Look but See
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Jim knew that look. He had seen it his entire life. He just never thought he would see it in the Ambassador's eyes.
Jim had meet a lot of interesting people during his time in Starfleet. The most interesting, the most life jarring had been Ambassador Spock. The old Vulcan had complete and utter faith in Jim. He believed that he could do anything that he sat his mind too and he made Jim believe it as well. They spoke often and the encouragement and advice the Ambassador gave him stayed with Jim long after there conversations were over. Jim was a better Captain because Ambassador Spock made him believe he could be. It was a friendship that he needed and that made what happen all that much worse.
Jim was excited. He was meeting the Ambassador for lunch. They hadn't seen each other face to face in over a year and a half. The meal had went well. Words of friendship and encouragement passing between them. Jim took the overwhelming feeling of acceptance he always felt in the Ambassador's presence and wrapped it around himself. It was good to be cared about. They were finish up when it happened.
Jim had been laughing. He had been laughing and the Ambassador had been smiling and everything was good. Then Jim looked into the Ambassador's eyes. Something crossed over them and he felt the laughter die in his chest. He had seen that look before. He just never thought that he's see it on the Ambassador. The floor seemed to fall out from underneath Jim but he held himself together long enough to get back to the ship.
Locked in his quarters Jim relived the looked over and over again. He had seen it all his life. His Mother had looked at him like that when she had been thinking about his Father. Family friends, Teachers, Starfleet Officers, anyone who had known his George Kirk had given him that look at least once. When they looked at him they saw the ghost of a martyr. He never thought his old friend would look at him like that. He hadn't even known George Kirk in either timeline. Jim stopped. Timeline! The Ambassador wasn't seeing George in Jim, he was seeing Jim's counterpart. That hurt even more. All of the encouragements and assurances of worth and friendship came flooding through Jim's mind. Was it all a lie? Was everything he said meant for the other Jim? Pain racked his soul and he hated himself for caring so much. He had competed and been compared to a ghost his whole life. Now it would happen again only this time he'd be up against a better version of himself. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't anyone look and see him?
AN: I just can't stop being mean to Jim. This was something that has been bouncing around in my mind for a while. It finally needed to come out. Tell me what think please.
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