Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters. Nor do I own the song. It belongs to David Cook.
I knew something was wrong the day Roxas decided to spend the night in his own room. That was just... not normal. The blonde always spent the night with me. No matter what. But not that night. Or the following nights. I was never one to push someone into telling me what was wrong with them. So when I had asked Roxas and he only brushed it off, I thought nothing of it.
But here I lay alone again... Three weeks now.
It wasn't just the nights alone that worried me. Roxas was obviously distancing himself from me. And I wasn't the only one to notice. Whenever I would touch him, casually or otherwise, he'd flinch and pull away. It was starting to annoy me but at the same time I was worried. Did he not like me anymore? Was that it? He didn't want to be with me anymore?
Well he could just fucking tell me that instead of acting like a pussy...
I sighed at my own thought and rubbed a hand over my face. My bedroom was dark, the only light coming in from a small window above my bed. I laid on my bare back, the covers bundled around my waist. One arm was placed behind my head while the other I left against my forehead.
The whole situation was pissing me off. Roxas wouldn't talk to me about what was bothering him so I had no clue. Nor did anyone else.
We're nobodies... We don't have "feelings"... So this shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did. I've had to listen to Zexion ramble on about how the things we feel are only memories of feelings not the true feeling itself... So was this what my somebody felt like when he was rejected?
I groaned and narrowed my eyes up at the dark ceiling. I just didn't get it. But atleast I wasn't the only one Roxas was pulling away from. He wouldn't really speak to anyone. Not that he did much anyway... But he would occasionally to Demyx or Marluxia. Zexion too. But mainly me. We were lovers after all...
Could we really call ourselves "lovers" though? When we have no hearts? Whatever I felt... It was real. I knew that. And I thought the same for Roxas. But perhaps I was wrong. It wouldn't have been the first time. The blonde was hard to comprehend most of the time.
A soft knock at my door brought me out of my deep thoughts. I blinked up at the ceiling before sitting up and listening, thinking I heard wrong. After a minute another knock. I narrowed my eyes in confusion and got to my feet. Who would come to my room at three in the morning?
My bare feet padded across the cold floor softly and I opened my door. I blinked in surprise at the person on the other side of the door.
Roxas looked up at me, a soft smile on his lips. He was dressed in pale blue pajama pants and a blue t-shirt. The most color I had ever seen the boy in. His pale blue eyes glistened against the light of the hallway and his blonde hair was sticking up in all different directions... Which wasn't much different from his normal hair style anyway. But it was obvious he had been tossing in his sleep.
You whispered that you were getting tired...
Got a look in your eye that looks a lot like goodbye.
Hold onto your secrets tonight.
Don't want to know...
I'm ok with the silence.
It's the truth that I don't want to hear.
Without a word, I moved away from the door and let him enter. He shuffled inside softly and I closed the door behind him. He moved over the my bed and sat down on it gently, facing me. I eyed him before moving next to him, sitting down as well.
He kept his eyes on the ground as he played with the hem of his shirt. I got a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach. I wasn't sure why but I was not liking that he couldn't look me in the eye. He opened his mouth to speak but I didn't want to hear what he was going to say. Quickly, I wrapped my long arms around him and hugged him to my chest tightly.
You're hiding regret in your smile.
There's a storm in your eyes that I've seen coming for a while.
Hang onto the past tense tonight.
Don't say a word, I'm ok with the quiet.
The truth is gonna change everything.
"A-Axel?" His voice was soft but surprised. I squeezed him to me tightly. I didn't want him to speak. I didn't want to hear what he was going to say. I already knew. I could feel it. I didn't know where we went wrong... Or where I went wrong... but it couldn't let it end like this.
I pulled back only slightly and placed a finger under his chin to force his eyes to meet mine. I saw in those pale blue eyes exactly what I didn't want to see. My heart clenched but I wouldn't let it end like this. Not now. Not tonight. I leaned my head forward and placed my lips to his.
So lie to me and tell me that it's going to be alright.
Lie to me and tell that we'll make it through the night.
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart.
Look me in the eye...
Lie, Lie, Lie...
Roxas whimpered softly against my lips and slid his arms around my neck, pressing his lips back against mine. I did a little happy dance in my head before deepening the kiss. My hands moved from his face, down his sides and to his hips. I gripped those sinful hips tightly and pulled him into my lap. He didn't protest. He wanted to pretend was much as me. We were nobodies... We had no hearts... We had no feelings... But we could pretend. We were skilled at that.
I know that there's no turning back.
If we put too much light on this, we'll see through all the cracks.
Let's stay in the dark on more night...
He buried his small pale hand in my long mass of red hair. I nibbled at his bottom lip, emitting a soft moan from the blonde. He parted his lips and I took no time to slip my tongue into his small cavern. He adjusted himself to straddle my hips and played with my tongue. The feelings... the sound... the emotions... All of it. This. Roxas. He was my heart.
After a moment, our lips parted and we panted for air. Our eyes were locked. Emerald green with sparkling blue. I could see it in his eyes. I was wrong. He did feel the same. So why all this? What was his true meaning behind the regret... the storm. I had to know... But not now. Not tonight.
Don't want to know...
I'm ok with the silence.
It's the truth that I don't want to hear.
Roxas ran his small pink tongue over his bottom lip and my eyes followed that sinful appendage. The corner's of his lips turned up slightly in a tiny smirk. He knew what he did to me. And he loved it. He tugged lightly on my hair and I moved in for another kiss. He was my addition. My drug. I was stuck and I knew it.
So lie to me and tell me that it's going to be alright.
Lie to me and tell that we'll make it through the night.
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart.
Look me in the eye...
Lie, Lie, Lie...
I could feel it in his touch. In his kiss. In his eyes. Something was changing. Something was different. And I couldn't stop it. I refused to believe that he didn't love me. Whatever it was... It was bigger than the both of us. Bigger than the hearts we didn't have. The way he moved, the way he moaned. Every part of him screamed that he was as addicted as I was.
Ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach I loved the boy one last time. This was his goodbye. Somehow I knew it... All along I knew this would happen. But why? That was what I didn't know. And I wanted to know... But not now. Not tonight...
Don't want to believe in this ending.
Let the cameras roll on.
Keep pretending.
Tomorrow's all wrong.
If you walk away...
Just Stay...
I woke up alone that morning. I had expected as much but it didn't stop the horrid crunching in my chest. No heart? Then why was mine breaking? I forced myself to get out of bed. I dressed hurriedly and ran out of the room in search of the small blonde. I ran to his room only to find it empty. I cursed and ran down the hallway only to bump into a small silver haired boy.
"Ah sorry."
Zexion eyed me before walking past me. "If you're looking for him, you'd better hurry. He's already left the castle."
I panicked and ran as fast as I could down the stairs. I suddenly felt like an idiot. I rolled my eyes at myself and opened a pathway to the darkness. Hopefully, I'd beat Roxas. And I did. I stepped out of the pathway just as he turned the corner of the street.
He stopped in surprise before erasing any emotion from his face. He walked right up to me and stopped in front of me. He stared deep into my eyes and I could tell he was already gone. The Roxas I knew... The Roxas I loved... Was gone.
"Why?" A simple question. But the answer held my heart along with it.
"I have to know Axel. Why did the keyblade choose me? I don't care about the consequences. This is something I have to do for myself. I need to know who I am. You of all people should understand." I did understand. But that didn't make it hurt any less. I just nodded and his face softened for a moment. "Don't take it personally. I will miss you."
I just nodded again. What could I say? I took a deep breath and did what all nobodies were good at. I pretended. I smiled at him and patted his blonde head. "You do what you gotta do. Just don't forget me, k?" I poked his forehead. "I'm memorized, right?"
Roxas smiled softly and smacked my hand away. "Of course you are. We'll see each other again. I know we will."
I nodded and shoved my hands in my pockets. "Course we will." I winked at him.
Roxas smiled that wonderful smile I loved so much before walking past me. No need for goodbye. We said goodbye last night. I didn't watch him walk away. I couldn't. I forced myself to walk back to the castle. I was a nobody. I didn't have a heart. I only had a memory of what it felt like to love. Only a memory of what it felt like to have that heart broken. Nothing more. Nothing genuine. Or so I forced myself to believe.
So lie to me and tell me that it's going to be alright.
Lie to me and tell that we'll make it through the night.
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart.
Look me in the eye...
Lie, Lie, Lie...
Roxas and I did meet once again. But it was in battle and he had no idea who I was. But by then, I truly did have a hole in my chest. Just seeing him again was enough. But my Roxas was gone. I had accepted that and did what I knew Roxas would want me to do. I gave my life for his Somebody.
I was a nobody. I had no heart. I shouldn't of existed. But I did. I impacted one small brunette boy's life and that was enough for me. He would take care of Roxas in my absence. And I was alright with that.
Well? What did you think? I wrote this one day when i was really bored and lonely. I like it. Hope you do too. Let me know, okay?
Please review!!!
Thanks!
+Matt+