Disclaimer: I don't own PnF or any characters. This is an April Fools Fic.
Perry stepped off the small elevator and into his lair. He sat down in his chair and faced the monitor. The monitor turned on and Major Monogram appeared on the screen.
"Good morning Agent P... We here at the agency regret to inform you that due to your sloppy performance you are fired..." Monogram said with all seriousness.
Perry's jaw dropped and he stared at his leader in shock.
The Major suddenly burst out laughing.
"See sir, I told you he'd fall for it!" Said Carl from off screen.
"Yeah... He certainly did!" Said Major Monogram, he looked at Perry and stopped laughing "April fools Agent P..."
Perry closed his beak and looked at Monogram a little angry.
"Oh come on Agent P, it's all in good fun..." Monogram said, he cleared his throat "Alright now for your mission. Doofenshmirtz hasn't really shown any signs of evil doing lately, but today we can't be too careful. We need you to spy on him to find out if he's up to anything. If he is, put a stop to it. Good luck Agent P." Monogram said.
Perry saluted him and got out of his chair. He ran to a wall and pressed a button on the wall. A panel in the wall slid and reveled a jetpack. Perry put the jetpack on. It turned on and Perry flew through the ceiling as a hole opened up. He flew out of a chimney and above the clouds. A few minutes later he lowered his altitude to where he was just below the clouds. He saw the big purple skyscraper he was looking for. He dives down and lands in front of the entrance. He pressed a button on his jetpack and it falls off him and shrinks. He picks it up and puts it in his pocket. He walks inside the building and after taking the elevator to the top floor walks up to the last door in the hallway. The door was marked with a 'D'. Perry reached into his pocket and pulled out a key "Good thing I made a copy of his spare key, wouldn't wanna break his door down every time I come to his place." He thinks to himself as he unlocked the door and walked inside. He put the key back into his pocket and looked around.
The apartment seemed vacant. Perry walked through the living room and went into the kitchen, he saw a note on the fridge and grabbed it and read it "Dear Perry the platypus, if you're reading this in the morning that means I am out and won't be back for a few hours. I have food in the fridge and some pre-recorded soap oper-... I mean football games on the TV... Keep yourself occupied until I get back. Lov-... I mean HATE Dr. Doofensmirtz!... P.S. I totally meant to write 'hate' not the other word... Pens should have erasers." Perry sighed and stuck the note back onto the fridge. He walked over to the living room and sat on the sofa. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. A list of soap operas was listed on the screen. Perry narrowed his eyes "He's totally watching soaps..." Perry thought to himself as he turned the TV off. He jumped off the couch and walked over to the kitchen, he opened the fridge and looked inside. There was an entire box of pizza in the fridge. Perry took it out and put it on the table. He closed the fridge, hopped up on the chair and opened the pizza box. There was another note on the last slice of pizza. Perry grabbed the note and read it "Dear Perry the platypus, this is the last slice of pizza and the only food I have left in the house. Enjoy. I hope you like pineapple because that's what the topping is on the pizza. I've gone out to get more food. Lo-... I mean HATE... Oh you know what I mean..."
Perry put the note back in the box and grabbed the pizza, he took a bite "Hmm, not bad." He thought as he continued eating. Soon he finished. He grabbed the box and hopped off the chair, he threw the box away in the trash and walked through the apartment. He got to a large room where he saw a large unfinished machine on the ground. Parts of the machine were laying on the ground. On the largest part was a note. Perry walked over to the note and picked it up, he read it. "Dear Perry the platypus, this is my unfinished inator, I'm going to finish it eventually. Don't destroy it right now, or better yet ever, ever would be nice! But just leave it be for right now, I'll build it later then you can thwart me. Hat-... I mean LOVE Dr. Doofen-... Wait, did I just say 'love'...? I meant 'hate"... You know what I meant, right?"
"Right..." Perry thought as he crumpled up the note and threw it into the trash across the room. He looked at all the parts of the unfinished machine. "I wonder what this inator is supposed to do...?" Thought Perry to himself. He saw a blueprint attached to the wall. He walked over to it and read the title "The prank-inator..."
"Oh, I'll give him a prank-inator all right..." Perry thought and crossed his arms while a smile came across his beak. He took the blueprint off the wall and laid it on the ground. He saw Doof's tool box under a table and he grabbed that as well. He then got to work. After no more than an hour of work he was halfway done with the inator. The phone rang, Perry just let it ring and then the answering machine kicked in "Hello? Perry the platypus, if you're getting this message I'll be home within an hour, see you soon. Love Dr. Doofenshmirt-... Wait! This isn't a note... Well... This is awkward... Well, goodbye Perry the platypus..." The answering machine went off.
Perry stopped working throughout that message, he stared at the phone for a while "Why does he say or almost keep saying love?... I hope he's pranking me or something... Either that or he's the most desperate man I've ever seen..." Perry thought to himself as he kept working on the inator. After 55 minutes of working he was almost finished. All he had to do is install the last two buttons, one of them was labeled 'Self-destruct'. Perry looked at the blueprints to figure out where it should go, but instead he installed it in the wrong place and he put the other button in the spot where the self-destruct should have been. Perry snickered to himself "This is gonna be great..." He thought.
Perry stopped as he heard the front door open. He rushed towards the door and saw Heinz Doofenshmirts coming in with a lot of grocery bags in his arms. "Oh, Perry the platypus. I've been expecting you." Said Heinz.
Perry smiled and waved at him.
Heinz put all the bags down on the counter "Just make yourself comfortable while I put all this food away." He began to put food away in his fridge and cupboards.
Perry sat on the sofa and waited.
"Say, did you read all those notes I wrote you?" Asked Heinz.
Perry chattered and nodded.
"Oh, alright... You didn't notice all the parts where I almost said 'love' did you?" Heinz asked.
Perry nodded.
"Oh... I think in one of them I did say 'love'... And, uh... I uh... I WAS pranking you!" Heinz said and laughed a little "Did you fall for it?"
Perry rolled his eyes and slowly nodded.
"You actually thought I meant it! Oh Perry you are gullible! I think we should call you Perry the gullible platypus from now on, what do you think?" Heinz asked.
Perry nodded.
"Glad you approve." Said Heinz as he finished putting all the food away. He walked up to Perry "It's gonna take me a while to finish my new inator, you mind waiting?"
Perry shook his head.
"Oh, good... Watch TV or read one of my books if you'd like." Heinz said as he walked over to the room with the inator. He gasped when he saw that the inator had been built "What the-...? My inator has already been built? But how...?"
Perry was behind him and he chattered to get his attention. Heinz turned around and looked down at him.
Perry pointed to the inator and then to himself.
"Y-... You built it?" Heinz said, almost not believing it.
Perry nodded.
There were tears of joy in Heinz' eyes "Oh Perry the platypus! You've joined me? After all these years!"
Perry nodded.
"I'd knew you'd come around... We should call you Perry the evil platypus from now on." Heinz said with a smile on his face.
Perry managed to crack a smile too.
"Ok, great. Let's get this inator where it needs to be, on my hovercraft all the way on the other side of the room." Said Heinz and pointed to his large hovercraft.
Perry and Heinz walked over to the inator and started to push it. It was heavy "You should have... Installed wheels on this thing... Don't worry I made the same mistake..." Said Heinz.
They finally pushed the inator onto the hovercraft. They got onto the hovercraft too. The roof opened up and Heinz started the hovercraft. It rose into the air and flew out of the building. The roof closed and Heinz steered the hovercraft away from the building. "I think I'll tell you my plans... And the good part is you won't thwart me this time... Well you see when I was a little boy everyone used to prank me on April first... Especially Roger... Forget about itching powder in the underwear drawer, he put a live mongoose in my underwear drawer... Luckily I had been bitten so many times by mongeese that the rabies didn't affect me... Now, it's time for him to be pranked by me! I-... I mean us... After all you were the one that built my inator for me." Heinz said as he patted Perry on the head.
Perry smiled slightly.
Heinz smiled at Perry too "Hey, after we totally humiliate Roger wanna go catch a movie or something, I'm buying." Heinz said.
Perry nodded.
"Wanna catch that romant-... I mean the new action movie! Boom! Stuff blows up, car chases... No sappy love stories, no crying when the guy dumps the girl..." Heinz said.
Perry nodded.
"Good, oh look my platypus partner, we're here." Heinz said as he looked down at Roger who was giving a speech in front of city hall. Heinz smiled evilly as he pointed the big ray-like inator at Roger.
Perry backed up all the way to the other side of the hovercraft, he had to stay away from the blast zone. He put on his jetpack and prepared to activate it.
Heinz pressed the button he thought was to activate the inator. But instead of activating the inator exploded. Heinz was blown off the hovercraft.
Perry activated his jetpack and grabbed Heinz by the arm. He flew away.
Heinz' lab coat and hair was singed.
"Ah, thank you Perry... Thank you for saving my life." Heinz said.
Perry set him down on a high hill and landed next to him.
"Ho-... How could my inator explode when I didn't even press the self-destruct button this time?" Heinz asked.
Perry pointed to himself.
"You...? What about you?" Heinz asked.
Perry pulled back some fur on his wrist, uncovering a watch. He pointed the watch at the grass. A lazer shot out of the watch and Perry wrote something on the ground with it.
Heinz read it as it was being written "I... Did... It..." He looked back at Perry. "You s-... Sabotaged my inator...?" Heinz asked with tears in his eyes.
Perry nodded, feeling bad now that he saw Heinz crying.
"I... I thought we were friends... P-... Partners even..." Heinz said.
Perry just blinked at him.
"You lied to me...?" Heinz asked.
Perry looked down and nodded.
"I-... I thought what we had was special... But this was all just another prank... I'd rather prefer to have my pants bitten by a mongoose than have my heart ripped out by a platypus... Don't bother showing up to the movies, because you're uninvited, Perry the heart breaker!" Heinz said as he ran down the hill, crying.
Perry watched, he felt his conscience tugging at his heart. "I suppose I'll have to fix this..." He thought.
An hour later,
Heinz was sitting on his couch, not even changing his singed clothes. He had a tub of ice cream on his lap. He had the TV turned on.
"No, no! I'm sorry, it was just a joke! I never meant to hurt you!" Said a man on the TV.
"It's too late Richard! You've already hurt me! Goodbye, heart breaker!" Said a woman on the TV.
"No! Cindy come back!" Yelled Richard.
"You go Cindy! Leave that traitor behind!" Heinz said as he ate another spoonful of ice cream.
There was a knock at the door.
"Whoever it is, go away! My heart's too shattered to open the door..." Heinz said.
The door was unlocked and opened. Perry suddenly walked into the living room, he had a large pizza box in his hands.
"Oh, well if it isn't the heart breaker platypus!" Heinz said bitterly, putting his ice cream down and standing up with his fists on his hips.
Perry had his eyes on the ground and he extended the pizza box to Heinz.
"What's this?" Heinz asked as he took the box and opened it "It's a-... Pineapple pizza... And the pineapple slices are arranged in words that say 'I'm sorry!'." He looked at Perry with a slight smile on his face "You really mean it?"
Perry slowly nodded and looked at him, smiling.
Heinz had tears of joy in his eyes "I forgive you." He crouched down, putting the pizza down and he hugged Perry.
Perry hugged him back. He chattered at him.
"I suppose that means 'I'm sorry.'?" Heinz asked, looking at him.
Perry nodded.
They let go of each other. Heinz stood up with the pizza box in his hand. "Hey wanna stay and eat some pizza and watch soap operas?"
Perry nodded and smiled.
Heinz sat down on the couch and put the pizza box on the table in front of the couch. Heinz took a slice of pizza.
Perry sat down next to him and took a slice of pizza too. He began to eat.
Heinz and Perry watched TV and ate pizza.
"Oh Richard, of course I forgive you." Said Cindy.
"Cindy I love you! I never wanted to hurt you!" Said Richard.
"Ah, there's nothing like a happy ending, right Perry?" Asked Heinz.
Perry nodded, there was nothing like having your friend forgive you after an argument and then sharing a pizza while watching a soap opera together.
A few hours later,
The sun was going down and Heinz turned off the TV. All the pizza has been eaten. "Wasn't this a good day after all Per-..." Heinz started to say but stopped as he looked down to see Perry asleep with his head on Heinz' lap.
Heinz couldn't help but smile at this sight.
An hour later,
Perry awoke, he yawned and sat up. He noticed that Heinz was gone, he had a blanket on him and he was still on the sofa. He had a note on his fedora, he took it off and read it, though it was kinda hard to read with little light. The note said "Dear Perry the platypus, I have gone to bed. Please feel free to stay the night. You may sleep on the couch. Thank you, today was a good day after all. Maybe tomorrow we can go to the movies or something... We'll see. Goodnight. Lo-... Wait, yes... Love Heinz Doofensmirtz..." Perry smiled and neatly folded the note. He took out his wallet and put the note in. He put the wallet back in his pocket and laid back down on the couch and fell asleep.