Silence: Shizuru
By: K-promises-fall
Disclaimer: In no way, shape or form do I own or claim to own Mai-HiME. If I did, there would be a lot more Shiznat and a lot less focus on Mai and Tate.
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Begin
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Silence was something Shizuru took a secret pleasure in. Of course, she was always prepared to initiate or show polite interest in any necessary conversation. She was a "people person" as Reito had once light-heartedly called her. Back then they had laughed at the mutual understanding of his joke while Haruka and Yukino looked on, puzzled.
Yes, she was a people person. People respected her, looked up to her and were awed by her. Her mere presence could silence a room; a quirk of her lips could get her anything she wanted. Indeed, she had been spoiled by those who fell victim to her charm, and her ability to manipulate others for her own gain had grown in time.
Her manipulative finesse came with a downside, however. The people adored her. They whispered her name in awe whenever she passed by, stuttered out 'pardon me's and nervous apologies. Her air of openness encouraged them to approach her; to stutter and fidget and sweat their way through things ranging from introductions, to requests for her assistance, to proclamations of love. On the outside she was gentle, never reprimanding and always open. Those that were turned down left as if she had said yes to all their wildest and most passionate dreams. It was impossible to hate her, even more impossible to be sad after speaking with her.
Shizuru was a people person, and she hated it. There was always someone asking her things, trying to get to know her, wanting something from her. Her brief moments of peace were punctuated by requests for modifications to school rules and the shy murmurs of infatuated students.
Never could she fully relax in comfortable silence; which was why she was so drawn to Natsuki when they had initially met. Natsuki never pried. Never asked. Never stuttered unless Shizuru actively teased one out of her. Natsuki never fell victim to her charms. Never looked at her with adoration. Never even asked her for anything.
Natsuki did not even ask for use of her laptop to garner information on the HiME. Shizuru had merely walked into the student council room one day to find Natsuki on her laptop, scanning documents that Shizuru had been sure to have password protected. Natsuki had never apologized. Shizuru never changed the password. She had been slightly annoyed by Natsuki's lack of remorse for reading what was supposed to be private documents, but also strangely endeared by her stubborn refusal to explain herself.
Natsuki was cold, but Shizuru could tell by the relaxed set of her shoulders that – and this applied only to Shizuru – she was not closed off.
Shizuru started to change. She made conversation with Natsuki the best way she knew how. She teased, she joked; the words fell fluently, and Shizuru didn't really care to find out why. It randomly popped into her mind that she might care for Natsuki more than she realized, and the idea wasn't as daunting as it should have been. Instead of distancing herself, she moved closer. She gave sudden hugs, accidentally brushed against certain places and smiled secret smiles, each time craving more and more of the blush that made Natsuki so much warmer.
Fujino Shizuru loved Kuga Natsuki. It became a simple fact that buried itself in her every thought and action. Everything she did was with Natsuki in mind. Everywhere she went she craved the girl's company. And if Shizuru had not been so enraptured in the new feeling, she would have noticed that her love itself had grown to strange and dangerous levels. As it was, she only thought of Natsuki, which is why when she found out that she and her beloved were HiME, she had kept silent.
She acted as she always had, and was constantly hurt when Natsuki switched the topic of their conversations to avoid talking of anything related to what they were. With this new knowledge Shizuru was left wondering what other things Natsuki might be hiding from her. She started to doubt if she knew the other girl at all. And for the first time in her life, Fujino Shizuru wanted more, and had no idea of how to get it.
She wanted to hold Natsuki; to feel her long hair slide between her fingers. She wanted to know what plagued the other girl's thoughts and dreams, what frightened her and what made her laugh. She wanted Natsuki to offer to drive her home on her bike, and she to wanted wrap her arms around that lithe body as they drove around Fuuka island.
She wanted to be Natsuki's first kiss.
And her last.
She had to constantly deny herself these things; these things that weren't hers to take. Natsuki would be horrified to know what Shizuru dreamed at night.
She was silently cracking under the pressure of her forced normalcy, but at least her mask still stood, and a rejection from Natsuki, from her beloved, would turn that mask into a barely remembered dream. It would shatter, her only defence against the world, and what would become of her then?
Shizuru kept quiet, and her emotions grew, and with it, the turmoil and despair of unrequited love. The questions of "Does...?" and "Would...?" were constant in her thoughts and as the carnival progressed, Shizuru started to lose herself to them. Then it finally happened.
Natsuki's tortured scream of "NO!" still sounded clearly in her thoughts.
After that she remembered nothing; nothing but silence and a strong wave of protectiveness over that silence and all it contained. She had died in Natsuki's arms, and the roar of Kiyohime and Duran exploding had seemed as soft as the whisper of falling leaves from where she kneeled, curled up against her love.
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Now Shizuru was met with silence again. Blessed sweet, lonely silence. She was now a university student. She had left Natsuki behind in Fuuka, tearing herself away and convincing herself that Natsuki had new, better friends to take care of her now. Silence reigned in her life and Shizuru found herself lost to the agony of what used to be a comfort.
Her grip on the tea cup tightened. She shivered. Her hand trembled violently and hot tea spilt over her fingers. She felt nothing. Her throat constricted and silently Shizuru began to cry.
"Natsuki..." her voice trembled and the tea cup slipped from her hands. She cradled her head in her arms.
"Natsuki please," a sob broke through, and Shizuru could only whisper hoarsely to her empty, silent apartment. "Please find me."
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Months later, a doorbell rang.
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End
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... I don't like this one much, even though it's the first Mai HiME fanfic I have ever written. I prefer The City and the other fanfics that I'm currently writing. I still decided to put this up though. Someone might like it, even if I don't so... Yea.
Review
K~