Harry Potter was on the war-path.

"Lily!" he yelled as he stormed up the stairs. "Lily Potter, you get out her, right now!"

There was a click as Lily Potter pulled open her door.

"What, dad?" she asked, looking annoyed.

"I'll give you 'what now', young lady! What is this?!"

He held up a box of condoms.

Lily raised her eyebrows.

"They're condoms, dad," she replied, looking bored.

"I know perfectly well what they are, and don't give me that cheek! What I want to know is why you have them in your trunk!"

"Because they gave them to us at school," she said, looking over her shoulder as her IM flashed up a new message.

"It-what?"

"The school. Gave us condoms. For protection."

Harry blinked.

"Hogwarts gave you these?" he stammered, looking confused.

"Yah," she said, rolling her eyes. "So there's no need to panic – I'm not having sex with anyone."

She watched as her dad blushed red.

"Oh, right," he said gruffly. "Right, well, uh, I-"

"Can I go now?" she asked tonelessly, itching to get back to her computer.

"Um, yes. Yes, of course you-"

"Thanks," she said, reaching out and taking the box of condoms.

"Uh, excuse me, Lily-" began Harry, but Lily cut him off.

"Dad, you're old enough to be able to cast a contraception-charm – I'm not letting you and mum use these when maybe someday I'll be in need of them."

And with that, she shut the door, leaving a gawping Harry in her wake.

"You," she said, without looking round, "Owe me."

Rose Weasley moved away from the door, looking thoroughly relieved.

"You are an angel, Lily Potter," she said gratefully, plonking herself back down on the bed she'd quickly vacated when she'd heard her uncle's thunderous voice.

"I don't know why you didn't just put them in your trunk," said Lily, rolling her eyes as she put down the box and clicked open her new message.

"In my trunk?!" she cried, looking horror-struck. "Do you want my dad to die of a heart-attack?"

Lily sniggered.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about him. Has he gotten over finding that video on Hugo's mobile yet?"

"No," sighed Rose. "Hu's still grounded for a month. I know mum tried to talk to him about it, but he's having none of it. He wanted to confiscate my mobile too, but I pointed out to him the fact that I was a girl interested in guys, and was unlikely to have any of the stuff Hu had on his phone on mine. He just went really red and had to be comforted by my mum."

"Yeah, my mum was telling me about this time when he walked in on her kissing one of her old boyfriends. Apparently he hit the roof and they nearly duelled. My dad stopped them, though."

"I'm surprised I'm even here, considering what a prude he is about sex," said Rose, looking thoughtful.

"Yeah, well, you saw my dad's reaction, and he's not nearly as uptight as Uncle Ron!"

"But he must know that at least one of his kids is having sex, surely! I mean, James is a bit of man-whore, let's face it."

"Yeah, well, I think Dad just turns a blind-eye when it comes to matters involving James."

"Mmm," agreed Rose.

"So," grinned Lily, her eyes suddenly lighting up. "How's it going with you-know-who? You two had sex yet?"

Whilst this conversation was going on, Ginny Weasley was in the process of pouring her husband a large glass of Fire Whiskey.

"Condoms!" said Harry hoarsely, accepting the drink. "She's only sixteen, Gin!"

"Yes, the legal age for any witch or wizard to have sexual intercourse," she said softly, sitting down next to him. "Lily's a smart girl, she knows what she's doing. And anyway, I thought you said the school gave them to her?"

"She did. But that doesn't mean she's telling the truth!"

"Who says so? Harry, sweetheart, I really think you're getting a little too stressed out about this! I was only sixteen when I lost my virginity. To you, I might add."

Harry blushed.

"Yes, but that was different-"

"How?" laughed Ginny, shaking her head. "Because it was you?"

"Yes! I mean no! I mean – we loved each other, and as far as I'm aware, Lily hasn't even got a boyfriend!"

"Yes, but we know someone else who's dating someone," Ginny said pointedly, raising her eyebrows.

"You don't think-" gasped Harry, his eyes widening. "You don't think they're Al's, do you?!"

"It's a possibility," shrugged Ginny. "He's been dating Leanne for a while now."

"But-but-but he's Al! Al who cried when James received a valentine's card and he didn't! Al who actually believed all the rubbish that James fed him, despite all our reassurances! Al who's dating Neville's daughter! Neville's daughter, Ginny, Neville's!"

"Harry," replied Ginny stonily, "Just because Neville was devoid of any action at Hogwarts, it doesn't mean to say that Leanne is. She's always the life and soul of any party I've been to (aside from Lily, of course). And he does love her. A lot. He was practically a shell when she went away for those two weeks last summer!"

"But he's Al!" moaned Harry again. "He can't be having sex!"

"Who's having sex?" asked a voice from behind them. "Not you two, I hope – that'd just be totally gross!"

They both looked round to see their oldest son stood in the doorway, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey, James" smiled Ginny. "You have a good day at work?"

James snorted.

"Oh, yeah – filing is just so exciting!"

"Now, James," said Harry sternly. "You know that job's only temporary until-"

"Yeah, yeah, until I decide what I want to do with my life," interrupted James, opening the fridge and pulling out a can of coke. "I still don't understand why you won't just let me be a professional play-boy. Anyway," he said loudly, before his dad could interrupt him and berate him for not wanting to do something more 'worthwhile', "If you were thinking that those condoms belonged to Al then you'd be wrong. Him and Leanne have decided that they're going to wait until they get married before they have sex. Apparently it'll 'mean' more that way." He shook his head, as though this idea were completely absurd.

"And they aren't Lily's," he continued, opening the can and taking a sip. "She's all hung up on this guy in Ravenclaw who doesn't even know she's alive. Nah, I'd say your best bet is Rose."

"Rose?!" cried Harry and Ginny together.

"Ron and Hermione's Rose?!" asked Ginny, looking gobsmacked.

"No, the one that's growing in the garden," replied James sarcastically. "Yes, Ron and Hermione's Rose! I mean, everyone knows she's got that thing going with Scorpius Malfoy…"

"What?!"