A/N: I have never read a Kyou Kara Maoh fic in my entire life and I'm only up to episode 20 of the anime. But there's a scene where Alford looks at Konrad with just the right enough amount of yearning, and just the right amount and respect... I can work with that. Unbetad.
simple
H. K. Nadia
Sometimes you wonder if you love him because he reminds you of your father.
They both have the same stern silence and the same distant air (which is another way of describing their terminal heroism.) They share a kindness in their eyes. It makes you feel as though you can never be old enough, or mature enough, or wise enough. The both of them have the same faith in you. The same capacity for forgiveness, when you inevitably fall short of their expectations.
You think that Konrad indulges you. Just like your father.
"I'm going to become the best hero in the world like you, Dad!" You shout, and pump your fist up into the air. The fire casts distorted shadows around the walls of the room and your father laughs. You're too young to tell if he's laughing in pity for the future, or if he's laughing at your dreams.
"I'm not the best in the world, Alford." He says fondly, with the weight of someone who knows a lot more than can easily be expressed. "But one day we'll see."
He doesn't tell you about how Maoh are not all evil, or the way that dragons are really hunted for only their claws, or about Mazoku who are kind and honorable and beautiful.
Konrad lets you sleep next to him at night. When the candles are snuffed out and you coax him into making love, his touch is tentative. At first you wonder if he's shy, as you float intermittently between smugness, and disbelief. Disbelief for finding a lover who is perfect in every way. (You know that Konrad is perfect, really, even when he tosses in his sleep and you see dried tears reflect in the moonlight.) You have found Konrad; who ignites you, and motivates you, and makes you prepared to shift the entire world so that you can meet the challenges that he represents. Konrad. He is so much of a hero. Konrad. He is so terribly kind.
It doesn't take very long to realise that Konrad is not shy.
He doesn't want to touch you.
He's reluctant to kiss you. He's never the one to initiate your intimacy. He lets you do whatever you like but you think he's really just taking the path of least resistance. He's waiting until you get bored, so that he doesn't have to be the one to walk away.
He's old enough to be your father. A little voice whispers in the back of your head. You're barely old enough to be his son.
"One day I'll beat you." You say, without thinking.
Konrad does not linger in bed for long in the mornings. He leaves as soon as you wake up, even though you know he's always awake before you. You think it's unfair that every day you have to watch him run away. He freezes in the middle of pushing the thin cotton sheets off your bodies, and looks at you inquisitively. His eyes are particularly brown as he smiles, and they wrinkle at their corners.
"Shall we duel today?" He asks, with the idle curiosity of a man who does not consider you a challenge.
As a soldier, you know to save your energy for fights that you can win. As a hero, you know that often the only way to live with yourself is to keep on going until you lose. But a part of you is beginning to doubt that you can ever beat Konrad, and it's questioning whether you should even try at all. A part of you is beginning to realise that Konrad is not entirely human. He's everything your father was and could have been, in the body of a man who has gained none of your father's frailty.
"No." You say, your heart thumping painfully against your ribcage. "Not today."
"Ah." When Konrad smiles, he doesn't seem any older than you. "Tomorrow then?"
You try to think of an appropriate way to say: 'it's alright, you don't have to pretend.' but nothing really comes to mind. Konrad stays frozen on the edge of your shared bed, watching you without discernible expression. His smile has faded away. He looks breathtakingly beautiful. He always does.
"You know," he speaks softly. You lean unconsciously towards him. "I don't really like fighting you."
"Oh." You say.
When you're fighting against Konrad it's the only time you think he really takes you seriously. Even if it is for only the few minutes it takes him to disarm you. He never shows mercy. He never pretends that you ever came close to winning. That you ever will come close to winning. Konrad settles back into the bed, and shifts his body to face you completely.
"I'm worried about what you'll do when you win."
His usual soft smile is strained, and you blink at him as though you've misheard. You don't really understand.
"When I win?"
"But I won't let you go that easily, Alford." Konrad leans forward with an intensity that rattles your bones. He is the only one who calls you by your given name now, since Yuuri unknowingly decreed your title to be 'Al'. "You'll have to duel me to the death, if you want to walk away."
"You think I'll leave, once I beat you?" you ask, numbly. Konrad's eyes aren't making any sense to you. You've never seen them so tormented, except when he quietly and calmly told you about Julia, and his body language silently begged you to forget everything that you were hearing.
He leans back suddenly, and laughs.
"You've got a way to go." His face has returned to its normal, relaxed, expression. "But I believe you can make it some day. You're already a great swordsman."
He smiles at you, and this smile is unlike any smile that's ever crossed your father's face. He starts to push the sheets back again. Before he's even managed to throw a leg out of the bed you regain the ability of movement and almost launch yourself towards him, pushing him back down onto the mattress. He flails for a moment, and tries to struggle, but you straddle his hips and refuse to acknowledge the burning behind your eyes.
You kiss him hard enough to accidentally bite his lip, and after a moment of hesitation, he tangles his hands in your hair and pulls you against him just as strongly. There is none of the tenderness he uses at night, and all of the simple brutality that he inflicts in battle.
You gasp into his mouth. He rolls over so that you are trapped beneath him.
"I'm never going to let you win." He breaks the kiss to growl. "I'm never going to let you go."
For all that Konrad is patient and kind, loving and wise, you realise that he would never make a particularly good father. Any good father knows that there's a time when you have to let your children go. When you set them free on the world to make their own decisions and to grow in their own ways. When you step back, like your own father did, and let them roam away to hunt their own dragons and make their own mistakes.
Konrad makes you come so hard that you white out.
He wraps his arms around you, crushing you under his weight, and buries his face in your neck. Your breath slowly evens out until you are both in perfect sync. Your hot bodies stay coiled around each other, too heavy to move.
"I really love you." He whispers.
You realise that it might just be as simple as that.
A/N: Yes, brainfuck. It ended a bit strangely, didn't it? Oh my. I'm not sure I really got that across very well, but Konrad is just as insecure as Alford is. Silly Alford. God, I have to be awake in three and a half hours! (This was written in the hours between 01:00 and 02:30, blame the moonbeams) Leave me a review – I'd love to know what you think! It's my first foray into this fandom. What a strange experience. I feel hollowed out.
xo