In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle…..
"I'm a fictional character, Get me out of here!"
For those of you that are English and enjoy a bit of reality tv, this is hugely based on the show "I'm a celebrity, Get me out of here." I find this interesting viewing, like putting celebrities in a hamster ball and watching what happens; only it's a jungle! I have decided to try it with some of my favorite fictional characters- they are all whacked together and put in a jungle, where they must do trials to earn their food, and each chapter, one is voted out. The voting bit is down to you readers- at the end of each chapter good old "Ant and Dec" will come along and announce who is getting the boot form the jungle- after your votes. If no-one votes, then I'll just have to do it myself, but I hope someone does! I also hope this isn't against the law… its not like I'm making a profit. Just a laugh really!
The characters are from Harry Potter, Mighty Ducks (awesome set of Disney films), Buffy, Charlie's Angels, Lara Croft, and Artemis Fowl. There might be one Johnny Depp aka Jack Sparrow eventually… if one of the jungle buddies gets the strop and walks out….
Disclaimer: I do not own in any way any of the above shows, characters in them, Ant and Dec, or I'm a celebrity, I just want to have a laugh. Please don't sue me.
My Nan is called Sue.
On with the story! This is how the characters get into the jungle, so there won't be a vote until chapter two!
"What the….." Harry Potter looked up to see that he was strapped into a seat inside a helicopter, and judging by the strange humming he could hear and feel through his seat, he guessed that it was flying. Craning his neck to glance out of the window, he saw that he was correct and that the copter was suspended 1000 feet up in the air- and that the ground below did not look English. Looking around him (as much as his seat belt would allow him) he also noticed that there were five others on board, and he only knew one of them. 'Knew' was better replaced by hated actually, considering that it was Draco Malfoy. Draco looked petrified and clearly hadn't noticed Harry. There were three girls, and another boy that looked about their age. It was silent, apart form the noise of the chopper, and no-one looked in the least bit comfortable with their situation. Suddenly a tall man came into view, wearing a set of headphones. He spoke, and it was then that Harry realized that he too, along with the five others was also wearing headphones.
"Ok guys, who's first?"
Six confused looks followed, so he patted Malfoy on the back and said, "Well my friend, I guess it's gonna be you!"
Harry noticed that the man sounded Australian, and that Malfoy looked terrified.
He was half dragged to the edge of the helicopter, and the man fiddled with a strap on the jumpsuit. He then pushed Malfoy right out of the chopper. The remaining members of the group could just hear Malfoy screaming and stringing insults and swear words together, but not for long, as he descended quite fast.
"Next?"
"Excuse me, but what the hell is going on?" Harry asked, rooted to his seat.
"Yeah, why you pushing us out of here 1000 ft above the ground? Are you a psycho?" one of the girls piped up.
"Well how on earth else are you crazy critters gonna get to your camp when its on the ground, in the middle of the jungle?"
"The only one who's crazy around here is you!"
The Australian laughed, and grabbed the second boy. Doing the same as he had done to Malfoy, he then turned to one of the girls.
"Look, all will be explained in a few minutes!"
Three more exits later, and only Harry remained.
"Guess you're last then buddy."
Harry gulped. Something very odd as happening, and he wasn't sure whether he was going to live to find out what it was.
Looking over the edge of the helicopter, he saw the jungle like terrain below, and five very tiny dots on the ground- his fellow victims, he supposed.
"Good luck mate!"
Then came the rush of emotion. It seemed as though his whole life. Everything that had ever happened to him, flashed in front of his eyes. Then the panic, dread, fear, anger etc, set in. He bagan to scream, louder than he knew he could, and alarmingly higher pitched.
1000 feet was a long way, and it took what seemed like years to reach the ground below. When he did, he just lay there for a few minutes, face down in the grass.
"Get up Potter, you big pansy."
Draco Malfoy.
"Hey, you two know each other?" A girl's voice.
"Unfortunately."
Harry sat up and looked around.
"I'm alive?"
Malfoy began to clap and cheer. "No shit Sherlock," he said in a sarcastic voice.
That was it. Harry leapt to his feet and squared up to his arch enemy.
"Look you sarcastic little turd, I have no idea what is going on here and I don't really care, but don't you take the mick when you screamed like a girl whilst you were falling 1000 ft through the air just the same as me! Of all the people I could get stuck with, why the hell did it have to be you?!"
Malfoy looked like he was going to hit Harry but was held back by the only other boy in the group.
"Whoa, let's just sort this out. How about we introduce ourselves and try to work out what this is all about?"
The two young wizards nodded and stepped back, still looking immensely annoyed.
"Ok, I'm Charlie Conway, and I'm from Minnesota in the USA. I only know Connie here."
A girl with dark hair nodded and stepped forwards.
"I'm Connie Moreau, and the rest is the same as Charlie. You guys?"
Harry and Draco introduced themselves sulkily and struggled out of their parachute suits, whilst the remaining two girls stepped forwards.
"I'm Buffy Summers, from Sunnydale, and I'm a vampire slayer. I don't know anyone here."
She turned to the last girl and she too spoke up.
"I'm Mia, and I'm the princess of Genovia."
There was a short silence.
"Ok, so we got a couple of freshman hockey players, a vampire slayer, a princess, and a couple of wacko arch enemies stranded in the Australian jungle having been pushed head first out of a helicopter 1000 feet up," said Charlie.
"Well, when you put it like that…"
Another short silence, then amazingly, the group began to giggle, and eventually roar with laughter.
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Not far off, unknown to the six just mentioned, a further six confused characters were making their way towards their camp. Having had just as violent an entry to the jungle, they had had everything explained- well, maybe not everything, but a lot of things. They were to live in a camp together- an outdoor camp, in a clearing in the middle of the jungle. They had been extracted from their normal lives to battle it out in the jungle, on a publicly viewed reality television show. The show would last for 22 days- and after the first 12 days the public would begin to vote out a member of the camp each night. At this point in the explanation, it became clear to the group that there must be another camp elsewhere, as six people would not take 12 days to vote out if it was one a night. This, they were told, was true, and the two would merge after the first 12 days. They would have to do "Bush tucker trials" to earn their food each night, at first going head to head with the other camp, and then collect a hidden chest containing that food ready for them to cook on a fire. There would also be extra challenges to gain luxury items and treats. Other than that it was rice and baked beans, sleeping bags, and roughing it in the wilderness for the next three weeks.
Their first task being to find their camp, the second group were now trudging heavily along the bank of a wide river, running through the jungle. Several had made walking poles out of logs, and others were choosing to swear profusely to numb the pain, heat and general bad moods. Then, just as two of the members were considering throwing themselves into the river, there was a loud exclamation from the front of the line of walkers.
"I CAN SEE IT!" their self announced leader shouted.
"See what?" the others groaned.
"The camp, the flippin camp!"
And this time, after two false alarms along the way, Lara Croft really had spotted their home for the next few weeks. The six ran into the clearing, checking out the set up. There were six beds, each with a sleeping bag and pillow, and a chest to store their things away from the rain. In the middle was a small fire with a pile of logs, and various pots and pans. There were a few benches, chairs and hammocks positioned around, and a very cold looking shower in a waterfall like feature. A tiny wooden cabin appeared to be their toilet, and another cabin beside that looked like it might be a camera point or something.
"Ok, lets get some food cooking, and have a proper introduction time." An intelligent looking young lady approached the fire and a red haired boy joined her. The boy laid a few logs on top of the flickering flame and the girl checked out the pots and pans.
"What is there to eat?" asked Lara, throwing herself down onto a bed.
"Some rice."
"And?"
"Er, rice? Few baked beans…I'm Hermione by the way, Hermione Granger."
"Hey, you stole my line!" the oldest of the group sat up from where he had been lying.
"What line?" Hermione turned to face him.
"I say that, you know, name's Bond. James Bond."
There was a short silence, during which James and Hermione stared at each other.
"Firstly, my name isn't James Bond, it's Hermione Granger, so I stole nothing. And secondly, I said it the other way around- first name, then surname."
The group all stared at James, who decided it wasn't worth it and lay down again with a thump.
"Whilst we are on the subject, my name is Ron Weasley, and Hermione and I go to the same school." The red haired boy, now red faced as well from attending to the fire, stood up and wandered over to a bed, placing his things on it.
"I'm Lara Croft. I am an adventurer, explorer, tomb raider… depends who you hear it from."
At this point, James Bond sat up again and stared hard at Lara- a 'woman after his own heart?'
"What about you two?"
The attention was turned to a pale teenage boy, currently investigating a camera attached to a tree in the far corner of the camp clearing.
"I'm Artemis Fowl."
"You're that Irish kid that was in the news a while back!"
"That is correct," the boy said coolly. "I'm in the news quite a lot, for various things."
"And I am Julie 'the cat' Gaffney, I'm the goalie for the Eden Hall mighty ducks hockey team, in the USA."
"Wow, a female goalie. Plus a teenage Irish terrorist, a couple of adrenaline junky hard asses, and two teenage wizards. " Ron summed up what everyone was considering.
"Actually, a wizard and a witch." Hermione though, was a little indignant at the fact that her best friend had referred to her as a man.
"Rice, anyone?"
There was yet another silence, as the group took a moment to register all that had happened so far that day.
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And so it was.
They had all settled into their camps, some in better moods than others, and began their new lives together for the next twenty-two days. Ant and Dec paid each camp a brief visit to keep the camera hungry public happy, and had gathered a few opinions from select members of the groups.
Question: So how are you guys getting along? Any rivalries or friendships yet?
Draco: I bloody hate Potter! I'm going to kill whatever scumbag had this idea! VERY FUNNY YOU CACKHEADS! Get me out of this dump, you just wait, there is going to be HELL to pay…..
Buffy: Er…. The hockey girl seems nice. Getting a bit sick of those two whining little shrimps though, wizards my arse. They need a good kicking, but apparently that's not allowed on this show.
James Bond: I miss my car.
Ron: I didn't even know girls played ice hockey. I swear Bond and Croft are gonna get it on. Maybe it's a set up- like blind date. Only it would be weird if James Bond was blind…. All those bombs and guns…. OH MY DAYS I'M IN A JUNGLE WITH JAMES BOND! I LOVE YOU MUM!
Ant and Dec in the Bush place with the cameras
The two Geordie lads sat side by side at a desk, the tips of the trees in the Australian jungle as their back drop.
"So," the shorter one said happily. "Start working out who you want to save, and who you think should leave the jungle."
"Which camp will be first to lose a member? It's all up to you, so tune in tomorrow to see your favorite celebrities battle it out in the jungle." Ant added.
"And not to forget the trial- who will be taking part head to head with the other camp in tomorrow's dreaded Bush tucker trial? See you then!"
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well now, lets see how that worked out….. What have I done? Slightly odd, I like to say different, approach! Reviews appreciated……