AN: Welcome to the third installment of the After The End series! For those of you who are new to this particular plotline, feel free to start reading here or go back and read its predecessors, After The End and Home Again. I don't mind explaining to those who are lost, but I do strongly recommend reading the other two stories in full so you understand what this one is about.
NOTE: If you haven't read the last chapter of Home Again CLOSELY, you're going to be very confused this first scene. If so, go back and re-read the last scene. *hint hint*
Also, I apologize for how infrequent my posts have become. The back to school hubbub is very…trying. It's taken me forever to get this chapter out, and the others will probably come very infrequently. Sorry! I'm trying my best!
All right, now that that's taken care of… read, review and enjoy!
Disclaimer: All characters belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss.
Alive
Thud-thump. Thud-thump. Thud-thump.
It kept going. Steady. Regular. Pulsing through him, shaking him ever so slightly with each subtle noise.
Thud-thump. Thud-thump.
Coursing through him like so many soft embraces, delicate kisses, delicious fragrances. Warm. Comforting. And on it went.
Thud-thump. Thud-thump.
Each beat on it's own a pleasant surprise.
Thud-thump.
Each beat a minor miracle.
Thud-thump.
The sound of it mesmerized him. He had never heard such a sound. So stable. So unwavering. So breathtaking. So utterly and completely perfect, so luscious, so everything. So…
Alive.
Thud-thump. Thud-thump. Thud-thump. Thud-thump.
Wait…alive?
Thudthump thudthump thudthumpCalm down, you git. He closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing.
Wait a second… my breathing? ThudthumpthudthumpthudthumpthudthumpthudthumpSpike sat bolt upright. Breathing. He was breathing. And that sound, that wonderful sound…
It was his heartbeat.
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Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead Spike is dead…
Stumbling, Buffy fell. And instead of standing up, like she had for the last dozen times she'd collapsed in the past ten minutes, she just sat there.
How can a person stand up when their legs are gone? How can a person breathe when there is no oxygen? How can a person walk or talk or even live without something? Without…someone?
Spike is dead.
She stared at the dirt underneath her bloody hands. Spike's blood. Spike's blood on the dirt. Her eyes squeezed shut as she saw him lying there; saw all of that blood on the dirt…
Spike is dead.
She opened her eyes. However, she couldn't see the dirt anymore. She saw him. For a second the apparition was so vivid she gasped. There he was, lying in front of her. Sleeping. And he wasn't bleeding; he wasn't hurt…She reached out, wanting to feel his cool skin. But he disappeared under her slim fingers and she tumbled forward onto the ground, sprawled out and dazed.
Spike is dead.
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Well, that was interesting. Rolling her eyes, she turned to look at William again. He was still sitting there, looking around with the funniest look on his face. She would have found it highly amusing if Buffy hadn't been walking in the other direction at that very moment. But wait… She squinted. Okay. She was…sitting down? Lying down?
Spike is dead.
The girl jerked. "No, he isn't…" Too bad she can't hear me. But maybe… Eagerly, she leaned forward in hopes of her falling asleep. If she would just fall asleep…
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HEARTBEAT?!? He smacked his hand against his chest, mildly surprised at the sting it caused on his skin. And there, there was thumping against his hand. A heartbeat. His heartbeat. A beat produced by his heart. His old heart, which had stopped beating so long ago…
His train of thought paused as he sucked in another breath. It was really getting to be quite bothersome. Being a hundred and some years out of practice, it didn't exactly come naturally to him. Which meant he had to think about every single breath he'd taken in the past five minutes. Yes; very annoying indeed.
But how could he think about breathing when Buffy… Buffy! He looked around anxiously. All along the horizon there were demon carcasses, grasses, rocks, trees…no Buffy. What if she thinks I'm-…oh bollocks.
He had to find her. He had to. So very carefully, he stood up. Brushed the blood and dust from his duster. And set out, once again, to find the girl he loved.
There's just a little too much déjà vu in this situation… except for the whole 'alive' thing. He examined his hands, looking for any distinguishing marks that would prove they were human. Nope. Same old Spike hands. He ran a finger along his teeth. No fangs… that's one point to the 'human' theory…He tried changing his face. And winced at the major headache it induced. Alright… two for the lack of lumpies and three for that fucking headache… Mentally, he ticked off more numbers. Four for the breathing, five for the heartbeat… He pressed a palm to his forehead. And I've got a temperature. That's six.
And for the demon theory… He picked up a rock. Without even exerting himself, it crumbled in his fist. One, freakish strength. Wicked strong freakish strength. Spike mulled over what he'd just thought. That girl has rubbed off on me in the weirdest ways… He looked around, before experimentally sprinting a few hundred meters. Two, bizarre speed. He frowned at the odd feeling in his chest.
Breathe, you idiot! Gasping, he dropped to his knees. Great. I can run faster than a car, apparently, but I have to breathe. Hmm. After recovering, he stood up and looked around again. Rock. Tree. Small rodent thingie. Depressing looking puddle. Dirt. Buffy. Buffy!!!
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The ground was cool against her skin, but she didn't feel it. The sun flashed painfully in her eyes; she never noticed. A small furry thing ran past her mere inches from her face, and she didn't bat an eyelash. Why should you see anything when there's nothing to see? Why should you smell, or feel, or taste, when there is nothing to experience?
Buffy's mind was like a chalkboard. It had been whipped clean; all that remained was a faint dust of everything she was and everything she loved. And everyone.
She didn't know where she was. She barely knew who she was. All her mind knew was a fragment of a memory, one moment that was all too brief when she'd seen everything she'd ever wanted in two crystal blue eyes. It was then, for the first time that she'd known; the person behind those eyes loved her. For just a second, he'd looked at her with more love and more honesty than she had thought existed. And in that moment he'd captured her. She had been lost, consumed by her own grief at being lost in the world. She had found herself in his eyes.
What's a slave to do when it's lost its master? What's a student to do when they loose their teacher? What do you do when you have lost everything connecting you to this world?
Buffy did the only thing she could do. She did nothing. And all she knew were his eyes.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: The described instance from above is one from an episode towards the beginning of season 6 (can't remember title…grr…) where Spike is sitting across from Buffy on the coffee table (after seeing her for the first time after her death). He's just staring at her, and she's looking at him and something in her eyes changes…Go check it out, it's a really great moment.
I'll go now. :)
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The first thought that crossed his mind was that she was dead. The second was that it was really, really hard to run and breathe at the same time. Buffy Buffy Buffy oh dear sweet whatever-is-up-there please… As he sprinted, he gasped out, "Bu…Buff…Buff…y…" Damn breathing! Inside he was screaming, crying out so loudly his ears were ringing. Pounding, roaring, deafening in his mind. On the outside… he sounded like a wounded dog.
She's not moving. Pushing himself faster, he tried to look for signs of consciousness. Or signs of life. But it was so hard to get past her limp figure, sprawled out there so helplessly on that dusty ground…
[His words trailed off as he gazed up at her coming down the stairs. And he knew, it wasn't the Buffybot. It was Her, with her sparkling green eyes and smooth skin, with her long silky hair. With her confident step, and unsure gaze. With her soul. His girl. His Buffy.]
Thump thump thump thump thump thump… Strange, how his boots pounding against the hard soil sounded so much like his heartbeat. Stranger still, that they might be leading him towards the one thing that had the ability to destroy his heart. Why aren't you moving?!? He was seventy five feet away…Fifty…Thirty…
Fifteen. Ten.
Oh god, Buffy.
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Something coming near her… someone reaching out… Spike why did you leave me you can't be dead no god please-
A hand on her shoulder.
It ran through her like a shock. At first, that's what she thought it was. Sudden. Harsh. But the sheer power of it, coursing through her… It was intense. It was hot. It was so many things all mixed together…
Unbeknownst to Buffy, it wasn't an electric current she was experiencing. It was love.
Her eyelids sprang open as she registered the warm hand on her shoulder. Whipping her head around, she let out a small gasp. And time… stopped. Because the man she had left…the friend that had died…the lover who had been lying in a pool of his own blood…
Was here.
She pressed her hands against his face, unbelieving. His eyes, his blue thoughtful eyes, regarded her with equal astonishment. Patiently, he let her fingers explore the contours of his jaw, his cheekbones. Finally, she murmured, "Spike."
He smiled, never happier to hear anything in his whole life. Few things sounded sweeter on the lips of his love than his own name. Taking a breath, he prepared to say something amazing, something romantic, something that would knock her off her feet and make her laugh and cry all at once… "Hi." Or… he'd say something like that.
A grin spread out across her face. "Hi," she said quietly, sitting up so she could wrap both her arms around him. For the longest time she just held him, a thousand thoughts running through her mind. Spike… Tears spilled onto her cheeks as he pulled her closer, dripping down onto his duster. She never even noticed.
Thud-thump. Thud-thump.
The soft sound rested on her ears for some time before she noticed. With a confused expression, she pulled back far enough to look at him. "Spike?"
"Hmm?" He fingered a tendril of her blonde hair that had escaped her binder.
Buffy squinted up at him. "You're…" She ran one of her hands down his chest; all too aware of the heat it gave off. Of the slight pulsation it produced against her palm.
Thud-thump.
Smirking, he kissed her gently. When it ended, he nodded slightly. "Yeah. I am."
Her eyes widened. How…? She was too stunned to do anything. Say anything. Spike was… And then she looked back at him. He looked…almost scared. A little timid. Without thinking she leaned in towards him, pressing her lips against his for the briefest moment.
I wish I could stay like this forever. Spike closed his eyes. This was where he was meant to be. This was who he was supposed to be with. And this, apparently, was what he was supposed to be. He was…
She smiled again at him. "Alive."
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Alright…confused anyone? If you are, review and tell me! If you aren't, review and tell me! If you love it, review, if you hate it, review, if you really have no opinion on it at all, review! (Can you guess where I'm going with this?) :)
Next chapter will (hopefully) be longer, and over the next few I'll be explaining exactly what the hell is going on. And how it is going on.
*gestures to review button* Come on. You know you want to…