Robin sat on a bench beneath the small window of his cell, shoulders slumping in a quiet despair he would never show to his captors.
He'd just tried to help someone. A young girl who was being harassed by a pack of boys, throwing rocks and cow turds at her. Robin had driven them off and helped the crying girl home. How could he have known one of the little maggots was the son of the local lord? Normally that wouldn't have been much of a problem but the bastard was clever. He'd gotten the innkeeper to spike Robin's beer and when he'd woken up the next day, he'd been here. Vaguely, Robin wondered if there would be any kind of trial or if he'd just quietly vanish.
"Hey." Robin blinked and looked up, seeing a dark face gazing down from the window. A face there was not unusual – there was ivy on the outside of the jail, the little street urchins often climbed up it and would sneak him pieces of apples – but this was an adult. "Robin Hood." …What?!
"How do you know my name?" Robin said, standing and moving away from the window so he could get a better look. The stranger in the window had very dark skin, but it went oddly with his features, which were not Moorish. His eyes were golden and colder than snow in the winter. His hair was cropped short and a shocking shade of white.
"I know you. Do you know me?" Robin shook his head and the other man sighed before chuckling softly, a dry, dusty sound that made Robin think of crypts and dead things. "What a shame. I would have liked to know my name."
"You don't know your own name?" Robin asked, staring at the stranger. He shifted slightly and Robin could see gold on his black jacket. Who was he, to wear such finery?
"No. I lost it in the sundering." Sundering? "I remember that I knew you. I remember I didn't like you." Uh… wonderful? "Always helping others like a little hero, despite the fact that they curse you and despise you. Pathetic." Robin would have been offended – actually, he was offended – but it sounded like the man was reciting by rote, not saying what he believed. "Now, though, I am nothing but a killer and a tool of murder. You mean nothing to me… but I'd hoped you could tell me my name."
"Well, I can't. Was there anything else you wanted?" Robin snapped, wanting the stranger to go away. He carried an air of danger that put Robin's teeth on edge, even safely behind iron bars. The stranger looked away from him, his brows knitting.
"I think there was something I was supposed to tell you. What was it?" How would he know?! "Oh… yes, that was it. If you value your internal organs, stay away from the window." Then the man was dropping down and Robin's eyes went wide.
"Wait!" He ran to the window but it was already too late. The stranger had dropped down to the ground, taking the impact easily before loping off. Robin gripped the bars of his window, cursing beneath his breath. "Damn him!" What in hell did that mean?! Someone was planning a jailbreak? But who would do that for him?
Robin could only wait and see.
Two days later, Robin was getting very frustrated.
The little bench beneath the window was the most comfortable part of his cell. He could sit there and sleep there. The rest of the cell was cold stone and not very nice to rest on, compared to the wood of the bench. The bench was bolted to the floor, unfortunately – it couldn't be used as a weapon – but it was still the only comfort he had and Robin couldn't use it. It was beyond annoying!
"Was he lying to me?" Robin muttered to himself, gazing at the bench longingly from his seat on the floor. "But why?" Just to torment him? It seemed so incredibly petty though. No, he shouldn't do it, even though the bench would be so much more comfortable than the hard stone. Although, perhaps for just a – wait, what was that sound, like a descending note - ?
Then the window and wall in front of him exploded.
"…!" Robin instinctively shielded his face as shards of stone showered over him. Lowering his hand, he stared at the devastation in front of him. "…!" The whole wall had been blown out and little bits of stone dropped with tiny tinks.
"Oh my darling you did it! And with such perfectly manly grace! What stunning ability, what glory in motion!" That was a female voice and while it was hard to just from tone, Robin thought she sounded like you could look into her ear and see daylight.
"Of course Arty. I am perfection after all." And that male voice sounded like someone Robin would hate on principle, smug and insufferably noble. Poking his head out of the ruined wall he spotted the speakers on a nearby roof. Confirming his impressions, the woman was dressed in a red outfit that a street whore wouldn't wear. Her male companion was a statuesque man with a mane of gold hair. He was wearing an odd outfit of flowing white with a girdle of gold. He was holding a beautiful longbow, gilded and glittering in the sun.
"Hoi, Robin!" Still shocked, Robin looked down to see a man with brown hair and a beard smiling up at him and waving. "Quick, jump down!" That recalled him to reality and Robin heard the shouts and pounding of feet from within the jail.
Robin jumped – it was barely two stories, not a problem – and landed easily, flexing his legs. The stranger grabbed his hand – his other was full of an impressive spear – and pulled him along. There was a strange, explosive sound and as they exited the alleyway Robin saw the black man and three dead guards, all with ruined faces. He was holding strange weapons like nothing Robin had seen before.
"Hurry!" He barked before levelling one of those weapons at the jail. The guards were sensible enough not to just rush out now and his next shot just chipped the stone. Robin realized he was shooting something like arrows? Then he was being shoved into a carriage? Robin landed on red cushions as the woman and man who'd shot open his cell slipped in.
"Tee hee! Hector driving again! We're going to have so much fun darling!" The woman clapped her hands together and Robin couldn't help but stare at her bosom. It was completely on display, only the nipples hidden by a bit of red leather.
"Yes indeed – " Then something landed on top and the carriage took off like a rocket. Robin yelped in pure fear as they started picking up speed.
"Why are you –" BOUNCE! "Helping – " The structure rattled as several crossbow bolts poked through the right side of the carriage. "Meeeeeee?" Robin didn't mean to yodel but they were going so fast! Mortal horses couldn't go this fast, could they?
"Because you are Robin Hood! One of the great heroes of your age!" The man said with a brilliant smile. Robin vaguely noticed that he was even handsomer close up. How could any human be that attractive? And that girdle thing really was gold. The man was wearing a fortune!
"I'm not a hero!" Robin shouted as the carriage rattled violently. Then it took a corner and Robin frantically grabbed at the edges, his hand touching precious gilding and finely carved wood. The whole carriage balanced on two wheels and Robin sincerely thought they were going over but then it righted itself with a crash. The woman and man across from him both laughed. Through his pure terror, Robin decided they were both completely insane.
"It's a wonderful ride! Wonderful! Go faster Hector, go faster!" OH DEAR GODS! Robin opened his mouth to plead for mercy but she was still talking. "Ory, take my virginity right now! Speeding in an out of control chariot, our lives on the line, heroically saving – mph!" Robin stared as they kissed with wild passion. That woman could not possibly be a virgin. He didn't believe it for a moment.
Still pondering the complete insanity of what was happening to him, Robin held on for dear life, looking out the window and seeing the scenery whizzing by. Then his eyes widened as he realized what they were about to reach.
"No, the gates – " Robin started but then there was a tremendous explosion. Robin was vaguely aware of a rain of wood and realized the gates had just exploded before the carriage rocketed through at full speed. His fingers dug into the plush red cushions, tearing the fabric as the ride got even rougher. "Are you people insane?!" He shouted but no one paid the least bit of attention.
The hair-raising ride lasted for what felt like hours. Finally, though, the carriage slowed. Robin thought he was imagining it at first but their speed gradually lowered until it was a soft trot.
"Aw, the fun is over. Hector, why did you slow down? It's not like the horses get tired!" The woman complained and Robin felt like he was reaching the end of his rope.
"I'm sorry, who are you people?" Robin demanded, fed up. They both looked at him like they'd just remembered he was there.
"Oh, sorry! I'm Orion and this is my goddess, Artemis," the man said and Robin wanted to roll his eyes. Goddess… ugh. "The man driving the chariot is Hector, captain of the Andromache." Captain? That was odd, they were weeks from the sea. "The two on the roof are Blade and Mephistopheles." Blade, that sounded like a name they might have given that black man. Mephistopheles, though, that was the name of a demon –
"Tick tock, tick tock, BOOM!" A head dropped down into their view, outside the window. Robin stared as he saw dead white skin and peculiar, violet eyes, blue and red eyes. The stranger's lips were blue and his teeth were very white, as he grinned widely. "I made it explode so nicely, yes I did! Oh but can I join you? Someone wants to make my head go boom hehe!"
"Sure, join us!" Artemis chirped and the door was opening. At the current speed it was safe enough and the stranger slithered inside. Robin swallowed hard as he got a good look. The crazy hat, the mismatched vest and patterned tights… Robin could easily imagine this man as a demon. The wide grin and crazy laughter didn't help. "This is Mephistopheles! He blew up the gate with his tick-tock bomb so we could get away!"
"Teehehehe haahaha fweeheehee fufufu – URK!" Orion had helpfully punched the 'demon' in the stomach. "Oh thank you I got stuck again I did! I'm in a bit of rough shape I'll need another apple soon~"
"Mention it to Hector," Orion advised before smiling at Robin. Despite the smug, noble air the man carried, he seemed friendly enough. "Mephistopheles here is a homunculus. Normally, he'd be dead by now from old age but we have magical apples that reverse the deterioration." Really. Normally Robin would have labelled that bullshit – magic was rare – but these people did scream 'magic' to him. Then Mephistopheles flopped into the seat beside him and Robin gave him as much room as he could.
They travelled for a few more hours, but the ride was smooth and comfortable. A bit too smooth. Robin had never ridden in a carriage before but he knew carts and they bounced and jostled over all the potholes. The carriage was bouncing a little but nothing like it. Robin wondered if it was just very well built, with better shock absorbers, or was this another bit of magic?
"Where are you taking me?" Robin finally asked Mephistopheles. Orion and Artemis were snogging again. The demon grinned.
"To our ship, the Andromache! We have it beached in a field tee hee hee!" …Okay, he was completely insane. "You think I'm crazy? But it's a great opportunity to pitch the hull! Or is that patch it? I don't know much about boats."
"Ship – mrph…" Orion's correction was very brief and Robin felt like he was getting a headache. But then Mephistopheles kept talking.
"Have you heard of Jason and the Argonauts, hehehehe?" Robin blinked but nodded. He'd listened to a storyteller one time who'd gone over the old myths. "We stole his ship hahahaha! Hector left him marooned on an island! Then we renamed it! That's the Andromache!"
"But… but that's impossible! Jason died… a long time… ago…" Robin trailed off as Mephistopheles grinned at him widely. It was an incredible creepy sight.
"So did I! So did you! So did Orion and Hector and Blade and all! Don't you remember?" Mephistopheles asked and Robin hesitated. For a brief moment he remembered… a monastery. A woman, a beautiful woman with a warm smile. Pain, so much pain and then a growing weakness and his own hand, lifted, with blood on the palm…
"No, I'm fine. I'm fine," Robin muttered, denying the images (memories) with all his heart. He wasn't dead, no matter what the demon said. He didn't know that woman and he didn't like monastery's. That wasn't going to happen. Mephistopheles tittered madly, and something golden ran down his arm. Robin looked at it and saw it was a mechanical insect? That looked like a clock? It was the oddest thing he'd seen in his life.
Then the carriage was slowing before coming to a gentle stop. Robin exited with alacrity and stared as the dark man jumped down beside him. In front of him, displayed in all its glory, was a ship. Robin knew nothing about seafaring but it was a large thing, capable of holding a great many people. And it was right in the middle of a large meadow, surrounded by green grass and spring blossoms. How had it gotten here? The whole thing was mad! Then the man with the brown hair and the beard – Hector – hopped off the carriage and Robin turned to look at him.
"Look, I appreciate the rescue. But what do you want from me?" Robin asked, determined to get to the bottom of this. Hector smiled at him and it was so friendly that Robin instinctively distrusted it.
"Well, you see Robin Hood, I am Hector, formerly of Troy. This ship of mine used to be the Argo, belonging to Jason. It's a magical artifact in and of itself. Do you know how it works?" Robin shook his head, holding back his impatience. This had to have a point. "It gains power the more Heroic Spirits it contains. So I'm always on the lookout for new Heroic Spirits and Orion and Artemis – I was so lucky to meet them – have a nose for sniffing them out. I want to add you to the Andromache's crew. You are a hero, a legend, and will add power to it just by being here. What do you say?" …Robin really didn't want to go to sea. He'd never been on a boat in his life, it wasn't in his comfort zone. But… something about that question…
"What happens if I refuse?" Robin asked warily and Hector's smile became very innocent. Too innocent.
"Oh, well, Blade had an idea for that!" …Uh… "We'll just take you prisoner, wait until a reward is posted and have some of the rank and file take you back to claim it." Robin looked around and realized that Blade was to one side of him, Mephistopheles on the other. The demon gave him a wide grin as the dark man smiled and stroked the handle of one of his weapons. "After all, we do have to get something for rescuing you, don't we?"
"Fine, I'll join your crew," Robin said, giving up. He could escape later if he hated it. Although. "We do get paid right?" Hector clapped him on the shoulder with a smile before steering him towards the ship.
"Of course! I'm running this as a cooperative actually, everyone gets a share of the profits." That sounded good at least. "And there's all kinds of places to spend it! Let me introduce you to our lovely witch, the beautiful Medea…" Robin went along as he was introduced to everyone and decided to make the best of it.
It would certainly be an adventure.