get out of bed. It usually helps. Low fat food is highly recommended for pregnant woman, and skim milk too."
"Oh, off course," Cagalli said, and then frowned. I knew why, she had never had a liking for milk. I wondered if she would change that, for our baby.
"Okay. Come again three weeks from now. By that time, we can do an ultrasound for your baby," he said, "Again, congratulation," he shook our hands. "We said our thanks and walked out from the hospital.
"Wanna go to buy milk for you?"
"I don't like milk," she scrunched her nose. I pinched it lightly and got a punch in my arm. I rubbed it, making a hurt face, and helped her to get into the car.
"For our baby?" I asked, holding her door.
"I'll try this time. If I can't tolerate the taste, I'll just eat more cheese and drink yoghurt. And no Vanilla! Chocolate will do, but no vanilla," she insisted.
I nodded; anything to get her to drink the milk. "No fast-foods, no candies, no… maybe coffee, more veggies…"
"You are going to make my life a hell!" Cagalli shouted as I started the engine.
"For our baby?" I asked again. She pouted, and then grumbled about something I couldn't understand. I drove from the hospital to get our new addition to the grocery list.
"I'm scared."
"Me too, Cagalli," I hugged her close to me under the comforter. I knew she was thinking of it all the way home. She was quite after I told her the list of her new diet. And after I took her to bed and lied there with her, talked to her about what I wanted her to do for her pregnancy, she was suddenly quiet, and then she just blurted it out.
Maybe it was too much for using the 'for our baby' card. But I really wanted to make sure that we wouldn't miss anything that would lead to another miscarriage. I shuddered at the memory.
"I'm sorry if I keep reminding you from our child by saying it, but you know I don't want to lose him or her, Cagalli. I didn't mean to remind you and make you all scared and worrying." I rubbed her back, hoping to soothe her; she was still sensitive if we were talking about the loss.
"I know you mean good…," Cagalli whispered in my chest. "And we'll work it together, right? You'll be with me, protecting this child?" I was thinking we would never get over of our previous failure, I was willing to take the chance I was given, and now we would do our best, for our baby.
"I'll protect you and this child. I'll give you my full attention; you'll feel like I'm your nanny," I said. She laughed, but it was true; I'll be even noisier than ever.
"I'll try to do what's on your list, even though it makes me have to say good bye to the earthy delights." We chuckled.
"But eight months later we will have the more wonderful reward for sacrificing your earthly delights, our baby," I rubbed her still flat belly, now fully aware that there was a life in there, a life we had created together; I smiled at the thought.
"Wanna bet?" Cagalli looked up to me. Her mood was back, good.
"A girl," I said, starting to imagine a tiny version of Cagalli, or a female version of me. She would be a the most spoiled little girl in this world. And thinking about this made me feel impatient, wanting the eight months to just come fast.
"A boy. Do we have to wait till the ultrasound can tell us this baby's gender or we wait for eight months?" she asked.
"I don't think I can wait for eight months. Besides, I want to claim my prize as soon as possible." I ran my lips along her jaw and rewarded with a long moan.
"We haven't discussed about the prize yet," she said to me breathlessly.
"We haven't. But now, let's not talk about the prize, we have later," I said as I continued my ministration to her neck, my hand roamed around her body.
"The baby…"
"Will be okay. It will be safe to do it until you are showing," I started removing her top.
Yeah, I knew I wouldn't have the heart to take her once she was showing. I had to use the time that left as effective as possible.
Eight months, and our lives would be even better than now.
I remembered my lecturer is currently studying in Osaka, so I just used the universities from Japan.
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